Final Gift for holly96
Fic: Internal Affairs, (Veronica/Logan, Keith), PG-13, 1/1
Author: jacedesbff
Pairing/Character: Veronica/Logan, Keith
Word Count: 7,711
Rating: PG-13 for mild swearing and fairly chaste inner monologues about sex
Summary: Overcoming past hurt requires a lot of internal reflection. Parts from each character's POV.
Spoilers: Familiarity with the series is necessary in order to appreciate just about anything herein.
Disclaimer: They’re not mine. This is a vm_santa present and is not intended for any material gain.
Author’s Note: It’s been forever since I sat down and really wrote, and the thing that helped me get going was that you (holly96) had a very detailed request post (thanks!) [Specifically, Keith’s feelings towards Logan and the time period in which this takes place are what jumped out at me.] Indeed, your request provided the plot bunny and impetus for this entire thing, so it’s very much customized for you. :-) Which means of course that it is all your fault that what I planned on being a 1,500-2000 word fic became a mini-opus. LOL Clearly the story took on a life of its own. :D Merry Christmas and I hope you enjoy!
Sincerest thanks to my unused-as-of-late beta, candlewaxdreams, who has never stopped encouraging me to do this and who assured me that yes, people really would want to read it if I wrote something else. : - )
Keith listened to the argument-well, the intense discussion-in the other room with a heavy heart.
”Did you even think about me?” demanded Piz.
“What? Should I have?” Veronica shot in return.
“Of course you should! That’s what boyfriends and girlfriends do, Veronica!” Piz’s voice rose and the easy-going young man was shouting. “They think about each other when making important life decisions! I would think that you of all people would know that, but apparently not.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
There was a pause before Piz continued in a somewhat quieter tone.
“Isn’t that why Logan broke up with you? Because you didn’t need him? You didn’t confide in him? Consider him in your decisions?”
Veronica was stunned. “How dare you.”
“I hoped it would be different.” Piz didn’t sound angry anymore. His voice was almost reflective and he seemed to be acknowledging the truth to himself for the first time. “I thought maybe your past with Logan made you not trust him, right? We all have our issues.” Pause. “But you don’t let anyone in, no matter how much they care about you. You really can’t process how to truly integrate them into your life.”
“Piz, come on-“
“No. No, don’t.” Her boyfriend cut her off. “I’ve known for awhile. I’ve just put it off. I kept hoping you’d suddenly need me, want me to be involved in your life, but you…” Piz’s voice did a 180. He took on a business-like tone completely at odds with the discussion at hand.
“The head of the University of Oregon radio station heard my show. They’ve offered me a scholarship to transfer there. It’s a bigger station, more exposure, closer to my parents. I hadn’t made up my mind-“ His voice faltered but was strong again when he continued. “I’m going to accept. After classes end on Friday, I’m going home for good.”
“How long have you known about this?” Veronica asked.
“A couple of weeks.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you include me?” Veronica’s voice dripped with sarcasm.
“I wasn’t sure you’d care,” Piz answered softly. “Goodbye, Veronica. I wish you the best.”
Keith heard the front door open and shut followed by his daughter’s labored breathing as she struggled not to cry. He heard her cross the small apartment to her room and slam the door behind her. The private eye stopped listening at that point, wanting to afford his daughter privacy even if she didn’t know she was in need of it.
Keith walked to his bed and sat down, feeling decades older than his middle-aged years. He knew he was largely responsible for Veronica’s closed-off emotional state. More than just the divorce had been his acquiescence in allowing his impressionable teenage daughter to help him catch adulterers, thieves and liars. Her view of the world had been permanently warped, that much was obvious.
What could he do? What would Veronica let him do? Keith thought back over his daughter’s life, trying to figure out when she had been genuinely happy.
Her childhood, obviously, when she still believed in Santa, fairies and the goodness of human kind. When Lilly was alive and she was with Duncan. When she was with Logan the first time, before she had accused him of murder, not that summer when Logan acted out. The first part of her senior year when she was seeing Duncan. Right. Veronica might have been happy, but Keith still thought of that period with bitterness, it having led to the only time in their lives when his daughter had willfully deceived him on a major scale. Moving on.
Her freshman year while she and Logan were together and her professor had recognized her gifts, before all of the death and intrigue had overshadowed everything, before Logan had broken up with her for the same reasons Piz had. Had she really been happy at any time after that? The short time she and Logan had gotten back together, Keith supposed, before Veronica found out that her boyfriend had slept with Madison Sinclair during their off-period.
Keith knew that all of the rules said he should be on his daughter’s side, that as Veronica’s father he wasn’t supposed to excuse what Logan had done. He also knew that her rape was a much more significant factor in his daughter’s internal make-up than anyone gave it credit for. Keith recognized that Madison Sinclair’s involvement in his daughter’s violation had been tangential and that the ‘09er hadn’t known that the drink was laced with GHB. More than anything, it was the rich bitch’s spoiled, selfish attitude that clung so viciously to his daughter’s psyche.
In the final analysis, Keith was with Logan on this one. Veronica’s issues were responsible for their final break-up more than Logan’s indiscretions. Keith sighed. Did it really matter, anyway? From everything he had witnessed, Veronica would have found something else, some other flimsy reason to break it off with Logan, anyway. Frankly, the boy loved her too much and his daughter was too filled with distrust of the world from her detective work and bitterness about her rape to allow anyone to feel that way about her.
Even so, in terms of the men in his daughter’s life, Logan and Duncan had made Veronica happy. Duncan, of course, was not an option. And Logan? If anyone could love his daughter enough to help her heal, wouldn’t it be Logan? Keith knew without a doubt that Logan loved his little girl beyond all reason and that when push came to shove, he probably always would.
Aside from her romantic entanglements, what had made his emotionally battered daughter happy? Her friendship with Wallace and later with Mac. Getting into Stanford (dashed by the inability to afford it.) Professor Landry’s enthusiasm for her talents (before his foray into illegal activities and prison.) Scoring the internship with the FBI (that had then so angered Piz, as it would necessitate Veronica’s being in Washington, D.C. all summer.) Did everything that made his daughter happy really become tainted?
Solving cases. That made his daughter happy, at least in the short term, and that wasn’t spoiled.
Her relationship with her father.
Back-up.
Collectively, then, the list of things that made Veronica Mars happy read as follows: her father, her few close friends, her dog, her intellectual abilities and the opportunities that arose from them, and the only two boys she had ever really loved, although the latter had always ended in some form of heartbreak.
Keith sighed. He could support her in her intellectual endeavors and opportunities, and he could seek out more opportunities to do daddy-daughter things-movie nights, putt-putt, things like that, although he wished they could afford for her to live in the dorms and truly experience college life. Given some of her campus experiences, however, maybe it was for the best.
But Keith wanted his daughter to love and be loved. He had seen how deeply happy that could make her. As a father, though, was there anything he could-or even should-do about that?
Keith sighed. First of all, he wasn’t a matchmaker. Second, the most likely candidate was Logan Echolls, owner aplenty of troubles of his own. As long as he was being honest with himself, though, Keith had to admit that Logan had come a very long way since Neptune High.
While by no means perfect, the young man had settled down a considerable amount, tackling both school and his infamy with maturity and determination. What Keith didn’t know much about was what Logan had done since breaking up with Veronica the last time. He vaguely recalled that Logan had dated Mac’s roommate, a vivacious blonde named Parker, but he knew it hadn’t lasted long. Keith’s guess is that Logan’s heart had yet to move on from Veronica, certainly his attack on Piz after the whole sex tape thing indicated that much.
Keith wondered-could Logan and Veronica heal each other? Again, wasn’t it inappropriate for him to even contemplate this? Were the two young people better moving on from where they were, each on their own, Keith forever minding his own business and staying out of it?
But how could Keith stand by and watch his daughter destroy any chance of happiness in relationships? What if there was even a possibility that he could help? Logan loved Veronica enough to work through her issues, if only Veronica would let him. Keith smiled sadly. That was the real crux of the matter, wasn’t it? His daughter had to be willing to change, had to want to change, and Keith of all people knew that Veronica was one of the most stubborn people alive. How could he possibly help her with that?
He couldn’t.
But maybe…maybe he could help Logan. Maybe he could help Logan in a way that he couldn’t help his own child.
All of this reflection had brought to mind the fact that both Keith and Veronica owed Logan for the things that the boy had done for them over the years. What if…somehow, some way, Keith could help someone else’s child who had been wounded by the Mars family? Would that make up for what he couldn’t do internally?
Keith shook his head as though clearing cobwebs out of his brain. What was he thinking? Undoubtedly Logan Echolls was living his life just fine. He almost certainly did not need to be saved by Keith Mars, father of his on- and off-again girlfriend.
Talk about an old man out of touch with reality.
Keith reached down to take off his shoes. Having acknowledged that he was powerless to help anyone or anything, it was time to hug his daughter good night and seek the oblivion of sleep.
~
What the hell had he been thinking? Keith asked himself yet again as he sat uncertainly in Judge Stephenson’s courtroom.
The night before, Veronica informed her father that Logan had been arrested for public intoxication a few weeks ago, having been stopped by one of Neptune’s finest as he urinated on the side of a Burger King and that today was his hearing.
