.. &Saturday
Okay,
today’s message was really a blast, it has done me good! Even combat-training
was absolutely GREAT (even more than always) I could do another
hour!!^^ They said I was really fanatic XD
Today was also great, coz a have a really cool keychain; it’s an ear-label from a cow!!!! So cool!
AND I got to drive along in my favourite tractor, the New Holland TVT190 (190 horsepower, all computer-controlled, just have to push buttons, and push into the right direction, push the gas-pedal, and off you go!!!) I stood next to it, and the big weel was I think 2 meters high!!! The thing was HUGE!!^^ When I saw the tractor (he was from a man who came to have a look at a machine that was for sale) I was like *big eyes* whoooow, sir you have an awesome tractor!!! And he said: then you should drive it! So cool!!!!! ^^
But yeah, referring to the post before the great news post, Yes I ask myself that question a lot, and for years now.. I just feel like that most of the time, dead.. absent-minded, only physically ‘here’.
I woke with migraine again yesterday (no wonder) & after 4 aspirins I made it though that day.. Today migraine was gone, luckily, but..
For sure.. I'm not going to take this.. I'm just exhausted..
By day I am working (although the farm is just more than GREAT, it’s tough work), doing homework, or something else that has to do with school, by night I can't sleep, 'cause my mind is constantly busy.. thoughts go wild, and won't seem to settle down, whatever I try.. "This still needs to be done, and that too, and I can't forget to do that, and that too" It's just school, school and more school.. it just eats me.. I have no time for anything anymore.. I even feel like I'm neglecting my friends... It's just bad.. and I can't take it.. I'm dead tired, and I just keep going on.. No doubt I'm going to break soon.. I just can't take all this.. it's just too much..
I'm going to sleep (well, to bed) too late, because of my homework, and I have to get up way early, especially when I have schoolwork. (I have to get up at 5AM, and at 6.30AM I'm already at the farm, milking the cows, and I'm not back until around 8PM.. Then I still have to make homework, and that sort of stuff..)
And then there's the other 'thing'.. that is, that my 'bad-days' are beginning to come back more often.. I thought I finally got rid of the dead person that is really me, but it's coming back.. and that's bad.. I don't want to return to the 'zombie' version of me.. but I know it's just still there.. I don't feel anything, don't see anything, just that empty stare and no thoughts at all.. Or just the buzzing about concerning thoughts of things that still need to be done. Just complete emptiness.. Feeling nothing.
And then there are people around me (my friends) who say, 'you need to settle down, think about yourself sometime, this is going wrong' And I just answer, 'I can't, I have school'
I just can't..
And then there are my friends from the outland.. the people I know through LJ/MSN.. I so miss our conversations.. It's just bad you know..! We only can keep contact through LJ, and even that's not very often anymore.. :(
I even have a HUGE list of fanfics I still need to read.. Luckily I can keep up with my friends posts, that's one thing.
..I am so sorry guys, to you all..my friends. But I can’t help it, I wish I could.
Now something about Saturday, cause that still needs to be done:
This weekend I went to the Military at Boekelo (for those who don't know what a Military is; it’s a discipline in the equestrian sport, that contains three disciplines spread over three days; dressage, cross-country and show-jumping. It takes years of training before you are able to ride one, because it asks a LOT of the horse and rider, it’s the toughest discipline in the equestrian sport).
Oh, and YES I am a great horse-fan ^^ I myself ride for almost eleven years now, and I have had two horses of my own, but I don’t have the time for a horse of my own anymore, so hopefully after school.. I really miss it..
I visit a few show-jumping events (I follow the results of a few riders) every year, but last year I went to the Military for the first time (my mom got free tickets) and that was SO awesome, and made such a huge impression on me, that I just HAD to go again this year. Unfortunately we are very poor at the moment, so I said to my mom, ‘I will pay for it, we’re so going’, so we went after all ^^ On my costs!! Kinda cool in some way.
I was absolutely worth the money again, made a lot of pictures, and it was AMAAAZING. Man, would I love to ride one (a military) sometime..
It’s just beautiful. The long distances between the fences, in full gallop, the breathtaking jumps (fences), the difficulty, the trill, and so on.. Just indescribable, go visit one if you have the chance, really!
Most riders are from Great-Britain, because there’s were this sport’s coming from, many from France, Germany, The Netherlands and even from Jamaica, Brazil, New-Zealand etc. and there was ONE combination (rider&horse) from Japan!! Which was really cool, because at one horse-event I visit every year in June, there’s always just one rider from Japan too, And I must say, they ride really good!! I made a short vid of this one (Yoshiaki Oiwa is his name) clearing the Grolsch-beer fence (#12. He rode very fast, and cleared all fences. After the show-jumping (which was the next day, I followed it on web-TV) he ended #35, which is a great performance, considering the fact that there were 118 (record of horses who succeeded in the veterinary inspection) combinations participating!!!
