TITLE: TILL DEATH DO US PART...part 20b
TITLE: TILL DEATH DO US PART...part 20b
AUTHOR: VNapier
PAIRING: Ennis/Jack
RATING: R - NC17
FEEDBACK: Always. E mail me at BBMFAN@ZOOMINTERNET.NET
DISCLAIMERS: Standard disclaimers. The characters are not mine, but the story is.
SUMMARY: This is a sequel to 'If Anyone Can Show Just Cause, Speak Now...'.
That story can be found on my livejournal at http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com
part 1 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/13102.html
part 2 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/13949.html
part 3 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/14291.html
part 4 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/14778.html
part 5 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/15196.html
part 6 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/15526.html
part 7 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/15861.html
part 8 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/16127.html
part 9 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/16794.html
part 10 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/17271.html
part 11 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/17408.html
part 12 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/18112.html
part 13 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/18472.html
part 14 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/19199.html
part 15 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/19506.html
part 16 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/19958.html
part 17 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/20125.html
part 18 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/20332.html
part 19a - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/21358.html
part 19b - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/21191.html
part 20a - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/21994.html
Ennis was confused, but he waited for Jack to tell the story in his own time. Truth was, every time he breathed in he got a whiff of Jack, of the sweat, of the leftover smell of their earlier couplings. That and the enticing feel of Jack's hard stomach, the tickle of the hair against his palm, the damn near aching need to go lower, to touch what was hurting too much to take any touching, were all making him hard for what he still needed after so many months of doing without.
As if he had read Ennis' mind, Jack said softly, "Might be more comfortable if ya was to get outta them clothes."
Ennis hung to his resolve, despite the uncomfortable protests coming from inside the tightness of his pants. "Need ta know what's what."
Jack nuzzled Ennis' hair. "I fucked up, Ennis. Believed that shit she was sayin', 'bout how she could talk her daddy inta keepin' the man she was with outta the war. Made sense ta me, but that ain't how it works in the Army."
"How does it work?"
"Fuckin' draftees' is lower'n enlisted guys, when it comes ta officers. Jus' supposed ta do what they say, when they say it, and how they say ta do it, even if it's the most fuckin' stupid thing ya ever heard of. Make yer fuckin' life hell if they even think you been thinkin' 'bout their little gals. Actually fuckin' one'll get ya inta nothin' but real serious shit."
A sinking feeling landing in Ennis' gut. "She told her daddy 'bout bein' with ya?"
"Didn't have to. The whole platoon got an eyeful when the fuckin' DI turned the lights for reveille."
Ennis was stunned. He didn't know anything about the military, but in the movies the barracks was all the same - a bunch of guys all sleeping on cots in one big room. "Ya fucked 'er right there with all them guys around?"
Jack smacked Ennis on the shoulder, but there was no real sting. "Ain't that damn stupid. Only fucked 'er on the ground, way out back a the motor pool, behind some bushes. She's the one that snuck in and crawled inta my bunk."
"That was plain dumb."
"Not if she was wantin' was ta get caught."
This all sounded so crazy that Ennis was beginning to think Jack had been on the moon, instead of across the country. "Huh?"
"Told ya how I wasn't gonna fuck her no more, not knowin' ya finally wanted me."
It was on the tip of Ennis' tongue to object, to avow that he had always wanted Jack, it was the not believing he could have him that had been the problem. Still wasn't totally sure about it all, but no way was he going to tell that to Jack. Not now. Maybe in a couple a years, when Jack was out of the army. Mostly, though, he wanted to know what had happened to cut their precious time so short, and distracting Jack was not the way to do that, so he just nodded, and ignored the throbbing in his dick that resulted from rubbing against Jack's naked skin.
"Lureen didn't take to kindly ta bein' cut off by the likes a me. Was her way a gettin' even. Ain't seen her since that night, but it didn't matter. Her daddy was out fer blood, mostly mine, but he didn't mind sharin' the pain. Whole platoon was ready ta rip my dick off fer all the shit he had us doin'.
"Bein' called 'little girls' and 'pussys' and askin' if we was fuckin' faggots started up the first day, but didn't no one get cut no slack." Jack finished off the cigarette and stuffed the butt in the ashtray. "Everythin' changed that night. Lureen'd managed ta get my boxers mostly down while I was tryin' ta get her back inta her clothes without wakin' no one, so when the sarg hit the lights an' started bellowin', I shot up, standing at attention, but my dick just hangin' there like it couldn't give a shit. All the guys knew I had me a *gal* back home, but didn't none of 'em see how any kind a real man wouldn't get a boner from havin' some fine lookin' gal with no clothes on rubbin' up on him under the covers.
