hollis.

[vonduper]

i put you in my dreams.
thinking of you before i drift off to sleep.
lucidity.
i just want to check in on you.

you're dancing,doing whip-its.....
laughing, and only in this situation uncoordinated.
we're finally having our ceremony.
i lift your veil.
and you look radiant..... although there are scars.
they're like pretty cracks on your face.
strength shines through them in that dreamy way.
i squint from the light shining out.
and see that you're smiling.
i know your smile well.
i can picture now. out of the dream.

i wake up wondering if you'll be paralyzed.
and if you'd want to live that way.

i don't think i would.
my thoughts turn morbid,
but not regrettable.
i think about what it would be like to be paralyzed from the neck down
how i'd off myself.
probably a heroin over dose.
or a trip to africa to be eaten by lions.

i've always pictured myself dying that way.
a re occurring dream i've had since childhood.

i bring my thoughts back to you, hollis.
back to wishing, hoping, dreaming for you.
not only to get back home.
to wake up.
but also, and mostly, for you to dance again.