What if South America wasn't South America? Maybe America would've fucked whatever South America was instead.
So, I break my streak of not watching television with Conan last night (well worth it.)
I turn on the boob tube today, just to keep me from going back to sleep, and The Substitute is on USA, followed by the made-for-tv sequel. This was surely quality programming I could not afford to miss.
After John Shale gets out of Siberia alive, I'm watching this great commercial (realmedia) hosted by The Ad Council.
Apparently, this is part of some new 9/11-induced "Campaign For Freedom" Oh boy, this should be good!
For those of you who don't have realplayer, or don't want to watch the online version for some other reason (narrowband blues, system resources low because you're converting a child pornography video into divx video), here's The Setup:
A white male, presumably a college student, walks up to what appears to be a librarian working behind a desk and states that he is unable to find the titles which he has listed on a piece of paper. Upon handing the paper to the librarian, an older white female, her expression quickly changes, and she asks him for his name. He nervously asks why she needs it. The shot then changes to him being accosted by a pair of suits as he frantically tries to escape. Then the tagline: "What if America wasn't America? Freedom." (jingoist flag waving in background) "Appreciate it. Cherish it. Protect it."
So wholesome, it makes you want to kill a towelhead, doesn't it? I mean, it's not like the FBI can monitor our reading habits with a warrant issued by a secret court and use the data as ground for indefinite detainment, plus waiving of all constitutional rights! This is the land of the free, baby!
But wait, that's not all! That's only the third in a series of six ads that are just as honest, and steeped in historical fact to boot!
Here are some other ads in the series that I thought were amusing:
Ad #2: Church
The Setup: Christians seem to be enjoying a good 'ol fashioned brainwashing. Praising god, etc. As they conclude, one of god's ordained child molesters says, "And please, be careful on your way home." or something along those lines. Patrons of the church peer out of windows, carefully, and quickly exit from a basement. QUEUE TAGLINE!
An awesome testament to America's freedom of religion. "Freedom of Religion" meaning "Freedom to believe in misogynist, monotheistic near-eastern religion." ONE NATION UNDER GOD...WE MEAN ANY GOD. WAIT, YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN A GOD? WELL, I GUESS YOU'RE NOT AN AMERICAN SICK THE DOGS OF MAJORITARIANISM ON THIS ANTI-PATRIOT!
Ad #5: Arrest
The Setup: A white male is arrested, initially by a black officer (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA), although his partner is white. They find some unknown newspapers under his back seat. Oddly, no tagline. JUST KIDDING!!! QUEUE TAGLINE!!!!
They do have a point though: no black police officer that wants to keep his job arrests a white teenager for no reason. That's just unamerican!
Ad #6: Choice
The Setup: Scrolling wide-angle shot of supermarket shelves. Overlay text: Freedom->Competition->Possibilities->Choice Fade in: "It all starts with freedom." GET YOUR MOTHERFUCKING TAGLINE ON!@#@%!@
I think they confused "Possibilties" with "Consumerism" and "Choice" with "Coke or Pepsi? Choose one, because only FAGGOTS drink TAB or Shasta."
OH, THE HUMANITY!
I turn on the boob tube today, just to keep me from going back to sleep, and The Substitute is on USA, followed by the made-for-tv sequel. This was surely quality programming I could not afford to miss.
After John Shale gets out of Siberia alive, I'm watching this great commercial (realmedia) hosted by The Ad Council.
Apparently, this is part of some new 9/11-induced "Campaign For Freedom" Oh boy, this should be good!
For those of you who don't have realplayer, or don't want to watch the online version for some other reason (narrowband blues, system resources low because you're converting a child pornography video into divx video), here's The Setup:
A white male, presumably a college student, walks up to what appears to be a librarian working behind a desk and states that he is unable to find the titles which he has listed on a piece of paper. Upon handing the paper to the librarian, an older white female, her expression quickly changes, and she asks him for his name. He nervously asks why she needs it. The shot then changes to him being accosted by a pair of suits as he frantically tries to escape. Then the tagline: "What if America wasn't America? Freedom." (jingoist flag waving in background) "Appreciate it. Cherish it. Protect it."
So wholesome, it makes you want to kill a towelhead, doesn't it? I mean, it's not like the FBI can monitor our reading habits with a warrant issued by a secret court and use the data as ground for indefinite detainment, plus waiving of all constitutional rights! This is the land of the free, baby!
But wait, that's not all! That's only the third in a series of six ads that are just as honest, and steeped in historical fact to boot!
Here are some other ads in the series that I thought were amusing:
Ad #2: Church
The Setup: Christians seem to be enjoying a good 'ol fashioned brainwashing. Praising god, etc. As they conclude, one of god's ordained child molesters says, "And please, be careful on your way home." or something along those lines. Patrons of the church peer out of windows, carefully, and quickly exit from a basement. QUEUE TAGLINE!
An awesome testament to America's freedom of religion. "Freedom of Religion" meaning "Freedom to believe in misogynist, monotheistic near-eastern religion." ONE NATION UNDER GOD...WE MEAN ANY GOD. WAIT, YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN A GOD? WELL, I GUESS YOU'RE NOT AN AMERICAN SICK THE DOGS OF MAJORITARIANISM ON THIS ANTI-PATRIOT!
Ad #5: Arrest
The Setup: A white male is arrested, initially by a black officer (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA), although his partner is white. They find some unknown newspapers under his back seat. Oddly, no tagline. JUST KIDDING!!! QUEUE TAGLINE!!!!
They do have a point though: no black police officer that wants to keep his job arrests a white teenager for no reason. That's just unamerican!
Ad #6: Choice
The Setup: Scrolling wide-angle shot of supermarket shelves. Overlay text: Freedom->Competition->Possibilities->Choice Fade in: "It all starts with freedom." GET YOUR MOTHERFUCKING TAGLINE ON!@#@%!@
I think they confused "Possibilties" with "Consumerism" and "Choice" with "Coke or Pepsi? Choose one, because only FAGGOTS drink TAB or Shasta."
OH, THE HUMANITY!