Life Happens
Last night I had a strange dream. All I did was...well, cry the entire time. I was in my old neighborhood, walking the streets as I used to. Familiar people were there, though no one specific. I tried to go about my normal routine, but I couldn't stop crying. Everything that I had bottled up in me just exploded and I spent the rest of the dream trying to fight the tears back. I couldn't. It was just one long miserable dream of me trying to regain my own self-control. You would think that I would wake up to a wet pillow beneath me. But no. I was completely dry-eyed.
I have to bottle up a lot of my emotions. Mostly anger, frustration, and sorrow. I suppose the dream was allowing me to cry tears that my body needed to shed without distracting me from my real life.
I miss my mom. I miss my dad. I miss the home I grew up in. I miss the people who once stood by my side. I've lost a lot and I will continue to lose things. I don't want to lose anymore. I'm struggling to keep myself whole and intact, but it's hard. I feel as though life is out of my hands, yet despite that I keep on fighting to keep whatever I have.
There's always the possibility of gaining or recovering that which has been lost. I really want to salvage everything that I can. There's a lot that I want to say to people, but as of right now, it is simply not possible. My biggest fear right now is that something will happen to me or the people I want to talk to. If we die, then I will never be able to say what I wanted to say nor would I hear what they had to say. I grow anxious, counting the days and waiting for some far-off date barely written in the air.
I wait, hoping for the best. But life happens. And there's nothing I can do to change that.
I have to bottle up a lot of my emotions. Mostly anger, frustration, and sorrow. I suppose the dream was allowing me to cry tears that my body needed to shed without distracting me from my real life.
I miss my mom. I miss my dad. I miss the home I grew up in. I miss the people who once stood by my side. I've lost a lot and I will continue to lose things. I don't want to lose anymore. I'm struggling to keep myself whole and intact, but it's hard. I feel as though life is out of my hands, yet despite that I keep on fighting to keep whatever I have.
There's always the possibility of gaining or recovering that which has been lost. I really want to salvage everything that I can. There's a lot that I want to say to people, but as of right now, it is simply not possible. My biggest fear right now is that something will happen to me or the people I want to talk to. If we die, then I will never be able to say what I wanted to say nor would I hear what they had to say. I grow anxious, counting the days and waiting for some far-off date barely written in the air.
I wait, hoping for the best. But life happens. And there's nothing I can do to change that.