Sisters Under The Skin, part 11B: What the World Needs (NEW, B5, 11/14)
Sisters Under The Skins
Part Eleven: What the World Needs (in two parts due to length)
Standard disclaimer applies; not my characters or settings or backgrounds. But they are my words.
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After dinner, Anna insisted on cleaning up the kitchen while Delenn caught up on messages ignored during the long afternoon they'd spent talking. Wondering how on Earth she was going to fulfill her promise to Lennier, she set plates in the washer and replaced containers in the cooler. When she was done, she wandered back into the living room, observed Delenn rubbing her eyes as she tilted her head back against the back of the couch. The screen on the tablet, now flat on the table, was black.
“Um, Delenn? I was wondering...” Anna noted with some concern a flush on Delenn's cheeks, an indicator perhaps of returning fever. Sitting on the couch across from the chair, she wondered why this was so hard. “My quarters, John's quarters...” Finally she just threw it out. “Can I sleep here again, tonight I mean?”
Delenn's eyes had briefly drifted closed, but snapped open at this. Her expression was unreadable and Anna cringed. Her words had sounded odd and desperate to her own ears and she wasn't sure why. “It's like before, there's just so much John there, and I'm so worried it's hard to sleep.” Now she sounded pathetic. For some reason her heart began pounding as she awaited a response.
“Of course you may,” replied Delenn without a note of hesitation. She held out her hands, palms up and then pressing them together said in formal tones, “My bed is yours tonight.”
Anna found herself at a loss for an appropriate response.
“On Minbar there is no intimacy beyond friendship in a shared bed,” replied Delenn, flushing. She continued with some embarrassment, “Of course it is different with your people. I meant nothing beyond a sharing of personal space, a host-gift between two friends.”
Words stuck for a moment in Anna's throat as she processed this offer and her own mixed reactions of pleasure and disappointment. “The couch is fine, really,” she finally got out. “As I recall, it's perfectly comfortable.” What was wrong with her tonight? It wasn't like she'd never crashed here before.
Delenn rose and went to her bedroom. Anna heard drawers open and close.
Handing a pile of soft fabric to Anna, Delenn said, “There is night apparel if you choose to change clothes before sleep. Blankets too. There are spare towels in the cupboard behind the bathroom door.”
Anna took the offering and laid it gently on the couch. She unfolded the blanket and spread it over the couch, doubling it so she could slip between two layers of fabric. There was a small cushion to use as a pillow. She looked at it with a sigh; she liked a large soft pillow, but they weren't used by the Minbari. Delenn was walking around the apartment, turning off lights and blowing out the candles she'd lit on the dining room table. As she walked she unfastened the brooch at the neck of her robes. Anna was sitting on the couch, removing her shoes and tucking them under the table that sat in front of the couch. Light flashed from the pin and she remarked with mild curiosity, “I've never seen you without that pin. Does it have some special meaning? Is it a badge of office?”
Delenn closed her hand over the ornament and turned towards Anna who sat in a pool of light from the lamp behind the couch. The last candle had been blown out and the Minbari woman was outlined in shadow.
“It was my mother's,” she answered. “She left it to my father to give to me, when she went away.”
Anna nodded in sympathy. “My parents died when I was young. I have few of their things, and most of what I have is in storage on Earth.”
“My mother is not dead,” replied Delenn calmly. “She followed the call to join an ancient order, one which requires the renunciation of family ties, of caste and clan.”
“Was it hard for you when she left?” Anna asked, turning the idea of cloistered Minbari around in her mind.
“Not once I understood,” answered Delenn. She had moved to the bedroom, and was removing her outer robes. “Any loss can be accepted with time and understanding.”
Anna removed her own outer clothes, blouse and pants, leaving her underclothes on, and placed them, neatly folded, on the low table by the couch. She put her arms through the silken sleeves of the gown Delenn had given her. The main body of the fabric was light but the tight weave was warm. It was the color of candlelight, ivory faded by age. She couldn't find any fasteners though and finally shrugged as she wrapped it tight around her body. She sat on the couch, her feet tucked into the folds of the blanket, arms wrapped around her knees. “Accepted?” she challenged, “Or grown used to? Even forgotten?” Her voice grew sad around the edges. “Sometimes when I look at pictures of my parents, I see strangers.”
Delenn had re-entered the living room and was standing at the foot of the couch. Her hair was loose around her and the lamp she stood above picked out the auburn highlights. “Memory is not the only place where love resides. As you move through life, you carry the living strand of your family with you. They are always there, whether you can picture their faces or hear their voices. They are part of you.” She squeezed Anna's shoulder through the thin fabric, her hand trailing down Anna's arm in a near caress. “Good night,” she said, and swiftly disappeared behind into her bedchamber.
