Walgreen's and other necessary things...
Usually I like shopping at Walgreens, CVS, Rite Aid, Eckers, Sav-On and the Thrifty White Pharmacy. I mean what’s not to like? The place is filled with useless medications, lipsticks, hair dyes, condoms, celebrity magazines, itchy foot powders, vitamins and cold drinks. I mean DRINKS. Every time I walk through the drink aisle I am overcome with desire to buy the latest energy drink in whatever long, skinny can that sort of looks like a silver dildo. I don’t really understand what that says about me, but the only reason I never buy those drinks is because the description of their flavor totally puts me off: echinachea and citrus. I’ll stick with Diet Coke and Alka Seltzer.
I was in my new favorite Walgreens on Lake and LaSalle this afternoon searching for a few totally unecessary-necessary items:
-Pink-tinted chapstick
-Sharpie pens
-Aloe Supplements
-a Thank-You card
-Luna bar
&
-The News of the Weird Newspaper ( I dig the Bigfoot Crossword puzzle, it’s gigantic and easy, take it as you will.)
Trying to purchase a simple, but classy Thank You card is impossible in a place like Walgreens. There is the Shoebox collection filled with puns and animals doing human-like things. Dogs standing around a park with a fire hydrant in the distance, “Guess I better get back to the office.” Or, the ones by a more traditional Hallmark that is dripping with rose petals and babies holding puppies, stating things like, “I am a whole person because of you. Thank you for existing in my universe.” I am not going to send an ex-employer a card with babies, animals, flowers or children making goo-goo eyes at one another. While standing in the aisle I had my head phones on, (Truthfully, I always have my headphones on when I am alone, it’s a self-preservation kind of habit.) when this youngish guy stands in front of me talking. It was puzzling at first because suddenly there was this pimpled kid standing in front me singing along to Destiny’s Child “Soldier”.
“Wha??”
I pull out one of my ear phones and the music comes blaring out.
“Oh...Hey, uh...do you know where the batteries are?”
“What?”
He looks down at his shoes for second then puts his hands in his pocket.
“Uh, I, uh am, uh, looking for some double DD’s.”
I look around for a second. I have to pull out the other ear phone in my ear because I am totally fucking confused. Batteries?
“You want double DD batteries?”
He shuffles back a bit and attempts to lean on the card case.
“Shit, don’t do that!” I reach over to him quickly and try to pull on his black sweat shirt, but it’s too late. He’s just knocked over the “Sympathy” in the Christian section.
“Ah shit!”
His face is crimson and immediately I feel bad for him. I mean this kid couldn’t be more then 17 or 18 years old. Whatever mockery I was just about to lay into him has gone and been replaced with a female need to make-it-all-better. I lean down next to him and start picking up the cards.
“Wow, you sure know what section needs to be jostled.” I say.
“Harumph....yea...m’bad.”
I take a quick glance over to him and notice that he is barely picking up the cards, instead he is staring down my shirt. Unfuckingbelieveable.
“Uh, hey, need a little help here.”
I look him directly in the eyes. He looks at me sort of smiles and looks back down at my breasts.
“Double DD!”
Fucking unecessary-necessary things in my life happen everyday. Hope you got a good look kid, because after I stopped laughing I knew a new shade of red on your face.
I was in my new favorite Walgreens on Lake and LaSalle this afternoon searching for a few totally unecessary-necessary items:
-Pink-tinted chapstick
-Sharpie pens
-Aloe Supplements
-a Thank-You card
-Luna bar
&
-The News of the Weird Newspaper ( I dig the Bigfoot Crossword puzzle, it’s gigantic and easy, take it as you will.)
Trying to purchase a simple, but classy Thank You card is impossible in a place like Walgreens. There is the Shoebox collection filled with puns and animals doing human-like things. Dogs standing around a park with a fire hydrant in the distance, “Guess I better get back to the office.” Or, the ones by a more traditional Hallmark that is dripping with rose petals and babies holding puppies, stating things like, “I am a whole person because of you. Thank you for existing in my universe.” I am not going to send an ex-employer a card with babies, animals, flowers or children making goo-goo eyes at one another. While standing in the aisle I had my head phones on, (Truthfully, I always have my headphones on when I am alone, it’s a self-preservation kind of habit.) when this youngish guy stands in front of me talking. It was puzzling at first because suddenly there was this pimpled kid standing in front me singing along to Destiny’s Child “Soldier”.
“Wha??”
I pull out one of my ear phones and the music comes blaring out.
“Oh...Hey, uh...do you know where the batteries are?”
“What?”
He looks down at his shoes for second then puts his hands in his pocket.
“Uh, I, uh am, uh, looking for some double DD’s.”
I look around for a second. I have to pull out the other ear phone in my ear because I am totally fucking confused. Batteries?
“You want double DD batteries?”
He shuffles back a bit and attempts to lean on the card case.
“Shit, don’t do that!” I reach over to him quickly and try to pull on his black sweat shirt, but it’s too late. He’s just knocked over the “Sympathy” in the Christian section.
“Ah shit!”
His face is crimson and immediately I feel bad for him. I mean this kid couldn’t be more then 17 or 18 years old. Whatever mockery I was just about to lay into him has gone and been replaced with a female need to make-it-all-better. I lean down next to him and start picking up the cards.
“Wow, you sure know what section needs to be jostled.” I say.
“Harumph....yea...m’bad.”
I take a quick glance over to him and notice that he is barely picking up the cards, instead he is staring down my shirt. Unfuckingbelieveable.
“Uh, hey, need a little help here.”
I look him directly in the eyes. He looks at me sort of smiles and looks back down at my breasts.
“Double DD!”
Fucking unecessary-necessary things in my life happen everyday. Hope you got a good look kid, because after I stopped laughing I knew a new shade of red on your face.