The Bedside
Pairing:Rabin
Angst
Implied Neo
TW SELF HARM/CHARACTER DEATH
---------------------------------------------------------------------
It wad been years since Wonshik had been at the hospital, at least before Hongbin got sick. He couldn't stand the smell of disinfectant, let alone vomit and whatever other bodily fluids were about the place. But lately it seemed that he was at the hospital every night next to Hongbin's bed. He wished he could do something to help him, but the cancer had taken over Hongbin's brain to the point where the doctors couldn't do anything. All he could do was sit and watch the cancer slowly consume his lover,and remember what it was like when they were both happily healthy. He tried to recall when they first started living together, and all the other things he could hold onto as his sanity slowly slipped away from him.
"Wonshik! How many times have I told you to put your clothes away neatly! We share the fucking closet for Christ's sake!"
Wonshik walked out of the kitchen and into the bedroom to find a very pissed Hongbin awaiting him. "I'm sorry, babe I'm just not as clean as you are. I mean, you fold your underwear for fucks sake."
Hongbin sighed and walked over to the other and wrapped his arms around his waist. He knew he had to accept that Wonshik didn't like to be as tidy as him, since they did live together. It had been two weeks since they started renting the tiny apartment in Seoul, and he could tell that Wonshik was happy he was back home.
"I'm so glad we did this, babe. I love being with you all the time, no more Taekwoon or Hakyeon, just us."
Hongbin nuzzled his face into Wonshik's neck, and whispered, "I love you."
"I love you too, Binnie."
A few months passed, and the cold winter had left their apartment freezing. Wonshik always gave Hongbin his sweatshirts, and cuddled him whenever possible. Hongbin loved the attention from him, since with Wonshik's schedule they didn't see each other much anymore. Any time they spent together was valuable especially since their 1 year anniversary was coming up in a week.
He heard the door open, and a yell of, "I'm home!" from Wonshik.
"Finally, it seemed like you had been gone for days. I see less and less of you each time."
Wonshik walked into the living room and sat next to Hongbin on the couch. "I know, Binnie I'm sorry. I'm just trying to keep the money coming in. Work is stressful and-"
"I was kidding, calm down." He placed a small kiss on Wonshik's lips. He loved how soft his lips were, even in the winter.
"I'll start dinner, okay? You seem like you could use it. Ramen sound alright?"
"Perfect." Replied Hongbin. "I'm going to take a shower. I haven't been feeling so great."
"Are you alright? Do you need anything, babe?"
"No, I'm fine, my stomach has just been acting up and my head hurts. It's nothing."
"Aright. Yell if you need anything."
On the day of their anniversary, Wonshik took Hongbin out to dinner. It wasn't anything fancy, but Hongbin thought it was sweet all the same. He couldn't fully enjoy it though, since his headache hadn't gone away and his vision had been blurry in and out for most of the day.
Wonshik was looking at him from across the table.
"You alright, babe? You look sick. Should we leave?"
"No, it's nothing, just my head.."
"Binnnie, we can leave if you need too--"
"I'm fine."
"But--"
"I said I'm fine!" Hongbin said with a little more force than he meant.
Wonshik got up from the table and went and paid the bill. He thought that Hongbin had been acting odd for the past few days. He was worried. It wasn't like Hongbin to lash out at him like that, or get headaches for that matter.
"You ready to go?" asked Wonshik.
"Sure."
Back at their apartment, after a good 30 minute silence between the two Hongbin finally spoke up.
"Look, I'm sorry I ruined dinner, but it's just I haven't been feeling great and.." He suddenly felt the urge to cry. He had no idea where this emotion came from, but he let it take over.
"Babe, shh.. it's alright. Come here." Wonshik held him tight as they sat on the couch. "Tell me what's going on. Or at least what you think is going on."
Hongbin tried to collect himself enough to speak. "I just have this...pain in my head all the time and my vision goes all fuzzy on one side and...it's scaring me!" Hongbin burst into another wave of tears wrapped in Wonshik's arms.
