TITLE: ALL SHOOK UP...part 6b
TITLE: ALL SHOOK UP
AUTHOR: VNapier
PAIRING: Ennis/Jack
RATING: R - NC17
FEEDBACK: Always. E mail me at BBMFAN@ZOOMINTERNET.NET
DISCLAIMERS: Standard disclaimers. The characters are not mine, but the story is.
SUMMARY: This is a sequel to 'If Anyone Can Show Just Cause, Speak Now...' and 'Til Death Do Us Part'. Those stories can be found on my
livejournal at http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/
part 1 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/23041.html
part 2 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/23455.html
part 3 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/23618.html
part 4 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/23873.html
part 5 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/24287.html
part 6a - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/24491.html
Up the stairs the two men went, but Ennis grabbed Jack's arm before his hand reached the knob on the huge wooden front door. "Don't wanna fuck no woman," he growled low and full of meaning.
"Cowboy, you ain't gonna be fuckin' nothin' but me," Jack practically purred, and the last vestiges of Private John Twist melted away into whatever obscure place it had found life.
The door opened suddenly and they both jumped back as if they had been caught doing something wrong. "Twist! Where the hell ya been? Thought fer sure ya dead or somethin'," a loud voice slurred. The man winked at Ennis and elbowed Jack hard in the ribs as he passed by. "Twist here don't need no bank account. Spends so much time here, he jus' turns his pay over at the end a the month."
"Yeah, Baker that's me, Fuckin' Private Twist."
Ennis felt his blood begin to boil. As soon as Baker staggered away, Jack turned to him, his expression apologetic, but he was stopped short by another greeting. This one was neither boisterous nor insulting.
"Evening, Jack."
"Evenin', Miss Ellie." Jack's voice was suddenly respectful with familiarity.
The woman in the doorway was dressed in a long flowing robe, more classy than Ennis would have imagined for a whore, but clingy enough to leave very little to the imagination as to what was contained inside the yellow satin folds. She was older, maybe in her mid thirties, but had a beauty that was only accentuated, not marred, by the lines that were settling in around her steel-gray eyes.
"Jack, honey, you sure wasn't kidding. That is one mighty fine looking cowboy," she said with a voice throaty with sensual approval.
Despite his anger and confusion, Ennis blushed under the sudden attention.
"This here's Ennis." There was real pride in Jack's words.
Miss Ellie smiled at Jack, the same smile Ennis had seen on Thelma's face so many times, but now accompanied by a suggestive wink that Thelma would never think of giving to anyone, probably not even Elmer.
"Trina's been looking forward to taking you for another roll. As for your friend, I'll be taking this cowboy for a ride, myself."
Before Ennis could object, Ellie had her arm wrapped around his and was leading him down a long hall, while Jack easily headed off in the opposite direction with a giggling brunette on his arm. With his wits still in a jumble, he was ushered down a flight of stairs to a closed door at the end of a short hallway. As soon as Ellie opened the door and he saw the big bed on the other side of the room, he balked.
"Ma'am, I don't mean ta be rude, but I ain't-"
His objections were cut off when a door on the other side of the room opened, and Jack slipped inside, giving the giggling brunette a quick peck on the cheek, and then waggling his finger at her when she pinched his butt before pulling the door closed behind her.
A hand against the middle of Ennis' back had him stepping forward into the room. He barely noticed the door closing behind him because Jack was heading his way with a feral gleam in his eyes.
"Jack-" but his protest was cut off when Jack captured his mouth in a demanding kiss, their bodies impacting against the closed door with a loud 'thud'.
With Ennis caught off guard, Jack took the upper hand while his lower hand managed to work free Ennis' belt, and slid the zipper down far enough to work his fingers into the flap of Ennis' shorts. As soon as Jack's fingertips made contact, all thoughts of anything and anyone but the man he wanted so bad his teeth hurt.
"Fuckin' need ya so bad," Jack pleaded as his movements became more frantic.
Ennis' last coherent thought before Jack swallowed his cock was that there was no way Jack's need could possibly be more than his own.
*** *** *** ***
Ennis couldn't move, didn't want to move. He would move later, when the need to fuck Jack took hold of him again, as it surely was going to do. For now, though, he was content lay on his back, his head pillowed on Jack's shoulder, and Jack's arm draped possessively across his chest.
The rustle of the sheets penetrated the satiated haze, the distinctive click of a lighter case being flipped open, the scraping of wheel against flint, once, twice, a third time, and the familiar 'pop' as the wick is ignited. Confirmation came in the pungent scent of the burnt fluid mixed with the more sweet aroma of burning tobacco. A hand appeared in front of his face, offering the recently lit cigarette.
In the palm of Jack's hand was a brass Zippo lighter, held in place by his ring and pinky fingers. Instead of accepting the cigarette, Ennis' fingers eased the lighter free of Jack's grip.
How many times had he shared a smoke with Jack over this very lighter? First time was back in Signal, when Jack had freely shared both the lighter and his history over a few beers with a total stranger. Under his head, Jack shifted a little, then the warmth of his man's breath washed over his temple, carrying the vague scent of cigarettes to his nostrils.
"Didn't know how I was ever gonna make it two years without ya," Jack said softly, almost reverently, into his ear, while his body shuddered against Ennis. "Damn, Cowboy. Never once though a you showin' up here."
"Probably wouldn't a if..." When Ennis considered what had precipitated it all, he had to laugh before tossing the lighter onto the table and snagging the cigarette from between Jack's fingers.
"If what?" Jack demanded. His arm tighted its hold, while the rest of him trembled under Ennis' shoulders.
"Ya ain't gonna like it," Ennis teased.
"Friend, there ain't nothin' I wouldn't like if it's what got ya up here with me."
"Shit."
"I ain't lyin'," Jack objected.
Ennis rolled around, kicking aside the sheets before they could become hopelessly tangled around his legs, and then settling back next to Jack. The length of his body was pressed against his man, his leg possessively entrapping Jack's thigh, his own thigh pressing gently against balls that were cool and moist from the lingering sheen of sweat and semen.
"Ain't lyin' neither," he said as Jack looked up at him with those eyes that could give him courage when he never would have dared to claim it on his own. "Had ta unstop a toilet full a shit. Broke off the snake, an' then stripped the fuckin' bolts when I unset the toilet ta get it out. New bolts came wrapped in newspaper, with that ad I told ya 'bout."
Jack's eyes twinkled with merriment. "Guess that means ya didn't get all constipated from missin' me."
Ennis snorted. "Wasn't my shit, ya dumbass."
The merriment faded into something so much more, something that couldn't be defined with words any known words. At least not the words that could be summoned by two hard-luck cowboys who never had the chance to finish high school.
"Thought fer sure I'd done lost my mind when I seen ya standin' outside the barracks," Jack whispered. "Been worse'n some damn fool kid, creamin' my fuckin' sheets every night."
