kissing quinn fabray, chapter two
A/N: I'm so completely overwhelmed with the response to this fic. Eighty reviews and over three hundred favorites. On one chapter! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! It's because of your response and reviews that I've written another chapter. I wasn't going to originally, and I nearly didn't publish it because I'm a little afraid of not living up to the first chapter. That said, I hope you guys like it. As always, I'd love to hear what you think.
I still can't believe that I'm standing in Rachel Berry's hallway, informing my mother that I'm staying here tonight. This is the last place in the world I thought I'd be sleeping. Or not sleeping, if Rachel has her way. And I really want Rachel to have her way.
As I flip my phone closed, I can hear what Rachel earlier words echo in my ears. I kind of have this fantasy of just... kissing you all night. I can't help myself; I touch my fingers to my lips. I can still feel hers there.
I've imagined it happening so many times before, how she would kiss me. How it would feel to finally know how she tastes. I never dreamed she'd actually let me.
I've wanted to touch her for so long now. It's been torture in glee club, hearing her sing, watching her dance, wondering what she could make me feel with her body pressed against me.
And now I finally know. I know what it feels like to hold her, to feel her, to taste her. And it's everything to me. Really. There is nothing else.
Today has been the most amazing day of my life, and now I get to hold her all night long. She wants me to. The idea that she's fantasized about having me in her bed at night makes me bounce on my toes a few times before I knock softly against her bedroom door.
"Come in, Quinn." The way she says my name makes me think she's likes hearing it on her own lips.
She's lying on her bed and her hair is splayed over her pillow like it's floating in water. She's watching me, and I feel like she thinks I might run away. If she only knew how long I've waited for her, she wouldn't look so apprehensive.
I make sure the door is shut tight before I sit on the edge of her bed. I'm worried for a minute that things might be awkward again, but she smiles up at me and I think we might be passed that now. She tugs at my sweater - she's been doing that all night, and I'm finding out that I love it - and I fall slowly. She catches me next to her, and it feels like I've always been here, lying next to her. There is no other place for me.
I wind my fingers into her hair and hear her sigh. I think she likes it as much as I do.
"Hi," I say.
"Hi." She's got being coy down to an art.
I touch her arm, coaxing her to roll toward me. We're nose to nose, our knees are touching, and I've never felt this in synch with anyone else before. I'm always seeking approval from my superiors or berating those beneath me, but not tonight. Not with her.
She looks back at me evenly and I'm taken with everything she is all at once. The thing that unhinges me the most is the realization that she's unafraid. All those times she's dropped her eyes passing me in the hallway; each time she's stuttered and faltered in front of me; even then, she was better than me. Always better. Pure. Sweet. Honest.
But tonight, the way she's looking at me... It's like she's thinking those things about me, and I recognize it for what it is. Tonight, we're on level ground. Equals.
I'm relieved.
I want her to be able to see how much I adore her. I've gotten so good at masking it over the years, but I concentrate hard now, trying to let my emotions rise to the surface in my eyes. I can't have this night with her and fail to let her see what she means to me. I might never get another chance.
I wonder if she can see it. There's so much expression in her eyes, I feel like I'm drowning. She must see something in me because her breath catches.
"Kiss me, Quinn," she breathes, and I feel exactly what she feels. It's only been a few minutes, but it's too long.
I push forward on the pillow and catch her lips. Softly. There's no hurry tonight.
God, she tastes good.
Her fingers are toying with my belt loop, and I stretch my body straighter and pull her tighter to me, trapping her hand between us. I want to feel her whole body against mine again. I'm relieved when she melts into me and lets me wrap my arm around her waist. I could hold her forever.
She tucks one foot between my ankles, and I sigh into her at the intimate gesture. We're occupying the same space, and I love it. I want to be closer to her still, always closer.
I break the kiss and let my eyes map her face.
"I've never seen you this close before," I tell her. "Your eyelashes are so long." I think I'm surprised by this. They're gorgeous.
She blushes. "I know you must hear this all of the time, but you're beautiful, Quinn."
