It is what it is
I'd like to write something flowery about 2007, and sketch out my intentions for 2008 - I'm finding it interesting reading others', but I'm just not there yet. Today I thought of putting a sign up somewhere in the house where I'll see it regularly - THIS IS IT. To remind me that this is what is, it may not be like I'd like to see it in my mind, but it's right there in front of me. This is my life. It's not what it's gonna be Someday. This is Someday to where I was 5 years ago. This is my life, now. If I don't like it, I'll take steps to change it, or not, with the awareness that if I don't change it, I must accept it without bitching about it.
It's been a nice couple of days of me-time. With the exception of one night hanging out with parents and an unexpected and wonderful visit from a lover, I've spent much of the last 3 days, or 2 weeks, rather, at home and doing me-things. I'm starting to get used to it, and I feel like I'm closer to the edge of actual motivation to make sweeping changes in my life. Tomorrow I'll be jumping over that edge.
Today I left the house for a while - I went to the Laundromat (why does that word have to be capitalized?) with my two big comforters and enjoyed the HUGE washers and dryers there. What a pain that would have been do to at home! It was kind of fun really. The owner (?) was really helpful and chatty and it was nice to interact with total strangers of the general public for the first time in a few days. My comforters are clean, too, which is a big thing off my to-do list. Found a good journal at Borders while I waited, and I'm ready to start my fast again tomorrow - starting the New Year with a clean slate and a healthy dose of motivation to keep my system clean and in good working order.
I struggle every year about going out on New Years. This year I had many fabulous invitations, and there's parties going on that I already regret missing... but it's probably my most difficult holiday for going out, for a variety of reasons. I'm sure I'm not alone in this. Anyway, what I decided to do is go to a friends' house, here in town - there'll be a few generations and species represented, and I can wear my pajamas, and Buddy and I both can spend the night. For someone with my social life, it feels a bit funny to not have a 'date'. But - THIS IS IT. This is my life. I'm grateful for everything in my life, and this is just one night... I can't put too much weight on wether or not I have a 'date' for tonight or not. It does make me miss my Scorpio/Pea/dumbass a bit, though. *sigh* I guess I'll have to do another ritual to let go of him, because the first one has worn off.
Speaking of rituals - it's been three years now since I gave up my Taco Bell addiction - that ritual was pretty powerful (12/27/04, cold turkey, and I haven't looked back - and I was a 4-times a week addict since high school). Maybe this year I'll do more of this type of ritual - to clear away toxic things in my life and make room for things that nurture and sustain me. (Here I go - reflecting on last year/setting intentions for next year...). This year I spent a lot of time in Neutral. Not giving, not receiving, just being. I notice that I feel better, more connected, when I give. Especially after spending a few days at home reflecting on things, I notice that my life is richer when I give of myself. Particularly to people to appreciate it and give in return, although that's not completely necessary because attachment is its own can of worms.
To all who read this - I wish you the very best 2008 has to offer - may it be the year you finally (fill in the blank) because life's too short. This is your life. Right now. Live it!
Peace.
It's been a nice couple of days of me-time. With the exception of one night hanging out with parents and an unexpected and wonderful visit from a lover, I've spent much of the last 3 days, or 2 weeks, rather, at home and doing me-things. I'm starting to get used to it, and I feel like I'm closer to the edge of actual motivation to make sweeping changes in my life. Tomorrow I'll be jumping over that edge.
Today I left the house for a while - I went to the Laundromat (why does that word have to be capitalized?) with my two big comforters and enjoyed the HUGE washers and dryers there. What a pain that would have been do to at home! It was kind of fun really. The owner (?) was really helpful and chatty and it was nice to interact with total strangers of the general public for the first time in a few days. My comforters are clean, too, which is a big thing off my to-do list. Found a good journal at Borders while I waited, and I'm ready to start my fast again tomorrow - starting the New Year with a clean slate and a healthy dose of motivation to keep my system clean and in good working order.
I struggle every year about going out on New Years. This year I had many fabulous invitations, and there's parties going on that I already regret missing... but it's probably my most difficult holiday for going out, for a variety of reasons. I'm sure I'm not alone in this. Anyway, what I decided to do is go to a friends' house, here in town - there'll be a few generations and species represented, and I can wear my pajamas, and Buddy and I both can spend the night. For someone with my social life, it feels a bit funny to not have a 'date'. But - THIS IS IT. This is my life. I'm grateful for everything in my life, and this is just one night... I can't put too much weight on wether or not I have a 'date' for tonight or not. It does make me miss my Scorpio/Pea/dumbass a bit, though. *sigh* I guess I'll have to do another ritual to let go of him, because the first one has worn off.
Speaking of rituals - it's been three years now since I gave up my Taco Bell addiction - that ritual was pretty powerful (12/27/04, cold turkey, and I haven't looked back - and I was a 4-times a week addict since high school). Maybe this year I'll do more of this type of ritual - to clear away toxic things in my life and make room for things that nurture and sustain me. (Here I go - reflecting on last year/setting intentions for next year...). This year I spent a lot of time in Neutral. Not giving, not receiving, just being. I notice that I feel better, more connected, when I give. Especially after spending a few days at home reflecting on things, I notice that my life is richer when I give of myself. Particularly to people to appreciate it and give in return, although that's not completely necessary because attachment is its own can of worms.
To all who read this - I wish you the very best 2008 has to offer - may it be the year you finally (fill in the blank) because life's too short. This is your life. Right now. Live it!
Peace.