"Next mornin' they started callin' me 'Jill', 'cause without no hill, I sure wasn't no Jack no more. By noon, the whole fuckin' base knew I couldn't get it up fer a naked gal. Every fuckin' GI there was treatin' me like I was some kinda gal. A few of 'em was sayin' only a queer couldn't get hard with a wet pussy just askin' to be fucked. Fuckin' colonel heard 'em talkin' and ordered me to the infirmary for a examination for any signs of 'homosexual activity'. Not sure what that asshole doctor was looking for, but when I was released it felt like he'd left a fuckin' jeep parked in my ass."
Ennis had tried hard not to think too much on what was happening to Jack in South Carolina. Only ideas he had came from the movies and a few war stories he'd heard from old men telling tales in the bunkhouse after a day of working cattle, and none of that was close to what Jack was saying. Now all he could think of was how much Jack had been tormented because he wouldn't keep fuckin' that colonel's daughter.
Deep down, Ennis knew it was his fault. If he'd told Jack he was his when he should of, Jack never would have fucked her in the first place. Truth was, it had sounded right to him then, too, that her daddy wouldn't want the man his daughter loved to be sent off to war. How was he supposed to know the fucking army didn't see things like regular folks?
"What happened ta her?" Not that he cared, but he could hope it was worse than what Jack was getting.
Jack chuckled. "Don't know for sure. Rumor was she got shipped off to some fancy all-girl college run by nuns, where any man who set foot on the place'd get his dick chopped off. Guy down at the barber shop said she'd pulled somethin' like this 'fore, jus' ta piss off her daddy."
A new fear spiked in Ennis' mind. "She weren't no jailbait, was she?"
A heavy sigh sent a blast of air rushing down the back of Ennis' shirt. "Ya really think I'm some kind a fuckin' dumbass, don't ya?" Jack asked, his tone as resigned as it was defeated.
Cursing himself for sticking his foot in his mouth, again, Ennis sat up and did the only thing he knew to do. Leaning close, he kissed Jack, meaning for it to be slow and gentle, the way he knew Jack liked it when they wasn't going at it, but he jerked back when a sharp pain shot through his jaw. "Fuckin' army teach ya to hit so damn hard," he groused.
Jack grinned. "Might wanna take note that I was the best damn shot in my platoon, too."
Ennis eyed Jack, trying to gauge if the other man was as full of shit as he sounded. It was the hope, the anticipation, the downright giddiness dancing in those dazzling blue eyes that convinced him that Jack was speaking the truth. "Guess that's a good thing," he said softly. "Seein' how shootin' straight might get ya back here in one piece."
The gratitude that glowed from Jack's face was worth more than anything Ennis would ever have in his life, except maybe for the man behind the smile. Knowing what he knew about Jack's childhood, it was easy to see how getting any kind of approval would mean everything to Jack. The problem was that Jack's ability to seem so happy and carefree made it far too easy to forget the insecurities and loneliness that lay just under the surface.
Jack's smile faded into something less than sad, but missing the pride of moments ago. "Tell ya what, Friend, I'm all kinds a fuckin' dumbass, but if she'd a been jailbait the fuckin' colonel'd have me locked up 'til I was too old ta remember what it was like ta use a dick fer more'n just a piss hose."
A unsettled silence enveloped the room. The occasional ping against the window as snow turned to sleet was the only sound, and even that seemed to be coming from another world. Inside that room was just them, and thoughts of the other uses for Jack's dick. Ennis swallowed hard.
Nothing about it had been like his dreams. How could Jack like something that hurt so fucking bad? There was still a stinging burn in his ass, not bad now, but a reminder of when it felt like when he was being ripped open like a can of beans. There had to be more. There had to be some reason why Jack moaned so deep and low when they was going at it slow, why he begged for more when they were going at it hard.
Maybe it was just the first time that hurt so bad? The night before he was supposed to be married, K.E. had taken him out back of Alma's uncle's place, to an old shed where they had drank beer and K.E. had told him what it was going to be like, on his wedding night. How there was going to be blood and how Alma wasn't going to like it at first, but that once she got used to his dick, he'd have a nice wet pussy to fuck every night.
At the time Ennis had wanted to crawl into a hole. He knew what it felt like to fuck Jack, and in the pit of his stomach he knew that Alma's soft body would never be enough. He had been willing, though, to settle for what was instead of fighting for what could be. If he had married Alma, he wouldn't be lying here trying to talk himself into liking the sting in his ass, and wondering if he was really queer after all.
"Keep 'em on, then." The water bottle emerged from under the blanket and ended up on the floor, and then Jack rolled over and laid down, his head on Ennis' chest and his leg thrown over a Ennis' denim-covered thigh.
Old habits die hard, and Ennis instinctively snaked his arm around Jack's shoulders like he always did when they were sleeping. He wished he had ditched his clothes when Jack told him to, but he needed to hear them things and getting his pecker to cooperate would have been too much to ask. Even now, with the Jack's hard body pressed up against him, the warmth of Jack's breath ebbing and flowing across his chest, and the pressure from that muscular leg under his balls had his dick throbbing with want and need.