The heat rose in Ennis' cheeks. "Hate warshin' sheets."
"Why?" Jack laughed.
"Cain't never get 'em folded right. 'specially them fitted ones."
Having Jack laid out all naked and available and looking like he wanted nothing more than to be fucked, easily got Ennis back into the fucking mood. He still had some thoughts on where they were and how they came to be there and even on the frustrations of folding sheets, but he shoved them aside. Be time enough for worrying about all that later, after he'd had another go round with his man.
The cigarette was snatched out of Jack's hand and disposed of in the ashtray on the table by the bed. Hands and lips roamed over bare flesh that was barely dried from their last attempt at fucking themselves senseless, while cocks rehardened as smoldering flames of long-frustrated desires were once again fanned back to life.
Teeth drew blood as Ennis bit down too hard on Jack's lip. The coppery tang was like waving a red flag in front of an agitated bull, but in this case there were two bulls in the ring, both of which were raring to go. As much as it was love-making, it was also a battle, not of wills and not for supremacy, but for the simple act of laying claim to that which was theirs.
With a grunt, Jack lunged, and suddenly Ennis found himself pinned face-down against the mattress, with Jack's hot breath fanning his neck. Without preamble, the wet tip of Jack's hard cock pressed into his backside, pushing aside tight muscles, until sweaty hips were pressed firmly against Ennis' backside.
Passions warred with ill ease, but when Jack began thrusting, Ennis didn't fight it, in fact, he did all he could to make it right. Hard as he tried, though, he was unable to lose himself in the sensations like he did when he was on top of Jack, or like Jack seemed to do when it was Ennis inside of him.
Arousal and contrition make for strange bedfellows, and when Jack came, fast and furious, he did so alone. Barely collapsed onto Ennis' back, Ennis rolled them both over and flipped Jack onto his stomach. Between Jack's post-orgasmic laxness and the remnants of their first go round, Ennis' dick slid in with ease. It only took a few thrusts before he came hard, collapsing down onto Jack's sweaty back, feeling the rightness even as he scorned himself for not being able to do the same way when it was Jack sprawled out on top of him.
Gasping breaths were the only sounds to be heard until Ennis' softening erection became too little and Jack's muscles too tight and it slipped free of Jack's body. Jack groaned at the loss, a sound that was startlingly comforting in its familiarity.
Ennis made no effort to move off of Jack, and Jack made no effort to get him to move. If the unusual quiescence was due to some unspoken mutual disappointment over what had happened, or more precisely what had *not* happened, Ennis did not know. What bothered him the most was that he didn't know why he couldn't get it right, and if somewhere down the road it might be something that would make Jack go looking for someone who could.
After a few moments of contemplation that left him feeling betrayed and cheated by his own body, he slid to the side, but only far enough to take the bulk of his weight off of Jack. With his forehead resting on Jack's sweaty shoulder, he inhaled Jack's scent with each ragged breath, wishing with all his heart that so many things were different, but oddly gratified that other things were not.
Slowly, Jack's breathing evened out, while Ennis' did the same. When Jack still made no effort to move away, and the only sound he made was the occasional softly issued moan, Ennis snuggled closer. The need was strong to offer both apology and comfort for something he wasn't sure that Jack understood, for something he wasn't even sure that he understood.
How could something that made Jack feel so good leave him feeling like there was something missing inside himself? It took a long while, but eventually he fell into an troubled sleep, taking comfort in the contact of Jack's body, and feeling guilty for doing so.
*** *** *** ***
"Jack?"
"Yeah?" Jack responded sleeply.
"Gotta piss."
"Since when ya need my permission?"
Ennis bit Jack's shoulder; hard because he didn't take well to smart-ass first thing in the morning, and on the shoulder because they were still in the some position as when they had fallen asleep and it was just too darn convenient.
"Shit!" Jack yelped. "Fuckin' bathroom's across the hall."
"Should a jus' said so in the first place."
Ennis had his pants on when he was abruptly hit with the full impact of where they were. "Jack?"
"Huh?"
"Cain't go out there. Might run inta someone out in the hall."
"What time is it?"
Ennis squinted at the big ben alarm clock on the table by the bed. "Little before eight."
Jack snorted. "Ennis, ain't no one but you ever up this early on a Sunday mornin'."
Reluctant as he was to leave the relative security of this one room, his bladder was not about to take 'later' for an answer. He figured it would be worse getting caught pissing out the window, especially since he would have to go upstairs to find one, so, after taking a deep breath, he opened the door and quickly snuck across the hall.
When he returned, he slipped his jeans off and sat with a pillow behind his back against the iron rods that made up the headboard. Eight was sleeping half the day for him. There would be no getting his body to settle back down.
"Gonna tell me about this place?"
"It's a whorehose. Folks come here ta fuck. We're folks, so we fucked like we was supposed ta."
Ennis chuckled when Jack quickly rolled away, barely missing the smack that was intended for his bare backside. Smartass or not, Jack wasn't a total fool. Ennis grabbed Jack's cigarettes and the lighter off the bed table. After lighting one, he took a long drag, then exhaled a burst of silvery smoke.
"Way I heard it, men come ta these places ta pay women ta let 'em fuck 'em. Ain't no woman in this bed, and I sure as hell ain't gonna be payin' ya."
Jack rolled over, facing Ennis, but still clinging to far edge of the mattress. "You sayin' I ain't worth it?"
"Nope." Ennis took another drag on the cigarette. "Sayin' why the hell'd I pay fer somethin' I can get fer free."
"I should be insulted," Jack huffed with mock indignation.
"Why? Yer gettin' it fer free, too." After taking another drag, Ennis held out the cigarette to Jack. "Now get over here an' tell me how come we're fuckin' in a place like this."
Jack eyed Ennis warily, then sighed and accepted the cigarette. "No more biting, okay. Leastways not from behind." Sliding over, Jack put the other pillow up against the iron rod headboard and sat down next to Ennis. "Won't be easy explain' marks back there, not when yer supposed ta be a woman."
Ennis berated himself for not thinking of that when he bit Jack's shoulder. Things were different here. "Sorry fer bitin' ya so hard."
As usual, Jack's forgiveness was swift and unconditional. "I deserved it. Don't mind a few marks, as long as they ain't someplace no woman'd be puttin' 'em."
"Reckon that's why ya was actin' like ya was, back at the base," Ennis said more than asked. "Was beginnin' ta think ya wasn't all that happy I come up here."
"Shit, Ennis." Jack looked almost hurt. "Ya got no fuckin' idea how hard it was keepin' my hands off ya. Wanted ta touch ya so bad, not even for startin' nothin', jus' ta know fer sure that ya was really here." Jack took a long drag of his cigarette, the kind that went beyond the need to smoke, to a place where need was stronger than anything that could be done to satisfy it. "Couldn't. I'd a never been able ta hold back if I did...hell, I wanted to fuck ya right there on Cajun's bunk, but that woulda jus' messed everythin' up."