There were twenty-five jumps (fences) in total.
The rider who won the Military last year (William Fox-Pitt from Great-Britain), won this one again, which is a great achievement!!!! He rode a ‘new’ horse, to test it’s skills, well it turned out great! ^^
Here’s the vid of Yoshiaki Oiwa I made, and three pictures taken from the Military site.
http://s49.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=2WHE0DZZYM1D60R8C3OT6K5GTZ
At fence #16:
http://www.military-boekelo.nl/images1/afbeeldingen/albums/afbeeldingen/za.%208%20oktober/HS1R6348_GR.jpg
At fence #24, the mushrooms:
http://www.military-boekelo.nl/images1/afbeeldingen/albums/afbeeldingen/za.%208%20oktober/IMG_3053_4GR.jpg MAN that horse jumps high!!!!
&His horse:
http://www.military-boekelo.nl/images1/afbeeldingen/albums/afbeeldingen/za.%208%20oktober/HS1R6215_GR.jpg
Here you can find the photos I made:
http://photobucket.com/albums/b111/J-Madness/Cross%20country%20at%20Military%20Boekelo%202005/?start=0
&The two other vids I made:
At fence #19/20, AKA the Beehives:
http://s49.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=38BJOJHN24YKF1DNAO4SVKCUW9
At the most impressive jump of the Military, the water, #22:
http://s49.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=19CGTYL6N40NX1UZ45WVEKZO4O
Enjoy!!!
And here a few more pictures from the Military site, which are very impressive:
http://www.military-boekelo.nl/images1/afbeeldingen/albums/afbeeldingen/za.%208%20oktober/HS1R6260_GR.jpg
http://www.military-boekelo.nl/images1/afbeeldingen/albums/afbeeldingen/za.%208%20oktober/HS1R6309_GR.jpg
http://www.military-boekelo.nl/images1/afbeeldingen/albums/afbeeldingen/za.%208%20oktober/HS1R6427_GR.jpg
http://www.military-boekelo.nl/images1/afbeeldingen/albums/afbeeldingen/za.%208%20oktober/HS1R6354_GR.jpg
http://www.military-boekelo.nl/images1/afbeeldingen/albums/afbeeldingen/za.%208%20oktober/IMG_3042_3GR.jpg
http://www.military-boekelo.nl/images1/afbeeldingen/albums/afbeeldingen/za.%208%20oktober/IMG_3049_2GR.jpg
Man, I believe this was all for now!
I’m going to sleep now..
Oyasumi…
<3
Today was also great, coz a have a really cool keychain; it’s an ear-label from a cow!!!! So cool!
AND I got to drive along in my favourite tractor, the New Holland TVT190 (190 horsepower, all computer-controlled, just have to push buttons, and push into the right direction, push the gas-pedal, and off you go!!!) I stood next to it, and the big weel was I think 2 meters high!!! The thing was HUGE!!^^ When I saw the tractor (he was from a man who came to have a look at a machine that was for sale) I was like *big eyes* whoooow, sir you have an awesome tractor!!! And he said: then you should drive it! So cool!!!!! ^^
But yeah, referring to the post before the great news post, Yes I ask myself that question a lot, and for years now.. I just feel like that most of the time, dead.. absent-minded, only physically ‘here’.
I woke with migraine again yesterday (no wonder) & after 4 aspirins I made it though that day.. Today migraine was gone, luckily, but..
For sure.. I'm not going to take this.. I'm just exhausted..
By day I am working (although the farm is just more than GREAT, it’s tough work), doing homework, or something else that has to do with school, by night I can't sleep, 'cause my mind is constantly busy.. thoughts go wild, and won't seem to settle down, whatever I try.. "This still needs to be done, and that too, and I can't forget to do that, and that too" It's just school, school and more school.. it just eats me.. I have no time for anything anymore.. I even feel like I'm neglecting my friends... It's just bad.. and I can't take it.. I'm dead tired, and I just keep going on.. No doubt I'm going to break soon.. I just can't take all this.. it's just too much..
I'm going to sleep (well, to bed) too late, because of my homework, and I have to get up way early, especially when I have schoolwork. (I have to get up at 5AM, and at 6.30AM I'm already at the farm, milking the cows, and I'm not back until around 8PM.. Then I still have to make homework, and that sort of stuff..)
And then there's the other 'thing'.. that is, that my 'bad-days' are beginning to come back more often.. I thought I finally got rid of the dead person that is really me, but it's coming back.. and that's bad.. I don't want to return to the 'zombie' version of me.. but I know it's just still there.. I don't feel anything, don't see anything, just that empty stare and no thoughts at all.. Or just the buzzing about concerning thoughts of things that still need to be done. Just complete emptiness.. Feeling nothing.
And then there are people around me (my friends) who say, 'you need to settle down, think about yourself sometime, this is going wrong' And I just answer, 'I can't, I have school'
I just can't..