How on earth does she make her voice sound so experienced yet so vulnerable?
I don't hear it all the time. In fact, I can't remember the last time I did hear it. I think it might have been her, even. At prom. And before that, was it Puck? I won't let that count because he was only trying to get into my pants.
It dawns on me slowly. Not many people have actually ever told me that they think I'm beautiful. And honestly, after a while, a person begins to believe the silence.
For the first time tonight, I don't want to look at her. Her hands are on my face now, and I know that she can feel my tears on her thumbs. She doesn't stop moving them, and I'm trying to catalogue all of the things that single small action is stirring within me.
"Don't cry," she whispers. "Please don't cry." It makes me feel every ounce of how horrible I am. She doesn't deserve this.
I make a tiny hiccup and feel her lips on mine again. I can feel the comfort she's trying to give me, and it only pulls the ache in my chest tighter. I can hear her words from the Cheerios lounge as if she were murmuring them again in my ear, though her lips are pressed tightly to mine. Like you're standing outside in the rain looking through a window... And you just want to be happy too. Happy with someone.
A person shouldn't have to feel this much all at once.
It's overwhelming, and I need her. I pull at her neck, and she lets me deepen the kiss. Our lips are moving heatedly now. Our bodies are rocking together. We're not grinding exactly, but with the way she's kissing me I can't force myself to keep still. Her hands are flying over my back, and before I know it, she's rolled backwards, dragging me with her so I'm lying on top of her again.
"Rachel," I say. It's a warning because with the way she's holding me, all I would have to do is rock my hips and we would be taking a significant step in our explorations. I feel like it's too much, too soon. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves?"
I know I sound unsure and scared, but I'm okay with that. I'm okay with her seeing me like this.
I can't believe how nervous she makes me. I like it that she can elicit that feeling in me. No one ever has before, not like this. It's a good nervous.
"Sorry." She grins and blushes at the same time. It might be the most adorable thing I've ever seen. How can someone so crushingly adorable make the blood hammer between my legs like it's an animal railing against the bars of a cage to get out?
"I like this," I clarify. "I just... Can we slow down a little bit? Just kissing, right?"
God, I really am the president of the celibacy club. Except that the reason I'm slowing her down is because, this time, I actually want her.
She's gracious, as usual. "Of course we can, Quinn. It's what I want too." I can't tell if she means she wants to slow down or she wants me. Either way, I'm good.
I roll off her; she scoots back a little and then she's standing up.
"I'll be right back, okay? I'm going to tell my dads that you're staying. Do you... want to change?"
I suddenly feel like a virgin bride on her wedding night. My lips feel so dry. I'm in way over my head. She pulls a tank top and a pair of shorts from her dresser. "Do you mind wearing something of mine?"
I can feel the warmth spreading through my chest at her words. "Not at all, Rach."
She sets them on the foot of her bed before pressing her lips to my temple. "I'll be right back," she murmurs into my hair. "Don't go anywhere. Okay?"
Trust me. I'm not going anywhere.
While she's gone, I change into her pajamas. I turn in the mirror and frown. She's smaller than me and the shorts are short enough to just show where my skin starts to curve up in the back. The tank doesn't meet the shorts all the way and I find myself tugging the material down, which only serves to show off the swell of my breasts more. The material is thin; there is very little left to the imagination. I grab my bra, intending to put it back on when I hear a light knock on the door.
"Quinn? Are you decent?"
I chew my lip and survey myself in the mirror again. Decent is so not on the list of words that I would use to describe myself right now.
"Uhm..." I start, but she's pushed the door open and I'm standing before her in next to nothing, my own bra dangling from my hand. I drop it on the floor and stare at the place where it fell. I try to figure out what to do with my arms.
I finally decide on folding my arms around my stomach. My cheeks are burning and all I want to do is wrap myself in some kind of blanket and hide from her. A person can become captain of a nationally ranked cheerleading squad and she can have guys chasing her down the hallways trying to get a glimpse up her skirt, but that chubby little girl she once was will always be the one inside, looking out through doubtful eyes.