The resignation in Veronica’s voice tore at Keith’s heart. It was such a stupid thing to be arrested for, but given Logan’s prior arrest (an assault committed solely to avenge an attack on Veronica, no less), there was a chance that Logan might end up doing some time, however minimal.
Over the past few months, the idea had solidified in Keith’s mind that he and Veronica came out of their association with Logan Echolls on the owing side. Temper and occasional stupidity aside, Logan had been there for both Keith and his daughter on numerous occasions and they had never really repaid his loyalty. The now-glaring unevenness of the relationship made a man as inherently just as Keith Mars uncomfortable. He now longed to rebalance the scales.
He had to wonder, though, if it was right to try or if he would simply be doing more damage to everyone involved.
Veronica’s internship in Washington that summer had gone well and she had returned to school excited about her new criminal justice classes. If Keith had sensed an underlying sadness in his daughter as the new school year began, he also was possessed of enough intelligence and compassion not to point it out.
And here he was, sitting in his old friend’s courtroom as the young prosecutor detailed the many failings of Logan Echolls, apparently determined to earn himself some stripes by putting the public figure behind bars if only for a few weeks or months.
Logan’s high-priced lawyer earned his paycheck, waxing poetic regarding Logan’s good qualities, high grades, the struggles inflicted by his parents and so forth. Then Judge Stephenson asked if anyone else had something to add, at which point Keith stood and asked to be heard. Judge Stephenson smiled and recognized his old friend.
Keith Mars and Marcus Stephenson had been allies back when Keith was in the sheriff’s office and Marcus was an ADA. Their families had spent several holidays together before each had divorced and Marcus had remarried a much younger woman. The two were still friendly, though, having even gone to lunch together a few months earlier.
“Your Honor, Logan Echolls is a long-time friend of me and my daughter, Veronica.” Keith threw in Veronica’s name, knowing that Marcus’s daughter, Tracy, and Veronica had been friends back in the day. “He actually saved Veronica from the Hearst rapist.”
“Really?” asked the judge.
“Yes, Your Honor,” Keith replied. “He’s been there for both of us more times than I can count and he’s done it selflessly. He’s a good kid, Judge. He deserves another chance.”
Judge Stephenson leaned forward. “Are you willing to help give him that chance?”
“I am, Your Honor.”
“All right, then.” The judge turned his focus from Keith to the young man in front of him.
“Mr. Echolls, this is a minor infraction, despite our enthusiastic prosecutor’s attempts to prove otherwise, but he is right about one thing. Your brushes with the law, while sporadic, do keep happening on a fairly dependable basis. Our former sheriff seems to believe that you have promise, and your grades over the past few years would indicate the same. Therefore, I’m going to cut you a break, but with the explicit warning that you refrain from stupid behavior in the future.” The judge took a deep breath, crooking an eyebrow as he did so. “Logan Echolls, I find you guilty on the misdemeanor charge of public intoxication and sentence you to pay restitution to Burger King Corporation in the amount of $200. I also sentence you to work for Keith Mars at his private investigative service for a period of no fewer than four months. Maybe what you need is for that mind of yours to actually be challenged. If nothing else, maybe Keith can help you find that idiot button and switch it to the off position. If that doesn’t happen, one day your chronic stupidity will catch up to you, and on that day, Mr. Mars might not be around to help you.
“Keith,” the judge switched focus once again, calling to his friend.
“Your honor?” asked Logan’s guardian angel.
“I wish you luck.”
Keith returned Judge Stephenson’s smile.
“You may go, Mr. Echolls. Pay the clerk on your way out,” concluded the judge. He banged his gavel and called, “Next case!”
***
Chairs scraped and papers shuffled, but Logan barely registered them.
Keith Mars had just saved his ever-loving ass. Why? Why had Veronica’s father, of all people, gone to the mat for him? Despite the ridiculous per-hour cost of his lawyer, Logan had fully expected to spend a couple of nights in jail. Not a lot of time, mind you, but enough for the judge to look like he didn’t cater to celebrities and rich 09ers, enough for the prosecutor to prove he wasn’t “soft”. Logan might have graduated from high school, but the Neptune caste system knew no age boundaries.
His lawyer patted Logan on the shoulder and said something about where the clerk was. Logan nodded perfunctorily.
He was going to work for Keith Mars? At the detective agency? Seriously, why? Why was Keith doing this?
Despite his pretty words, Keith didn’t owe Logan anything. Yes, Logan had saved Veronica from the Hearst rapist, albeit the *fake* rapist, but anyone would have done that. (According to Veronica, anyway.) What was he supposed to do at Mars Investigations? Answer phones? Go on stakeouts? Right. Because he was so inconspicuous. Had Keith not noticed that the spawn of famous people get almost as much attention as their parents? Suri Cruise, anyone? Maddox Jolie-Pitt? Hello. Sons of action stars-cum-accused murderers-cum murder victims with histories of organizing bum fights? Not exactly helpful in the land of subterfuge and spying.
“Logan.”
The sound of Keith Mars saying his name penetrated the fog of Logan’s reflections. Perhaps the mystery was about to be answered. He turned in his seat to look at the older man with raised eyebrows communicating a range of questions and emotions.
“Come on,” said Veronica’s dad. “Pay the clerk and let’s get out of here. Do lunch.”
Logan blinked. Was this guy for real?
On auto pilot, Logan did as Keith suggested.
~
Just that morning Logan had woken up alone in the bed at his four-star suite certain that he would be spending the next night on a jail mattress. Now he was sitting in an In-N-Out booth across from the father of the girl he still couldn’t help loving. The moment was suddenly too surreal and Logan had to take a deep swig of his Coke in an attempt to jolt himself back to reality.
What the bloody hell was going on?
Keith broke the silence.
“I meant what I said, Logan. You’re a good kid and you deserve the opportunity to grow into a good man. I don’t want anything from you. I just want you to have that chance. Veronica told me what happened and that your court date was today. Judge Stephenson is a friend of mine, so I thought this might be the chance for me to thank you for everything you’ve done for my family.”
The older man took a breath, having apparently given his somewhat prepared speech.
All Logan could do was blink.
Keith began eating his food in silence.
“But-“ Logan finally stuttered. “You don’t owe me anything. Not you or Veronica. What- Why would you think that you owe me something?”
“You saved Veronica from-“
“A fake rapist. After she exonerated the real rapist at my request.”
“You were there for her when she thought I died in the airplane bombing.”
“She was there for me when my mom died.”
“You put up with her mood swings.”
“You threw me out of your house when I lost my temper and demolished a lamp.”
“You tried to convince her not to blackmail a judge.”
“You knew about that?”
“Not until after. But you were the voice of reason. Come on, Logan, do you want me not to have helped you?”
“No, no, that’s not it. It’s just-why are you doing this? Seriously, why did you stick your neck out to help someone like me?”
“What do you mean, ‘someone like you’?”
“I’m a professional screw-up. I peed on the side of a Burger King-“
“You’ll notice we’re at In-N-Out. I thought it a wiser choice.”
Logan had to smile.
“Why are you doing this?” he repeated.
“I like you, Logan,” Keith answered honestly. “You’ve grown up, you’re maturing, and while she let you, you made my daughter happy. You deserve to have someone stick up for you. It just so happened that in this case, I could be that person.”
Logan had no reply for that and was so embarrassed that he turned his attention to his food rather than have to look at Keith’s face.
There was silence for a few minutes as each escaped into their tasty fast food.
Logan broke the silence this time.
“What do you want me to do?”
Keith smiled as he bit into another French fry.
“Something incredibly tedious that I don’t particularly care to do, but which really needs to be done.”
“Sounds like the kind of punishment a public urinater would deserve.”
Keith laughed.
“I’ve been in business for five years now, and in that time our files have never been cleaned out. They’re in fairly good order, mind you, alphabetical and all that, but I really need someone to go in and categorize them. We have a separate drawer for prospective clients that didn’t pan out, but beyond that, everything is in one place. The files need to be sorted by type first-cheating spouses, missing persons, bail jumpers, things like that. Then the ones that are over four years old need to be moved to a dead file and put into storage, but in a way that they can be found again if they’re ever needed. And each file has to be looked at in case there’s a chance we could reopen an old case and turn it into something now.”
Logan smiled. “You’re right. I have a hard time picturing Veronica doing that, at least now that she’s in college.”
“To be fair, she’d probably do it if I asked, but…” Keith’s voice trailed off.
“If you have a convicted public urinater available…” Logan finished.
“Exactly.”
The two men smiled and then looked away, each suddenly feeling awkward at the easy nature of their banter, so unlike anything that had occurred previously in their relationship.
“Is there a certain time you want me to come in? The judge didn’t say how many hours a week I was supposed to work, but I can put in whatever you want. I just need to let you know when my classes are.” Now that he sort of understood why Keith was helping him, even if he didn’t think he deserved it, Logan was kind of looking forward to working for the man. He had always been somewhat in awe of Veronica’s father, and this new twist in their relationship had the potential to be a good one. Didn’t it?
“Whatever’s convenient for you,” replied Keith. “Why don’t we go for 15 hours a week? You could also answer phones if you can come in when Veronica’s not there.”
