"When it starts to hurt..I cry"
"I've crushed back your expectation..Did I say too much again- just a girl in a panic- if i tell u my truth-am I getting through? - it just seems I should confess- and who am I to pretend..this is more than I can carry.."
So sometimes I remember I have one of these, and then I begin to regret having one.
Life is unexpected in every way. The last few months have been, what? insane? I don't really know how to put into words what I think anymore. I'm different, but the same. I try to write my music, and I can't. I try to study, and I can't really care about school too much. I do-attempt to, because I need too, but why? well.. I still make good grades but I think I just overwhelmed myself too much this year.
I'v met so many great people in the last few months I can't even begin to complain...
SOO many fun things at YSU have taken over my life, and I live simply for "the 'rec" anymore. I became addicted to raquetball, and I finally feel like I'm doing the athletic things that I always wanted to. I'm hanging out with people that a few months ago I thought I hated more than anything, and I've learned so unintentionally not to take first impressions so seriously...sometimes people surprise you.
I guess I'm more surprised at who I am. I guess I feel like, I'm watching a movie. I can't fast forward, or rewind, no matter how many times I find myself trying to re-live the happiest moments that were my life the last 2 years, I can't get back there. I'm stuck in this never-ending scene and I wish I could just see what's gonna happen, but then again, who wouldn't love that?
So how come I have people coming up to me and telling me that I'm different. Not bad, just....grown up, and it's noticeable on the outside. What have I changed? The funny thing is, I can feel it too. Why are things that I disagreed with before...ok now? I mean, I'm still me, but I guess I've even surprised myself lately too.
I suppose it's back to feeling like you're 16 or 17 again in that transitional period. You can't even begin to figure life out. That sux!
Can a person change? For real, for better, have I?
The last thing I need in my life right now is more drama, and I'm definitely thinking that there is going to be some here soon, i just hope I can surpass that.
On another note, tutoring in an elementary school can take a toll when your also taking 6 classes and working. I will Never let my children talk to me the way second graders talk today. GOSH!
well anyway.., I'm tired of hoping. I got tired...of school, of problems, of thinking, and I think the thing that bothers me the most anymore is, I don't know what's real and what isn't.
At one point, I had something that most people never feel in their entire life. I have no doubts on that and I still thank God for that, but why do I always go back to wishing on stars that do nothing for me, and holding my breath when I know I have no reason to. I still remember disappointment, and it hurts,I don't want to wish and hope everyday for something. It kills too much when your let down. and I don't want that again, but...I just don't know if that even exists anymore...
Wow, I realize this babbling makes no sense to anyone-hardly me... but, sometimes stuff just needs said.
So sometimes I remember I have one of these, and then I begin to regret having one.
Life is unexpected in every way. The last few months have been, what? insane? I don't really know how to put into words what I think anymore. I'm different, but the same. I try to write my music, and I can't. I try to study, and I can't really care about school too much. I do-attempt to, because I need too, but why? well.. I still make good grades but I think I just overwhelmed myself too much this year.
I'v met so many great people in the last few months I can't even begin to complain...
SOO many fun things at YSU have taken over my life, and I live simply for "the 'rec" anymore. I became addicted to raquetball, and I finally feel like I'm doing the athletic things that I always wanted to. I'm hanging out with people that a few months ago I thought I hated more than anything, and I've learned so unintentionally not to take first impressions so seriously...sometimes people surprise you.
I guess I'm more surprised at who I am. I guess I feel like, I'm watching a movie. I can't fast forward, or rewind, no matter how many times I find myself trying to re-live the happiest moments that were my life the last 2 years, I can't get back there. I'm stuck in this never-ending scene and I wish I could just see what's gonna happen, but then again, who wouldn't love that?
So how come I have people coming up to me and telling me that I'm different. Not bad, just....grown up, and it's noticeable on the outside. What have I changed? The funny thing is, I can feel it too. Why are things that I disagreed with before...ok now? I mean, I'm still me, but I guess I've even surprised myself lately too.
I suppose it's back to feeling like you're 16 or 17 again in that transitional period. You can't even begin to figure life out. That sux!
Can a person change? For real, for better, have I?
The last thing I need in my life right now is more drama, and I'm definitely thinking that there is going to be some here soon, i just hope I can surpass that.
On another note, tutoring in an elementary school can take a toll when your also taking 6 classes and working. I will Never let my children talk to me the way second graders talk today. GOSH!
well anyway.., I'm tired of hoping. I got tired...of school, of problems, of thinking, and I think the thing that bothers me the most anymore is, I don't know what's real and what isn't.
At one point, I had something that most people never feel in their entire life. I have no doubts on that and I still thank God for that, but why do I always go back to wishing on stars that do nothing for me, and holding my breath when I know I have no reason to. I still remember disappointment, and it hurts,I don't want to wish and hope everyday for something. It kills too much when your let down. and I don't want that again, but...I just don't know if that even exists anymore...
Wow, I realize this babbling makes no sense to anyone-hardly me... but, sometimes stuff just needs said.