(no subject)
Wow... Well I haven't updated in probably a year.
No one reads this anyway so who really gives a fuck.
This is my life.
I was dating the girl of my dreams for over two years, and it was the best two years of my life. We had fun together, and I loved her more than I've ever loved anybody in the world. Well we recently broke up. here's why.
1. She didn't like the fact that we couldn't see each other and couldn't wait to get my licence.
2. She needed a cool-down break.
OK, I can deal with that. You see, I am a pretty emo guy even though if I thought that anyone would read this I would never admit it. When I say I love this girl, I really mean it. I would rather make myself live in misery than see her unhappy, which is unfortunately what is happening. She decided to take a break so I went along with it with the thought that we would get back together. Now she is really happy alone and I can't even cope with the fact that I can't be with her. I can't talk to her the way I used to, I can't hold her in my arms or kiss her even though people are looking or tell her the ways we could have sex or let her cry in my lap or listen to her when she had a bad day. I'm sorry but I really can't deal with this.
This is all old news, though.
What happened today was that she found out how I really felt about this break. And this is why I'm confused. I don't know what she wants any more. Would I have a better chance of getting back together if I pretended not to be so bent out of shape about it? Would she like me to say that I'm ok with it, that this break is the best thing to ever happen to us, or how amazing it is to have no stress and total freedom?
Or would she rather hear me say that every day that I can't kiss her is like another part of me gone, the hole getting wider and my misery growing stronger? Or that since this happened I've felt like I have been watching everything happen from the 3rd person? Or maybe that I'm just stupid enough to think that she was the one for me, the one that I was meant to be with through thick and thin, and the girl that I actually wanted to MARRY?
I don't know what would make her understand. I can't say ANYTHING right now because she is happy, and that is exactly what I want. It just sucks that while I am happy for her, I feel abandoned. What if she starts to see other people? What if we never get back together? I just need to find some way to let her know how I feel without making her feel bad.
So what the fuck.
I am damned confused over everything. And I feel bad because she is really really happy right now. I'm not gonna ruin it for her. So I probably won't tell her about this entry.
No one reads this anyway so who really gives a fuck.
This is my life.
I was dating the girl of my dreams for over two years, and it was the best two years of my life. We had fun together, and I loved her more than I've ever loved anybody in the world. Well we recently broke up. here's why.
1. She didn't like the fact that we couldn't see each other and couldn't wait to get my licence.
2. She needed a cool-down break.
OK, I can deal with that. You see, I am a pretty emo guy even though if I thought that anyone would read this I would never admit it. When I say I love this girl, I really mean it. I would rather make myself live in misery than see her unhappy, which is unfortunately what is happening. She decided to take a break so I went along with it with the thought that we would get back together. Now she is really happy alone and I can't even cope with the fact that I can't be with her. I can't talk to her the way I used to, I can't hold her in my arms or kiss her even though people are looking or tell her the ways we could have sex or let her cry in my lap or listen to her when she had a bad day. I'm sorry but I really can't deal with this.
This is all old news, though.
What happened today was that she found out how I really felt about this break. And this is why I'm confused. I don't know what she wants any more. Would I have a better chance of getting back together if I pretended not to be so bent out of shape about it? Would she like me to say that I'm ok with it, that this break is the best thing to ever happen to us, or how amazing it is to have no stress and total freedom?
Or would she rather hear me say that every day that I can't kiss her is like another part of me gone, the hole getting wider and my misery growing stronger? Or that since this happened I've felt like I have been watching everything happen from the 3rd person? Or maybe that I'm just stupid enough to think that she was the one for me, the one that I was meant to be with through thick and thin, and the girl that I actually wanted to MARRY?
I don't know what would make her understand. I can't say ANYTHING right now because she is happy, and that is exactly what I want. It just sucks that while I am happy for her, I feel abandoned. What if she starts to see other people? What if we never get back together? I just need to find some way to let her know how I feel without making her feel bad.
So what the fuck.
I am damned confused over everything. And I feel bad because she is really really happy right now. I'm not gonna ruin it for her. So I probably won't tell her about this entry.