The Cheshire grin that Ennis had come to recognize washed over Jack's face. "'sides, I already had this worked out."
And they were back to the original question. "An' what is *this* ya got worked out?"
Jack didn't answer right away, shifted around, casually putting a little distance between them. A couple of drags on the cigarette later, he spoke cautiously. "Heard 'bout this place from the guys in my unit. Ya know, like ya heard 'bout it from the guys you work with. Couldn't think a no good reason not to come with 'em when they asked. Decided I wasn't gonna spend the next two years lyin' 'bout havin' me a gal back home. Lots a guys in the barracks ain't married, an' ain't lookin' ta be, neither. After what happened with Lureen, I didn't think you'd wanna know nothin' 'bout this place."
"Probably right," Ennis confirmed, although he wasn't any more happy about hearing about it now. "How many the gals 'round here you fucked?"
"Only fucked Trina once. Afterwards, ended up in the kitchen with Miss Ellie. Spent the whole night talkin' over coffee. Told 'er 'bout Wyomin' and shit. She told me...how she come ta be here 'cause her ol' man hated her. Come the next weekend, we done our socilizin' in her room. Everyone thought want they wanted. Still do."
Resentment sprang forward before it could be reined in. "Ya been fuckin' her regular-like?"
"She offered," Jack laughed, "fer free, too...because she likes me. Told 'er I wasn't interested. She figured out the rest fer herself." Leaning forward, Jack reached down and picked at the nail of his big toe. "Ellie don't judge. She...way she sees it, bein' queer ain't much different than bein' a whore, leastways, not when it comes ta how most folks'll look down on ya fer it."
"Ya tell her 'bout me, too?"
"Ellie ain't stupid. If I'm a fuckin' queer, then the man I'm missin' so bad's gonna be, too."
Ennis closed his eyes and told himself that he Jack was right, that he was queer...gay...whatever. It had been so much easier when the debate was just within himself, easier to deny, easier to admit, easier to change his mind when he needed to. Was just plain easier when it wasn't so many people knowing. "Ya tell Jennin's, too?"
"I'm in the fuckin' US Army, Ennis. There ain't no way..." Jack paused. "If I was gonna tell 'em I was queer, I'd a fuckin' kissed that recruiter back in Colorado, fucked 'im if I had ta, an' not got drafted in the first place. I'm in now an' I plan on servin' my time an' gettin' out honorable like, not with some fuckin' dishonorable fer bein' a pervert hangin' 'round my neck fer the rest a my life. If everyone thinkin' I fuck whores all weekend keeps 'em from thinkin' somethin' else, I don't see the problem."
In those words Ennis found a ray of hope, or maybe of despair. "No one else knows ya ain't...ya know?"
"Fuckin' women?" Jack asked.
Ennis nodded.
"Trina does. She's the brunette I was supposed ta be fuckin' last night while you was supposed ta...ta be with Ellie." Jack settle back down against the headboard, raising his hand to his face, but scratching his nose instead of taking another drag on the cigarette. "They ain't gonna tell no one."
"Why?" Ennis needed to know. "Why'd they be willin' ta lie fer ya? They ain't with us, but they cain't be with no one else, neither. Why'd they do that, when they'd be losin' out on...on whatever they charge fer the night?"
"Three bucks an' hour; twenty for the whole night," Jack said matter-of-factly. "After the quake, things was real hard for a lot a folks. Ellie didn't have no running water and the oil in the tank out back for the heater all leaked out. No one would sell 'er any because of who she was. Said decent folk deserved it first."
Ennis could hear the resentment and anger in Jack's voice. He didn't think it was right, either, but unlike Jack, he would have let it go. Shamed him to admit that, but it was the pure truth.
"This place used ta be hooked up to a well 'fore the city laid water lines, an' there's a buck stove down in the basement that was used fer heat 'fore Ellie put in that gas furnace a few years back. Whenever I got some time, I come by an' help out. Got the pump goin' and chopped up some wood for the stove. Fixed a few other things 'rough here, too. Ellie offered this room to me, so I'd have someplace safe if I found me a man ta...even offered ta help me find some guy who wouldn't cause me no trouble. That's why I told her 'bout you, and why she's willin' ta help so's we can be tagether. Said we was welcome here any time, an' she'd cover fer us."
Although Ennis tried to fight it, tried to hang on to the image of Ellie as just a whore who wasn't nobody to him, thoughts of the Fleishman and Rich kept flooding his mind, reminding him that he would have never found their friendship, either, if Jack hadn't paved the way first. Hell, Jack was the one who took the change up on Brokeback, even knowing that Ennis was more likely to beat him to a pulp instead of taking to fucking whenever the mood struck.
Still, it wasn't easy, knowing that someone else knew what they did. Especially when that someone wasn't liable to be ignoring the idea that he and Jack fucked, might even be thinking on how they done it, too.
"Ennis?"
Old fears came to bear. "Don't know...Someone'll figure it out." He shook his head. "Too many people seein' us-"
"Ennis, it ain't gonna get no better than this!" Jack protested hotly. "We can both come right in the front door, like any other horny guy looking fer sex, and won't no one be thinkin' anything morn'n we're a fuckin' bastard who ain't got the decency ta find a good woman an' settle down." A frustrated sigh dampened the heat in Jack's voice. "Ya heard Baker. Whole goddamn base thinks all I do when I ain't on duty is fuck whores."
Old fears don't give up without a fight. "Won't be the same if I'm here, too. Folks'll-"
"Son of a whoreson bitch!" Jack jumped off the bed an paced the floor at the foot of the bed, his limp dick bouncing back and forth with each angry stride. The cigarette was finished before Jack stopped, facing Ennis with his hands on his hips, stomach all flat and tight, standing in what would be one hell of a sexy pose if his expression wasn't so angry and hurt. "You got a better idea?"
The intensity of Jack's scrutiny inflamed Ennis' fears. "We gotta go someplace else, someplace where no one's gonna see us tagether."
"And where the fuck ya think that place is?"
"Out there," Ennis snapped defensively with a vague wave towards the door. "Alaska ain't nothin' but wide open space. Can go campin', out in middle a nowhere."
Jack sat down on the foot of the bed, his leg tucked under him, and looking straight ahead at the wall instead of towards Ennis. "Ya think that'll be less suspicious? Two guys goin' off tagether ta freeze their balls off in some tent, when they could be fuckin' up a storm in a nice cozy bed with some mighty fine whores?"
"Wouldn't a been suspicious at all, if ya hadn't made yerself out ta be such an asshole that can't keep 'is fuckin' pants zipped fer five whole seconds." Regret immediately followed in the wake of his words, but the frustration of it all held any attempt to make amends at bay.
