tears fall when you say goodbye
title: tears fall when you say goodbye
pairing: changmin centric/ homin/ slight!yoomin
rating: pg
warnings: canon, pre-split (ot5), unbeta'd
words: 868
the first time was when he fell from the stairs when he was four. he was running around with his toy trucks and one of them dropped down the stairs. he followed after it, and his little foot slipped on the edge of a stair and he tumbled down. he cried loudly, in too much pain a four year old could handle, hot tears streaming down his small face and he wondered if he’ll live through the anguish. luckily, he was not too hurt; just a bruise on his knee that his mom kissed away and he forgets about the incident.
the second time was when he got the callback from sm entertainment. happy tears clouded his vision as he read the congratulatory message. he didn’t expect to get in; he auditioned just so his mom could see boa, but luck was handed to him on a silver platter, and changmin would be an idiot not to take it. he doesn’t make it through the schedule he has to attend, the tears blurring the ink as he thanked his lucky stars that he hopes follow him through the test of time.
the third time was when he debuted as max changmin with dbsk in 2003. after their debut stage, he bawled his eyes out, shoulders shaking because the sheer feeling of debuting is finally settled in and it’s so overwhelming that he couldn’t do anything but cry. yoochun wrapped an arm around his shoulder and brought him close against his side for support. junsu sang him the beginning lines of hug happily and changmin lets the feeling soar in his chest.
the fourth time was when the five moved to japan in 2005. no one knew who they were, a random boy band from the country over. it was difficult-- learning the language, adapting to the culture (food was something changmin grew to easily), recording songs that he could barely pronounce or understand. he almost quits, but the burden of the thought of leaving the group of boys who raised changmin and his voice was too much. in the night, the silent tears fall on the pillowcase slowly, jaejoong sleeping fitfully next to him, but it’s all history in the morning.
the fifth time was when yunho gave the speech for album of the year at mmkf in 2008. changmin doesn’t cry openly, hates it even, but he doesn’t know why he did at that moment. he tried to hide it behind his hand, but he knows that everyone can see his neck crouched, his hand wiping his cheeks repeatedly. yoochun holds him close like he did back then, patting his back and with saltwater in his own eyes. he hugs changmin, but he can’t stop crying, covering his mouth with his ring cladded hand, eyes closed shut to prevent further tears from escaping. after the speech, yunho hugs changmin tight, arms wounded around his shoulders. changmin feels safe in yunho’s arms.
the sixth time was after the lawsuit. changmin didn’t say much, couldn’t say much. jaejoong left the dorm first when it settled, and junsu went, then yoochun. their things disappeared so did the laughter and noise from the dorm. these are hot tears, angry and upset, round and plentiful. changmin punched why, what went wrong, why, what did he do wrong, was there anything wrong in the first place, is he wrong, why is it wrong, why did he stay, is he wrong to stay into the punching bag, why, why, why won’t yunho look him in the eye. tears mixed into sweat and by the time he’s done for the day, changmin’s hands are raw and numb, just like his heart.
the seventh time was after their first appearance as two in 2011. it’s like they debuted all over again, the anguish, the burden of carrying the power of five in a stage for two, the frustration of being able to be good enough for the fans and the world came crashing down again. backstage, changmin wiped the flowing tears with the studded glove as best as he could before yunho does it for him. yunho’s hand is soft, his fingers gentle as he cups changmin’s cheeks before hugging him. he could feel yunho’s ragged sigh of relief against his chest and he thinks to himself that he and hyung could make it, bigger and even better than before.
the eighth time was during their last with tour concert in 2015. tohoshinki’s leader is completely shaken by the realization of not seeing the fans, not fulfilling his life’s work, for the next few years and cries on stage. yunho thanks the fans relentlessly, thanks them for supporting them, thanks them for making his life meaningful. changmin breathes heavily at yunho’s words while looking over at the thousands of fans, his chest constricting at the thought of not seeing the people who gave incredible dreams to an average boy. these are definitely happy tears, tears of hard work and love. we’ll come back again, changmin promises them with glassy eyes and shaking voice, please wait for us.
when he takes yunho’s hand, changmin finally realizes what it means to be a rising god of the east.