There's a reason I put out for Puck that night. I needed validation. I still do.
I wish she would say something.
"Oh wow," she finally breathes, and my eyes fly to her face.
Is she serious?
"Hey," I mumble. She has to see how much I'm blushing.
She's standing right in front of me now, toe to toe. I can feel her tiny puffs of breath on my throat as she stares up at me, wide eyed.
"Quinn," she says, and I try my best to focus on her. "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen." I look for any indication that she's exploiting my insecurities, but I can't see anything out of place. She looks completely sincere. Although, I remind myself, she is a very good actress. "You are. But I can see that you're uncomfortable. Let me get you a different shirt. Okay?"
The words the most beautiful girl I've ever seen bounce around in my head. I feel so lightheaded. I wonder if this is what swooning feels like. I don't want to be uncomfortable in front of her, but I nod because I really am self-conscious and am kind of relieved that she can see it. It doesn't seem to bother her - she's rummaging through a drawer. She finally pulls out a t-shirt and hands it to me. I pull it over my head and it's still tight, but I don't feel like I'm naked anymore.
God, it smells like her. I feel surrounded by her, and my knees are literally going weak. Who knew that was a real thing?
"Is that better?" she asks, and I nod numbly. I'm still too embarrassed to speak right now.
She leads me by the hand to the bed. I think of all the control I had today and now that she's seen me nearly naked, I feel completely lost. I stand there hopelessly until she puts her arms around my waist, rests her head on my shoulder. This feels familiar.
We stand like that until I feel myself start to thaw, and eventually I'm enough of myself that I can drape my arms over her shoulders.
"Welcome back," she tosses up softly, and I kiss her nose. I'd do it all the time if she'd let me.
"Think you're cute, huh?" I'm relieved that I've finally found my voice again.
"I think you are," she says, and I feel warmth spreading through my chest once again. She traces her fingers over the waistband at my lower back, her fingers kissing the sensitive skin back there. "I really do think you're beautiful, Quinn." I'm grinning like a little girl on Christmas morning, and I pull her closer and bury my face in her hair because her eyes are just so much for me to take right now. I love her hair. "You know, for being the senior head Cheerio, you sure are bashful."
"And you sure are talkative, Rach," I mumble. She giggles against me, and I know we're okay.
"I'm going to get ready for bed, okay?" She changes her clothes right in front of me, and I avert my eyes, not sure where to look. She flips the overheard light off leaving just the soft glow of her bedside lamp. When she comes back to me and takes my hand, she's wearing shorts and a tank top like mine. She looks amazing.
"Do you want to lie down?" she asks. I love the hopefulness in her voice. Like she's never wanted to do anything else. Neither have I, if I'm being honest.
She slides in under the covers and pulls me after her. I curl up on my side facing her, and it occurs to me that I'm in Rachel Berry's bed. Lying here beneath the covers with the skin of our legs touching is a much more intimate situation than lying on top of the covers fully clothed. It takes me a minute to adjust.
And since she's letting me look at her, I do.
She's gorgeous. Breathtaking, even. I know it's cliché, but I honestly feel like I can't breathe lying here next to her.
There's warmth radiating off of her. She runs her hand up my arm and follows my shoulder until she's toying with the cross around my neck.
"I'm happy you're here," she says, and I shiver. I never thought I'd hear her say those words. I'm so used to her flinching away from me. "I know it's still early, but since we're not planning on sleeping much tonight, I thought we could just... lay here and talk?"
I felt so confident all day, protecting her, but now here at night in her pajamas with her lying next to me, watching me expectantly, I'm at a loss. Maybe this was a bad idea. But she wants you here. She said so herself.
I'm suddenly more terrified than I have ever been in my life. What am I doing here? You're fulfilling her fantasy.
"I don't know how to do this," I whisper.
She's still playing with my cross. "We don't have to do anything," she answers, and I know she's being honest.
"Do you want to talk, Rach?"
"You know I do," she says shyly, and I smile then. I can't help it.