“About Veronica…” Logan was once again uncertain. “Have you talked to her about this? Does she know…”
“She has no idea. This isn’t about her, although I would imagine that you two will run into each other from time to time. Is that okay?”
“What? Oh, yeah. It’s fine. I just don’t want her to be-uncomfortable or anything,” Logan tried to articulate.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll let her know that you’ll be in and out.” Keith looked down. At some point during their conversation, both he and Logan had finished their food. “So. If you can come in tomorrow between two and five, I’ll get you a key and show you our filing system. Does that work?”
“Oh. Yeah. My last class is finished at 2:30. I’ll head over as soon as it’s done.”
“All right, then. See you tomorrow, Logan.” Keith got up and extended his hand to Logan, who also stood up. They shook goodbye.
Logan watched Keith throw away his tray and walk out to his car.
This was really happening. Keith Mars had charged in and saved Logan Echolls from being jailed, in the process hiring him on as an employee. He was going to give Logan a key to the business.
Wow.
The day not having turned out at all how Logan expected, he emptied his own tray and headed back to his hotel. Since he was apparently not going to jail, that meant he was indeed going to have to do his homework.
He shook his head as he got into his truck.
Who would have ever thought that Logan Echolls would go to work for Mars Investigations?
***
“You volunteered to accept Logan as a court-ordered employee for four months?” Veronica clarified, looking at her father as though he had grown three heads.
“I certainly did.”
“You’re having a convict work at a private detective agency?”
Keith laughed.
“He peed on a fast food restaurant, Veronica. He didn’t sell state secrets to bin Laden.”
“Come on, Dad, what were you thinking?” Veronica knew that her reaction was more extreme than was really called for, but she couldn’t help it. Keith had invited Logan back into their lives, back into her life. How could he do this to her? “Did you even think about me? What this might do to me?” Visions of Logan and Piz flashed through her mind and Veronica was aghast at the fact that she had just said that.
“This isn’t about you, Veronica. It’s about Logan. He doesn’t have anybody, and we owe him.”
“What are you talking about, Dad? We don’t owe Logan Echolls. He cheated on me!”
“He had a one-night stand while you were very much broken up, honey. That’s not cheating.”
“With Madison Sinclair?!”
“Not his best move, admittedly, but my guess is that he was very drunk, and that’s the kind of thing that I’m hoping to influence.”
“What?” Veronica demanded. “You think you can help Logan not be a serial drinker?”
“I think I can let him know that someone cares about him for some reason other than that his parents were famous!” Keith’s ire was getting up and this was turning into a real argument. “I think I can let him know that the things he’s done for us meant something! That we appreciate him saving you in the parking garage, and helping you when you thought I was dead, and always dropping anything and everything to come help you whenever you’ve needed it! Even now, not having talked to him in months, he would come in a heartbeat if you asked him to. He’s turned out to be a good guy, Veronica. He just needs someone to believe in him! And if you can’t do it, I will!”
Veronica was speechless. Where had this come from? Her father had never so much as hinted that he felt some sort of…loyalty towards Logan. Ever.
“He slept with Madison Sinclair, Dad. Have you forgotten what she did to me?”
After her attack in the parking garage, late that night as she lay on the couch, what happened to her at Shelley Pomeroy’s party came spilling out of Veronica like Niagara Falls and she had told her father everything. Her father knew exactly what she meant.
Her father sighed and pulled Veronica down to sit on the couch. He took her hand in his and despite herself, Veronica was comforted by the contact.
“Honey, what happened to you that night was inexcusable, and the only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that the person who violated you died a bloody death. But honey, Madison is the one person from that night whose actions were unintentional. She spit in a drink and gave it to you. She didn’t know it was laced with GHB. Dick, Casey-they are far more responsible than Madison.”
Veronica’s breath hitched and she shoved at the tears threatening to spill over her cheeks.
“If Logan ever cheated on you while you were together, I would personally remove his intestines with a spoon,” her dad said, and Veronica knew that he was trying to lighten the mood. He knew her very well. “He showed a lapse in judgment that was, as usual, inspired by alcohol. It doesn’t eclipse everything else’s he’s done and been for this family. We’re not eternally in his debt, but if showing him that I know that he has value can help him even a little, then I will know that we have in some way repaid him for the things he’s done for us over the years.”
Veronica took a deep breath and raised her hand to rest on her dad’s cheek for a brief moment before pulling away and standing up.
“I need to get some air,” she said.
~
Deep down Veronica knew that her dad was right. That didn’t help her get the images out of her head that she had thought were gone for good, but yes, her dad was right.
But so what? That didn’t change that she and Logan were never going to work. There was too much history, too much hurt, love be damned. Because despite everything, Veronica was honest enough with herself to admit that part of her would always love Logan Echolls. Not that it mattered.
While she had been in D.C. over the summer, Veronica had gone out and experienced life outside her comfort zone, going so far as to have a one-night stand. And she had learned that she wasn’t cut out for meaningless sex. It left her feeling empty and dirty. It reminded her of Cassidy.
Which meant that in order to have a meaningful sex life, Veronica needed to be involved in a relationship. Given her history, this did not bode well for Veronica Mars.
She sighed, watching the waves hit the shore as she sat on the beach and stared at the water.
Veronica had no plans to get back with Logan just because she had the best sex of her life with the man. She gave herself a small, weary smile.
She had thought at length about what Piz had said to her during that last fight. He was too guileless to lie, and what he said stung her, refusing to leave her alone in the nights that came after.
What was she supposed to do? Change who she was? Give herself up to some guy? Give up control of her life?
She sighed. She knew that wasn’t what Piz, what Logan, had wanted. But why did it feel like that? Why did it feel like doing what they wanted would require too much sacrifice on her part? What was wrong with her?
Logan was going to be around. Fine. She could handle it. She could. This was not the end of the world.
~
This was the end of the world, Veronica fumed.
Everywhere she turned, Logan was there. At the office, he was always on the floor surrounded by files, painstakingly reading through each one, of course making pithy comments as he did so. At school, two of their classes were held at the same time in the same building, meaning they bumped into each other both coming and going.
You would think the one place she wouldn’t see him was at home, but no. He was there, too. Keith Mars had developed a sudden love of Logan Echolls. Veronica never knew when she got home whether or not she would find her father and ex-boyfriend sitting at the table discussing old cases and possible leads for new work. It didn’t help that Logan sounded intelligent while discussing work.
She couldn’t escape him. Fine. She would just have to survive.
Somehow.
~
Veronica stood frozen in the apartment courtyard, staring at the letter in her hands. The FBI wanted her back this summer for another internship. Really? Honestly, that was the last thing Veronica expected.
She hadn’t told anyone much about her summer beyond “it was great” platitudes. It was. It’s just…the FBI had a lot of rules for both interns and agents, and Veronica kept pushing them. Not even on purpose, but by nature of who she was, Veronica found herself trying to do things her own way, which didn’t always fall in line the FBI’s way.
Midway through her stay in Washington, she had been written up for bending some rule too far. It had simultaneously earned her a commendation for original thinking, which is why Veronica could only assume that they were asking her to return when she had a black mark on her record after only one summer.
Should she go back? She had assumed it wouldn’t be an option and had begun making other plans for her future-regular police work, private contracting. When she allowed herself to think about it at all. She knew her skills were best suited for law enforcement or investigation of some kind, she just wasn’t sure what. Internally she had avoided the thought because she was afraid that her penchant for doing her “own thing” would get her into trouble anywhere she tried to go. Did that mean that working for herself was her only option?
She needed to talk to someone, to bounce ideas off of them and have them help her sort through all of this. The face that immediately crossed her mind was Logan’s. Why not her dad? He could help her. He would love to help her. But he wasn’t the one she wanted to talk to. She wanted to hear Logan’s take on all of this. She wanted him to help her figure out what to do.
She started and looked around. She was standing in the middle of her apartment courtyard like an idiot. She hurried to her apartment, which thankfully was empty.
She leaned back against the front door and sank to the floor. She had a major life-changing decision to contemplate and the first person she thought about going to for help was Logan. He had been so there lately, Veronica had gotten used to Logan’s presence. She had gotten used to having him around again. His presence in her life seemed so natural, it only made sense that he be who she wanted to turn to.
But how could she? They weren’t a couple. They weren’t together anymore. She hadn’t spoken with him about anything significant in almost half a year. But his input was the one she wanted. Was this-was this what he-what they-wanted? Was this instinct to include someone what it meant to let someone in?
Her thoughts were racing so furiously Veronica felt like she couldn’t breathe. Was this an epiphany? Is that what this was? Did she need Logan in her life? Did she want him in her life? Did it matter? What if she did? Would he want her anymore? Did she want him to help her make important decisions? What did that mean? What was all of this?
Veronica started to hyperventilate, which freaked her out even more. She stuck her head between her legs and focused on her breathing. That’s what everything said to do when you hyperventilated, right? Clear her mind. Focus on breathing-in, out, in, out. She could do this. She could breathe. That she could do.
An uncertain amount of time later-it could have been minutes, it could have been an hour-Veronica found herself to be breathing regularly. She lifted her head up, reveling in the feel of the air filling her lungs.