"Fuck you!"
Ennis stared at the door after it was slammed behind Jack, stunned less by the hostile retreat than he was by the fact that it had been done without a stitch of clothing. There wasn't any place Jack could go except the bathroom, so Ennis waited.
And waited.
The ticking of the clock had gone unnoticed until Jack's departure, but now it echoed off the walls while the hands slowly wound their way around the dial. At a little passed ten, it was clear that Jack wasn't coming back, naked or not.
Ennis had no clue how he was going to get back to Moose Pass, but he figured if he didn't leave soon he would end up owing something to someone for the room that had been offered to Jack, not him. He slowly made his way up the stairs and through the hall towards the front door, the only path through the house that he knew, when a voice from a doorway he just passed stopped him in his tracks.
"There's going to come a time when you're going to have to trust someone."
Ennis turned and found himself looking into Ellie's clear gray eyes. The color reminded him of the icebergs he saw out at sea, but the emotions in them were too warm. It was an unnerving combination that set his defenses on edge. "Don't gotta be you."
The warmth in her eyes faded, but didn't not disappear. "Maybe not, but you could do worse."
"Why?"
"Because I'm willing to give you what no one else around here can."
"And what's that?"
"A pussy and a pair of tits to hide behind. Isn't that what all queer men are looking for?"
He flinched at the word queer and blushed over the rest. Given the satisfaction in her expression, at least one, if not both, had been her intent.
She turned and walked back into the kitchen. At the sink, she rinsed her coffee cup before setting down into the porcelain interior with a soft clink. Turning, she stared at him as she leaned casually against the counter, her plain white cotton robe a stark contrast to the flashy robe from the night before. "There's a bus station seven blocks over to the west. Only one bus goes to Moose Pass on Sunday. Leaves about three."
Somehow it seemed pointless to deny that he had been wondering how he was going to get back to the room where Grainger had put him up. She knew, but how was the question bumping around in thoughts. "Never told Jack that's where I was stayin'."
Ellie laughed, but there was no humor in the sound, nor was there any censure. "All kinds of men come here to fuck, and when they're through, they usually like to do some talking. I'm fully aware of where the road crews for Grainger Construction are staying. Baxter Contracting, too. Then there's the rigs the roughnecks are assigned to, and what boats the crabbers have been out on."
Despite the jeans and shirt and coat, Ennis felt naked under her scrutiny. He had gotten used to some people being able to see more of him than he liked - Jack, Thelma, Elmer, Rich, even Delilah - but Ellie was different. She saw places the others didn't dare look.
"Where's Jack?"
"'m right here."
Ennis turned and saw Jack standing in the doorway leading down to the room where they had shared a bed, and from which he had obviously stopped in long enough to throw on his jeans. His expression wasn't sad or hurt or anything else Ennis would have expected. Jack looked defeated, which was even worse.
"Guess yer leavin," Jack said more as a statement that an inquiry.
Ennis glanced into the kitchen, and was surprised to find only empty space. He hadn't heard Ellie leave and didn't even know where she had gone. In the end, he guessed it didn't really matter, either. There was only one thing that did matter.
Jack moved towards Ennis, but stopped a few feet short. "Ennis, ain't nothin' ever gonna be easy fer us. Ain't nothin' ever gonna be all the way right, neither. Don't like it any more'n you do, but if ya cain't fix it, ya gotta find a way a standin' it."
The corner of Jack's mouth twitched and a brief spark of life crackled in his questioning gaze. Ennis didn't know whether to punch Jack or kiss him for throwing his own words back in his face. He did know that neither was going to happen standing there where anyone could overhear them. Taking his hat off, he walked passed Jack, down the stairs and into the room that still smelled of sex and cigarettes.
The steady tread of boots on hardwood followed him, stopping somewhere behind where Ennis stood staring at the bed where he and Jack had made love. Could it work? Could they really have this place, a spot of normalcy in a world where condemnation came more harshly than acceptance could make things better?
Strong arms slipped around his waist from behind, and that warm body that could sometimes make him forget his fears pressed up him. Jack's chin came to rest on his shoulder, and the gentle wash of Jack's breaths infusing him with both courage and longing. He wanted this. He wanted it so damn bad, wanted so damn much more, too...if only.
"Know how ya don't like bein' beholdin' ta no one," Jack said softly, gently, neither pushing nor demanding.
What Jack didn't know was that there was no one Ennis could ever be more beholding to than him. Jack had saved him from marrying Alma. He had resented the hell out of Jack at the time, even for a while after, but now he could only be grateful.
Jack knew best then, even when his own mind was telling him that Jack had ruined everything. That's how he felt looking at this room - rumpled sheets and cast-iron bed, knotty pine table and chest, picture of a silly looking cat on the wall by the door, damnable alarm clock that ticked too loud and looked like it could wake the dead if it was to go off, over-stuffed blue chair in the corner - scared that if he gave in it would ruin everything, but could it be that Jack knew best now, too?
"There's going to come a time when you're going to have to trust someone."
Ellie was wrong. He trusted Jack, it was the rest of the fucking world he couldn't trust. Too many tire irons, too many faggot haters, too many *respectable* folk ready to condemn him for something that he hadn't asked for, hadn't even wanted, but couldn't imagine ever living without. That was why he was here, thousands of miles away from the only things he'd ever known, fears be damned.
"Ya...ya really think we..." Ennis damned his father, his brother, and all the bigoted assholes in the world that would make something that should be so damned easy so goddamned fucking hard.
"'s all right," Jack whispered softly, soothingly, comfortingly. Warm lips kissed Ennis' neck.
"How?" Maybe if he knew more it would help. Might make things worse, but it might not.
"Can meet here on Saturday. Give us the whole night, most a the next day, too. Every damn weekend, Ennis. Be hard gettin' tagether durin' the week, even if we wasn't havin' ta sneak 'round." Jack sighed. "Maybe if I can get me a jeep. Can get down yer way some evenin's. Maybe find us a bar fer drinkin', playin' some pool, shootin' the shit like any other two buddies'd do."
Jack's hands were warm against his chest, touching him so gently, but at the same time, with a strength that Ennis longed to claim for his own. Where he had faith only in Jack, Jack allowed himself to trust others. Without Jack blazing the trail, trusting when Ennis would have just walked away, there would be no Fleishmans in his life, maybe not even Rich. Jack trusted Ellie, but could he?
"Jus' think 'bout it, Cowboy."
Ennis glanced at the clock on the bedside table. It was only ten thirty. Ellie said the bus to Moose Pass didn't run until three. That left nearly four hours before he had to leave, and he knew exactly how he wanted to spend them.
"Think 'bout it later," Ennis growled.
"Got something else in mind fer now?" Even as he asked, Jack's hands were working loose Ennis' belt.
