It's not ok, nothing is.
Hey LJ, long time no see, but it's ok 'cause I'm back now. NO! It's really not ok, nothing is. I had no right to neglect my journal, or myself the way I have been.
Oh my God, what the hell am I doing with my life? Why am I living, working, and breathing for other people constantly?! I can't believe I've been so blind for so long. And no, this isn't directed at any one person for anything, it's directed at the only person I have to blame; myself.
I'm sick of always putting other peoples feelings before my own. What none of the people around me realize is how much I hold back, how much I don't tell people. Most people that know me will say I'm a very sweet person, and what separates me from everyone else is that I actually take the time to figure out peoples intentions. I'm a very understanding person because when someone does something I don't agree with...rather than get mad..I think about it and ask myself "Why?". What people don't realize is that when I say things like "I understand", that doesn't mean "No hard feelings", or that I'm okay with what you're doing. When I say, "It's ok, I understand", I'm being torn apart on the inside at that point. That's normally the last thing I'll say on a subject that's hurt my feelings, then it gets bottled up inside. People are too blind to realize that, at this point, I'm lying through my teeth. I'm done putting other peoples feelings before my own. I'm done holding mine back to make sure I don't hurt those of someone else...
I can't remember the last time I ever did something for MYSELF. I'm constantly helping other people, and don't get me wrong, I'm glad I can help... I just can't keep giving and giving till I have nothing left for myself... This is draining me. It's sucking the life out of me because the people I'm helping are people who wont be there to help me when I need it... I know they love me, and would help if they can, but everyone I know is depending on me for something. When I fall, so do they, there wont be anyone there to pick me up off the ground...and I know this for a fact.
Yeah, times are fucking hard, and believe me, we haven't even seen the worst of it yet.... This is going to get really fucking bad, and I may sound like a selfish bitch right now, but I want to start living my life for myself before it does. FUCK EVERYONE ELSE! I'm done trying to please everyone. We're all running out of time, our lives are on the verge of changing forever. This entire generation is going to get the biggest fucking culture shock ever, and before it does, I'm going to live my life the way I want to. SO, I don't care what anyone has to say about any of this, but this year I'm getting a tattoo. I'm getting my tongue pierced. I'm going to save some fucking money and get myself a car. And I AM going to the Gathering next year, even if I have to fucking walk there.
Oh my God, what the hell am I doing with my life? Why am I living, working, and breathing for other people constantly?! I can't believe I've been so blind for so long. And no, this isn't directed at any one person for anything, it's directed at the only person I have to blame; myself.
I'm sick of always putting other peoples feelings before my own. What none of the people around me realize is how much I hold back, how much I don't tell people. Most people that know me will say I'm a very sweet person, and what separates me from everyone else is that I actually take the time to figure out peoples intentions. I'm a very understanding person because when someone does something I don't agree with...rather than get mad..I think about it and ask myself "Why?". What people don't realize is that when I say things like "I understand", that doesn't mean "No hard feelings", or that I'm okay with what you're doing. When I say, "It's ok, I understand", I'm being torn apart on the inside at that point. That's normally the last thing I'll say on a subject that's hurt my feelings, then it gets bottled up inside. People are too blind to realize that, at this point, I'm lying through my teeth. I'm done putting other peoples feelings before my own. I'm done holding mine back to make sure I don't hurt those of someone else...
I can't remember the last time I ever did something for MYSELF. I'm constantly helping other people, and don't get me wrong, I'm glad I can help... I just can't keep giving and giving till I have nothing left for myself... This is draining me. It's sucking the life out of me because the people I'm helping are people who wont be there to help me when I need it... I know they love me, and would help if they can, but everyone I know is depending on me for something. When I fall, so do they, there wont be anyone there to pick me up off the ground...and I know this for a fact.
Yeah, times are fucking hard, and believe me, we haven't even seen the worst of it yet.... This is going to get really fucking bad, and I may sound like a selfish bitch right now, but I want to start living my life for myself before it does. FUCK EVERYONE ELSE! I'm done trying to please everyone. We're all running out of time, our lives are on the verge of changing forever. This entire generation is going to get the biggest fucking culture shock ever, and before it does, I'm going to live my life the way I want to. SO, I don't care what anyone has to say about any of this, but this year I'm getting a tattoo. I'm getting my tongue pierced. I'm going to save some fucking money and get myself a car. And I AM going to the Gathering next year, even if I have to fucking walk there.