Be Still (B5, fanfiction, rated G)
Spoilers for S1: Mind War onwards
Talia Winters, Jason Ironheart
Talia Winters raged within her cell. Rhythmically, with precise steps, the implanted personality moved her body back and forth, forcing her to pace the breadth and length of the small room that now defined her life. Inwardly she cursed and hurled obscenities against the bars set in her own mind.
PsiCorps had used her, put her in place, and mined the information she unwittingly reported back. Then they had picked her up and locked her away. She was no longer of use, except for study. And further study was imminent. It was only a matter of time.
Her prison was an apartment, a room in the complex reserved for guests of PsiCorps, empty except for her. It was a comfortable room, blandly furnished with white walls and beige carpet, isolated from the working areas, empty of her fellow telepaths. It was empty of any other occupants, as far as she could tell. Mind dampers were embedded in the walls, ceiling and floors-- to protect, or hide, both occupant and those outside the locked door. Talia watched from within as she paced, still in shock from her displacement from control. She knew that, to all appearances, to everyone she cared about, she was gone.
But she was here, still. Somehow.
Early in her training they had shown her how to build walls. She’d learned how to keep the essence of herself separate from all the currents and waves that buffeted every telepath. Now, aware that she shouldn’t even still be here, she carefully and silently bolstered the boundaries that kept her hidden.
Even more exhausting than building and maintaining the walls was restraining her own pulsating anger. It beat inside her mind, tearing at her resolve, constantly undermining her attempts to hide. Time and again she shored up the walls, fought for patience, and waited. Eventually the rage quieted under the mental discipline PsiCorps itself had instilled in her. Its retreat gave her time to take stock.
They had left her alone since her arrival. The implant fed her body from stocked supplies, cleaned it, paced and stretched it for exercise. Obviously they wanted her alive and healthy to some extent. Within her mental oasis she tried to make plans. But a solution to her problem eluded her. They would come, and they would strip-mine her soul for any tidbits of information left behind, and they would find her. She still couldn’t understand how she had survived. And how, if it was even possible, she could return.
Finally, one day, as the implant sat at the desk in the room staring at a dark com-screen, it happened. A shifting of her knees jostled the desktop, loosening a stylus which began to roll towards the edge of the desk. She stopped it with a thought.
Jason.
Back on the station, before he had gone away, he had given her a gift in memory of love. He had somehow reached inside her mind and unlocked her latent telekinetic ability. The ability must have been inside her, at least that’s what she had finally decided. He’d merely opened her mind to it. It was the one thing he’d wanted to hide from PsiCorps and he’d given it to her. She had never understood why; wasn’t it safer to take all the knowledge with him, to leave nothing behind? Realization dawned like the sunrise; he must have seen the implant when he was there, inside! Rapidly she ran over his words and explanations, that time on the station, before he’d gone, while she was still there.
He must have known! Why hadn’t he told her before he left? He should have warned her so she could have avoided all the unknowing betrayals she went on to commit. Anger flared up again, illuminating her hidden self and threatening her peace. It took an eon of mental moments to calm herself, to admit his fault and his reasons. There wasn’t time, there had never been enough time. Be still, he had said, trying to hide his own demons from the PsiCops and the others. Be still, she repeated, trying to hide her own tattered self.
Somehow he had unlocked the telekinesis without alerting the implant. Otherwise PsiCorps would have taken her long before they did, no matter how valuable the information she’d provided about the station. Her mind raced furiously behind its shield. Jason must meant her to do something with his gift. He’d never given her much, they had few possessions growing up in the Corps. All they had to give was each other. Telekinetic ability was something the Corps had long sought. What had he told her they meant to do with this power? They would use it for assassination, cutting off blood flow, swiftly and silently, an invisible death…
The implant rose and began to pace. Exercise hour was upon them. Talia began to relax with the rhythm, trying to recall all she could of the basic psi-anatomy classes from her first year of advanced study. Psi talent was embedded in the neural network of the brain, entangled with normal brain function. But an implant might be separate. It might be…removable. A surge of hope flooded through her and her steps faltered a moment.
They faltered, she realized in amazement. Her steps had faltered, under the influence of her own thoughts. Frightened she recited Jason’s mantra. Be still, she thought. Be still, and silent. Stay hidden until you are ready.
That was Jason’s final gift. Be still, he’d told her. Be still, and you can still be.
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