"You bet."
TBC...
AUTHOR: VNapier
PAIRING: Ennis/Jack
RATING: R - NC17
FEEDBACK: Always. E mail me at BBMFAN@ZOOMINTERNET.NET
DISCLAIMERS: Standard disclaimers. The characters are not mine, but the story is.
SUMMARY: This is a sequel to 'If Anyone Can Show Just Cause, Speak Now...' and 'Til Death Do Us Part'. Those stories can be found on my
livejournal at http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/
part 1 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/23041.html
part 2 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/23455.html
part 3 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/23618.html
part 4 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/23873.html
part 5 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/24287.html
part 6a - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/24491.html
Up the stairs the two men went, but Ennis grabbed Jack's arm before his hand reached the knob on the huge wooden front door. "Don't wanna fuck no woman," he growled low and full of meaning.
"Cowboy, you ain't gonna be fuckin' nothin' but me," Jack practically purred, and the last vestiges of Private John Twist melted away into whatever obscure place it had found life.
The door opened suddenly and they both jumped back as if they had been caught doing something wrong. "Twist! Where the hell ya been? Thought fer sure ya dead or somethin'," a loud voice slurred. The man winked at Ennis and elbowed Jack hard in the ribs as he passed by. "Twist here don't need no bank account. Spends so much time here, he jus' turns his pay over at the end a the month."
"Yeah, Baker that's me, Fuckin' Private Twist."
Ennis felt his blood begin to boil. As soon as Baker staggered away, Jack turned to him, his expression apologetic, but he was stopped short by another greeting. This one was neither boisterous nor insulting.
"Evening, Jack."
"Evenin', Miss Ellie." Jack's voice was suddenly respectful with familiarity.
The woman in the doorway was dressed in a long flowing robe, more classy than Ennis would have imagined for a whore, but clingy enough to leave very little to the imagination as to what was contained inside the yellow satin folds. She was older, maybe in her mid thirties, but had a beauty that was only accentuated, not marred, by the lines that were settling in around her steel-gray eyes.
"Jack, honey, you sure wasn't kidding. That is one mighty fine looking cowboy," she said with a voice throaty with sensual approval.
Despite his anger and confusion, Ennis blushed under the sudden attention.
"This here's Ennis." There was real pride in Jack's words.
Miss Ellie smiled at Jack, the same smile Ennis had seen on Thelma's face so many times, but now accompanied by a suggestive wink that Thelma would never think of giving to anyone, probably not even Elmer.
"Trina's been looking forward to taking you for another roll. As for your friend, I'll be taking this cowboy for a ride, myself."
Before Ennis could object, Ellie had her arm wrapped around his and was leading him down a long hall, while Jack easily headed off in the opposite direction with a giggling brunette on his arm. With his wits still in a jumble, he was ushered down a flight of stairs to a closed door at the end of a short hallway. As soon as Ellie opened the door and he saw the big bed on the other side of the room, he balked.
"Ma'am, I don't mean ta be rude, but I ain't-"
His objections were cut off when a door on the other side of the room opened, and Jack slipped inside, giving the giggling brunette a quick peck on the cheek, and then waggling his finger at her when she pinched his butt before pulling the door closed behind her.
A hand against the middle of Ennis' back had him stepping forward into the room. He barely noticed the door closing behind him because Jack was heading his way with a feral gleam in his eyes.
"Jack-" but his protest was cut off when Jack captured his mouth in a demanding kiss, their bodies impacting against the closed door with a loud 'thud'.
With Ennis caught off guard, Jack took the upper hand while his lower hand managed to work free Ennis' belt, and slid the zipper down far enough to work his fingers into the flap of Ennis' shorts. As soon as Jack's fingertips made contact, all thoughts of anything and anyone but the man he wanted so bad his teeth hurt.
"Fuckin' need ya so bad," Jack pleaded as his movements became more frantic.
Ennis' last coherent thought before Jack swallowed his cock was that there was no way Jack's need could possibly be more than his own.
*** *** *** ***
Ennis couldn't move, didn't want to move. He would move later, when the need to fuck Jack took hold of him again, as it surely was going to do. For now, though, he was content lay on his back, his head pillowed on Jack's shoulder, and Jack's arm draped possessively across his chest.
The rustle of the sheets penetrated the satiated haze, the distinctive click of a lighter case being flipped open, the scraping of wheel against flint, once, twice, a third time, and the familiar 'pop' as the wick is ignited. Confirmation came in the pungent scent of the burnt fluid mixed with the more sweet aroma of burning tobacco. A hand appeared in front of his face, offering the recently lit cigarette.
In the palm of Jack's hand was a brass Zippo lighter, held in place by his ring and pinky fingers. Instead of accepting the cigarette, Ennis' fingers eased the lighter free of Jack's grip.
How many times had he shared a smoke with Jack over this very lighter? First time was back in Signal, when Jack had freely shared both the lighter and his history over a few beers with a total stranger. Under his head, Jack shifted a little, then the warmth of his man's breath washed over his temple, carrying the vague scent of cigarettes to his nostrils.
"Didn't know how I was ever gonna make it two years without ya," Jack said softly, almost reverently, into his ear, while his body shuddered against Ennis. "Damn, Cowboy. Never once though a you showin' up here."
"Probably wouldn't a if..." When Ennis considered what had precipitated it all, he had to laugh before tossing the lighter onto the table and snagging the cigarette from between Jack's fingers.
"If what?" Jack demanded. His arm tighted its hold, while the rest of him trembled under Ennis' shoulders.
"Ya ain't gonna like it," Ennis teased.
"Friend, there ain't nothin' I wouldn't like if it's what got ya up here with me."
"Shit."
"I ain't lyin'," Jack objected.
Ennis rolled around, kicking aside the sheets before they could become hopelessly tangled around his legs, and then settling back next to Jack. The length of his body was pressed against his man, his leg possessively entrapping Jack's thigh, his own thigh pressing gently against balls that were cool and moist from the lingering sheen of sweat and semen.
"Ain't lyin' neither," he said as Jack looked up at him with those eyes that could give him courage when he never would have dared to claim it on his own. "Had ta unstop a toilet full a shit. Broke off the snake, an' then stripped the fuckin' bolts when I unset the toilet ta get it out. New bolts came wrapped in newspaper, with that ad I told ya 'bout."
Jack's eyes twinkled with merriment. "Guess that means ya didn't get all constipated from missin' me."
Ennis snorted. "Wasn't my shit, ya dumbass."
The merriment faded into something so much more, something that couldn't be defined with words any known words. At least not the words that could be summoned by two hard-luck cowboys who never had the chance to finish high school.
"Thought fer sure I'd done lost my mind when I seen ya standin' outside the barracks," Jack whispered. "Been worse'n some damn fool kid, creamin' my fuckin' sheets every night."
