In which the Doctor gets AIDS
Dear Marie,
Wrote you some crack via Donna.
It's quite short, but I'm sure it could've been slightly longer.
Love,
Emily
"Doctor," said Rose breathily, taking off her shirt- the purple one from 'New Earth' that the Doctor planned to reminisce about during Donna’s reception in ‘The Runaway Bride’- “I’m just gonna pop out for a spacewalk, if that’s alright with you?”
The Doctor stared at Rose’s boobs for a few minutes and then responded, “Oh. Okay. Well, but, um, you see, the void- um, the Daleks and the Cybermen? They’re invading this world through it, and people are dying and whatnot- if you haven’t noticed. I was fairly certain you noticed, but I guess not. You can be rather ditzy sometimes, but I suppose you are blonde. Though, it is really important that we close the breach- it’ll be fun- we get to hang onto these big metal clamps and flap around while Daleks fly past really close to our heads!" He widened his eyes. "You wouldn’t want to stick around for that, you’re sure?”
“Nah.” Said Rose, tightening the laces on her walking shoes. “You tried to send me to Pete’s World anyway. I’m sure you can handle it all on your own. You’re a big boy.”
The Doctor nodded. “That’s true. I am. And your leisure time is important. Have fun.”
He opened the TARDIS doors for her as she draped her purple shirt on one of those branchy things jutting out of the TARDIS.
“See ya later!” Rose waved.
“Have a good walk!” The Doctor smiled. “Are you sure you don’t wanna keep your shirt on? Gusts from the nebulas can get a bit nippy this time of year….?”
“Nope, I’m actually quite warm. But aw, you’re sweet. Love you! Bye!”
“Hm.” The Doctor considered this. “I’m not quite sure it's requited on my end. I have a problem with commitment.”
Rose shrugged. “Ooh. Sucks for me…I’ll ponder this on my walk. Oh! By the way? I’m HIV+. I’m fairly sure I’ve transmitted the AIDS virus to you. If, of course, Timelords are susceptible to that kind of thing.”
“Fuck. Yeah. We are, actually. Are you kidding?”
“No.” Rose said, and commenced her walk.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Is that what happened to her?” Donna croaked at him, very high pitched and monstrous-like, holding up the purple shirt that it wasn’t quite time to reminisce about yet, that she'd found on one of those branchy things jutting out of the TARDIS. “She just popped out for a spacewalk?”
The Doctor backed up a few steps because frankly, Donna terrified him. “Um, yes, she did.”
“WITHOUT A SHIRT?!?” Donna screamed.
“Um…yes.” The Doctor responded incredulously.
“Is that optional?” Donna smirked.
“With me, yeah…” The Doctor replied. “Besides. I kidnap women and leave them places all the time. Most often I like to consider myself a dastardly villain. You know the type? They tie beautiful women to train tracks, but then their plans are foiled and the women are freed before they get run over. In reality- if you think about it- those villains aren’t really villainous at all!”
Donna thought about this. “Hm.Perhaps you’re right. But I would peg you as dastardly.”
“I’m also HIV+…” The Doctor mumbled, disheartened. Tears welled up in his eyes. “My friend. She gave me AIDS.”
“And your friend,” Donna said, her voice softening a few octaves below her customary roar, “…what was her name?”
“Her name was Rose.” The Doctor choked, gargling inaudibly on his own tears.
“Oh, you poor Martian….Do you want to come inside for Christmas dinner? I’ve heard people with AIDS like eating Christmas dinners…”
“Ooh.” The Doctor said, fighting past his emo. “You’d better warn your mum first. I wouldn’t wanna…you know.”
“Scare her to death?”
“Yeah.” Agreed the Doctor.
“Cuz I’ve heard people with AIDS- aliens with AIDS in particular- are very scary to healthy Earthlings.”
The Doctor felt enormous waves of self-hatred. “You go on ahead and let them know. I’m just gonna park the TARDIS….-”
“No you’re not. You’re going to fly away and abandon me while I’m inside.”
“Was it that obvious?” The Doctor asked, dignity stolen.