I feel a little stronger now, and I lift my arm. She takes the hint and wiggles herself closer to me, lets me drape my arm over her side. I can't help but pull her tighter into my body. Our noses are touching now, and I'm breathing her breath. I'm a little dizzy with how intimate this is. I don't ever want to stop drawing circles on her back.
"You don't always have to be the strong one, Quinn." We've been lying in the quiet for so long that I feel like I might have imagined her words.
"I don't?"
She shakes her head and now I'm playing with her hair. I think it might be my favorite thing in the world.
"You can... let your guard down around me. Whatever you're feeling. I won't betray you."
Leave it to Rachel Berry to bring up betrayal at a time like this.
"Are you always so intense?" I ask.
"Do you really have to ask me that?" She's being playful, flirty. It looks good on her.
"I've never been in your bed at night," I say. I'm trying to flirt back, but I feel completely lost. "There could be times you're not intense that I don't know about."
She pretends to think, and I love it that she's flirting with me so easily. "Everything I do is intense." The way she says it sends a shudder through me and I close my eyes to steady myself.
"I'll make a note of it," I manage.
I've been tucking the same strand of hair behind her ear for what seems like forever now. I want to kiss her again, but there's plenty of time, so I rub my nose lightly against hers instead.
"I'm glad I didn't get that nose job," she says. "I don't know if I could kiss somebody with the exact same nose as me."
I love the way her mind works.
I trace my fingers over her face, softly. I'm trying to commit her to memory in case she never lets me touch her like this again. "I like your nose," I say. "I liked it then."
"Then why did you offer to give me yours?" she asks quietly, and I can't tell if she's curious or upset. I decide she's curious. You don't have to ask yourself if Rachel Berry is upset about something.
I want to be honest, but I'm not sure how much I should say.
"It was what you wanted."
"But... you hated me." She's really trying to work this out, and I feel bad that I'm laughing softly against her. I feel a little more like myself now, like I have some control again. The embarrassment from her seeing so much of me before is finally wearing off.
"I didn't hate you, Rach," I say. "I never hated you."
She's going to keep asking questions and I have to remind myself that this is okay. This is why I'm here. Just remember to breathe, and be honest. If she kicks me out, she kicks me out.
"But..." Her eyes are so lovely. "Your nicknames... RuPaul. Treasure Trail. Manhands."
"Were designed to make you feel... less feminine. Well, to make me feel like you were less feminine."
God, those eyes can get so wide sometimes. I feel like I might fall in.
"Because?"
"Seriously, Rach? You're one of the smartest girls I know."
"I just want to hear it," she answers quietly, dropping her eyes for the first time. I'm reminded again that she's my equal, especially when she's like this. She's way ahead of her time.
"I was scared of being attracted to you," I admit immediately, desperate to keep her from hiding from me. "It was a way to -" I want to be truthful without offending her. "To draw a line between how you look and how I felt. If that makes any sense," I mumble. I'm doing a bang-up job with this, that's for sure. She's going to hate me for saying these things.
"How I look?"
I roll my eyes. "You're a girl. You're gorgeous, but you're a girl."
"You drew... pictures of me on the bathroom walls."
I want to give her answers, but this is a little close to home, her bringing up specifics like this. I shift uncomfortably and expect her to pull me closer but she doesn't this time. She really wants to know about our past. "Can we please talk about something else?" I'm not above begging. But when she looks at me like that, I turn my avoidance into a sigh. "I don't really have a good reason for the pictures, Rachel. The only thing I can... Have you ever been inside the guys locker room?"
She thinks for a moment; she's remembering. Her eyes go wide again. "Oh," she says softly. And then, "Oh."
Right. Oh.
I'm so ashamed of myself. I tell her so.
"Quinn," she starts, but I interrupt her.
"Please don't make me talk about it any more, Rach. Once I figured it all out, I stopped harassing you. It's been years, and I still feel horrible about it."
"I forgive you." She says it quickly, but it's completely sincere. She's not judging. In fact, there's complete tenderness in her voice. She's just trying to understand.