She needed to see Logan. That thought was foremost in her mind. She needed to act on these instincts while she still had them. She didn’t want to freak him out or anything, but if this was a shot at her having a functional relationship, she had to try. She had to.
She had to.
***
Logan was sitting on the floor of Mars Investigations sorting through the Ls. This sorting thing had become something of an obsession for him. Or maybe it just turned out that he liked the mental challenge of investigative work more than he thought he would. Not that he wanted to do it for a living (in fact, he had designs on screenwriting), but he liked it.
It hadn’t been as hard being around Veronica as he had feared. At work he could focus on case files. He had to throw out droll comments, to be sure, but it wasn’t about her, that was just him being him. At school, they ran into each other, but it was brief. At home, his focus was on Keith. He liked that. He liked talking with Keith.
Logan couldn’t-he couldn’t let it go back to how it was. He couldn’t get used to having Veronica around, having her in his life. He had to keep his focus on other things. That way, it wasn’t too bad.
And things were fine.
He heard the door open and smelled Veronica’s perfume.
“Hey, V. How was your day?” he asked without looking up, his attention on a file marked “Ledding, Crystal.” At first glance it looked like a simple case of a cheating husband.
“Logan, can I talk to you?”
Veronica had done the surveillance during what would have been their junior year.
“Logan, can I talk to you?”
He looked up.
“What?”
“I-“ Veronica looked uncertain. “I got a letter today and I need to talk to somebody about it. Could we-grab dinner?”
Logan looked at his ex-girlfriend blankly. What was she asking him?
“It’s-it’s-I just need-um, do you mind?”
“No, I don’t-I don’t mind.” Logan didn’t consciously say the words, they just came out of his mouth.
What was this?
~
Once again, Logan found himself unexpectedly sitting opposite a member of the Mars family at a restaurant, this time Neptune’s International House of Pancakes.
They had ordered and were staring into their drinks when Veronica pulled an envelope out of her bag.
“The FBI’s invited me back for another internship,” she said, pushing the letter in front of him.
“Congratulations,” he said. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”
Veronica seemed to deflate. “I’m not sure.”
“What do you mean?”
“This summer, working at the FBI, it was great, you know? The things they had us do were interesting, challenging. And their resources are amazing.” Her voice trailed off.
“But?” Logan prompted.
“But,” she repeated with a wan smile. “The FBI has lots of rules. Lots,” her expression became rueful. “I got written up, which I haven’t told anyone.” Logan nodded. Who would? “I mean, they liked me well enough. I got a commendation for original thinking at the same time I got written up, but-well, I didn’t think they’d want me back. I figured that option was closed. Until-“ she brushed the letter with her fingertips. “I got this. And-I don’t know what I should do. Should I go? Should I try? Do I want to try to fit into their rules? Who doesn’t want to work for the FBI? Am I an idiot for even considering not going? What else would I do if I didn’t go?”
She stopped and Logan regarded her evenly. She looked back at him questioningly.
“You want my advice?” he asked.
“Yes, I want your advice,” she replied.
“Why me?” He needed to know. “I know your dad would help if you asked. He’d love to talk to you about this.”
“I thought of you first,” she said, looking down at the table. “I want to know what you think.”
Logan took a deep breath. “Okay. Obviously law enforcement is where you’re going to end up. You’re good at it, you enjoy it, and your skill set is perfect for it-well, that or assassin.” Veronica smiled. “Does it have to be the FBI, though? Why not another agency with fewer rules? Or at least different rules? What about the NSA or the CIA? I’m not an expert on these things, but their reputation has always been less ‘stuffy’ than the FBI’s, hasn’t it? What about Interpol? Do they hire Americans? You could do local law enforcement and then work up to one of those, or maybe you would only have to do that with something like Interpol. Maybe you go straight to Langley with the CIA. The NSA might be better, though. They’re not even an official agency. They were founded by a memo. Fewer rules,” Logan flashed his trademark grin.
“You wanted my advice, that’s it. Find the agency whose rules you’re most comfortable with.”
“What about this summer?” Veronica countered.
“Seems to me that any of them would be more interested in an applicant who interned two summers with the FBI. Plus, if you ever go into private practice, it would add to your street cred.”
Veronica smiled.
“I thought of you first.”
“Why, yes, you did.”
“I asked for your advice.”
“Yes again.”
“Is it too late, Logan? Is it too late for me to make room-to need to make room-for you in my life?”
Logan pondered this for a moment.
“I’ve never stopped loving you, you know. I can’t,” he answered. “I just didn’t think we could make it work. I don’t know, could you do this more often? Ask me for help? Include me?”
“I feel safe with you, Logan. You know how hard that is for me to admit, but I do. And safe should be a good thing, but I’m afraid-I’m afraid that if I start to feel safe, that feeling will be taken away and I’ll be even worse off.” She looked down at the plate of eggs that the waitress had put in front of her moments before.
There was silence for a moment as Logan realized that some of the most crucial experiences of Veronica’s life had followed that exact pattern. She was safe with Duncan-and he had dumped her without a word. When they dated again, he ended up fleeing the country. She had been safe with her mom, who also left her not once, but twice. Not to mention that after a year of fear and doubt, Veronica found out she hadn’t been raped, which safe zone was also then shown to be a disgusting lie.
In each case, safety was proffered, only to be ripped away leaving Veronica worse off in the end.
“I’m-“ Logan hesitated while he thought about how to phrase this. “Veronica, I am always here for you and I would never leave you. I would do anything to help you work through this. My question is are you willing to work through this? I can help you, but you’re the one who would have to change, who would have to go through this. Can you do that? Are you willing to go through that?”
These were hard questions, phrased more harshly, perhaps, than one would expect given the vulnerable state Veronica was putting herself in right at this moment, but he had to know. Logan had to push Veronica to be honest with herself, because he couldn’t be with her again only to have it implode. And he was pretty sure she couldn’t handle that, either. It wasn’t just himself he was trying to save-it was her, too, even if she didn’t know it. Neither of them could survive another meltdown, not by a long shot. Logan had to know that this woman he loved knew what they-what she-would be getting into.
There was silence as Veronica poked at her food and Logan waited, tense.
“You were the first person I thought of, and damn if that wasn’t some good advice,” she laughed as tears glimmered on her lashes and she took a shaky breath. She looked up at him.
“I want this. I want you, Logan. I want it more than I thought possible. I thought of you today and you were there. I want to do this. Can we do this, Logan? Can we?”
Logan looked back into the blue eyes focused on him, eyes which for once were not guarded, not holding back. Logan looked into Veronica’s eyes and saw her, the Veronica he had loved for so long, but who had been closed off behind a world of hurt, unreachable. These were the eyes he could spend eternity with. These were the eyes that loved him.
“I think the two of us, working together, are unstoppable is what I think,” Logan couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across his face.
He wondered if he should be thrilled at this unexpected turn of events or furious with himself for believing again, but regardless of his wishes, the thrilled part-undoubtedly controlled by his heart-was winning. And as he looked into Veronica’s eyes, he felt for the first time in a long time that trusting her was right.
“I love you, Logan Echolls, and I want us to work. Please. Please, let’s do this,” said the love of his life.
Logan took a deep breath.
“Let’s do this,” he said.
The journey of a lifetime starts with one step, and they were taking it together. Unstoppable, indeed.
***
Keith opened the door to Mars Investigations to the unexpected sound of both his daughter and Logan laughing. The two of them were sitting on the floor surrounded by case files, laughing so hard Keith thought that one or both of them might asphyxiate.
“You two okay?” he asked, his voice amused.
Both young people nodded, but it was a minute or two before either could catch their breath enough to answer. Veronica recovered first.
“I was giving Logan the details of the Moretti case. You remember-the one with the pig and-“
Logan snorted and Veronica dissolved into laughter again.
“And the giant Slinky that attacked me,” finished Keith for her, rolling his eyes. “I can’t tell you how glad I am that you clarified that for him. Really.” The Moretti case had not been one of his better moments.
“Oh, I don’t know, Keith,” Logan managed to get out. “I think it should be enshrined.”
“I have a report due to Judge Stephenson tomorrow, Mr. Echolls. You better watch yourself, or I may tell him that you’re the one who put a pot-bellied pig in the hospital.”
“Yes, sir!” Logan managed to grunt, jauntily saluting the older man.
“Whatever,” Keith rolled his eyes, pretending to be put-upon as he passed the pair on the floor and went into his office, closing the door to the sounds of their renewed laughter.
He sank into his chair, stunned. That was her. That was the happy version of his daughter. Unbidden tears sprang to Keith’s eyes.
The more time Keith spent with Logan, the more he had come to like him, to have true respect for him. He had known that it would be foolish to try to matchmake between Logan and Veronica, but deep down, Keith had wanted to. The more he came to like Logan, the more he missed the happy version of his daughter that the young man used to bring out.
And there she was-right outside his door. The happy, content Veronica that had been missing for so long.
This perfect atmosphere wasn’t going to be 24/7. Keith knew both his daughter and Logan well enough to know that the future wouldn’t be all rainbows and kittens, but he was also aware that the two of them wouldn’t be going down this road again unless both of them were committed to it. And he was going to do everything he could to help.
