we just disagree
i am finding that the more i learn and develop a workable theory on how the world works and living life the more i disagree with everyone. hanging out with the family was just depressing. is the pursuit of knowledge really worth this isolation? I can only know what i know, the more i study pol sci, philosophy, psychology etc the more confident i become in my knowledge but the more isolated I become. is developing a moral character such a bad thing? or educating myself about how a system works detrimental? everyone wants easy emotional answers. everyone wants their immediate satisfaction i have a strong character i know and i confess to being thoroughly ignorant on knowing if my method is the best... but it feels like it should be. Seems my best buddy is loneliness. it is not about being right, its about being consistent and non-hypocritical. i believe in the social contract. I believe that modern liberalism causes mediocrity and distrust. I believe in true knowledge. it can be agreed upon through inquiry. but no one wants to thoroughly think through their theories it seems. I can accept knowing what it is i don't know, but i don't do so out of emotion i do so out of analysis. i am always reevaluating but i do not sabotage the path i walk. theories are not linear, they are like a structure with many working parts. the strength of any structure starts with a base and builds on top of it. their is a gravity for knowledge. we cannot see it but we know its there when we find that there are boundaries to our ideas that we must work inside of. You cant just take a bunch of brick and mortar stir it around and expect a house to come out, neither can you with ideas. we are not "free" in the ultimate sense.there is consequence and we cannot avoid it anymore than a thrown object cannot avoid falling back to the ground. If we are to ever evolve we need to recognize our boundaries and build the strongest structures within them. It is ironic that those who maintain the structure of our environment are never appreciated. One must forgo the desire for affirmation to build something great. That will be the greatest lesson i need to learn.If I am to live up to my potential and responsibility as a leader I must practice what I preach. If I fail I let down everyone who will never know or care about my pursuits. But the knowledge that it will never be appreciated should not prevent me from trying and someday succeeding. With ww3 on the horizon who knows what is in store for humanity., all I know is that the realization of our predicament is what grants me the responsibility to act. Just as it does for everyone else. I know now that I do not and will not ever make the rules, I am bound to them as the rest of society is. But knowing what those rules are will distinguish me. As a brilliant woman said years ago, I need to prove to myself that I am for real. I need to learn to love myself. Just the memory of her is enough to know it can be done. As the song goes, dreams last so long - even after your gone. I can understand why now. The continued presence of one is not necessary for you to learn from them. She served her purpose over 6 years ago and I am still trying to fulfill this dream. For fulfillment I must work within the boundaries given to me. Maybe thats what it means to "let it be"