And I'm determined to give her that, no matter how painful this is for me. I'll at least give her that.
I try not to sound defeated when I say, "Go ahead, Rach."
She hesitates, and I nod gently, encouraging her; my nose rubs hers. I'm trying desperately to keep my walls down. We both need this.
She pecks me softly on the lips and then, "When did you... figure it out? Why you treated me differently?"
I don't even have to think about that one. "When you fired Dakota Stanley," I say immediately. She looks surprised.
"You're the one that had me hire him."
"Yes, because of Coach Sylvester. I was only bullied, but you were hurt. And you still did what I couldn't do." She has to know how brave she is. This can't be the first time she's hearing this. I laugh. "Everybody thinks I'm this mega bitch, but I'm not. I'm really kind of a coward. I stood up to Coach that day because of you. For the very first time. That was when I first respected you."
She's got her fingers on my cheekbones now, a look of wonder on her face. I feel like she's seeing me for the first time. Maybe she is.
I'm shocked to realize that I want her to see me. Good and bad. Everything. It's hers, if she wants it.
This might all be news to her, but she's still smart. "You were still mean to me after that. I sang with Finn and you were jealous."
I laugh again. "Exactly. You sang with Finn." I shift against her. "I wasn't jealous of you."
She finally gets it. "Oh." This has been a night of revelations.
"But then when Coach cut me from the squad and you sang to me, I thought..." I don't really want to say any more, but I know that she'll ask me. And I know that I'll never tell her no.
"Tell me."
"I felt like you might have cared about me a little. I mean," I roll my eyes, "I knew you were head over heels for Finn, but I thought that maybe you might have felt something for me then."
"I was still head over heels for Finn," she confirms, and I die a little inside. "But I did care about you, Quinn. You have to know that."
I smile affectionately at her. "You care about everyone. You're a good person."
She's fiddling with my cross again, and I wonder if it's an excuse to let her knuckles graze my collarbone. It feels good, even through the t-shirt, and I wish she would touch me there all of the time.
"After that," I continue, "I started paying attention. I started looking forward to rehearsals. If you weren't there, I was disappointed. It was the only time I could really watch you and smile at you without anyone questioning me. Without me questioning myself," I admit quietly. How much of this can I reveal to her, really? How much can she take? "And then when you told Finn the truth about him not being the father..." She buries her face in my shoulder and I can tell that she's upset by the memory. I hope she understands that it's not a sad one for me. It's happy. "Rach," I say. "Look at me?" When she looks up, there are tears in those gorgeous eyes, and I hate myself for putting them there. Again. "Once again, you were there for me. You did the brave thing for me when I couldn't do it. And when you came to me after... I knew. I knew that I l-liked you." God, did I have to stutter? Pathetic.
"You liked me?" Her voice at this moment makes her sound like she's not the strongest girl I know, but it's an illusion. She definitely is, without a doubt.
"I wasn't ready to admit it then, but that's when I knew for sure," I confirm. "But I'd stopped harassing you long before. I'm so sorry that I ever did, Rachel. I really am."
She rolls her eyes. She's been doing that a lot lately. I wonder if she's picked it up from Santana. "I already forgave you for that, Quinn. Please don't apologize any more." She snuggles into me, and that makes me believe her more than anything else.
"Okay," I say, and I hold her.
"Quinn?"
"Yeah, Rach."
I feel like I can't say her name enough.
"Do you realize that it's been over thirty minutes since you've kissed me?"
I study her face for a minute, and I wonder if she knows how delightful she is. Seriously, she delights me.
I cup my hand behind her neck and guide her lips to mine and the sigh she makes is so soft and content that any doubt I might have ever had in my life is banished forever from my mind. This is where I'm supposed to be, right here. In Rachel's arms.
I try to remember what it felt like to kiss Finn or Puck, Sam. And I can't. The three of them could combine powers and still not hold a candle to Rachel right now.
Her body feels like it's on fire against me and the breaths she's panting into my mouth are making me delirious.