Because sometimes good things did happen to good people.
Fin
Author: jacedesbff
Pairing/Character: Veronica/Logan, Keith
Word Count: 7,711
Rating: PG-13 for mild swearing and fairly chaste inner monologues about sex
Summary: Overcoming past hurt requires a lot of internal reflection. Parts from each character's POV.
Spoilers: Familiarity with the series is necessary in order to appreciate just about anything herein.
Disclaimer: They’re not mine. This is a vm_santa present and is not intended for any material gain.
Author’s Note: It’s been forever since I sat down and really wrote, and the thing that helped me get going was that you (holly96) had a very detailed request post (thanks!) [Specifically, Keith’s feelings towards Logan and the time period in which this takes place are what jumped out at me.] Indeed, your request provided the plot bunny and impetus for this entire thing, so it’s very much customized for you. :-) Which means of course that it is all your fault that what I planned on being a 1,500-2000 word fic became a mini-opus. LOL Clearly the story took on a life of its own. :D Merry Christmas and I hope you enjoy!
Sincerest thanks to my unused-as-of-late beta, candlewaxdreams, who has never stopped encouraging me to do this and who assured me that yes, people really would want to read it if I wrote something else. : - )
Keith listened to the argument-well, the intense discussion-in the other room with a heavy heart.
”Did you even think about me?” demanded Piz.
“What? Should I have?” Veronica shot in return.
“Of course you should! That’s what boyfriends and girlfriends do, Veronica!” Piz’s voice rose and the easy-going young man was shouting. “They think about each other when making important life decisions! I would think that you of all people would know that, but apparently not.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
There was a pause before Piz continued in a somewhat quieter tone.
“Isn’t that why Logan broke up with you? Because you didn’t need him? You didn’t confide in him? Consider him in your decisions?”
Veronica was stunned. “How dare you.”
“I hoped it would be different.” Piz didn’t sound angry anymore. His voice was almost reflective and he seemed to be acknowledging the truth to himself for the first time. “I thought maybe your past with Logan made you not trust him, right? We all have our issues.” Pause. “But you don’t let anyone in, no matter how much they care about you. You really can’t process how to truly integrate them into your life.”
“Piz, come on-“
“No. No, don’t.” Her boyfriend cut her off. “I’ve known for awhile. I’ve just put it off. I kept hoping you’d suddenly need me, want me to be involved in your life, but you…” Piz’s voice did a 180. He took on a business-like tone completely at odds with the discussion at hand.
“The head of the University of Oregon radio station heard my show. They’ve offered me a scholarship to transfer there. It’s a bigger station, more exposure, closer to my parents. I hadn’t made up my mind-“ His voice faltered but was strong again when he continued. “I’m going to accept. After classes end on Friday, I’m going home for good.”
“How long have you known about this?” Veronica asked.
“A couple of weeks.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you include me?” Veronica’s voice dripped with sarcasm.
“I wasn’t sure you’d care,” Piz answered softly. “Goodbye, Veronica. I wish you the best.”
Keith heard the front door open and shut followed by his daughter’s labored breathing as she struggled not to cry. He heard her cross the small apartment to her room and slam the door behind her. The private eye stopped listening at that point, wanting to afford his daughter privacy even if she didn’t know she was in need of it.
Keith walked to his bed and sat down, feeling decades older than his middle-aged years. He knew he was largely responsible for Veronica’s closed-off emotional state. More than just the divorce had been his acquiescence in allowing his impressionable teenage daughter to help him catch adulterers, thieves and liars. Her view of the world had been permanently warped, that much was obvious.
What could he do? What would Veronica let him do? Keith thought back over his daughter’s life, trying to figure out when she had been genuinely happy.
Her childhood, obviously, when she still believed in Santa, fairies and the goodness of human kind. When Lilly was alive and she was with Duncan. When she was with Logan the first time, before she had accused him of murder, not that summer when Logan acted out. The first part of her senior year when she was seeing Duncan. Right. Veronica might have been happy, but Keith still thought of that period with bitterness, it having led to the only time in their lives when his daughter had willfully deceived him on a major scale. Moving on.
Her freshman year while she and Logan were together and her professor had recognized her gifts, before all of the death and intrigue had overshadowed everything, before Logan had broken up with her for the same reasons Piz had. Had she really been happy at any time after that? The short time she and Logan had gotten back together, Keith supposed, before Veronica found out that her boyfriend had slept with Madison Sinclair during their off-period.
Keith knew that all of the rules said he should be on his daughter’s side, that as Veronica’s father he wasn’t supposed to excuse what Logan had done. He also knew that her rape was a much more significant factor in his daughter’s internal make-up than anyone gave it credit for. Keith recognized that Madison Sinclair’s involvement in his daughter’s violation had been tangential and that the ‘09er hadn’t known that the drink was laced with GHB. More than anything, it was the rich bitch’s spoiled, selfish attitude that clung so viciously to his daughter’s psyche.
In the final analysis, Keith was with Logan on this one. Veronica’s issues were responsible for their final break-up more than Logan’s indiscretions. Keith sighed. Did it really matter, anyway? From everything he had witnessed, Veronica would have found something else, some other flimsy reason to break it off with Logan, anyway. Frankly, the boy loved her too much and his daughter was too filled with distrust of the world from her detective work and bitterness about her rape to allow anyone to feel that way about her.
Even so, in terms of the men in his daughter’s life, Logan and Duncan had made Veronica happy. Duncan, of course, was not an option. And Logan? If anyone could love his daughter enough to help her heal, wouldn’t it be Logan? Keith knew without a doubt that Logan loved his little girl beyond all reason and that when push came to shove, he probably always would.
Aside from her romantic entanglements, what had made his emotionally battered daughter happy? Her friendship with Wallace and later with Mac. Getting into Stanford (dashed by the inability to afford it.) Professor Landry’s enthusiasm for her talents (before his foray into illegal activities and prison.) Scoring the internship with the FBI (that had then so angered Piz, as it would necessitate Veronica’s being in Washington, D.C. all summer.) Did everything that made his daughter happy really become tainted?
Solving cases. That made his daughter happy, at least in the short term, and that wasn’t spoiled.
Her relationship with her father.
Back-up.
Collectively, then, the list of things that made Veronica Mars happy read as follows: her father, her few close friends, her dog, her intellectual abilities and the opportunities that arose from them, and the only two boys she had ever really loved, although the latter had always ended in some form of heartbreak.
Keith sighed. He could support her in her intellectual endeavors and opportunities, and he could seek out more opportunities to do daddy-daughter things-movie nights, putt-putt, things like that, although he wished they could afford for her to live in the dorms and truly experience college life. Given some of her campus experiences, however, maybe it was for the best.
But Keith wanted his daughter to love and be loved. He had seen how deeply happy that could make her. As a father, though, was there anything he could-or even should-do about that?
Keith sighed. First of all, he wasn’t a matchmaker. Second, the most likely candidate was Logan Echolls, owner aplenty of troubles of his own. As long as he was being honest with himself, though, Keith had to admit that Logan had come a very long way since Neptune High.
While by no means perfect, the young man had settled down a considerable amount, tackling both school and his infamy with maturity and determination. What Keith didn’t know much about was what Logan had done since breaking up with Veronica the last time. He vaguely recalled that Logan had dated Mac’s roommate, a vivacious blonde named Parker, but he knew it hadn’t lasted long. Keith’s guess is that Logan’s heart had yet to move on from Veronica, certainly his attack on Piz after the whole sex tape thing indicated that much.
Keith wondered-could Logan and Veronica heal each other? Again, wasn’t it inappropriate for him to even contemplate this? Were the two young people better moving on from where they were, each on their own, Keith forever minding his own business and staying out of it?
But how could Keith stand by and watch his daughter destroy any chance of happiness in relationships? What if there was even a possibility that he could help? Logan loved Veronica enough to work through her issues, if only Veronica would let him. Keith smiled sadly. That was the real crux of the matter, wasn’t it? His daughter had to be willing to change, had to want to change, and Keith of all people knew that Veronica was one of the most stubborn people alive. How could he possibly help her with that?
He couldn’t.
But maybe…maybe he could help Logan. Maybe he could help Logan in a way that he couldn’t help his own child.
All of this reflection had brought to mind the fact that both Keith and Veronica owed Logan for the things that the boy had done for them over the years. What if…somehow, some way, Keith could help someone else’s child who had been wounded by the Mars family? Would that make up for what he couldn’t do internally?
Keith shook his head as though clearing cobwebs out of his brain. What was he thinking? Undoubtedly Logan Echolls was living his life just fine. He almost certainly did not need to be saved by Keith Mars, father of his on- and off-again girlfriend.
Talk about an old man out of touch with reality.
Keith reached down to take off his shoes. Having acknowledged that he was powerless to help anyone or anything, it was time to hug his daughter good night and seek the oblivion of sleep.
~
What the hell had he been thinking? Keith asked himself yet again as he sat uncertainly in Judge Stephenson’s courtroom.
The night before, Veronica informed her father that Logan had been arrested for public intoxication a few weeks ago, having been stopped by one of Neptune’s finest as he urinated on the side of a Burger King and that today was his hearing.
