i don't want to play the broken hearted girl, no.
i think it is safe to say that i have had my fair share of experiences, but that also doesn't mean that i have a bountiful nor wealthy stash of wisdom hidden in every nook and cranny of my pillowcase. i am still ascending this ladder of life, and like the fear of being shipped off to school at the age of three and clawing onto the safe arms of your mother not wanting her to leave you by your vulnerable two feet, i am still unsteady. i am still squinting between the gaps, trying to soothe my heaving heart with every step that brings me higher, and higher from the safety of the ground.
people around me are heading towards. running. no. soaring towards their dreams, ambitions and plans carefully knitted and tenderly sewn, and i. i am still living by the half empty glass, i can't decide my modules let alone go to sleep with a peace of mind watching mental broadcasts of my future, no lights, no camera, no action. a future that is someday going to bring some measure of happiness- just some. what scares me the most is that on a comparative level, i have many more reasons to be thankful for what i have, and i am, but there is a constant anchor, an intangible blackhole that is disregarding everything that keeps me buoyant in this choppy current. so about experiences, i've had some. the first love, the highschool sweetheart, the breakup with the highschool sweetheart, yes, the breakup that still stings like it should, the breakup that hurts and makes you cry a lifetime harder than when motherfucking jack just had to die from frostbite and force rose to pry his ironclad fingers from hers and watch him slip into the motherfucking ocean and drown in the testimony of weird sea creatures and a motherfucking failure of a broken ship. life gives me lessons, i take them, i know them at the tip of my tongue like an overanalysed literature text. but i seem to make nothing of them. at least for now.
what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger? sure.
people around me are heading towards. running. no. soaring towards their dreams, ambitions and plans carefully knitted and tenderly sewn, and i. i am still living by the half empty glass, i can't decide my modules let alone go to sleep with a peace of mind watching mental broadcasts of my future, no lights, no camera, no action. a future that is someday going to bring some measure of happiness- just some. what scares me the most is that on a comparative level, i have many more reasons to be thankful for what i have, and i am, but there is a constant anchor, an intangible blackhole that is disregarding everything that keeps me buoyant in this choppy current. so about experiences, i've had some. the first love, the highschool sweetheart, the breakup with the highschool sweetheart, yes, the breakup that still stings like it should, the breakup that hurts and makes you cry a lifetime harder than when motherfucking jack just had to die from frostbite and force rose to pry his ironclad fingers from hers and watch him slip into the motherfucking ocean and drown in the testimony of weird sea creatures and a motherfucking failure of a broken ship. life gives me lessons, i take them, i know them at the tip of my tongue like an overanalysed literature text. but i seem to make nothing of them. at least for now.
what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger? sure.