"Rachel," I breathe into her, and she hums back at me. I feel possessed. I need her like I've never needed anyone before, need to feel her everywhere. I tip my head back as far as it will go on the pillow, and she rests her forehead on my chin. I have to tell her what I need. "Would you..." I lick my lips - I've never asked for anything like this before, not from anyone, and suddenly I'm more nervous than I thought possible. "Uh, kiss my neck again?"
Her moan at my request is the sexiest thing I've ever heard in my life. Her body shudders against me, and I know I've hit a nerve. She likes hearing me tell her what I want, I realize. I feel like I might cry. "It's been driving me crazy all day. I need to feel you again. Please," I say and realize that it sounds a little like begging.
And I don't remotely care.
When her hot mouth touches my skin, I can't control my own body and arch into her, hard. I feel her hands clawing at my shoulder blades, dragging me closer, her lips and teeth and tongue all over my neck all at once.
I wish I could moan like her, drive her on, but I'm so caught up in the things she's making me feel, all I can do is hold my eyes closed and pant through my open mouth. I'm so affected by her that I don't even know what the rest of my body's doing. My hands could be anywhere on her body and I would have no idea.
The sounds she's making against my skin are so sexy that I don't really worry about it. Whatever's happening between us right now, she's totally into it, so I just let it happen.
God. I had no idea that someone just kissing my neck could make me feel like this.
"Rachel," I breathe. She's moaning and pouring soft cries into the crook of my neck, biting and licking and it's making me feel like I might completely lose control of myself and take her right there. "God, you sound so sexy right now. I love the sounds you make, Rachel." She's on the side of my neck now, below my ear. She trails her tongue down and follows the crease along to my collarbone, pulling the t-shirt down with shaking fingers to kiss me there. "Oh, god, Rach. Please." I don't know what I'm asking her for, but I can't think of anything right now with her tongue doing with it's doing.
"What do you want?" she asks me again for the second time tonight, but she's not being sweet now. She's growling like some kind of animal as she pulls me roughly against her. "Tell me."
Suddenly, I know what I want, and I feel embarrassed again for a second, but I push it down. My need for her is stronger than my embarrassment.
"Suck me," I gasp out, and she groans like something's ripping her apart from the inside out. Then her mouth latches and she sucks. Hard. "Oh! Right there."
I know where my hands are now. They're in her hair, pinning her head to this place, encouraging her to suck my skin and bruise me. For her. I need this.
"Harder, Rach," I manage. And then when she complies, "Oh, fuck."
She's slowing down now, and it's a good thing because I could feel a specific tension coiling in my stomach, and if she'd continued at that pace, I don't think I could have kept myself from coming.
She's holding me and kissing my neck softly now, slowly, and I feel myself floating back to earth.
When I finally tip my head forward again, she pulls back to survey me. "God, Rachel. Where did you learn to do that?"
She grins. "I didn't... I mean, I never have... Not like that."
I press our foreheads together and sigh, trying to calm my body down. I can't believe she got me that worked up just from kissing my neck.
"Really?" I can feel my words slurring. It's almost like I'm drunk. "Never?" She shakes her head. "Well, you're amazing at it."
She's beaming at me, and I grin lazily. I can't help feeling like the cat that ate the fucking canary. And, apparently, Rachel Berry sucking on my neck makes me swear like a sailor.
She settles into me, and I stroke her hair. She lets me kiss her lightly.
"You have the most amazing eyes," I tell her. It's true. She's tracing her fingers on my neck, feather light. "Is it bruised?"
She bites her lip, nods. Does she look... what is it? Apprehensive? My god, she was attacking my neck and making me writhe against her in pleasure mere seconds ago and now she's suddenly shy and worried?
"Hey," I say. "Are you okay with this? I know it's a lot to adjust to."
"No, I'm fine, I just... You're Quinn Fabray," she says.
Now I'm confused. "And?"
"And, nothing. That's it. You're Quinn Fabray and I'm Rachel Berry."
