weather beaten...
i am really tired....
my grandma died (at age 99, you can't blame her) went home for the funeral, i got a parking ticket, then rex, kev, and i drove up superbowl weekend to Reno because Dino got married- and we somehow survied driiving for hours in a white out blizzard, came back sunday night and didn't sleep so i could write a french paper and study for a midterm, failed the midterm, and then my french teacher told me the grammer in my paper put her through the guillotine (yes she actually said that), took another midterm tuesday, took another midterm wednesday, didn't sleep wednesday night, took another midterm thursday and turned in a paper....
in the mean time, my older brother broke up with his girlfriend of 5 years, Emily. Emily was like family...we went to her house for christmas dinner. It's like there's been a death in the family. So my brother has been avoiding us because he's run off with this new girl he's apparently crazy about and we just don't understand.
I'm trying to figure out how to move back to france for the summer. Money is tight, but i'm going no matter what. I'll be living with Gareth while i'm there which is HUGE, but i'm going out on a limb because the risk is worth it. I'm going to see if i can't find an internship in Lyon while i'm there. I'm stressing about money and commitment, big time...
Oh, and then my sister opened her big fat mouth (which is really strange considering she's one of the most secretive people i know) and told my mom (who might as well lead an anti-smoking campaign) that i smoked while i was in France. To any NORMAL person, a few cigarettes are arbitrary in the big picture that is life, and i could do FAR worse in life than smoking for a few months during a moment of heartbreak and probably one of the most emotionally unstable times in my life. Not once has my mother said anything such as "Stephanie I am proud of you for dropping your self neck deep into a foreign culture, and NOT sinking, but having a damned POOL PARTY" How about a "I'm proud of you for all that you've accomplished and how you've grown over the last 6 months. I commend you on making adult decisions and doing it all so well." Maybe even a "I'm proud of you for rising out of that heartbroken rubble and being stronger than ever before." OF COURSE i would never get such words of encouragement from my mother. Instead i'm the topic of the negative, passive-agressive family gossip, because she thought "she raised a different daughter." Never once has she told me she proud of me for moving to a foreign country, and not only living there, but traveling the globe. My little brother, always with his heart in the right place, tried to defend me and explain the different cigarette culture in France and how heart broken i really was, and she called him ignorant. I am livid. I could be a far worse person....i think i've done pretty damn well with my life! i am livid at my mother. By the way, she doesn' t know that i know that she knows i smoked in france....she's just being cold towards me and probably never plans on telling me why...then she blamed Gareth as a negative influence. GARETH ASKED ME TO STOP SMOKING YOU MAD COW!!! goddam i am upset with her...
i am just so tired and Gareth is just so far...
my grandma died (at age 99, you can't blame her) went home for the funeral, i got a parking ticket, then rex, kev, and i drove up superbowl weekend to Reno because Dino got married- and we somehow survied driiving for hours in a white out blizzard, came back sunday night and didn't sleep so i could write a french paper and study for a midterm, failed the midterm, and then my french teacher told me the grammer in my paper put her through the guillotine (yes she actually said that), took another midterm tuesday, took another midterm wednesday, didn't sleep wednesday night, took another midterm thursday and turned in a paper....
in the mean time, my older brother broke up with his girlfriend of 5 years, Emily. Emily was like family...we went to her house for christmas dinner. It's like there's been a death in the family. So my brother has been avoiding us because he's run off with this new girl he's apparently crazy about and we just don't understand.
I'm trying to figure out how to move back to france for the summer. Money is tight, but i'm going no matter what. I'll be living with Gareth while i'm there which is HUGE, but i'm going out on a limb because the risk is worth it. I'm going to see if i can't find an internship in Lyon while i'm there. I'm stressing about money and commitment, big time...
Oh, and then my sister opened her big fat mouth (which is really strange considering she's one of the most secretive people i know) and told my mom (who might as well lead an anti-smoking campaign) that i smoked while i was in France. To any NORMAL person, a few cigarettes are arbitrary in the big picture that is life, and i could do FAR worse in life than smoking for a few months during a moment of heartbreak and probably one of the most emotionally unstable times in my life. Not once has my mother said anything such as "Stephanie I am proud of you for dropping your self neck deep into a foreign culture, and NOT sinking, but having a damned POOL PARTY" How about a "I'm proud of you for all that you've accomplished and how you've grown over the last 6 months. I commend you on making adult decisions and doing it all so well." Maybe even a "I'm proud of you for rising out of that heartbroken rubble and being stronger than ever before." OF COURSE i would never get such words of encouragement from my mother. Instead i'm the topic of the negative, passive-agressive family gossip, because she thought "she raised a different daughter." Never once has she told me she proud of me for moving to a foreign country, and not only living there, but traveling the globe. My little brother, always with his heart in the right place, tried to defend me and explain the different cigarette culture in France and how heart broken i really was, and she called him ignorant. I am livid. I could be a far worse person....i think i've done pretty damn well with my life! i am livid at my mother. By the way, she doesn' t know that i know that she knows i smoked in france....she's just being cold towards me and probably never plans on telling me why...then she blamed Gareth as a negative influence. GARETH ASKED ME TO STOP SMOKING YOU MAD COW!!! goddam i am upset with her...
i am just so tired and Gareth is just so far...