The heat rose in Ennis' cheeks. "Hate warshin' sheets."
"Why?" Jack laughed.
"Cain't never get 'em folded right. 'specially them fitted ones."
Having Jack laid out all naked and available and looking like he wanted nothing more than to be fucked, easily got Ennis back into the fucking mood. He still had some thoughts on where they were and how they came to be there and even on the frustrations of folding sheets, but he shoved them aside. Be time enough for worrying about all that later, after he'd had another go round with his man.
The cigarette was snatched out of Jack's hand and disposed of in the ashtray on the table by the bed. Hands and lips roamed over bare flesh that was barely dried from their last attempt at fucking themselves senseless, while cocks rehardened as smoldering flames of long-frustrated desires were once again fanned back to life.
Teeth drew blood as Ennis bit down too hard on Jack's lip. The coppery tang was like waving a red flag in front of an agitated bull, but in this case there were two bulls in the ring, both of which were raring to go. As much as it was love-making, it was also a battle, not of wills and not for supremacy, but for the simple act of laying claim to that which was theirs.
With a grunt, Jack lunged, and suddenly Ennis found himself pinned face-down against the mattress, with Jack's hot breath fanning his neck. Without preamble, the wet tip of Jack's hard cock pressed into his backside, pushing aside tight muscles, until sweaty hips were pressed firmly against Ennis' backside.
Passions warred with ill ease, but when Jack began thrusting, Ennis didn't fight it, in fact, he did all he could to make it right. Hard as he tried, though, he was unable to lose himself in the sensations like he did when he was on top of Jack, or like Jack seemed to do when it was Ennis inside of him.
Arousal and contrition make for strange bedfellows, and when Jack came, fast and furious, he did so alone. Barely collapsed onto Ennis' back, Ennis rolled them both over and flipped Jack onto his stomach. Between Jack's post-orgasmic laxness and the remnants of their first go round, Ennis' dick slid in with ease. It only took a few thrusts before he came hard, collapsing down onto Jack's sweaty back, feeling the rightness even as he scorned himself for not being able to do the same way when it was Jack sprawled out on top of him.
Gasping breaths were the only sounds to be heard until Ennis' softening erection became too little and Jack's muscles too tight and it slipped free of Jack's body. Jack groaned at the loss, a sound that was startlingly comforting in its familiarity.
Ennis made no effort to move off of Jack, and Jack made no effort to get him to move. If the unusual quiescence was due to some unspoken mutual disappointment over what had happened, or more precisely what had *not* happened, Ennis did not know. What bothered him the most was that he didn't know why he couldn't get it right, and if somewhere down the road it might be something that would make Jack go looking for someone who could.
After a few moments of contemplation that left him feeling betrayed and cheated by his own body, he slid to the side, but only far enough to take the bulk of his weight off of Jack. With his forehead resting on Jack's sweaty shoulder, he inhaled Jack's scent with each ragged breath, wishing with all his heart that so many things were different, but oddly gratified that other things were not.
Slowly, Jack's breathing evened out, while Ennis' did the same. When Jack still made no effort to move away, and the only sound he made was the occasional softly issued moan, Ennis snuggled closer. The need was strong to offer both apology and comfort for something he wasn't sure that Jack understood, for something he wasn't even sure that he understood.
How could something that made Jack feel so good leave him feeling like there was something missing inside himself? It took a long while, but eventually he fell into an troubled sleep, taking comfort in the contact of Jack's body, and feeling guilty for doing so.
*** *** *** ***
"Jack?"
"Yeah?" Jack responded sleeply.
"Gotta piss."
"Since when ya need my permission?"
Ennis bit Jack's shoulder; hard because he didn't take well to smart-ass first thing in the morning, and on the shoulder because they were still in the some position as when they had fallen asleep and it was just too darn convenient.
"Shit!" Jack yelped. "Fuckin' bathroom's across the hall."
"Should a jus' said so in the first place."
Ennis had his pants on when he was abruptly hit with the full impact of where they were. "Jack?"
"Huh?"
"Cain't go out there. Might run inta someone out in the hall."
"What time is it?"
Ennis squinted at the big ben alarm clock on the table by the bed. "Little before eight."
Jack snorted. "Ennis, ain't no one but you ever up this early on a Sunday mornin'."
Reluctant as he was to leave the relative security of this one room, his bladder was not about to take 'later' for an answer. He figured it would be worse getting caught pissing out the window, especially since he would have to go upstairs to find one, so, after taking a deep breath, he opened the door and quickly snuck across the hall.
When he returned, he slipped his jeans off and sat with a pillow behind his back against the iron rods that made up the headboard. Eight was sleeping half the day for him. There would be no getting his body to settle back down.
"Gonna tell me about this place?"
"It's a whorehose. Folks come here ta fuck. We're folks, so we fucked like we was supposed ta."
Ennis chuckled when Jack quickly rolled away, barely missing the smack that was intended for his bare backside. Smartass or not, Jack wasn't a total fool. Ennis grabbed Jack's cigarettes and the lighter off the bed table. After lighting one, he took a long drag, then exhaled a burst of silvery smoke.
"Way I heard it, men come ta these places ta pay women ta let 'em fuck 'em. Ain't no woman in this bed, and I sure as hell ain't gonna be payin' ya."
Jack rolled over, facing Ennis, but still clinging to far edge of the mattress. "You sayin' I ain't worth it?"
"Nope." Ennis took another drag on the cigarette. "Sayin' why the hell'd I pay fer somethin' I can get fer free."
"I should be insulted," Jack huffed with mock indignation.
"Why? Yer gettin' it fer free, too." After taking another drag, Ennis held out the cigarette to Jack. "Now get over here an' tell me how come we're fuckin' in a place like this."
Jack eyed Ennis warily, then sighed and accepted the cigarette. "No more biting, okay. Leastways not from behind." Sliding over, Jack put the other pillow up against the iron rod headboard and sat down next to Ennis. "Won't be easy explain' marks back there, not when yer supposed ta be a woman."
Ennis berated himself for not thinking of that when he bit Jack's shoulder. Things were different here. "Sorry fer bitin' ya so hard."
As usual, Jack's forgiveness was swift and unconditional. "I deserved it. Don't mind a few marks, as long as they ain't someplace no woman'd be puttin' 'em."
"Reckon that's why ya was actin' like ya was, back at the base," Ennis said more than asked. "Was beginnin' ta think ya wasn't all that happy I come up here."
"Shit, Ennis." Jack looked almost hurt. "Ya got no fuckin' idea how hard it was keepin' my hands off ya. Wanted ta touch ya so bad, not even for startin' nothin', jus' ta know fer sure that ya was really here." Jack took a long drag of his cigarette, the kind that went beyond the need to smoke, to a place where need was stronger than anything that could be done to satisfy it. "Couldn't. I'd a never been able ta hold back if I did...hell, I wanted to fuck ya right there on Cajun's bunk, but that woulda jus' messed everythin' up."
