(no subject)
Downwards escape only. That's the notice where I stand and smoke, on a fire escape facing another fire escape on a brickwork building, that reminds me more of New York than London. Or at least what I think New York looks like. I lean against the door half of me lit by the makeup table lights, half in the 2am darkness. The stereo plays some generic rnb or dance track. I look in accasionally to check for messages on msn from ops or the tx monitor, regarding technical errors or unacceptable actions or words on air. Nothing doing. I look over the row of stripper shoes lined up on the cupboard next to the makeup table. Platform high heels, red, white, black, vinyl thigh high platform stiletto boots.
The rolly flies into the bucket like a tiny shooting star. Up the steps I go, while the smoke leaves my nostrils and trails behind me after sweeping across either side of my face. The music blends with the sound of women moaning, groaning, talking dirty, faking orgasms. I am surrounded by them, these seminaked beauties, grinding and gyrating on my monitors, and on the other side of my gallery ,there they are.
I can't recall the precise moment all this got boring. But it did. No woman can remain attractive, no matter how beautiful, when placed under intense lights for hours. No matter how many outfits they change, how much filth comes out their mouth there is no mystery left. It's a sad state of affairs when I derive more pleasure from lolcat websites than the glamour models.
I'm on shift 7 of 9 straight. I feel exhausted. £165. I keep repeating in my head, £165. That's my food for a month at home. It's most of my nights out in a month. It's all my travel expenses for a month. It's the price of a plane ticket to Greece (off season). It's at least 2 days of holiday expenses. That's why I'm here at 2am. So I can save it all up and move back after 6-7 years.
If things go well with Rena I'm returning to Greece in the spring. Probably Athens. Otherwise I might delay it.
Hairspray, ladies' deodorant, makeup and booze. That's what I smell around me, with the occasional waft of cigarette smoke from the fire escape. And my coffee. It's just three more hours and I can go home. Sit at my computer. Watch whatever series it is I'm watching this month till I'm stoned enough to fall asleep.
In the midst of all this I remember I'm in love sometimes. It's just the strain that's getting me down. Not seeing Rena more than once a month. Not being able to sleep unless it's light. But when we speak I'm happy.
2 more nights. Then 3 off. Then 8 on. And then comes my holiday. I hope the island is dry and rocky. Like the island I remember from childhood, Sikinos. Daniel is going there this year. Last time either of us went was a family trip back when we took family trips.
I hope that's what it's like on Tilos. Dry. Hot. Deadly quiet after lunchtime.
For now I'm here. Bathrobes, fake eyelashes, fake tits, fake smiles, fake orgasms, real orgasms, bad music, hot coffee, 3,2,1 mics live, mics down, good calls, good sale, graph is up, split screen, option number 1, michelle moist, lolly badcock, kinky camilla your trouser thriller and other such things.
It's already 3am. I'll roll another smoke and stand outside. The black will turn blue soon. And after that all the men will stand outside, smoke and debrief after the show. They sit on the steps, their backs to the sign, downwards escape only.
Posted via LiveJournal.app.