Life
the more and more I begin to think of how much I want things to work out. The more I know and believe things will work out. it makes it hard to believe that things are ment to go my way, let alone the ppl I touch in my life are to be hurt by me. Lately all I see is pain an destruction radiating from my soul. I want to change it I have been changing it. but someone I love dearly... All I feel I'm doing is hurting them. I want the pain to stop. I try daily to make it better. She believes in me so much, but I just worry that I hurt more then I am good, but that's just the whole self doubt thing. I know if I can work throught this things will get better. they have to. I can't let them get worst. we've been throught so much together and all I feel is I've given her pain. I know better. I am better. I can just let this destroy us, her, me, or my friends. it has to get better. I will work at it. I just can't let her be destroyed or hurt b/c of me. I've gotten to the point I care for her every bit of the day. I couldn't think of destroying someone like that but I know that it's a reality and a possibiltity. I know it's bad to doubt myself, and I'm told to believe so I am. I know things well get better if just for her that's all I want. I want things to be better for her. I love her with all my heart. and just thinking of destroying someone so close to me ,without trying , it just happening destroys me day in and day out. But I know that I will keep going no matter what I know things will get better. they have to I can't let them get worst. I'm being here more. I'm trying to be more open. I don't want to be closed off. I hate hurting close to me. this is part of the reason I believe i'm cursed. those I truely care about get hurt by me without trying.