The resignation in Veronica’s voice tore at Keith’s heart. It was such a stupid thing to be arrested for, but given Logan’s prior arrest (an assault committed solely to avenge an attack on Veronica, no less), there was a chance that Logan might end up doing some time, however minimal.
Over the past few months, the idea had solidified in Keith’s mind that he and Veronica came out of their association with Logan Echolls on the owing side. Temper and occasional stupidity aside, Logan had been there for both Keith and his daughter on numerous occasions and they had never really repaid his loyalty. The now-glaring unevenness of the relationship made a man as inherently just as Keith Mars uncomfortable. He now longed to rebalance the scales.
He had to wonder, though, if it was right to try or if he would simply be doing more damage to everyone involved.
Veronica’s internship in Washington that summer had gone well and she had returned to school excited about her new criminal justice classes. If Keith had sensed an underlying sadness in his daughter as the new school year began, he also was possessed of enough intelligence and compassion not to point it out.
And here he was, sitting in his old friend’s courtroom as the young prosecutor detailed the many failings of Logan Echolls, apparently determined to earn himself some stripes by putting the public figure behind bars if only for a few weeks or months.
Logan’s high-priced lawyer earned his paycheck, waxing poetic regarding Logan’s good qualities, high grades, the struggles inflicted by his parents and so forth. Then Judge Stephenson asked if anyone else had something to add, at which point Keith stood and asked to be heard. Judge Stephenson smiled and recognized his old friend.
Keith Mars and Marcus Stephenson had been allies back when Keith was in the sheriff’s office and Marcus was an ADA. Their families had spent several holidays together before each had divorced and Marcus had remarried a much younger woman. The two were still friendly, though, having even gone to lunch together a few months earlier.
“Your Honor, Logan Echolls is a long-time friend of me and my daughter, Veronica.” Keith threw in Veronica’s name, knowing that Marcus’s daughter, Tracy, and Veronica had been friends back in the day. “He actually saved Veronica from the Hearst rapist.”
“Really?” asked the judge.
“Yes, Your Honor,” Keith replied. “He’s been there for both of us more times than I can count and he’s done it selflessly. He’s a good kid, Judge. He deserves another chance.”
Judge Stephenson leaned forward. “Are you willing to help give him that chance?”
“I am, Your Honor.”
“All right, then.” The judge turned his focus from Keith to the young man in front of him.
“Mr. Echolls, this is a minor infraction, despite our enthusiastic prosecutor’s attempts to prove otherwise, but he is right about one thing. Your brushes with the law, while sporadic, do keep happening on a fairly dependable basis. Our former sheriff seems to believe that you have promise, and your grades over the past few years would indicate the same. Therefore, I’m going to cut you a break, but with the explicit warning that you refrain from stupid behavior in the future.” The judge took a deep breath, crooking an eyebrow as he did so. “Logan Echolls, I find you guilty on the misdemeanor charge of public intoxication and sentence you to pay restitution to Burger King Corporation in the amount of $200. I also sentence you to work for Keith Mars at his private investigative service for a period of no fewer than four months. Maybe what you need is for that mind of yours to actually be challenged. If nothing else, maybe Keith can help you find that idiot button and switch it to the off position. If that doesn’t happen, one day your chronic stupidity will catch up to you, and on that day, Mr. Mars might not be around to help you.
“Keith,” the judge switched focus once again, calling to his friend.
“Your honor?” asked Logan’s guardian angel.
“I wish you luck.”
Keith returned Judge Stephenson’s smile.
“You may go, Mr. Echolls. Pay the clerk on your way out,” concluded the judge. He banged his gavel and called, “Next case!”
***
Chairs scraped and papers shuffled, but Logan barely registered them.
Keith Mars had just saved his ever-loving ass. Why? Why had Veronica’s father, of all people, gone to the mat for him? Despite the ridiculous per-hour cost of his lawyer, Logan had fully expected to spend a couple of nights in jail. Not a lot of time, mind you, but enough for the judge to look like he didn’t cater to celebrities and rich 09ers, enough for the prosecutor to prove he wasn’t “soft”. Logan might have graduated from high school, but the Neptune caste system knew no age boundaries.
His lawyer patted Logan on the shoulder and said something about where the clerk was. Logan nodded perfunctorily.
He was going to work for Keith Mars? At the detective agency? Seriously, why? Why was Keith doing this?
Despite his pretty words, Keith didn’t owe Logan anything. Yes, Logan had saved Veronica from the Hearst rapist, albeit the *fake* rapist, but anyone would have done that. (According to Veronica, anyway.) What was he supposed to do at Mars Investigations? Answer phones? Go on stakeouts? Right. Because he was so inconspicuous. Had Keith not noticed that the spawn of famous people get almost as much attention as their parents? Suri Cruise, anyone? Maddox Jolie-Pitt? Hello. Sons of action stars-cum-accused murderers-cum murder victims with histories of organizing bum fights? Not exactly helpful in the land of subterfuge and spying.
“Logan.”
The sound of Keith Mars saying his name penetrated the fog of Logan’s reflections. Perhaps the mystery was about to be answered. He turned in his seat to look at the older man with raised eyebrows communicating a range of questions and emotions.
“Come on,” said Veronica’s dad. “Pay the clerk and let’s get out of here. Do lunch.”
Logan blinked. Was this guy for real?
On auto pilot, Logan did as Keith suggested.
~
Just that morning Logan had woken up alone in the bed at his four-star suite certain that he would be spending the next night on a jail mattress. Now he was sitting in an In-N-Out booth across from the father of the girl he still couldn’t help loving. The moment was suddenly too surreal and Logan had to take a deep swig of his Coke in an attempt to jolt himself back to reality.
What the bloody hell was going on?
Keith broke the silence.
“I meant what I said, Logan. You’re a good kid and you deserve the opportunity to grow into a good man. I don’t want anything from you. I just want you to have that chance. Veronica told me what happened and that your court date was today. Judge Stephenson is a friend of mine, so I thought this might be the chance for me to thank you for everything you’ve done for my family.”
The older man took a breath, having apparently given his somewhat prepared speech.
All Logan could do was blink.
Keith began eating his food in silence.
“But-“ Logan finally stuttered. “You don’t owe me anything. Not you or Veronica. What- Why would you think that you owe me something?”
“You saved Veronica from-“
“A fake rapist. After she exonerated the real rapist at my request.”
“You were there for her when she thought I died in the airplane bombing.”
“She was there for me when my mom died.”
“You put up with her mood swings.”
“You threw me out of your house when I lost my temper and demolished a lamp.”
“You tried to convince her not to blackmail a judge.”
“You knew about that?”
“Not until after. But you were the voice of reason. Come on, Logan, do you want me not to have helped you?”
“No, no, that’s not it. It’s just-why are you doing this? Seriously, why did you stick your neck out to help someone like me?”
“What do you mean, ‘someone like you’?”
“I’m a professional screw-up. I peed on the side of a Burger King-“
“You’ll notice we’re at In-N-Out. I thought it a wiser choice.”
Logan had to smile.
“Why are you doing this?” he repeated.
“I like you, Logan,” Keith answered honestly. “You’ve grown up, you’re maturing, and while she let you, you made my daughter happy. You deserve to have someone stick up for you. It just so happened that in this case, I could be that person.”
Logan had no reply for that and was so embarrassed that he turned his attention to his food rather than have to look at Keith’s face.
There was silence for a few minutes as each escaped into their tasty fast food.
Logan broke the silence this time.
“What do you want me to do?”
Keith smiled as he bit into another French fry.
“Something incredibly tedious that I don’t particularly care to do, but which really needs to be done.”
“Sounds like the kind of punishment a public urinater would deserve.”
Keith laughed.
“I’ve been in business for five years now, and in that time our files have never been cleaned out. They’re in fairly good order, mind you, alphabetical and all that, but I really need someone to go in and categorize them. We have a separate drawer for prospective clients that didn’t pan out, but beyond that, everything is in one place. The files need to be sorted by type first-cheating spouses, missing persons, bail jumpers, things like that. Then the ones that are over four years old need to be moved to a dead file and put into storage, but in a way that they can be found again if they’re ever needed. And each file has to be looked at in case there’s a chance we could reopen an old case and turn it into something now.”
Logan smiled. “You’re right. I have a hard time picturing Veronica doing that, at least now that she’s in college.”
“To be fair, she’d probably do it if I asked, but…” Keith’s voice trailed off.
“If you have a convicted public urinater available…” Logan finished.
“Exactly.”
The two men smiled and then looked away, each suddenly feeling awkward at the easy nature of their banter, so unlike anything that had occurred previously in their relationship.
“Is there a certain time you want me to come in? The judge didn’t say how many hours a week I was supposed to work, but I can put in whatever you want. I just need to let you know when my classes are.” Now that he sort of understood why Keith was helping him, even if he didn’t think he deserved it, Logan was kind of looking forward to working for the man. He had always been somewhat in awe of Veronica’s father, and this new twist in their relationship had the potential to be a good one. Didn’t it?
“Whatever’s convenient for you,” replied Keith. “Why don’t we go for 15 hours a week? You could also answer phones if you can come in when Veronica’s not there.”