He was queer. It wasn't something he was proud of, wasn't something he wanted to be, just was what he was. Coming to know that hadn't been easy, so why was he having doubts now? Was it just because the thing he had been wanting the most was now something he didn't think he could ever do again? Had Jack thought these things, in between that first fuck and the night of tenderness that came next?
"Used the paper an' stamps ta write my ma," Jack said without warning.
"Huh?"
"Only had one call a week, an' I was callin' here. I had ta...I know ya hate 'er, but she does love me. Jus' didn't know how ta stand up ta my old man." Jack nuzzled Ennis' chest with his hairy cheek. "Was the only reason I didn't write ya more often."
"Could a written to ya more often," Ennis admitted guiltily, which reminded him of the heavier burden he was carrying. "Jack, I don't like what ya done, but I can't blame ya fer doin' what ya thought'd keep ya alive. Cain't bear thinkin' on ya bein' with her, but at least it got ya outta goin' over there."
Jack pulled away and sat up. "Ennis, I ain't got outta nothin', 'cept havin' a few weeks with you. Alaska's only a TDY. I'll be joinin' the rest a my platoon in San Francisco four weeks fer our deployment ta 'nam."
The dim light of the coming dawn was just enough for Ennis to see the apology in Jack's face. With words and look, Jack pulled the rug of victory out from under Ennis' resolve to forget about Lureen. "Ya fucked her an' ya still gotta go? An' ya got ta leave on Friday, on top a that?"
"Wednesday?"
Ennis' mind was reeling as even more time was being stolen away from him. "Wednesday? What the hell happened ta Friday?"
"Gotta report ta the base on Friday. Woulda had to leave sooner, but damned if that son of a whoreson bitch sarg didn't step in. Couldn't do nothin' 'bout Colonel Asshole's orders, but he got me a transport outta Malstrom Air Force Base."
"Where?" Ennis asked through his growing numbness.
"Up near Great Falls. Transport's leavin' Thursday. Ain't but a six hour drive, but the bus'll take a good day ta get up there 'cause a all the stops it makes on the way." Jack reached up to touch Ennis' cheek, but his hand is smacked away. "I fucked up," he admitted.
Fear and anger boiled out from a the caldron of hurt that was churning inside Ennis' gut. "Fucked *her*, ya mean. An' fer what?" Thankful that he had not gotten undressed earlier, Ennis shot up out of bed and grabbed his coat from the back of the chair that had not been overturned during the earlier scuffle.
"Ennis!" Jack called out, but the slamming door cut off the pathetic excuses. He was pulling out onto the highway before he even realized he was in the truck.
*** *** *** ***
The cold air actually felt good in his face as Jack turned the corner and started up Evergreen Drive. The ten-mile walk had done him good, clearing his head and making him appreciate the fact that he wasn't carrying the forty-five pound pack and M-16 rifle. In fact, he found it to be more of a leisurely stroll after the last eight weeks of forced marches. Even his army boots seemed to be more normal than the cowboy boots he had worn all his life.
When he began walking, he had been mad as hell. How dare Ennis del Mar judge him! Not when he was safe and sound here in Wyoming, when he wasn't the one faced with going off to war where he could be shot dead, and not for being a queer, neither, for being an army soldier that he never wanted to be in the first place. However, while he was at Fort Jackson, Jack had thought real hard on how he would be feeling if it was him stuck in Wyoming, knowing Ennis was going off to war.
Ennis was just as scared as he was, maybe even more, because he had no say in any of it. At least Jack's fate was partially in his own hands. He could shoot and he could fight and maybe he just might be able to come back on his feet. Ennis could do nothing but wait and hope and worry and be afraid.
The past few days had been so unnerving. When he arrived yesterday evening, he had been up since 0300 on Friday morning. He had endured a nerve-wracking day filled with officers and graduation ceremonies, only to get hustled off by the his DI to an Army transport train headed west. It had shocked the hell out of Jack to be the benefactor of such kindness from a man he swore ate babies for breakfast.
First Sergeant Bailey didn't care for officers that abused their authority, or their sneaky daughters. He had pulled in a few favors to get Jack back home as soon as possible, and then to get him to Fort Richardson at the last moment, but still on time. Of course, Jack had to work on the train ride, loading and unloading supplies at each base they stopped, but it was better than getting to Wyoming with only enough time to say hi and goodbye to Ennis, practically the same breath.
As for their reunions, Jack had hoped it would be different, but he didn't really know what he had been expecting. Ennis' declaration of love had both comforted and shaken him. The Ennis he left behind would never have said those words, not over the phone, and not to any *man*. Then, as soon as Jack is back in his bed, Mr. 'I Ain't Queer' offers up his ass to be fucked, like only a queer man would do.
