ancient age
one week left in columbus.
half moved, half packed, half ready to go. half-hearted.
6 months in massachusetts. i feel like i'm sentencing myself to something. last time around, i was dying to get back to familiar faces. to do anything, work any job as long as i was within reach of close friends and family; spend time doing the things that mattered and cared about. i feel like i've lost sight of a lot of things though. i look at my calendar and all i see are work schedules, paydays and bills due. i try to fit as much other stuff in as i can. it's hard to make my way to any of it though. it's been hard, pieces start to feel like they finally fit once you decide to make the change. this happens every time though. i just can't keep this up. can't keep passing this burden onto my family. it's smothering. i think of it as i swam until i couldn't see land, and now i'm out in the middle of it, treading water.
but i am looking forward to the work, it's something i really feel a connection to and care about. i'm looking forward to the ocean, to the bike rides, to reading books. i dont want to feel like i dont know what to do with myself if i'm not working - i'm tired of that.
half moved, half packed, half ready to go. half-hearted.
6 months in massachusetts. i feel like i'm sentencing myself to something. last time around, i was dying to get back to familiar faces. to do anything, work any job as long as i was within reach of close friends and family; spend time doing the things that mattered and cared about. i feel like i've lost sight of a lot of things though. i look at my calendar and all i see are work schedules, paydays and bills due. i try to fit as much other stuff in as i can. it's hard to make my way to any of it though. it's been hard, pieces start to feel like they finally fit once you decide to make the change. this happens every time though. i just can't keep this up. can't keep passing this burden onto my family. it's smothering. i think of it as i swam until i couldn't see land, and now i'm out in the middle of it, treading water.
but i am looking forward to the work, it's something i really feel a connection to and care about. i'm looking forward to the ocean, to the bike rides, to reading books. i dont want to feel like i dont know what to do with myself if i'm not working - i'm tired of that.