I smirk. I can't help it. She's adorable. "Nice to meet you," I say, and she punches me lightly on the shoulder.
"Quinn, I'm being serious."
"So am I."
She kind of half sits up and her hair falls lightly over her shoulder. Mmmmm. Her shoulder. I'm suddenly flooded with the desire to kiss her bare shoulders for hours.
"Quinn," she says, and I meet her gaze guiltily, knowing I've been caught.
"Sorry," I mumble, "you just have amazing shoulders." She blushes, and I take this as a good sign. I push myself up to meet her. "You're unbelievably sexy, Rachel."
I hold her eyes for as long as I can until my head dips too far down. I press a hot, open-mouthed kiss to her bare shoulder and she hisses into my hair. I pull back, watch her eyes.
"Do you like that?" I ask, and she nods shakily. She's trying to control her breathing, and I trace my finger over the place I just kissed. "Can I kiss you there again?"
She groans and collapses to the bed, and I follow like I'm tethered to her. I force myself to keep it slow and sensual, kissing over her shoulders, trailing my tongue in circles, sucking lightly. Her hand is fisted in my hair and I move slowly down her opposite arm, following her bicep with my tongue.
Finally, she stops me. "Quinn." Her voice is broken, and I fall in love with the sound. "Quinn, stop."
I hover over her and smile. "Too much?" I ask gently. She nods apologetically, and I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "Okay, sweetheart," I say and her eyes widen impossibly. I honestly hadn't meant to. But now that I have, I love the way it sounds. "Is... that okay?"
She's still shocked, but she nods slowly.
I settle down next to her and pull her into me once again. I hold her while she controls her breathing.
"It's late," she finally says. My back is to the clock, but I don't doubt that it's past midnight. We've been talking and kissing for hours. Her lips are swollen and puffy and she's never looked more beautiful. "I'm going to get the light, okay?"
She reaches over and snaps off the light, plunging us into darkness.
"Quinn," she says, and her voice seems softer somehow.
"Yeah, Rach."
"Can you... Would you take your t-shirt off now?"
I consider her request. It couldn't hurt in the dark. In answer to her, I shrug it off and toss it aside, leaving me in Rachel's tank top.
She pulls me to her and I relish the feel of her skin. I didn't think it would be possible to feel any closer to her, but I do, lying here like this in the dark.
"Can I ask you a question?" I don't really know how to ask this, but I really need to hear her say it again. I can feel her nodding against my chest. "Did you really fantasize about kissing me all night?"
She laughs. "Are you still hung up on that?"
"It just kind of blows my mind to think about," I admit under the cover of darkness. She pulls me closer. There's been a lot of that going around.
There's so much silence for awhile that I'm worried she might have fallen asleep. "I've wanted you to kiss me for a very long time, Quinn." Her words save me and ignite me and destroy me all at once. I feel like I'm being pulled in a million directions.
"You have?"
"I have," she confirms. "Of course, I never dreamed you actually would."
"Me neither."
She's fiddling with my necklace again in the dark. "Why did you?"
"That's a good question. I think... I think that I was tired of trying to keep myself away from you." I laugh again softly, breathe in her hair. "I told you, Rachel. You're like a magnet. It was exhausting to stay away."
She seems to like this answer, if her lips on mine are any indication. I let her deepen the kiss, allow my hands to roam all over her back. When she sucks on my tongue, I nearly black out and I can't help it - I run my hands over her ass and squeeze her into me. The moan she releases into my mouth has me shaking against her. I squeeze again and she bucks.
"Oh my god, Quinn," she moans. She's gulping air and I can sense that she's fighting hard not to rock against me. Her hands are digging hard into my back, and soft cries are dying in the back of her throat as I kiss her and knead my hands into her.
I have to admit, I've never really thought about another girl's ass before, but the way Rachel is responding to what I'm doing to her, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to not think about it now.
It's fucking sexy.
"God, Quinn, if you don't stop squeezing my ass, I'm going to come."
My entire world grinds to a halt at her words. I can't breathe, my hands still their massaging, the only thing I can hear was my own heart hammering in my ears. Rachel's body goes rigid the moment the words are out of her mouth.
