thought for the day: life sucks

Oct 04, 2015 09:33

 
"Greater than the death of flesh is the death of hope, the death of dreams. Against this peril we can never surrender. The future is all around us, waiting, in moments of transition, to be born in moments of revelation. No one knows the shape of that future, or where it will take us."



Life would all be so much easier if it was more noble. Fighting for freedom, or self-determination, or to save someone, or to change the world. Fighting for yourself, your easy life, your predictable jog through existence, safety...not so noble.

I found I was tempted to take a leap of faith. Working my way around to it, feeling the tug, the appeal to fairness....

Then I got a mighty shove. R has decided unilaterally that he's going to apply for disability retirement. If successful he'll get an annuity, less than a quarter of his current pay. And guaranteed cheap(er) health care through his life. Which is good. If we can afford the premiums, co-pays, and co-insurance. We'll live on my consulting and his annuity while we both look for work. That's our income halved.

If the consulting goes belly up (new CEO, contract up at end of year, nails bitten to quick) we'll live on his annuity and my savings.

I can't stop hearing G'Kar's words and wishing I was sacrificing it all for a better world. I'm trying not to surrender.

Dude, where's my revelation?

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layoff blogging, update: dark

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