“About Veronica…” Logan was once again uncertain. “Have you talked to her about this? Does she know…”
“She has no idea. This isn’t about her, although I would imagine that you two will run into each other from time to time. Is that okay?”
“What? Oh, yeah. It’s fine. I just don’t want her to be-uncomfortable or anything,” Logan tried to articulate.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll let her know that you’ll be in and out.” Keith looked down. At some point during their conversation, both he and Logan had finished their food. “So. If you can come in tomorrow between two and five, I’ll get you a key and show you our filing system. Does that work?”
“Oh. Yeah. My last class is finished at 2:30. I’ll head over as soon as it’s done.”
“All right, then. See you tomorrow, Logan.” Keith got up and extended his hand to Logan, who also stood up. They shook goodbye.
Logan watched Keith throw away his tray and walk out to his car.
This was really happening. Keith Mars had charged in and saved Logan Echolls from being jailed, in the process hiring him on as an employee. He was going to give Logan a key to the business.
Wow.
The day not having turned out at all how Logan expected, he emptied his own tray and headed back to his hotel. Since he was apparently not going to jail, that meant he was indeed going to have to do his homework.
He shook his head as he got into his truck.
Who would have ever thought that Logan Echolls would go to work for Mars Investigations?
***
“You volunteered to accept Logan as a court-ordered employee for four months?” Veronica clarified, looking at her father as though he had grown three heads.
“I certainly did.”
“You’re having a convict work at a private detective agency?”
Keith laughed.
“He peed on a fast food restaurant, Veronica. He didn’t sell state secrets to bin Laden.”
“Come on, Dad, what were you thinking?” Veronica knew that her reaction was more extreme than was really called for, but she couldn’t help it. Keith had invited Logan back into their lives, back into her life. How could he do this to her? “Did you even think about me? What this might do to me?” Visions of Logan and Piz flashed through her mind and Veronica was aghast at the fact that she had just said that.
“This isn’t about you, Veronica. It’s about Logan. He doesn’t have anybody, and we owe him.”
“What are you talking about, Dad? We don’t owe Logan Echolls. He cheated on me!”
“He had a one-night stand while you were very much broken up, honey. That’s not cheating.”
“With Madison Sinclair?!”
“Not his best move, admittedly, but my guess is that he was very drunk, and that’s the kind of thing that I’m hoping to influence.”
“What?” Veronica demanded. “You think you can help Logan not be a serial drinker?”
“I think I can let him know that someone cares about him for some reason other than that his parents were famous!” Keith’s ire was getting up and this was turning into a real argument. “I think I can let him know that the things he’s done for us meant something! That we appreciate him saving you in the parking garage, and helping you when you thought I was dead, and always dropping anything and everything to come help you whenever you’ve needed it! Even now, not having talked to him in months, he would come in a heartbeat if you asked him to. He’s turned out to be a good guy, Veronica. He just needs someone to believe in him! And if you can’t do it, I will!”
Veronica was speechless. Where had this come from? Her father had never so much as hinted that he felt some sort of…loyalty towards Logan. Ever.
“He slept with Madison Sinclair, Dad. Have you forgotten what she did to me?”
After her attack in the parking garage, late that night as she lay on the couch, what happened to her at Shelley Pomeroy’s party came spilling out of Veronica like Niagara Falls and she had told her father everything. Her father knew exactly what she meant.
Her father sighed and pulled Veronica down to sit on the couch. He took her hand in his and despite herself, Veronica was comforted by the contact.
“Honey, what happened to you that night was inexcusable, and the only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that the person who violated you died a bloody death. But honey, Madison is the one person from that night whose actions were unintentional. She spit in a drink and gave it to you. She didn’t know it was laced with GHB. Dick, Casey-they are far more responsible than Madison.”
Veronica’s breath hitched and she shoved at the tears threatening to spill over her cheeks.
“If Logan ever cheated on you while you were together, I would personally remove his intestines with a spoon,” her dad said, and Veronica knew that he was trying to lighten the mood. He knew her very well. “He showed a lapse in judgment that was, as usual, inspired by alcohol. It doesn’t eclipse everything else’s he’s done and been for this family. We’re not eternally in his debt, but if showing him that I know that he has value can help him even a little, then I will know that we have in some way repaid him for the things he’s done for us over the years.”
Veronica took a deep breath and raised her hand to rest on her dad’s cheek for a brief moment before pulling away and standing up.
“I need to get some air,” she said.
~
Deep down Veronica knew that her dad was right. That didn’t help her get the images out of her head that she had thought were gone for good, but yes, her dad was right.
But so what? That didn’t change that she and Logan were never going to work. There was too much history, too much hurt, love be damned. Because despite everything, Veronica was honest enough with herself to admit that part of her would always love Logan Echolls. Not that it mattered.
While she had been in D.C. over the summer, Veronica had gone out and experienced life outside her comfort zone, going so far as to have a one-night stand. And she had learned that she wasn’t cut out for meaningless sex. It left her feeling empty and dirty. It reminded her of Cassidy.
Which meant that in order to have a meaningful sex life, Veronica needed to be involved in a relationship. Given her history, this did not bode well for Veronica Mars.
She sighed, watching the waves hit the shore as she sat on the beach and stared at the water.
Veronica had no plans to get back with Logan just because she had the best sex of her life with the man. She gave herself a small, weary smile.
She had thought at length about what Piz had said to her during that last fight. He was too guileless to lie, and what he said stung her, refusing to leave her alone in the nights that came after.
What was she supposed to do? Change who she was? Give herself up to some guy? Give up control of her life?
She sighed. She knew that wasn’t what Piz, what Logan, had wanted. But why did it feel like that? Why did it feel like doing what they wanted would require too much sacrifice on her part? What was wrong with her?
Logan was going to be around. Fine. She could handle it. She could. This was not the end of the world.
~
This was the end of the world, Veronica fumed.
Everywhere she turned, Logan was there. At the office, he was always on the floor surrounded by files, painstakingly reading through each one, of course making pithy comments as he did so. At school, two of their classes were held at the same time in the same building, meaning they bumped into each other both coming and going.
You would think the one place she wouldn’t see him was at home, but no. He was there, too. Keith Mars had developed a sudden love of Logan Echolls. Veronica never knew when she got home whether or not she would find her father and ex-boyfriend sitting at the table discussing old cases and possible leads for new work. It didn’t help that Logan sounded intelligent while discussing work.
She couldn’t escape him. Fine. She would just have to survive.
Somehow.
~
Veronica stood frozen in the apartment courtyard, staring at the letter in her hands. The FBI wanted her back this summer for another internship. Really? Honestly, that was the last thing Veronica expected.
She hadn’t told anyone much about her summer beyond “it was great” platitudes. It was. It’s just…the FBI had a lot of rules for both interns and agents, and Veronica kept pushing them. Not even on purpose, but by nature of who she was, Veronica found herself trying to do things her own way, which didn’t always fall in line the FBI’s way.
Midway through her stay in Washington, she had been written up for bending some rule too far. It had simultaneously earned her a commendation for original thinking, which is why Veronica could only assume that they were asking her to return when she had a black mark on her record after only one summer.
Should she go back? She had assumed it wouldn’t be an option and had begun making other plans for her future-regular police work, private contracting. When she allowed herself to think about it at all. She knew her skills were best suited for law enforcement or investigation of some kind, she just wasn’t sure what. Internally she had avoided the thought because she was afraid that her penchant for doing her “own thing” would get her into trouble anywhere she tried to go. Did that mean that working for herself was her only option?
She needed to talk to someone, to bounce ideas off of them and have them help her sort through all of this. The face that immediately crossed her mind was Logan’s. Why not her dad? He could help her. He would love to help her. But he wasn’t the one she wanted to talk to. She wanted to hear Logan’s take on all of this. She wanted him to help her figure out what to do.
She started and looked around. She was standing in the middle of her apartment courtyard like an idiot. She hurried to her apartment, which thankfully was empty.
She leaned back against the front door and sank to the floor. She had a major life-changing decision to contemplate and the first person she thought about going to for help was Logan. He had been so there lately, Veronica had gotten used to Logan’s presence. She had gotten used to having him around again. His presence in her life seemed so natural, it only made sense that he be who she wanted to turn to.
But how could she? They weren’t a couple. They weren’t together anymore. She hadn’t spoken with him about anything significant in almost half a year. But his input was the one she wanted. Was this-was this what he-what they-wanted? Was this instinct to include someone what it meant to let someone in?
Her thoughts were racing so furiously Veronica felt like she couldn’t breathe. Was this an epiphany? Is that what this was? Did she need Logan in her life? Did she want him in her life? Did it matter? What if she did? Would he want her anymore? Did she want him to help her make important decisions? What did that mean? What was all of this?
Veronica started to hyperventilate, which freaked her out even more. She stuck her head between her legs and focused on her breathing. That’s what everything said to do when you hyperventilated, right? Clear her mind. Focus on breathing-in, out, in, out. She could do this. She could breathe. That she could do.
An uncertain amount of time later-it could have been minutes, it could have been an hour-Veronica found herself to be breathing regularly. She lifted her head up, reveling in the feel of the air filling her lungs.