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Anna was wakened by Delenn's anguished cry. “John!” The name hung in the air between them. Anna, startled from sleep, rose on both elbows and stared around her in alarm. Through the open partition leading to the bedroom, she could see Delenn, sitting upright, bedclothes twisted in hands stiff with tension, wide eyes facing the open doorway of the bedroom.
Anna felt a sharp bite of anxiety and threw off the light blanket. She held the thin Minbari shift closed as she groped for her folded pile of clothes on the table. Peering around the living area, she could see nothing moving in the dim light, there or beyond the frosted glass partition. She looked back at Delenn, whose eyes remained unfocused and large as if she could see something, something at the edge of awareness, something she dreaded to see. Anna stumbled across the room, dropped her clothes on the floor by the bed and sat beside Delenn, taking the other woman in her arms, instinctively shielding her from the unknown threat. Delenn clung to her but continued to stare at the door. Anna felt the warmth from the other woman blaze against her bare skin, thin silk transmitting every trembling movement.
Then the outer door snicked open and light from the hallway illumined the figure of a Minbari, presumably Lennier, who rapidly approached the bedroom.
Lennier's voice was calm, but his whole demeanor screamed of danger. “There is a problem,” he announced abruptly, “with the Captain.”
Delenn threw herself out of bed, reached inside the bathroom door to pull out a robe which she quickly pulled on. She swept from the room, gesturing at Anna to follow.
Anna felt suddenly chilled by the loss of the Delenn's warm body and looked down at her gown which was gaping open. Shrugging it off her shoulders, she pulled on her shirt and buttoned it up rapidly to the point of semi-respectability. Tugging on her pants, she looked around for her shoes, then hurried out of the bedroom, realizing they would still be by the couch where she'd left them. Coming up behind Delenn, she put one hand on her shoulder, both to steady herself and offer support. “What happened?” she demanded of Lennier.
Lennier's eyes slid over Anna as if avoiding what her presence in Delenn's bedroom might portend, and then his gaze settled back on Delenn who was staring at him in open terror. Deep concern etched furrows along both sides of his mouth. “Captain Sheridan is believed to be in the power of the Earth government. No announcement has been made, but his capture was witnessed by reliable members of the Mars rebellion.” He drew a deep breath, as if in pain, and continued. “Mr. Garibaldi was there when he was taken.”
“I knew it!” exploded Anna in fury. “Whether he was doing it for EarthGov or the highest bidder, the bastard set John up!” She paced around the room, hands balled into fists. “I wish I could get my hands on him. I knew I felt some Shadow taint on him, not enough to tell anyone and who would have believed me anyway?” She fell into a chair and put one hand over her eyes. “God, we have got to get John out of this!”
Delenn stood silent, hands still at her side. Finally she spoke, “I must speak with Susan.”
“Commander Ivanova anticipated this and is waiting for you in the small conference room off C&C,” Lennier answered precisely.
Anna jumped up but Delenn held up her hand and said gently, “You must stay here. Susan will want to examine how this affects our plans, and she is adamant they remain known to as few people as possible. I will return as soon as I can.” Delenn re-entered the bedroom to dress.
Lennier remained standing; obviously he meant to accompany Delenn to her meeting. Anna felt snubbed. “Sit down, Lennier,” she snapped. “Do you know any more? Has there been any reports about John's father? Is he on Mars?”
“There are some indications that Ambassador Sheridan was brought there as well...to act as, what is the word? Bait?” replied Lennier. He moved hesitantly towards one of the straight silver chairs in the dining area and perched on the edge of the seat, hands folded in his lap. He looked up at Anna, then down again quickly.
Anna looked down and saw she'd missed a button. Reddening, she shifted in the chair, slid the fastening home and tugged her shirt into position, sitting up a little straighter. Odd how hard it was to feel dignified in bare feet. “How did she know?” she mused aloud. At Lennier's quizzical look, Anna went on, “Delenn knew. Before you came into the room. She called out John's name, and she looked so afraid.”
Lennier spoke slowly. “I do not understand the bond between them. But it is strong. And the Universe has many ways of speaking to those it has chosen.” His voice trailed off in sadness.Anna felt a rush of sympathy. “It'll all work out, Lennier. The Universe won't let them down.”
Lennier rose as the bedroom door opened and Delenn strode out in full ambassadorial regalia. Anna thought she looked beautiful, regal and proud, and coldly determined. The Universe had better watch itself, she thought in admiration.
Delenn shot her a warm look of silent thanks and asked, “Will you be here when I return?”