Being afraid of things that were out of his control was not unfamiliar to Jack. He'd had eight weeks of fears over things happening in Wyoming that were beyond his knowledge and his control. Things that had changed Ennis, maybe even into someone Jack didn't know anymore. What if Ennis got so comfortable with who he was that he found someone else when Jack was gone, someone who he could hold and love and not have to worry about writing letters to and getting phone calls where they always had to be on guard about what they said?
There was only bitterness and anger when Ennis did the unthinkable, and Jack had taken his frustrations out on Ennis' ass instead of treasuring the precious gift it had taken his wildest dreams to think could ever be his. With each thrust he cursed himself for his weakness. He didn't want to love Ennis, didn't want to know what it was like to hear those words from this man, and then endure losing him to someone else when he couldn't be around to prevent it.
If he had learned nothing else on the grassy slopes of Brokeback, it was the once Ennis let go, he didn't hold back. It had taken him a long time to draw Ennis out of his shell to be his friend, but once that had happened, their morning and evening meals were a thrill for Jack.
After they had taken up fucking, Ennis very seldom left Jack alone for any amount of time. Ennis del Mar wasn't queer, but on that secluded mountain, he had fucked Jack like he couldn't ever get enough. When Ennis had discovered that he could actually love another man, it became possible for him to love any man, especially one that wasn't just a memory to dream about at night.
It was all so confusing. It was damn near impossible to imagine the man who had barely been able to look at Jack when he was fucking him into the ground, who had walked away from him in Signal, who was scared shitless of tire irons and of being queer, could ever put a voice to being in love with another man. What the fuck had happened while he was gone? Why hadn't he been all Ennis needed to see the truth? Why had it taken Jack being gone for Ennis to realize there wasn't anything wrong with how they felt on each other?
'Jus' feels obligated. Soon as yer gone, he's gonna ferget all 'bout ya.'
After weeks of hearing his father's damning voice in his head, Jack figured he would be immune to the hurt, but he wasn't. All through basic, that voice had been chasing him, taunting him, telling him how worthless and good for nothing that he was. When he had scored highest in his platoon on the last round of rifle drills, it was that voice that Jack has almost told off right there in front of all the guys. It was that voice that had made the one failure that he could have welcomed too impossible for him to accept.
Disappointment pushed those thoughts aside as he stepped up onto the Fleishman's porch. He had hoped Ennis would be here, with the only friends Jack knew were his, but it seemed that Ennis had found another sanctuary while Jack was gone. Yet another change that sent a spear of fear piercing Jack's heart. Maybe he had already lost Ennis.
"Jack!"
Jack barely had time to remember where he was before he was pulled into bear hug by Elmer. Behind them, he heard Thelma cry out his name, too, and then he was being pulled down for a sloppy kiss against his cheek.
"We weren't expecting you until tonight," Elmer said, a smile on his face and a warm hand on Jack's shoulder.
"Oh, Jack, let me look at you," Thelma said in a motherly way. A teasing smile appeared as she looked him over. "Can't say I think much of your new barber," she said with a laugh.
The heat rose in his cheeks and his hand reflexively brushed over the short stubble of his GI buzz. A hazy memory of another hand on his head made him smile, but only until he remembered that he might not ever get the chance to ask Ennis what he thought of the army's idea of a hair cut.
"Where's Ennis?" Thelma looked expectantly beyond Jack at the empty street.
"Was kinda hopin' he'd be here," Jack said, effectively silencing the exuberance of their greeting. "We kinda had a fallin' out this mornin', an' he left."
"Come on in." Elmer stood to the side while Thelma walked with Jack through the door, her arm wrapped tightly around his back.
Jack closed his eyes and inhaled the homey scents of the kitchen he that had been his one refuge before the army had taken him away. Fresh coffee, bacon, eggs, toast, and...for the first time he noticed that Elmer and Thelma were still dressed in their robes, each with matching slippers on their feet.
"Guess I didn't think on how early it was," he apologized.
"You're always welcome here, Jack," Thelma protested. Taking his coat to hang up, she called from the hallway. "You had breakfast, yet?"
Truth was, Jack was starving. He hadn't eaten since early Saturday morning. "Ennis didn't have no food back in the room. Guess he didn't make it to the store before I showed up yesterday."
Elmer frowned. "How'd you get here, Jack?"
"Walked."
"That's ten miles. In the snow."
Jack chuckled at the wide eyes that were staring at him. "Ain't nothin' compared ta all the marchin' and runnin' we had ta do back at Fort Jackson. An' most a the snow'd melted off before I was half-way here."
Thelma set a steaming cup of coffee down in front of Jack. "Thank ya, ma'am. Ain't had a decent cup a coffee since the last time I was sittin' right here at this table."
The sugar bowl almost made it to the table before Thelma pulled it back with a shake of her head. "You don't need this. You take your coffee black. Guess I got used to Ennis wanting some for his."
The knot that had been twisting his insides for weeks tightened painfully. Ennis never put anything in his coffee. At least the Ennis that Jack knew never did.
