(no subject)
it hurts, you know.
you think everything is going right.
you think this is it.
only to find out this is not it.
and the comfortable future you had your eyes set on has been discontinued.
unreachable and nonexistant.
it all added up.
it made perfect sense.
how could it not follow through?
what have i done?
such is life i suppose.
but you know its not "such is life."
it made too much sense for it not to work out.
everything clicked.
it was proof that my old genuine self still existed somewhere beneath the mask of lust and illogic.
and that is at least something great and useful that i can pull from the debris.
yet somehow i know that i havent given up.
one would be foolish to forget about such an amazing thing with the intent of bettering one's mood.
i did that during the school year.
if i did bad on a test, id literally put it out of mind and train myself to forget about it and act as if it did not matter and i did not care, just so i could get on with my day and not worry about it.
such is not the case this time around.
its too important.
i believe it is anyway.
you think everything is going right.
you think this is it.
only to find out this is not it.
and the comfortable future you had your eyes set on has been discontinued.
unreachable and nonexistant.
it all added up.
it made perfect sense.
how could it not follow through?
what have i done?
such is life i suppose.
but you know its not "such is life."
it made too much sense for it not to work out.
everything clicked.
it was proof that my old genuine self still existed somewhere beneath the mask of lust and illogic.
and that is at least something great and useful that i can pull from the debris.
yet somehow i know that i havent given up.
one would be foolish to forget about such an amazing thing with the intent of bettering one's mood.
i did that during the school year.
if i did bad on a test, id literally put it out of mind and train myself to forget about it and act as if it did not matter and i did not care, just so i could get on with my day and not worry about it.
such is not the case this time around.
its too important.
i believe it is anyway.