“Always, if you want me,” replied Anna, smiling back.
10/22/2261
The day after the news arrived of John's capture on Mars, Anna rose early and went to the early service in the main station chapel. She was still sleeping on Delenn's couch, by mutual wish and for mutual support. Anna had been raised a Methodist, the sort of intermediate practical religion favored by her aunt and uncle. They had taken her to church every Sunday, attended her confirmation as a teenager, and then left her alone to form her own beliefs.
The quiet of the chapel after the early congregants had left calmed her jolted nerves. John had arranged a VIP link for her which she had recovered from his quarters where she'd abandoned it when she left for Earth. Delenn had promised to notify her the instant any news came in from Mars. The tall candles in chest high metal holders along the wall gave off the familiar scent of beeswax-though she supposed the candles were synthetic. That led her into vague consideration of the source of Minbari candles, which often seemed the main form of illumination in Delenn's quarters. Did they have bees on Minbar? Had they at one time, perhaps in the distant past? Or did they rely on synthetics like most of the other races? The outlines of a short research article took shape in her mind, and she was startled to hear her name called.
“Dr. Sheridan?” The voice was mellow, deep with cheerful undertones.
“Brother Theo!” exclaimed Anna. She rose to her feet and impulsively embraced the priest, who reminded her of nothing more than a sarcastic Santa Claus.
He patted her back gently. “I heard, child. I am so sorry this has happened. Have you any news?”
“No,” replied Anna, hugging him harder. “No news beyond...” Then she stopped, pulled away and looked at him suspiciously. “How did you know? Commander Ivanova got word directly from the Resistance on Mars, and told Lennier, who informed Delenn, and I happened to be there...”
Brother Theo laid one finger aside of his nose. “I have my own sources.” He piously raised his eyes to the metal-paneled ceiling.
Anna laughed. “I'll just bet you do.” Sobering, she asked, “Do your sources tell you anything about John's father?”
Theo patted her arm. “Not yet. But he's a valuable bargaining chip they'll need to gain Captain Sheridan's cooperation. They won't harm him.”
Anna's temper flared. “He's more than John's relative, you know! He's important...to me.” She folded her arms around herself and stared at the ground like a sulky and forlorn child.
Theo led her to a pew and sat beside her. “Every person is important, an irreplaceable individual in the eyes of God.” His eyes glowed with understanding as Anna met his glance through veiled tears. “All we can do is wait, and pray, and do what we can here.”
“I'm back to being unemployed,” Anna tried a light laugh to accompany the words, but it came off slightly bitter.
Theo cocked his head to one side, and smiled. “As I recall you are familiar with databases, are you not?” He stood, held out his hand to her and helped her rise. Tucking her arm through his, he walked her to the front of the chapel. “You did good work with the refugee records. Dr. Hobbs is an excellent physician, but her record-keeping beyond patient charts is not what one would wish. Go to her, offer to help clean up those records. She'll grouse a bit, but it would be a relief for her. If you have any trouble, come to me. We have several brothers who specialize in this sort of thing.” He added mildly, “You have made friends here. It has been noted and appreciated-- your previous work with Dr. Franklin, and your support of Delenn at this difficult time. Difficult for you both, and it is to both your credit that you can find comfort in each other.”
“I'll give Medlab a try,” said Anna, not knowing exactly how to respond to this. “Thank you, for the kind words and for the recommendation.”
On her arrival at MedLab her offer of help was greeted by Dr. Hobbs with half an ear and initial doubt. Anna persisted, and Dr. Hobbs grudgingly agreed to let her try her hand, ensconcing her in the central glass-walled office that served Dr. Franklin when he was there. Anna could see the point where she the records she'd kept on Epsilon 3 had ended; it was followed by erratic entries, some un-dated, most incomplete. The original files were all there, but entry into the central database had slacked off as the war had wound down. The refugees had continued to flow in, the numbers slowed but showed occasional jumps when a large group arrived. Most of these later arrivals had not been kept in Medlab. They were not necessarily wounded, at least not physically, just homeless or displaced, in a word, lost. Most of these disappeared from the records after their initial medical examinations. Anna wondered what had happened to all of them. It put her own troubles in some perspective, although the buried worry and fear still erupted occasionally, making her hands shake and her eyes blur.
At noon, Dr. Hobbs entered the office with a tray containing two tightly wrapped sandwiches and two plastic cups of tea. “Lunch?” she asked. “You've been hard at it,” she added as Anna bundled away stacks of papers, flimsies, hand-held data tablets, and racks of data crystals to make space on the desk for the tray.