TBC...
AUTHOR: VNapier
PAIRING: Ennis/Jack
RATING: R - NC17
FEEDBACK: Always. E mail me at BBMFAN@ZOOMINTERNET.NET
DISCLAIMERS: Standard disclaimers. The characters are not mine, but the story is.
SUMMARY: This is a sequel to 'If Anyone Can Show Just Cause, Speak Now...'.
That story can be found on my livejournal at http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com
part 1 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/13102.html
part 2 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/13949.html
part 3 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/14291.html
part 4 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/14778.html
part 5 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/15196.html
part 6 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/15526.html
part 7 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/15861.html
part 8 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/16127.html
part 9 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/16794.html
part 10 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/17271.html
part 11 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/17408.html
part 12 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/18112.html
part 13 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/18472.html
part 14 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/19199.html
part 15 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/19506.html
part 16 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/19958.html
part 17 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/20125.html
part 18 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/20332.html
part 19a - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/21358.html
part 19b - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/21191.html
part 20a - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/21994.html
Ennis was confused, but he waited for Jack to tell the story in his own time. Truth was, every time he breathed in he got a whiff of Jack, of the sweat, of the leftover smell of their earlier couplings. That and the enticing feel of Jack's hard stomach, the tickle of the hair against his palm, the damn near aching need to go lower, to touch what was hurting too much to take any touching, were all making him hard for what he still needed after so many months of doing without.
As if he had read Ennis' mind, Jack said softly, "Might be more comfortable if ya was to get outta them clothes."
Ennis hung to his resolve, despite the uncomfortable protests coming from inside the tightness of his pants. "Need ta know what's what."
Jack nuzzled Ennis' hair. "I fucked up, Ennis. Believed that shit she was sayin', 'bout how she could talk her daddy inta keepin' the man she was with outta the war. Made sense ta me, but that ain't how it works in the Army."
"How does it work?"
"Fuckin' draftees' is lower'n enlisted guys, when it comes ta officers. Jus' supposed ta do what they say, when they say it, and how they say ta do it, even if it's the most fuckin' stupid thing ya ever heard of. Make yer fuckin' life hell if they even think you been thinkin' 'bout their little gals. Actually fuckin' one'll get ya inta nothin' but real serious shit."
A sinking feeling landing in Ennis' gut. "She told her daddy 'bout bein' with ya?"
"Didn't have to. The whole platoon got an eyeful when the fuckin' DI turned the lights for reveille."
Ennis was stunned. He didn't know anything about the military, but in the movies the barracks was all the same - a bunch of guys all sleeping on cots in one big room. "Ya fucked 'er right there with all them guys around?"
Jack smacked Ennis on the shoulder, but there was no real sting. "Ain't that damn stupid. Only fucked 'er on the ground, way out back a the motor pool, behind some bushes. She's the one that snuck in and crawled inta my bunk."
"That was plain dumb."
"Not if she was wantin' was ta get caught."
This all sounded so crazy that Ennis was beginning to think Jack had been on the moon, instead of across the country. "Huh?"
"Told ya how I wasn't gonna fuck her no more, not knowin' ya finally wanted me."
It was on the tip of Ennis' tongue to object, to avow that he had always wanted Jack, it was the not believing he could have him that had been the problem. Still wasn't totally sure about it all, but no way was he going to tell that to Jack. Not now. Maybe in a couple a years, when Jack was out of the army. Mostly, though, he wanted to know what had happened to cut their precious time so short, and distracting Jack was not the way to do that, so he just nodded, and ignored the throbbing in his dick that resulted from rubbing against Jack's naked skin.
"Lureen didn't take to kindly ta bein' cut off by the likes a me. Was her way a gettin' even. Ain't seen her since that night, but it didn't matter. Her daddy was out fer blood, mostly mine, but he didn't mind sharin' the pain. Whole platoon was ready ta rip my dick off fer all the shit he had us doin'.
"Bein' called 'little girls' and 'pussys' and askin' if we was fuckin' faggots started up the first day, but didn't no one get cut no slack." Jack finished off the cigarette and stuffed the butt in the ashtray. "Everythin' changed that night. Lureen'd managed ta get my boxers mostly down while I was tryin' ta get her back inta her clothes without wakin' no one, so when the sarg hit the lights an' started bellowin', I shot up, standing at attention, but my dick just hangin' there like it couldn't give a shit. All the guys knew I had me a *gal* back home, but didn't none of 'em see how any kind a real man wouldn't get a boner from havin' some fine lookin' gal with no clothes on rubbin' up on him under the covers.