The Cheshire grin that Ennis had come to recognize washed over Jack's face. "'sides, I already had this worked out."
And they were back to the original question. "An' what is *this* ya got worked out?"
Jack didn't answer right away, shifted around, casually putting a little distance between them. A couple of drags on the cigarette later, he spoke cautiously. "Heard 'bout this place from the guys in my unit. Ya know, like ya heard 'bout it from the guys you work with. Couldn't think a no good reason not to come with 'em when they asked. Decided I wasn't gonna spend the next two years lyin' 'bout havin' me a gal back home. Lots a guys in the barracks ain't married, an' ain't lookin' ta be, neither. After what happened with Lureen, I didn't think you'd wanna know nothin' 'bout this place."
"Probably right," Ennis confirmed, although he wasn't any more happy about hearing about it now. "How many the gals 'round here you fucked?"
"Only fucked Trina once. Afterwards, ended up in the kitchen with Miss Ellie. Spent the whole night talkin' over coffee. Told 'er 'bout Wyomin' and shit. She told me...how she come ta be here 'cause her ol' man hated her. Come the next weekend, we done our socilizin' in her room. Everyone thought want they wanted. Still do."
Resentment sprang forward before it could be reined in. "Ya been fuckin' her regular-like?"
"She offered," Jack laughed, "fer free, too...because she likes me. Told 'er I wasn't interested. She figured out the rest fer herself." Leaning forward, Jack reached down and picked at the nail of his big toe. "Ellie don't judge. She...way she sees it, bein' queer ain't much different than bein' a whore, leastways, not when it comes ta how most folks'll look down on ya fer it."
"Ya tell her 'bout me, too?"
"Ellie ain't stupid. If I'm a fuckin' queer, then the man I'm missin' so bad's gonna be, too."
Ennis closed his eyes and told himself that he Jack was right, that he was queer...gay...whatever. It had been so much easier when the debate was just within himself, easier to deny, easier to admit, easier to change his mind when he needed to. Was just plain easier when it wasn't so many people knowing. "Ya tell Jennin's, too?"
"I'm in the fuckin' US Army, Ennis. There ain't no way..." Jack paused. "If I was gonna tell 'em I was queer, I'd a fuckin' kissed that recruiter back in Colorado, fucked 'im if I had ta, an' not got drafted in the first place. I'm in now an' I plan on servin' my time an' gettin' out honorable like, not with some fuckin' dishonorable fer bein' a pervert hangin' 'round my neck fer the rest a my life. If everyone thinkin' I fuck whores all weekend keeps 'em from thinkin' somethin' else, I don't see the problem."
In those words Ennis found a ray of hope, or maybe of despair. "No one else knows ya ain't...ya know?"
"Fuckin' women?" Jack asked.
Ennis nodded.
"Trina does. She's the brunette I was supposed ta be fuckin' last night while you was supposed ta...ta be with Ellie." Jack settle back down against the headboard, raising his hand to his face, but scratching his nose instead of taking another drag on the cigarette. "They ain't gonna tell no one."
"Why?" Ennis needed to know. "Why'd they be willin' ta lie fer ya? They ain't with us, but they cain't be with no one else, neither. Why'd they do that, when they'd be losin' out on...on whatever they charge fer the night?"
"Three bucks an' hour; twenty for the whole night," Jack said matter-of-factly. "After the quake, things was real hard for a lot a folks. Ellie didn't have no running water and the oil in the tank out back for the heater all leaked out. No one would sell 'er any because of who she was. Said decent folk deserved it first."
Ennis could hear the resentment and anger in Jack's voice. He didn't think it was right, either, but unlike Jack, he would have let it go. Shamed him to admit that, but it was the pure truth.
"This place used ta be hooked up to a well 'fore the city laid water lines, an' there's a buck stove down in the basement that was used fer heat 'fore Ellie put in that gas furnace a few years back. Whenever I got some time, I come by an' help out. Got the pump goin' and chopped up some wood for the stove. Fixed a few other things 'rough here, too. Ellie offered this room to me, so I'd have someplace safe if I found me a man ta...even offered ta help me find some guy who wouldn't cause me no trouble. That's why I told her 'bout you, and why she's willin' ta help so's we can be tagether. Said we was welcome here any time, an' she'd cover fer us."
Although Ennis tried to fight it, tried to hang on to the image of Ellie as just a whore who wasn't nobody to him, thoughts of the Fleishman and Rich kept flooding his mind, reminding him that he would have never found their friendship, either, if Jack hadn't paved the way first. Hell, Jack was the one who took the change up on Brokeback, even knowing that Ennis was more likely to beat him to a pulp instead of taking to fucking whenever the mood struck.
Still, it wasn't easy, knowing that someone else knew what they did. Especially when that someone wasn't liable to be ignoring the idea that he and Jack fucked, might even be thinking on how they done it, too.
"Ennis?"
Old fears came to bear. "Don't know...Someone'll figure it out." He shook his head. "Too many people seein' us-"
"Ennis, it ain't gonna get no better than this!" Jack protested hotly. "We can both come right in the front door, like any other horny guy looking fer sex, and won't no one be thinkin' anything morn'n we're a fuckin' bastard who ain't got the decency ta find a good woman an' settle down." A frustrated sigh dampened the heat in Jack's voice. "Ya heard Baker. Whole goddamn base thinks all I do when I ain't on duty is fuck whores."
Old fears don't give up without a fight. "Won't be the same if I'm here, too. Folks'll-"
"Son of a whoreson bitch!" Jack jumped off the bed an paced the floor at the foot of the bed, his limp dick bouncing back and forth with each angry stride. The cigarette was finished before Jack stopped, facing Ennis with his hands on his hips, stomach all flat and tight, standing in what would be one hell of a sexy pose if his expression wasn't so angry and hurt. "You got a better idea?"
The intensity of Jack's scrutiny inflamed Ennis' fears. "We gotta go someplace else, someplace where no one's gonna see us tagether."
"And where the fuck ya think that place is?"
"Out there," Ennis snapped defensively with a vague wave towards the door. "Alaska ain't nothin' but wide open space. Can go campin', out in middle a nowhere."
Jack sat down on the foot of the bed, his leg tucked under him, and looking straight ahead at the wall instead of towards Ennis. "Ya think that'll be less suspicious? Two guys goin' off tagether ta freeze their balls off in some tent, when they could be fuckin' up a storm in a nice cozy bed with some mighty fine whores?"
"Wouldn't a been suspicious at all, if ya hadn't made yerself out ta be such an asshole that can't keep 'is fuckin' pants zipped fer five whole seconds." Regret immediately followed in the wake of his words, but the frustration of it all held any attempt to make amends at bay.