“Yes.” Donna said sadly. “Alright fine. Be a bastard. I’m only a jobless, wounded widow…make my day. …Am I ever going to see you again?”
“No.” Said the Doctor.
“Oh.” Replied Donna. She looked sad. Too sad for someone with AIDS to bear.
“Okay, okay, alright. Maybe in season 4. If I can afford AIDS treatment and strengthen my immune system before then. I don’t have money though. I always made Rose pay for chips. Don’t think I have medical insurance either. And I’m a Doctor! That’s really ironic when you think about it…”
Donna thought about it. “It is.”
The Doctor started to close the TARDIS doors.
“Wait!” Donna called.
“OH WHAT NOW!” The Doctor sighed, sounding too emotionally annoyed for someone with AIDS.
“Doctor-” Donna said, drawing out her sentence for dramatic effect.
“Oh, hurry up would you, I’ve got AIDS and no idea how long I’ve got to live- could we speed this up please? I don’t want to stand in your driveway a minute longer in this cascade of blatantly fake snow. It’s hard on the lungs.”
“Sorry.” Donna apologized. “But Doctor? Promise you’ll find someone. Because sometimes, I just think you need someone to stop you. People with AIDS shouldn’t be flying around through time and space all heroic-like. Got it? Check yourself into a ward or something, and find someone. A support network. Psychology studies have shown that people with AIDS with good support networks die less fast. Especially Martians.”
“I’M NOT FROM MARS!!!” The Doctor shrieked, and flew away.
Later, when he was being emo in the TARDIS alone, the Doctor realized that he never got to reminisce about that purple shirt, because this fic skipped the wedding reception. Then, he thought, this fic skipped most of 'The Runaway Bride', and that was a very dastardly villian kind of thing to do.
The tried reminiscing about the shirt, but it just didn't work without people dancing all over.
Then he thought about how much having AIDS sucked.
THE END.
P.S. The following is a picture of Ten with AIDS. AIDS is a very sad disease to have. Look how sad Ten is that he has AIDS.
Wrote you some crack via Donna.
It's quite short, but I'm sure it could've been slightly longer.
Love,
Emily
"Doctor," said Rose breathily, taking off her shirt- the purple one from 'New Earth' that the Doctor planned to reminisce about during Donna’s reception in ‘The Runaway Bride’- “I’m just gonna pop out for a spacewalk, if that’s alright with you?”
The Doctor stared at Rose’s boobs for a few minutes and then responded, “Oh. Okay. Well, but, um, you see, the void- um, the Daleks and the Cybermen? They’re invading this world through it, and people are dying and whatnot- if you haven’t noticed. I was fairly certain you noticed, but I guess not. You can be rather ditzy sometimes, but I suppose you are blonde. Though, it is really important that we close the breach- it’ll be fun- we get to hang onto these big metal clamps and flap around while Daleks fly past really close to our heads!" He widened his eyes. "You wouldn’t want to stick around for that, you’re sure?”
“Nah.” Said Rose, tightening the laces on her walking shoes. “You tried to send me to Pete’s World anyway. I’m sure you can handle it all on your own. You’re a big boy.”
The Doctor nodded. “That’s true. I am. And your leisure time is important. Have fun.”
He opened the TARDIS doors for her as she draped her purple shirt on one of those branchy things jutting out of the TARDIS.
“See ya later!” Rose waved.
“Have a good walk!” The Doctor smiled. “Are you sure you don’t wanna keep your shirt on? Gusts from the nebulas can get a bit nippy this time of year….?”
“Nope, I’m actually quite warm. But aw, you’re sweet. Love you! Bye!”
“Hm.” The Doctor considered this. “I’m not quite sure it's requited on my end. I have a problem with commitment.”
Rose shrugged. “Ooh. Sucks for me…I’ll ponder this on my walk. Oh! By the way? I’m HIV+. I’m fairly sure I’ve transmitted the AIDS virus to you. If, of course, Timelords are susceptible to that kind of thing.”