She needed to see Logan. That thought was foremost in her mind. She needed to act on these instincts while she still had them. She didn’t want to freak him out or anything, but if this was a shot at her having a functional relationship, she had to try. She had to.
She had to.
***
Logan was sitting on the floor of Mars Investigations sorting through the Ls. This sorting thing had become something of an obsession for him. Or maybe it just turned out that he liked the mental challenge of investigative work more than he thought he would. Not that he wanted to do it for a living (in fact, he had designs on screenwriting), but he liked it.
It hadn’t been as hard being around Veronica as he had feared. At work he could focus on case files. He had to throw out droll comments, to be sure, but it wasn’t about her, that was just him being him. At school, they ran into each other, but it was brief. At home, his focus was on Keith. He liked that. He liked talking with Keith.
Logan couldn’t-he couldn’t let it go back to how it was. He couldn’t get used to having Veronica around, having her in his life. He had to keep his focus on other things. That way, it wasn’t too bad.
And things were fine.
He heard the door open and smelled Veronica’s perfume.
“Hey, V. How was your day?” he asked without looking up, his attention on a file marked “Ledding, Crystal.” At first glance it looked like a simple case of a cheating husband.
“Logan, can I talk to you?”
Veronica had done the surveillance during what would have been their junior year.
“Logan, can I talk to you?”
He looked up.
“What?”
“I-“ Veronica looked uncertain. “I got a letter today and I need to talk to somebody about it. Could we-grab dinner?”
Logan looked at his ex-girlfriend blankly. What was she asking him?
“It’s-it’s-I just need-um, do you mind?”
“No, I don’t-I don’t mind.” Logan didn’t consciously say the words, they just came out of his mouth.
What was this?
~
Once again, Logan found himself unexpectedly sitting opposite a member of the Mars family at a restaurant, this time Neptune’s International House of Pancakes.
They had ordered and were staring into their drinks when Veronica pulled an envelope out of her bag.
“The FBI’s invited me back for another internship,” she said, pushing the letter in front of him.
“Congratulations,” he said. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”
Veronica seemed to deflate. “I’m not sure.”
“What do you mean?”
“This summer, working at the FBI, it was great, you know? The things they had us do were interesting, challenging. And their resources are amazing.” Her voice trailed off.
“But?” Logan prompted.
“But,” she repeated with a wan smile. “The FBI has lots of rules. Lots,” her expression became rueful. “I got written up, which I haven’t told anyone.” Logan nodded. Who would? “I mean, they liked me well enough. I got a commendation for original thinking at the same time I got written up, but-well, I didn’t think they’d want me back. I figured that option was closed. Until-“ she brushed the letter with her fingertips. “I got this. And-I don’t know what I should do. Should I go? Should I try? Do I want to try to fit into their rules? Who doesn’t want to work for the FBI? Am I an idiot for even considering not going? What else would I do if I didn’t go?”
She stopped and Logan regarded her evenly. She looked back at him questioningly.
“You want my advice?” he asked.
“Yes, I want your advice,” she replied.
“Why me?” He needed to know. “I know your dad would help if you asked. He’d love to talk to you about this.”
“I thought of you first,” she said, looking down at the table. “I want to know what you think.”
Logan took a deep breath. “Okay. Obviously law enforcement is where you’re going to end up. You’re good at it, you enjoy it, and your skill set is perfect for it-well, that or assassin.” Veronica smiled. “Does it have to be the FBI, though? Why not another agency with fewer rules? Or at least different rules? What about the NSA or the CIA? I’m not an expert on these things, but their reputation has always been less ‘stuffy’ than the FBI’s, hasn’t it? What about Interpol? Do they hire Americans? You could do local law enforcement and then work up to one of those, or maybe you would only have to do that with something like Interpol. Maybe you go straight to Langley with the CIA. The NSA might be better, though. They’re not even an official agency. They were founded by a memo. Fewer rules,” Logan flashed his trademark grin.
“You wanted my advice, that’s it. Find the agency whose rules you’re most comfortable with.”
“What about this summer?” Veronica countered.
“Seems to me that any of them would be more interested in an applicant who interned two summers with the FBI. Plus, if you ever go into private practice, it would add to your street cred.”
Veronica smiled.
“I thought of you first.”
“Why, yes, you did.”
“I asked for your advice.”
“Yes again.”
“Is it too late, Logan? Is it too late for me to make room-to need to make room-for you in my life?”
Logan pondered this for a moment.
“I’ve never stopped loving you, you know. I can’t,” he answered. “I just didn’t think we could make it work. I don’t know, could you do this more often? Ask me for help? Include me?”
“I feel safe with you, Logan. You know how hard that is for me to admit, but I do. And safe should be a good thing, but I’m afraid-I’m afraid that if I start to feel safe, that feeling will be taken away and I’ll be even worse off.” She looked down at the plate of eggs that the waitress had put in front of her moments before.
There was silence for a moment as Logan realized that some of the most crucial experiences of Veronica’s life had followed that exact pattern. She was safe with Duncan-and he had dumped her without a word. When they dated again, he ended up fleeing the country. She had been safe with her mom, who also left her not once, but twice. Not to mention that after a year of fear and doubt, Veronica found out she hadn’t been raped, which safe zone was also then shown to be a disgusting lie.
In each case, safety was proffered, only to be ripped away leaving Veronica worse off in the end.
“I’m-“ Logan hesitated while he thought about how to phrase this. “Veronica, I am always here for you and I would never leave you. I would do anything to help you work through this. My question is are you willing to work through this? I can help you, but you’re the one who would have to change, who would have to go through this. Can you do that? Are you willing to go through that?”
These were hard questions, phrased more harshly, perhaps, than one would expect given the vulnerable state Veronica was putting herself in right at this moment, but he had to know. Logan had to push Veronica to be honest with herself, because he couldn’t be with her again only to have it implode. And he was pretty sure she couldn’t handle that, either. It wasn’t just himself he was trying to save-it was her, too, even if she didn’t know it. Neither of them could survive another meltdown, not by a long shot. Logan had to know that this woman he loved knew what they-what she-would be getting into.
There was silence as Veronica poked at her food and Logan waited, tense.
“You were the first person I thought of, and damn if that wasn’t some good advice,” she laughed as tears glimmered on her lashes and she took a shaky breath. She looked up at him.
“I want this. I want you, Logan. I want it more than I thought possible. I thought of you today and you were there. I want to do this. Can we do this, Logan? Can we?”
Logan looked back into the blue eyes focused on him, eyes which for once were not guarded, not holding back. Logan looked into Veronica’s eyes and saw her, the Veronica he had loved for so long, but who had been closed off behind a world of hurt, unreachable. These were the eyes he could spend eternity with. These were the eyes that loved him.
“I think the two of us, working together, are unstoppable is what I think,” Logan couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across his face.
He wondered if he should be thrilled at this unexpected turn of events or furious with himself for believing again, but regardless of his wishes, the thrilled part-undoubtedly controlled by his heart-was winning. And as he looked into Veronica’s eyes, he felt for the first time in a long time that trusting her was right.
“I love you, Logan Echolls, and I want us to work. Please. Please, let’s do this,” said the love of his life.
Logan took a deep breath.
“Let’s do this,” he said.
The journey of a lifetime starts with one step, and they were taking it together. Unstoppable, indeed.
***
Keith opened the door to Mars Investigations to the unexpected sound of both his daughter and Logan laughing. The two of them were sitting on the floor surrounded by case files, laughing so hard Keith thought that one or both of them might asphyxiate.
“You two okay?” he asked, his voice amused.
Both young people nodded, but it was a minute or two before either could catch their breath enough to answer. Veronica recovered first.
“I was giving Logan the details of the Moretti case. You remember-the one with the pig and-“
Logan snorted and Veronica dissolved into laughter again.
“And the giant Slinky that attacked me,” finished Keith for her, rolling his eyes. “I can’t tell you how glad I am that you clarified that for him. Really.” The Moretti case had not been one of his better moments.
“Oh, I don’t know, Keith,” Logan managed to get out. “I think it should be enshrined.”
“I have a report due to Judge Stephenson tomorrow, Mr. Echolls. You better watch yourself, or I may tell him that you’re the one who put a pot-bellied pig in the hospital.”
“Yes, sir!” Logan managed to grunt, jauntily saluting the older man.
“Whatever,” Keith rolled his eyes, pretending to be put-upon as he passed the pair on the floor and went into his office, closing the door to the sounds of their renewed laughter.
He sank into his chair, stunned. That was her. That was the happy version of his daughter. Unbidden tears sprang to Keith’s eyes.
The more time Keith spent with Logan, the more he had come to like him, to have true respect for him. He had known that it would be foolish to try to matchmake between Logan and Veronica, but deep down, Keith had wanted to. The more he came to like Logan, the more he missed the happy version of his daughter that the young man used to bring out.
And there she was-right outside his door. The happy, content Veronica that had been missing for so long.
This perfect atmosphere wasn’t going to be 24/7. Keith knew both his daughter and Logan well enough to know that the future wouldn’t be all rainbows and kittens, but he was also aware that the two of them wouldn’t be going down this road again unless both of them were committed to it. And he was going to do everything he could to help.
Because sometimes good things did happen to good people.
Fin