And then there are my friends from the outland.. the people I know through LJ/MSN.. I so miss our conversations.. It's just bad you know..! We only can keep contact through LJ, and even that's not very often anymore.. :(
I even have a HUGE list of fanfics I still need to read.. Luckily I can keep up with my friends posts, that's one thing.
..I am so sorry guys, to you all..my friends. But I can’t help it, I wish I could.
Now something about Saturday, cause that still needs to be done:
This weekend I went to the Military at Boekelo (for those who don't know what a Military is; it’s a discipline in the equestrian sport, that contains three disciplines spread over three days; dressage, cross-country and show-jumping. It takes years of training before you are able to ride one, because it asks a LOT of the horse and rider, it’s the toughest discipline in the equestrian sport).
Oh, and YES I am a great horse-fan ^^ I myself ride for almost eleven years now, and I have had two horses of my own, but I don’t have the time for a horse of my own anymore, so hopefully after school.. I really miss it..
I visit a few show-jumping events (I follow the results of a few riders) every year, but last year I went to the Military for the first time (my mom got free tickets) and that was SO awesome, and made such a huge impression on me, that I just HAD to go again this year. Unfortunately we are very poor at the moment, so I said to my mom, ‘I will pay for it, we’re so going’, so we went after all ^^ On my costs!! Kinda cool in some way.
I was absolutely worth the money again, made a lot of pictures, and it was AMAAAZING. Man, would I love to ride one (a military) sometime..
It’s just beautiful. The long distances between the fences, in full gallop, the breathtaking jumps (fences), the difficulty, the trill, and so on.. Just indescribable, go visit one if you have the chance, really!
Most riders are from Great-Britain, because there’s were this sport’s coming from, many from France, Germany, The Netherlands and even from Jamaica, Brazil, New-Zealand etc. and there was ONE combination (rider&horse) from Japan!! Which was really cool, because at one horse-event I visit every year in June, there’s always just one rider from Japan too, And I must say, they ride really good!! I made a short vid of this one (Yoshiaki Oiwa is his name) clearing the Grolsch-beer fence (#12. He rode very fast, and cleared all fences. After the show-jumping (which was the next day, I followed it on web-TV) he ended #35, which is a great performance, considering the fact that there were 118 (record of horses who succeeded in the veterinary inspection) combinations participating!!!
There were twenty-five jumps (fences) in total.
The rider who won the Military last year (William Fox-Pitt from Great-Britain), won this one again, which is a great achievement!!!! He rode a ‘new’ horse, to test it’s skills, well it turned out great! ^^
Here’s the vid of Yoshiaki Oiwa I made, and three pictures taken from the Military site.
http://s49.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=2WHE0DZZYM1D60R8C3OT6K5GTZ
At fence #16:
http://www.military-boekelo.nl/images1/afbeeldingen/albums/afbeeldingen/za.%208%20oktober/HS1R6348_GR.jpg
At fence #24, the mushrooms:
http://www.military-boekelo.nl/images1/afbeeldingen/albums/afbeeldingen/za.%208%20oktober/IMG_3053_4GR.jpg MAN that horse jumps high!!!!
&His horse:
http://www.military-boekelo.nl/images1/afbeeldingen/albums/afbeeldingen/za.%208%20oktober/HS1R6215_GR.jpg
Here you can find the photos I made:
http://photobucket.com/albums/b111/J-Madness/Cross%20country%20at%20Military%20Boekelo%202005/?start=0
&The two other vids I made:
At fence #19/20, AKA the Beehives:
http://s49.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=38BJOJHN24YKF1DNAO4SVKCUW9
At the most impressive jump of the Military, the water, #22:
http://s49.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=19CGTYL6N40NX1UZ45WVEKZO4O
Enjoy!!!
And here a few more pictures from the Military site, which are very impressive:
http://www.military-boekelo.nl/images1/afbeeldingen/albums/afbeeldingen/za.%208%20oktober/HS1R6260_GR.jpg
http://www.military-boekelo.nl/images1/afbeeldingen/albums/afbeeldingen/za.%208%20oktober/HS1R6309_GR.jpg
http://www.military-boekelo.nl/images1/afbeeldingen/albums/afbeeldingen/za.%208%20oktober/HS1R6427_GR.jpg
http://www.military-boekelo.nl/images1/afbeeldingen/albums/afbeeldingen/za.%208%20oktober/HS1R6354_GR.jpg
http://www.military-boekelo.nl/images1/afbeeldingen/albums/afbeeldingen/za.%208%20oktober/IMG_3042_3GR.jpg
http://www.military-boekelo.nl/images1/afbeeldingen/albums/afbeeldingen/za.%208%20oktober/IMG_3049_2GR.jpg
Man, I believe this was all for now!
I’m going to sleep now..
Oyasumi…
<3