“Fuck. Yeah. We are, actually. Are you kidding?”
“No.” Rose said, and commenced her walk.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Is that what happened to her?” Donna croaked at him, very high pitched and monstrous-like, holding up the purple shirt that it wasn’t quite time to reminisce about yet, that she'd found on one of those branchy things jutting out of the TARDIS. “She just popped out for a spacewalk?”
The Doctor backed up a few steps because frankly, Donna terrified him. “Um, yes, she did.”
“WITHOUT A SHIRT?!?” Donna screamed.
“Um…yes.” The Doctor responded incredulously.
“Is that optional?” Donna smirked.
“With me, yeah…” The Doctor replied. “Besides. I kidnap women and leave them places all the time. Most often I like to consider myself a dastardly villain. You know the type? They tie beautiful women to train tracks, but then their plans are foiled and the women are freed before they get run over. In reality- if you think about it- those villains aren’t really villainous at all!”
Donna thought about this. “Hm.Perhaps you’re right. But I would peg you as dastardly.”
“I’m also HIV+…” The Doctor mumbled, disheartened. Tears welled up in his eyes. “My friend. She gave me AIDS.”
“And your friend,” Donna said, her voice softening a few octaves below her customary roar, “…what was her name?”
“Her name was Rose.” The Doctor choked, gargling inaudibly on his own tears.
“Oh, you poor Martian….Do you want to come inside for Christmas dinner? I’ve heard people with AIDS like eating Christmas dinners…”
“Ooh.” The Doctor said, fighting past his emo. “You’d better warn your mum first. I wouldn’t wanna…you know.”
“Scare her to death?”
“Yeah.” Agreed the Doctor.
“Cuz I’ve heard people with AIDS- aliens with AIDS in particular- are very scary to healthy Earthlings.”
The Doctor felt enormous waves of self-hatred. “You go on ahead and let them know. I’m just gonna park the TARDIS….-”
“No you’re not. You’re going to fly away and abandon me while I’m inside.”
“Was it that obvious?” The Doctor asked, dignity stolen.
“Yes.” Donna said sadly. “Alright fine. Be a bastard. I’m only a jobless, wounded widow…make my day. …Am I ever going to see you again?”
“No.” Said the Doctor.
“Oh.” Replied Donna. She looked sad. Too sad for someone with AIDS to bear.
“Okay, okay, alright. Maybe in season 4. If I can afford AIDS treatment and strengthen my immune system before then. I don’t have money though. I always made Rose pay for chips. Don’t think I have medical insurance either. And I’m a Doctor! That’s really ironic when you think about it…”
Donna thought about it. “It is.”
The Doctor started to close the TARDIS doors.
“Wait!” Donna called.
“OH WHAT NOW!” The Doctor sighed, sounding too emotionally annoyed for someone with AIDS.
“Doctor-” Donna said, drawing out her sentence for dramatic effect.
“Oh, hurry up would you, I’ve got AIDS and no idea how long I’ve got to live- could we speed this up please? I don’t want to stand in your driveway a minute longer in this cascade of blatantly fake snow. It’s hard on the lungs.”
“Sorry.” Donna apologized. “But Doctor? Promise you’ll find someone. Because sometimes, I just think you need someone to stop you. People with AIDS shouldn’t be flying around through time and space all heroic-like. Got it? Check yourself into a ward or something, and find someone. A support network. Psychology studies have shown that people with AIDS with good support networks die less fast. Especially Martians.”
“I’M NOT FROM MARS!!!” The Doctor shrieked, and flew away.
Later, when he was being emo in the TARDIS alone, the Doctor realized that he never got to reminisce about that purple shirt, because this fic skipped the wedding reception. Then, he thought, this fic skipped most of 'The Runaway Bride', and that was a very dastardly villian kind of thing to do.
The tried reminiscing about the shirt, but it just didn't work without people dancing all over.
Then he thought about how much having AIDS sucked.
THE END.
P.S. The following is a picture of Ten with AIDS. AIDS is a very sad disease to have. Look how sad Ten is that he has AIDS.