"Next mornin' they started callin' me 'Jill', 'cause without no hill, I sure wasn't no Jack no more. By noon, the whole fuckin' base knew I couldn't get it up fer a naked gal. Every fuckin' GI there was treatin' me like I was some kinda gal. A few of 'em was sayin' only a queer couldn't get hard with a wet pussy just askin' to be fucked. Fuckin' colonel heard 'em talkin' and ordered me to the infirmary for a examination for any signs of 'homosexual activity'. Not sure what that asshole doctor was looking for, but when I was released it felt like he'd left a fuckin' jeep parked in my ass."
Ennis had tried hard not to think too much on what was happening to Jack in South Carolina. Only ideas he had came from the movies and a few war stories he'd heard from old men telling tales in the bunkhouse after a day of working cattle, and none of that was close to what Jack was saying. Now all he could think of was how much Jack had been tormented because he wouldn't keep fuckin' that colonel's daughter.
Deep down, Ennis knew it was his fault. If he'd told Jack he was his when he should of, Jack never would have fucked her in the first place. Truth was, it had sounded right to him then, too, that her daddy wouldn't want the man his daughter loved to be sent off to war. How was he supposed to know the fucking army didn't see things like regular folks?
"What happened ta her?" Not that he cared, but he could hope it was worse than what Jack was getting.
Jack chuckled. "Don't know for sure. Rumor was she got shipped off to some fancy all-girl college run by nuns, where any man who set foot on the place'd get his dick chopped off. Guy down at the barber shop said she'd pulled somethin' like this 'fore, jus' ta piss off her daddy."
A new fear spiked in Ennis' mind. "She weren't no jailbait, was she?"
A heavy sigh sent a blast of air rushing down the back of Ennis' shirt. "Ya really think I'm some kind a fuckin' dumbass, don't ya?" Jack asked, his tone as resigned as it was defeated.
Cursing himself for sticking his foot in his mouth, again, Ennis sat up and did the only thing he knew to do. Leaning close, he kissed Jack, meaning for it to be slow and gentle, the way he knew Jack liked it when they wasn't going at it, but he jerked back when a sharp pain shot through his jaw. "Fuckin' army teach ya to hit so damn hard," he groused.
Jack grinned. "Might wanna take note that I was the best damn shot in my platoon, too."
Ennis eyed Jack, trying to gauge if the other man was as full of shit as he sounded. It was the hope, the anticipation, the downright giddiness dancing in those dazzling blue eyes that convinced him that Jack was speaking the truth. "Guess that's a good thing," he said softly. "Seein' how shootin' straight might get ya back here in one piece."
The gratitude that glowed from Jack's face was worth more than anything Ennis would ever have in his life, except maybe for the man behind the smile. Knowing what he knew about Jack's childhood, it was easy to see how getting any kind of approval would mean everything to Jack. The problem was that Jack's ability to seem so happy and carefree made it far too easy to forget the insecurities and loneliness that lay just under the surface.
Jack's smile faded into something less than sad, but missing the pride of moments ago. "Tell ya what, Friend, I'm all kinds a fuckin' dumbass, but if she'd a been jailbait the fuckin' colonel'd have me locked up 'til I was too old ta remember what it was like ta use a dick fer more'n just a piss hose."
A unsettled silence enveloped the room. The occasional ping against the window as snow turned to sleet was the only sound, and even that seemed to be coming from another world. Inside that room was just them, and thoughts of the other uses for Jack's dick. Ennis swallowed hard.
Nothing about it had been like his dreams. How could Jack like something that hurt so fucking bad? There was still a stinging burn in his ass, not bad now, but a reminder of when it felt like when he was being ripped open like a can of beans. There had to be more. There had to be some reason why Jack moaned so deep and low when they was going at it slow, why he begged for more when they were going at it hard.
Maybe it was just the first time that hurt so bad? The night before he was supposed to be married, K.E. had taken him out back of Alma's uncle's place, to an old shed where they had drank beer and K.E. had told him what it was going to be like, on his wedding night. How there was going to be blood and how Alma wasn't going to like it at first, but that once she got used to his dick, he'd have a nice wet pussy to fuck every night.
At the time Ennis had wanted to crawl into a hole. He knew what it felt like to fuck Jack, and in the pit of his stomach he knew that Alma's soft body would never be enough. He had been willing, though, to settle for what was instead of fighting for what could be. If he had married Alma, he wouldn't be lying here trying to talk himself into liking the sting in his ass, and wondering if he was really queer after all.
"Keep 'em on, then." The water bottle emerged from under the blanket and ended up on the floor, and then Jack rolled over and laid down, his head on Ennis' chest and his leg thrown over a Ennis' denim-covered thigh.
Old habits die hard, and Ennis instinctively snaked his arm around Jack's shoulders like he always did when they were sleeping. He wished he had ditched his clothes when Jack told him to, but he needed to hear them things and getting his pecker to cooperate would have been too much to ask. Even now, with the Jack's hard body pressed up against him, the warmth of Jack's breath ebbing and flowing across his chest, and the pressure from that muscular leg under his balls had his dick throbbing with want and need.
