The Curious Incident of Cats Being Weird Pt.1
So last night I morphed into a cat. I was at Sean's place in Hollywood and we had downed a couple pints of red stripe and the idea dawned on me. I put out my cigarette, as did he, and he trailed me into his living room for the transformation. Sean wanted to morph as well, but a problem arose when we realized that Sean didn't know how to Animorph. I on the other hand did know how to Animorph. I took one last swill of my beer and began to shrink and mold my body structure. Then I was a cat. This was my first time morphing into anything, so I guess it was weird, but it was also exciting so I just went with it. Sean thought it was impressive at first, but we were watching a Tom Hanks' movie so the initial excitement wore off and he went back to the film. Since I was a cat now I tried out some cat calisthenics. I jumped on the couch a bit and scratched on the floor. Looked for bugs. Then I curled up on the couch for a bit to watch the end of Terminal starring Tom Hanks. I Couldn't sit still for long so I went to the front door and asked Sean if he would let me out. I don't know if I was meowing or speaking because I thought I was talking normally, but you and I both know cats don't talk. Either way Sean let me out and I went out for a night on the town. The first thing I noticed was that I could see in the dark. It didn't look like night vision goggles, it was more like I had the ability to just see in the dark. I hopped his fence, and thought about how cool my fur coat was. I kinda felt like Cam'ron.
My fur was brown though. I trotted over to El Centro Ave. and thought about how dirty his alleyway was. Ah, what luck, another cat there under a car! I moseyed over to this other cat because he seemed friendly enough just chilling there underneath a Honda Accord. " Hello friend," I said as I ducked under the front bumper. " Just chewing through this fuel line " he replied. "Why in your meek feline mind would you do that my friend?" I asked. At this he slowly started to eye me funny and walk backwards away from the car. Once turned around he booked it flat out and shot through a hole in the wall of Jimmy's Lounge. It was at this moment I realized something about cats. Cats run on fuel as cars do. Cats have a little motor in them. That's what the sound is when they purr. Of course! But then I thought about indoor cats, and what gives them the energy they need to battle flies and climb in and out of clothes hampers. Then I realized that they eat freon from refrigerators. That's why they always hide around them. Besides most indoor cats don't use much energy anyways. I also remembered that cats have a real knack for Spectroscopy (which we all already know because of the whole seeing in the dark thing) that gives them the ability to find rust before it oxidizes. So in the case of not finding any freon or gasoline the little bastards consume Fe2O3·nH2O iron or aluminum during oxidization and have some strange process of using this as fuel. In doing so they gain an unseen passivation layer around their skin which protects them from high falls, long leaps, and other rough and tumble moments. This being why some say they have nine lives. If only they knew they had a constant corrosion busting aluminum oxide layer. Talk about metal heads. I laughed at that last night when I thought of that. Knowing all this now I became very curious of what these weirdos do all the time so I decided to follow the black furry friend that escaped me moments before. I wasn't scared because, if it became physical with me I could always turn back into a human and scare the bejeezus out of him. So off I went into the vast underworld of cats, on a mission to report back to Sean Mackeyos, and the world about what these odd little nine life having fucks do at night.
TOB EB OCNINTUED!!!!!!!!!!
My fur was brown though. I trotted over to El Centro Ave. and thought about how dirty his alleyway was. Ah, what luck, another cat there under a car! I moseyed over to this other cat because he seemed friendly enough just chilling there underneath a Honda Accord. " Hello friend," I said as I ducked under the front bumper. " Just chewing through this fuel line " he replied. "Why in your meek feline mind would you do that my friend?" I asked. At this he slowly started to eye me funny and walk backwards away from the car. Once turned around he booked it flat out and shot through a hole in the wall of Jimmy's Lounge. It was at this moment I realized something about cats. Cats run on fuel as cars do. Cats have a little motor in them. That's what the sound is when they purr. Of course! But then I thought about indoor cats, and what gives them the energy they need to battle flies and climb in and out of clothes hampers. Then I realized that they eat freon from refrigerators. That's why they always hide around them. Besides most indoor cats don't use much energy anyways. I also remembered that cats have a real knack for Spectroscopy (which we all already know because of the whole seeing in the dark thing) that gives them the ability to find rust before it oxidizes. So in the case of not finding any freon or gasoline the little bastards consume Fe2O3·nH2O iron or aluminum during oxidization and have some strange process of using this as fuel. In doing so they gain an unseen passivation layer around their skin which protects them from high falls, long leaps, and other rough and tumble moments. This being why some say they have nine lives. If only they knew they had a constant corrosion busting aluminum oxide layer. Talk about metal heads. I laughed at that last night when I thought of that. Knowing all this now I became very curious of what these weirdos do all the time so I decided to follow the black furry friend that escaped me moments before. I wasn't scared because, if it became physical with me I could always turn back into a human and scare the bejeezus out of him. So off I went into the vast underworld of cats, on a mission to report back to Sean Mackeyos, and the world about what these odd little nine life having fucks do at night.
TOB EB OCNINTUED!!!!!!!!!!