only drowning men could see him
It's raining today, which emphasized my hunger and tiredness earlier but now just makes belle and sebastian sound even cozier than usual.
I'm filling out job applications. The real world makes me so nervous.
I got an A- on my Proust/Freud paper. It makes me feel a little (a lot) better about this whole college deal. I'm reminding myself, today, that my goal for this semester was to write a good paper for that class, and I think that I managed to do it. That has to mean something.
But it doesn't yet mean something enough to stop me from wondering, obsessing, stressing.
The other day I was talking about friends from home, and a friend here (an o so wise sophomore) said, 'someday, you'll have to cut the cord.' I've never cut any cords before, not really. I don't know if I ever really understood how easily they could fray.
I can't quite put a finger on how I was before I came here, and how a lot of those relationships worked.
The middle part of 'To the Lighthouse' is what I am constantly afraid of. I don't know how people are ever not afraid.
And to finish this, let me say it again, not as justification but as reminder: I am not unhappy, really. I am just very tired. I love you, but don't ask me what that means. It's not a word that I've thought about a lot recently, and it surprises me that I wanted to write that.
On to philosophy reading.
I'm filling out job applications. The real world makes me so nervous.
I got an A- on my Proust/Freud paper. It makes me feel a little (a lot) better about this whole college deal. I'm reminding myself, today, that my goal for this semester was to write a good paper for that class, and I think that I managed to do it. That has to mean something.
But it doesn't yet mean something enough to stop me from wondering, obsessing, stressing.
The other day I was talking about friends from home, and a friend here (an o so wise sophomore) said, 'someday, you'll have to cut the cord.' I've never cut any cords before, not really. I don't know if I ever really understood how easily they could fray.
I can't quite put a finger on how I was before I came here, and how a lot of those relationships worked.
The middle part of 'To the Lighthouse' is what I am constantly afraid of. I don't know how people are ever not afraid.
And to finish this, let me say it again, not as justification but as reminder: I am not unhappy, really. I am just very tired. I love you, but don't ask me what that means. It's not a word that I've thought about a lot recently, and it surprises me that I wanted to write that.
On to philosophy reading.