He was queer. It wasn't something he was proud of, wasn't something he wanted to be, just was what he was. Coming to know that hadn't been easy, so why was he having doubts now? Was it just because the thing he had been wanting the most was now something he didn't think he could ever do again? Had Jack thought these things, in between that first fuck and the night of tenderness that came next?
"Used the paper an' stamps ta write my ma," Jack said without warning.
"Huh?"
"Only had one call a week, an' I was callin' here. I had ta...I know ya hate 'er, but she does love me. Jus' didn't know how ta stand up ta my old man." Jack nuzzled Ennis' chest with his hairy cheek. "Was the only reason I didn't write ya more often."
"Could a written to ya more often," Ennis admitted guiltily, which reminded him of the heavier burden he was carrying. "Jack, I don't like what ya done, but I can't blame ya fer doin' what ya thought'd keep ya alive. Cain't bear thinkin' on ya bein' with her, but at least it got ya outta goin' over there."
Jack pulled away and sat up. "Ennis, I ain't got outta nothin', 'cept havin' a few weeks with you. Alaska's only a TDY. I'll be joinin' the rest a my platoon in San Francisco four weeks fer our deployment ta 'nam."
The dim light of the coming dawn was just enough for Ennis to see the apology in Jack's face. With words and look, Jack pulled the rug of victory out from under Ennis' resolve to forget about Lureen. "Ya fucked her an' ya still gotta go? An' ya got ta leave on Friday, on top a that?"
"Wednesday?"
Ennis' mind was reeling as even more time was being stolen away from him. "Wednesday? What the hell happened ta Friday?"
"Gotta report ta the base on Friday. Woulda had to leave sooner, but damned if that son of a whoreson bitch sarg didn't step in. Couldn't do nothin' 'bout Colonel Asshole's orders, but he got me a transport outta Malstrom Air Force Base."
"Where?" Ennis asked through his growing numbness.
"Up near Great Falls. Transport's leavin' Thursday. Ain't but a six hour drive, but the bus'll take a good day ta get up there 'cause a all the stops it makes on the way." Jack reached up to touch Ennis' cheek, but his hand is smacked away. "I fucked up," he admitted.
Fear and anger boiled out from a the caldron of hurt that was churning inside Ennis' gut. "Fucked *her*, ya mean. An' fer what?" Thankful that he had not gotten undressed earlier, Ennis shot up out of bed and grabbed his coat from the back of the chair that had not been overturned during the earlier scuffle.
"Ennis!" Jack called out, but the slamming door cut off the pathetic excuses. He was pulling out onto the highway before he even realized he was in the truck.
*** *** *** ***
The cold air actually felt good in his face as Jack turned the corner and started up Evergreen Drive. The ten-mile walk had done him good, clearing his head and making him appreciate the fact that he wasn't carrying the forty-five pound pack and M-16 rifle. In fact, he found it to be more of a leisurely stroll after the last eight weeks of forced marches. Even his army boots seemed to be more normal than the cowboy boots he had worn all his life.
When he began walking, he had been mad as hell. How dare Ennis del Mar judge him! Not when he was safe and sound here in Wyoming, when he wasn't the one faced with going off to war where he could be shot dead, and not for being a queer, neither, for being an army soldier that he never wanted to be in the first place. However, while he was at Fort Jackson, Jack had thought real hard on how he would be feeling if it was him stuck in Wyoming, knowing Ennis was going off to war.
Ennis was just as scared as he was, maybe even more, because he had no say in any of it. At least Jack's fate was partially in his own hands. He could shoot and he could fight and maybe he just might be able to come back on his feet. Ennis could do nothing but wait and hope and worry and be afraid.
The past few days had been so unnerving. When he arrived yesterday evening, he had been up since 0300 on Friday morning. He had endured a nerve-wracking day filled with officers and graduation ceremonies, only to get hustled off by the his DI to an Army transport train headed west. It had shocked the hell out of Jack to be the benefactor of such kindness from a man he swore ate babies for breakfast.
First Sergeant Bailey didn't care for officers that abused their authority, or their sneaky daughters. He had pulled in a few favors to get Jack back home as soon as possible, and then to get him to Fort Richardson at the last moment, but still on time. Of course, Jack had to work on the train ride, loading and unloading supplies at each base they stopped, but it was better than getting to Wyoming with only enough time to say hi and goodbye to Ennis, practically the same breath.
As for their reunions, Jack had hoped it would be different, but he didn't really know what he had been expecting. Ennis' declaration of love had both comforted and shaken him. The Ennis he left behind would never have said those words, not over the phone, and not to any *man*. Then, as soon as Jack is back in his bed, Mr. 'I Ain't Queer' offers up his ass to be fucked, like only a queer man would do.