“It's not so bad,” replied Anna, reaching for the tea, and holding the cup in both hands, inhaling the steam. “It's like anything, if you let yourself get behind, soon it becomes overwhelming.”
Lillian Hobbs looked briefly guilty, then held out one of the sandwiches. Anna took it and unwrapped it and took a big bite. She gestured at the main comscreen with the thin bread slices. “There aren't that many left. Not that we have records for. Most of them have gone home, or back to one of the main resettlement camps in their own sectors.”
“Well, the war is over. At least that war.” Lillian sighed. “I don't know when Dr. Franklin will make it back.”
“You seem to be doing pretty well here,” remarked Anna, taking a gulp of the now lukewarm tea to wash down the sandwich. “Do you like running the show?”
“The paperwork's a bitch,” replied Lillian with a smile. “But yes, I do. I've always liked doing things my own way.” She looked around the quietly humming medical center with pride. “This is the most interesting place I've ever worked,” she added. “So many different races. Always something new to learn.” She picked at her sandwich lying neatly bisected on a square of napkin. “You've become close to Delenn, haven't you?”
Anna nodded but didn't reply having started in on the second half of her sandwich.
“I'd like to ask you to keep an eye on her. She's not an ideal patient, though she follows directions precisely...when you can get her to commit to following them.” Lillian shook her head. “I'm not completely happy with her recovery.”
Anna's appetite faded. “What do you mean?” she asked.
“I'm not sure. I have all Dr. Franklin's records on her, the changes in her metabolism and basic physiology...but there's still a lot we don't know. I can't get her to come in for daily blood work, and those wounds. Well, they'll take a while to completely heal. I think she's in more pain than she'll admit.”
“What can I do?” asked Anna intently.
“Keep an eye on her. Let me know if you notice any signs of that fever returning. Get her to use that ointment I gave her. Reducing scarring is not just about vanity, it's also about restoring muscle function.” Lillian's voice lost its hesitant concern in the familiar recitation of prescription.
“I will,” promised Anna. “I'll do whatever I can.”
10/23/2261
Anna had returned to John's and her quarters to pick up some clothes when the message from Ivanova came through. It had been a tiresome morning of going through old medical records, trying to straighten out another database Dr. Hobbs had off-loaded onto her. She listened to the commander's strict admonition that Anna was to stay on the station and stay out of her, Ivanova's, way. Something was happening; Anna could feel the tension in the air. Slamming the off button on the comstation in frustration, Anna started to pace, hands behind her back, trying to see some way out of the situation. As she made her way around the small living area, she caught her hip on the small chest against the wall. The top drawer was slightly ajar. Rubbing the sore spot, she yanked at the drawer in an attempt to ram it closed. John must have left it open before he'd gone on his quixotic rescue mission. After a pause, she opened it again slowly. A packet of letters, her letters, lay within the drawer. A black box, a soft velvet square weighed them down. He'd been reading her letters and looking at the ring he'd bought for Delenn. Tears filled her eyes. Her poor John, torn between past and future-he was trying so hard to make things right for everyone. No wonder he'd run to help his father. He had to do something, just like she had to do something. On an impulse, she stuffed the box deep in the pocket of her short blue jacket. Running her hand through her hair, she decided she had to get out of the room. She desperately needed some air.
The trip to the VIP wing was short and she dumped the small bag with the clothes she'd retrieved on the sofa. She'd made a little nest of things around her temporary home. A tablet for work that connected to the main Medical system, and one loaded with some papers she was reading, still trying to catch up on three years' work in the xeno-anthropology field as well as some novels and puzzles, and her primer on the Minbari language. A pad of paper and a good pen for notes lay next to the electronics. Delenn had placed a carafe of water and a crystal glass, as well as the omnipresent candles. There was a pair of reading glasses; she didn't like to wear them but reading the print on the tablet reader made her eyes ache if she kept at it for too long. Her body had aged during the three years. The Shadows hadn't kept her in stasis. Feeling her heartbeat accelerate at the creeping indistinct memory of what had been done to her, she slowed her breathing and kept her focus tightly on the present, as Delenn had taught her. Looking around the quiet rooms, she felt the return of the claustrophobia she'd felt earlier. Time to run, to find somewhere where the walls were more distant. Delenn was busy, presumably conferring with Susan, making their last minute plans to wreak whatever havoc they had in mind. Just as well, Anna thought. Space and solitude; that's what she wanted.
When she reached the central gardens she could almost feel her shoulders retreat from their perch up around her ears. Anna walked through the various areas of agriculture and recreation and just natural beauty, finally settling on a stone bench in front of a carefully raked area of patterned gravel. Closing her eyes, she tried to tune out the buzzing sounds of machinery and the faint echoes of others' conversations. She wished she could feel the sun.