I know she must think that I'm freaking out, but the truth is, I've never had anyone say anything so wanton to me before. Especially not because of something I was doing. It's enough that I feel like if she moves, I'll push her down on the bed and bury my fingers as deeply into her as they'll go.
It wouldn't take much at all to growl into her neck maybe I want you to come and slip my leg between her thighs. Encourage her to ride me until her orgasm breaks over her and she comes undone in my arms.
Okay, these thoughts are not helping cool me down.
"Quinn?" she sounds so timid, like I might run out the door at any moment. I need to reassure her like she's done for me.
"Shhh, Rach. You didn't say anything wrong." My hands are still on her, unmoving. "Give me a minute, okay? You're so... god, you're so fucking sexy. I just... need a minute."
I focus, finally am able to slide my hands up to her lower back. The movement makes her shudder into me and clutch at me frantically. I hold her until she's calm.
"Did you just...?" I can't bring myself to say it.
She shakes her head furiously. "No. It just... felt really good." She breathes into my neck, and electricity shoots through my body. "You feel so good, Quinn. You make me feel good."
I feel myself smirk. "Yeah, well. It's all about the teasing..." I can feel her laughing silently against me.
"And you're so good at the teasing," she tells me.
"Thank you."
"No. Thank you," she says.
"Nerd," I say, and she huffs.
"Nerd? What happened to 'sweetheart?'"
I kiss the tip of her nose in response, and she snuggles into me. "You're not going to sleep, are you?" I ask. "I'm still working on fulfilling your fantasy."
She sighs. A happy sigh. She sounds so content. I want her to make that sound for the rest of her life. "You fulfill all of my fantasies."
"Not yet," I promise.
We lay in silence and I know she's playing my words in her head. I can almost feel the question she wants to ask me. When she finally does, she's barely audible.
"Really? This isn't just a one-time night for you?"
I laugh because I can't help it. She can be so ridiculous. "Are you serious right now?" There's no response and I know she is. "Rachel, you absolutely unhinge me. I can't think straight when you're around." She giggles and I roll my eyes and nudge her playfully. "I want to touch you and kiss you all the time. I spent the whole day practically glued to you. How can you ask me if this is a one-time thing?"
She doesn't say anything and I take the opportunity to kiss her again. Gently. Tenderly. I want her to feel me taking care of her again.
"I want us to wait until we build a foundation before we make love," I admit and, though my cheeks are burning, I'm not sorry I said it.
"Quinn." Her voice is low, and I'd give anything to know what she's thinking. "What are you saying?"
I take a deep breath. "I'm saying, I care about you. Deeply. And we're graduating this year. And I don't want to lose you when we do."
Her breath catches, and I wish I could see her face.
I have no idea how to read her in the dark.
"You want to still be with me at graduation?" she asks.
"And after." I hear her sniffle and my chest constricts. "Rachel, sweetheart, please don't cry." I smooth her hair. "I don't know what the future holds, but I know that I want you with me. Okay?" I'm hoping she agrees. Please, god, let her agree.
The kiss she gives me is unlike all the others. It's deep and sure and full of promise. I kiss her back, hoping that I'm returning it with all the emotion within me, everything I feel for her. I want her to feel it too.
It's with this kiss that we melt into the night and lose ourselves in one another. Our kisses turn from slow and lazy, exploring one another's mouths and necks, to heated and needy. I fall in love with the way Rachel unabashedly moans and whimpers and she reacts almost violently when I husk my desires into her ear. We're learning one another, and we're taking all night to do it.
When Rachel finally falls asleep, the sky is tinged with the creeping first light of dawn, and our breathing is mixed together, our heads on the same pillow. I've never felt so safe or so happy in my life. I watch her for a minute and wonder for the millionth time tonight how on earth I got lucky enough to be holding her in my arms.
I place one last kiss on the tip of her nose, a promise of our future together, and let myself fall slowly beside her, knowing that she'll catch me.