I know what I want.
But without any outside assistance, it's going to be difficult to attain. I might as well give up without having truly started, because it's too difficult. Besides, he's got his plate full. I wouldn't want him to have to worry about me instead of enjoying his own happiness. The last time that happened, the guilt was too unbearable and just made everything worse.
It just sucks that everything (or everyone) I might want to pursue has already been taken or at least claimed by someone else. And having to pick from and forage among the leftovers is something I don't want to have to stoop to doing.
Why can't I just be happy with what I have? Why do I have to be always striving for these unreachable ideals? I know I'm never going to reach them, yet I continue to try...in frustra.
What is wrong with me? I should be well satisfied enough with my current situation; it verges on the enviable, and yet I envy others. I don't think I'm jealous of them as people; rather, I'm jealous of what they might have in their possession.
Fuck it all.
It just sucks that everything (or everyone) I might want to pursue has already been taken or at least claimed by someone else. And having to pick from and forage among the leftovers is something I don't want to have to stoop to doing.
Why can't I just be happy with what I have? Why do I have to be always striving for these unreachable ideals? I know I'm never going to reach them, yet I continue to try...in frustra.
What is wrong with me? I should be well satisfied enough with my current situation; it verges on the enviable, and yet I envy others. I don't think I'm jealous of them as people; rather, I'm jealous of what they might have in their possession.
Fuck it all.