Anna felt Delenn's presence without exactly knowing how. A faint perfume, the rustle of robes, a knowledge of peace informed senses other than sight. Without opening her eyes, she remarked, “John was always drawn to Asian culture. I think he would have liked this garden.”
“He did.” Delenn took a seat next to Anna, her robes settling around her like a flutter of wings. “And your opinion?”
“It's so small.” Anna sighed. “I don't think I could ever get used to station life. I'm used to planets, mostly empty planets, with expansive areas of nearly deserted territory to explore.” She laughed. “Not that I haven't found myself in some tight spots. Once on Mars, one of the first digs I went on after graduate school, we had to crawl through partially collapsed tunnels...from the first colony, the one that was abandoned. There were rumors of artifacts left by some ancient civilization. Or perhaps ancient visitors. I found that I have mild claustrophobia on that expedition. Sometimes I feel the same way here.”
The quality of Delenn's silence began to alarm Anna. “What's wrong?” she asked, surprised by the paleness of her friend's face. “It's not that bad, the claustrophobia, just a little uneasiness. I do okay on board ship, and that's tighter quarters than this station.” Suspicious, she continued, “What about you? Are you feeling well?” Dr. Hobbs' warning came to the front of her mind and she examined her friend closely.
Delenn sighed heavily. “Susan is determined to follow John's plan. She will leave the station soon, with the fleet. Perhaps this very evening. Perhaps tomorrow. I will remain for a while and direct operations here. It is your people's fight, those were John's words, and he is right.” Her eyes glistened for a moment. “Our other plans, John's and mine, those I must work towards, even though he may not live to see them come to fruition.”
Anna leaned forward and pressed Delenn's hand, which lay on the bench between them, limp and white. “John's tough, you know. He'll hang in there until we can get him out. Then we'll have years and years to figure out everything else. Your plans, the Alliance, the three of us, our future...” Her voice trailed off as Delenn broke quietly into tears, her other hand covering her mouth as if to cut off speech. “Is something else wrong? Is there more news?” Anna heart thudded in apprehension.
Delenn shook her head, and managed to choke out, “No. No word yet.” Struggling for control, her hand slid down her throat and caught on the decoration which had been her mother's. Clutching at the dangling brooch like a talisman, she straightened her back and said, “There is something you need to know.”
Anna waited patiently as Delenn seemed to search for the words. “When John went to Z'ha'dum,” she began.
Anna interrupted, “When I talked him into going, you mean. Oh, I know it wasn't really me, but would he have gone on his own? Without my coming back to urge him?”
“I think he would have. Kosh meant him to, that is my understanding.” Delenn looked past Anna, lost in remembrance. “Of course, Kosh would have gone with him, and then maybe it would not have happened.”
“What?” broke in Anna. “What happened to him there? Did they get into his mind, like they did mine? He didn't seem affected that way. Did Lorien protect him, stand in for Kosh?”
Delenn struggled for a moment, as if searching for words, then finally said in a toneless voice of despair and acceptance, “John died there. He died on Z'ha'dum, that is what happened. He fell and was lost, to me, to all of us. It was Lorien that brought him back, at least,” she concluded in a whisper, “at least for a little while.”
Anna stared in blank incomprehension. Then her mind caught on the last few words, like a falling leaf spinning into a spider web. “A little while?”
“John did not want you to know,” Delenn leaned forward, pinning Anna with her eyes, dark with remembered and renewed pain. “But he was wrong. You deserve to know, as much as I do, and especially now, when we do not know where he is or when he is coming back to us.” Her voice trailed off in anguish. Then she sat back and said painfully, “Twenty years more or less. That was Lorien's gift.” A tear, then two, started again to trickle down her cheek. “Barring accident or illness.”
“Or torture or captivity?” asked Anna, wrapping her arms around herself. The skin of her arms felt cold and clammy. Shock, she diagnosed impassively.
Delenn's head drooped. “Perhaps. I do not know.”
Anna's voice was chill and distant. “You should have told me. Either of you. Both of you.”
“Yes,” replied Delenn, lips tight against the echo of old memory.
“I think you should go now,” said Anna abruptly. The need to be left alone, by all these people she didn't really know, crashed over her head in a wave. The only person she really knew, really wanted to see...he wasn't here. And he hadn't trusted her.
Delenn rose slowly, then staggered, her weight shifting as if she had lost her balance. Her hand fell heavily on Anna's shoulder. Anna did not move or even look in her direction, and Delenn left without another word.