pathetic ceejay fucking p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c.
well i had the best spring break it had some really bad parts but the good overruled the bad i guess.
so i spent the whole break with claire. he is the most marvoulous guy on the face of this earth and i am so glad ive had the chance to know him my entire life. and for my birthday we ate dinner under a huge rose sculpture and he got me a sweet jacket a beautiful charm bracelet earrings and a sweet scarf. arsinio got me the new bright eyes ceedee and a wristband.
oh a couple entries ago i said i was head over heels for this guy jonathan but ive had my feet placed back on the ground and now i can walk where i please. though it still hurts that i never even had a chance.
i should be in an amazing mood these days but im really not. he says when i get thoughts of death to stomp them out like a ciggerette and i try but they keep getting re-lighted but i cant stop them from coming and i dont want to commit sucide but that option is always open and for that i am glad.
i just wish i knew what i wanted every now and then except for all the confustion that fills my head nothing makes sense and everything is wrong and i just want something right to happen every now and then and i just wish somehitng that i start ends with somehitng happy instead of sad and painful.
ive felt so fucking ugly latley and not just on the outside but on the inside too. i wish i was a completley different person someone everyone wants to be around and i dont want sympathay i just have wishes and thats all but this life isnt a story tale or novel and wishes dont come true no matter how many bones you break or stars you wish upon or how many times you pray and thats what hurts me the most is the fact that this is all i have and i dont see it getting better any time in the future and i just need to except the fact that this is it that this is all there is going to be and that scares me a great deal.
regret. it the most unuseful emotion and yet its one of the emotions that i feel the most.
so i spent the whole break with claire. he is the most marvoulous guy on the face of this earth and i am so glad ive had the chance to know him my entire life. and for my birthday we ate dinner under a huge rose sculpture and he got me a sweet jacket a beautiful charm bracelet earrings and a sweet scarf. arsinio got me the new bright eyes ceedee and a wristband.
oh a couple entries ago i said i was head over heels for this guy jonathan but ive had my feet placed back on the ground and now i can walk where i please. though it still hurts that i never even had a chance.
i should be in an amazing mood these days but im really not. he says when i get thoughts of death to stomp them out like a ciggerette and i try but they keep getting re-lighted but i cant stop them from coming and i dont want to commit sucide but that option is always open and for that i am glad.
i just wish i knew what i wanted every now and then except for all the confustion that fills my head nothing makes sense and everything is wrong and i just want something right to happen every now and then and i just wish somehitng that i start ends with somehitng happy instead of sad and painful.
ive felt so fucking ugly latley and not just on the outside but on the inside too. i wish i was a completley different person someone everyone wants to be around and i dont want sympathay i just have wishes and thats all but this life isnt a story tale or novel and wishes dont come true no matter how many bones you break or stars you wish upon or how many times you pray and thats what hurts me the most is the fact that this is all i have and i dont see it getting better any time in the future and i just need to except the fact that this is it that this is all there is going to be and that scares me a great deal.
regret. it the most unuseful emotion and yet its one of the emotions that i feel the most.