"Fuck you!"
Ennis stared at the door after it was slammed behind Jack, stunned less by the hostile retreat than he was by the fact that it had been done without a stitch of clothing. There wasn't any place Jack could go except the bathroom, so Ennis waited.
And waited.
The ticking of the clock had gone unnoticed until Jack's departure, but now it echoed off the walls while the hands slowly wound their way around the dial. At a little passed ten, it was clear that Jack wasn't coming back, naked or not.
Ennis had no clue how he was going to get back to Moose Pass, but he figured if he didn't leave soon he would end up owing something to someone for the room that had been offered to Jack, not him. He slowly made his way up the stairs and through the hall towards the front door, the only path through the house that he knew, when a voice from a doorway he just passed stopped him in his tracks.
"There's going to come a time when you're going to have to trust someone."
Ennis turned and found himself looking into Ellie's clear gray eyes. The color reminded him of the icebergs he saw out at sea, but the emotions in them were too warm. It was an unnerving combination that set his defenses on edge. "Don't gotta be you."
The warmth in her eyes faded, but didn't not disappear. "Maybe not, but you could do worse."
"Why?"
"Because I'm willing to give you what no one else around here can."
"And what's that?"
"A pussy and a pair of tits to hide behind. Isn't that what all queer men are looking for?"
He flinched at the word queer and blushed over the rest. Given the satisfaction in her expression, at least one, if not both, had been her intent.
She turned and walked back into the kitchen. At the sink, she rinsed her coffee cup before setting down into the porcelain interior with a soft clink. Turning, she stared at him as she leaned casually against the counter, her plain white cotton robe a stark contrast to the flashy robe from the night before. "There's a bus station seven blocks over to the west. Only one bus goes to Moose Pass on Sunday. Leaves about three."
Somehow it seemed pointless to deny that he had been wondering how he was going to get back to the room where Grainger had put him up. She knew, but how was the question bumping around in thoughts. "Never told Jack that's where I was stayin'."
Ellie laughed, but there was no humor in the sound, nor was there any censure. "All kinds of men come here to fuck, and when they're through, they usually like to do some talking. I'm fully aware of where the road crews for Grainger Construction are staying. Baxter Contracting, too. Then there's the rigs the roughnecks are assigned to, and what boats the crabbers have been out on."
Despite the jeans and shirt and coat, Ennis felt naked under her scrutiny. He had gotten used to some people being able to see more of him than he liked - Jack, Thelma, Elmer, Rich, even Delilah - but Ellie was different. She saw places the others didn't dare look.
"Where's Jack?"
"'m right here."
Ennis turned and saw Jack standing in the doorway leading down to the room where they had shared a bed, and from which he had obviously stopped in long enough to throw on his jeans. His expression wasn't sad or hurt or anything else Ennis would have expected. Jack looked defeated, which was even worse.
"Guess yer leavin," Jack said more as a statement that an inquiry.
Ennis glanced into the kitchen, and was surprised to find only empty space. He hadn't heard Ellie leave and didn't even know where she had gone. In the end, he guessed it didn't really matter, either. There was only one thing that did matter.
Jack moved towards Ennis, but stopped a few feet short. "Ennis, ain't nothin' ever gonna be easy fer us. Ain't nothin' ever gonna be all the way right, neither. Don't like it any more'n you do, but if ya cain't fix it, ya gotta find a way a standin' it."
The corner of Jack's mouth twitched and a brief spark of life crackled in his questioning gaze. Ennis didn't know whether to punch Jack or kiss him for throwing his own words back in his face. He did know that neither was going to happen standing there where anyone could overhear them. Taking his hat off, he walked passed Jack, down the stairs and into the room that still smelled of sex and cigarettes.
The steady tread of boots on hardwood followed him, stopping somewhere behind where Ennis stood staring at the bed where he and Jack had made love. Could it work? Could they really have this place, a spot of normalcy in a world where condemnation came more harshly than acceptance could make things better?
Strong arms slipped around his waist from behind, and that warm body that could sometimes make him forget his fears pressed up him. Jack's chin came to rest on his shoulder, and the gentle wash of Jack's breaths infusing him with both courage and longing. He wanted this. He wanted it so damn bad, wanted so damn much more, too...if only.
"Know how ya don't like bein' beholdin' ta no one," Jack said softly, gently, neither pushing nor demanding.
What Jack didn't know was that there was no one Ennis could ever be more beholding to than him. Jack had saved him from marrying Alma. He had resented the hell out of Jack at the time, even for a while after, but now he could only be grateful.
Jack knew best then, even when his own mind was telling him that Jack had ruined everything. That's how he felt looking at this room - rumpled sheets and cast-iron bed, knotty pine table and chest, picture of a silly looking cat on the wall by the door, damnable alarm clock that ticked too loud and looked like it could wake the dead if it was to go off, over-stuffed blue chair in the corner - scared that if he gave in it would ruin everything, but could it be that Jack knew best now, too?
"There's going to come a time when you're going to have to trust someone."
Ellie was wrong. He trusted Jack, it was the rest of the fucking world he couldn't trust. Too many tire irons, too many faggot haters, too many *respectable* folk ready to condemn him for something that he hadn't asked for, hadn't even wanted, but couldn't imagine ever living without. That was why he was here, thousands of miles away from the only things he'd ever known, fears be damned.
"Ya...ya really think we..." Ennis damned his father, his brother, and all the bigoted assholes in the world that would make something that should be so damned easy so goddamned fucking hard.
"'s all right," Jack whispered softly, soothingly, comfortingly. Warm lips kissed Ennis' neck.
"How?" Maybe if he knew more it would help. Might make things worse, but it might not.
"Can meet here on Saturday. Give us the whole night, most a the next day, too. Every damn weekend, Ennis. Be hard gettin' tagether durin' the week, even if we wasn't havin' ta sneak 'round." Jack sighed. "Maybe if I can get me a jeep. Can get down yer way some evenin's. Maybe find us a bar fer drinkin', playin' some pool, shootin' the shit like any other two buddies'd do."
Jack's hands were warm against his chest, touching him so gently, but at the same time, with a strength that Ennis longed to claim for his own. Where he had faith only in Jack, Jack allowed himself to trust others. Without Jack blazing the trail, trusting when Ennis would have just walked away, there would be no Fleishmans in his life, maybe not even Rich. Jack trusted Ellie, but could he?
"Jus' think 'bout it, Cowboy."
Ennis glanced at the clock on the bedside table. It was only ten thirty. Ellie said the bus to Moose Pass didn't run until three. That left nearly four hours before he had to leave, and he knew exactly how he wanted to spend them.
"Think 'bout it later," Ennis growled.
"Got something else in mind fer now?" Even as he asked, Jack's hands were working loose Ennis' belt.
"You bet."
TBC...