Being afraid of things that were out of his control was not unfamiliar to Jack. He'd had eight weeks of fears over things happening in Wyoming that were beyond his knowledge and his control. Things that had changed Ennis, maybe even into someone Jack didn't know anymore. What if Ennis got so comfortable with who he was that he found someone else when Jack was gone, someone who he could hold and love and not have to worry about writing letters to and getting phone calls where they always had to be on guard about what they said?
There was only bitterness and anger when Ennis did the unthinkable, and Jack had taken his frustrations out on Ennis' ass instead of treasuring the precious gift it had taken his wildest dreams to think could ever be his. With each thrust he cursed himself for his weakness. He didn't want to love Ennis, didn't want to know what it was like to hear those words from this man, and then endure losing him to someone else when he couldn't be around to prevent it.
If he had learned nothing else on the grassy slopes of Brokeback, it was the once Ennis let go, he didn't hold back. It had taken him a long time to draw Ennis out of his shell to be his friend, but once that had happened, their morning and evening meals were a thrill for Jack.
After they had taken up fucking, Ennis very seldom left Jack alone for any amount of time. Ennis del Mar wasn't queer, but on that secluded mountain, he had fucked Jack like he couldn't ever get enough. When Ennis had discovered that he could actually love another man, it became possible for him to love any man, especially one that wasn't just a memory to dream about at night.
It was all so confusing. It was damn near impossible to imagine the man who had barely been able to look at Jack when he was fucking him into the ground, who had walked away from him in Signal, who was scared shitless of tire irons and of being queer, could ever put a voice to being in love with another man. What the fuck had happened while he was gone? Why hadn't he been all Ennis needed to see the truth? Why had it taken Jack being gone for Ennis to realize there wasn't anything wrong with how they felt on each other?
'Jus' feels obligated. Soon as yer gone, he's gonna ferget all 'bout ya.'
After weeks of hearing his father's damning voice in his head, Jack figured he would be immune to the hurt, but he wasn't. All through basic, that voice had been chasing him, taunting him, telling him how worthless and good for nothing that he was. When he had scored highest in his platoon on the last round of rifle drills, it was that voice that Jack has almost told off right there in front of all the guys. It was that voice that had made the one failure that he could have welcomed too impossible for him to accept.
Disappointment pushed those thoughts aside as he stepped up onto the Fleishman's porch. He had hoped Ennis would be here, with the only friends Jack knew were his, but it seemed that Ennis had found another sanctuary while Jack was gone. Yet another change that sent a spear of fear piercing Jack's heart. Maybe he had already lost Ennis.
"Jack!"
Jack barely had time to remember where he was before he was pulled into bear hug by Elmer. Behind them, he heard Thelma cry out his name, too, and then he was being pulled down for a sloppy kiss against his cheek.
"We weren't expecting you until tonight," Elmer said, a smile on his face and a warm hand on Jack's shoulder.
"Oh, Jack, let me look at you," Thelma said in a motherly way. A teasing smile appeared as she looked him over. "Can't say I think much of your new barber," she said with a laugh.
The heat rose in his cheeks and his hand reflexively brushed over the short stubble of his GI buzz. A hazy memory of another hand on his head made him smile, but only until he remembered that he might not ever get the chance to ask Ennis what he thought of the army's idea of a hair cut.
"Where's Ennis?" Thelma looked expectantly beyond Jack at the empty street.
"Was kinda hopin' he'd be here," Jack said, effectively silencing the exuberance of their greeting. "We kinda had a fallin' out this mornin', an' he left."
"Come on in." Elmer stood to the side while Thelma walked with Jack through the door, her arm wrapped tightly around his back.
Jack closed his eyes and inhaled the homey scents of the kitchen he that had been his one refuge before the army had taken him away. Fresh coffee, bacon, eggs, toast, and...for the first time he noticed that Elmer and Thelma were still dressed in their robes, each with matching slippers on their feet.
"Guess I didn't think on how early it was," he apologized.
"You're always welcome here, Jack," Thelma protested. Taking his coat to hang up, she called from the hallway. "You had breakfast, yet?"
Truth was, Jack was starving. He hadn't eaten since early Saturday morning. "Ennis didn't have no food back in the room. Guess he didn't make it to the store before I showed up yesterday."
Elmer frowned. "How'd you get here, Jack?"
"Walked."
"That's ten miles. In the snow."
Jack chuckled at the wide eyes that were staring at him. "Ain't nothin' compared ta all the marchin' and runnin' we had ta do back at Fort Jackson. An' most a the snow'd melted off before I was half-way here."
Thelma set a steaming cup of coffee down in front of Jack. "Thank ya, ma'am. Ain't had a decent cup a coffee since the last time I was sittin' right here at this table."
The sugar bowl almost made it to the table before Thelma pulled it back with a shake of her head. "You don't need this. You take your coffee black. Guess I got used to Ennis wanting some for his."
The knot that had been twisting his insides for weeks tightened painfully. Ennis never put anything in his coffee. At least the Ennis that Jack knew never did.
TBC...