"Babe, it's alright. We'll go to the clinic in the morning. I'll take off work for the day."
"You don't have--"
"Yes I do, if you're in this much pain."
At the clinic, Wonshik paced nervously in the waiting room. It had been an hour since Hongbin went into one of the backrooms. Finally Hongbin emerged. He looked as he had been crying.
"So what did they say?"
"They said they have to admit me to the hospital for more testing."
What? Testing for what, ba--"
"Cancer."
"What?"
"They said I might have cancer, Kim."
"Binnie, I...I don't know what to say--"
"Just take me to the hospital."
Later that week, Wonshik was outside the door talking to one of the doctors.
"His chances of survival aren't very high. It's almost taken over half his brain and it's spreading faster than we can get rid of it."
"But you can get rid of it, right? You have to be able to! Please tell me you can..."
"Sir I'm sorry, but I'd give him 3 months."
"Til he's better?"
"Til he dies."
Wonshik couldn't take it anymore. He didn't want anymore of this bad news. It was all had gotten about Hongbin's current state. He wanted to leave, leave the hospital and everyone in it, except Hongbin. He wanted to take away all of his pain, and anything else causing him trouble. He broke down, and crouched on the floor, his head in his hands as he cried. He thought that this all must be a joke, a prank and Hongbin was going to be fine and they could go home and have a good laugh. But he couldn't. Hongbin was dying. He had to accept that. After he mildly collected himself, he walked into his hospital room.
"So I guess they told you."
"Yeah." Wonshik sat down on the edge of Hongbin's bed."I'm so sorry, babe I--"
"It's not your fault. We didn't know this was going to happen. We just have to accept it."
"You might survive, you might get better and we can go home and--"
"I'm not going to, Wonshik. I'm going to die soon."
Wonshik started crying again, harder than before. He wrapped his arms around Hongbin, never wanting to let go. Hongbin started crying too, not because he was going to die, but because in the process he knew it was going to kill Wonshik.
All the hair was gone from Hongbin's head by now. He wore Wonshik's mouse ear beanie to hide it. He was skinnier than he had been when he was 12, only weighing 120 pounds. Taekwoon and Hakyeon visited once a week, but Hyuk and Jaewhan couldn't be there as they were out of the country on business. Hongbin didn't talk much now, since the cancer had eaten almost all of his brain now. Wonshik would sit and talk to him as if he were still there, asking him how his day was and if the nurses were nice. It had been two months and one week since Hongbin had been diagnosed.
"How are the nurse's Binnnie? Do they make sure you look nice? Oh, Binnie... I miss you. Please get better soon."
All Wonshik got back in response was a slight moan most of the time, and sometimes an, "kay, Wonshik, or mhmm" It had been a week since Hongbin had said, "I love you too." back to Wonshik. He made sure he told him every day. Hongbin had been right. It was killing Wonshik to see him die. He cried himself to sleep every night at the thought of losing him.
Finally, the day came.
Wonshik woke up.
"Good morning, Binnie. I love you. Please get better soon."
And then the monitors made the moise that he had been dreading. He died. The monitor flat lined, and Wonshik just sat there, too in shock to realize what had happened. And then he cried.
It had been a week after Hongbin died. Wonshik quit his job. The only social contact he had was when Taekwoon came to check up on him and made him a mug of tea.
"He loved you, Wonshik."
"I know."
"Please come do something, anything. I'm worried about you."
"Please leave."
Taekwoon left, and Wonshik decided that he couldn't take this pain anymore. He had grown skinny, and slept almost all day. He kept hearing Hongbin's voice in his head. "It's just a headache. It's nothing."
"It was my fault. I didn't do anything. I didn't help. It was my fault."
Wonshik walked into the bathroom.
"It was my fault! My fault! I could helped!"
He grabbed his razor out of the cabinet.
" I COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING." He screamed into the mirror.
Wonshik took one last look at his refection.
"I love you, Binnie."
He slit his wrist and watched the blood pour out until all he saw was black.
Angst
Implied Neo
TW SELF HARM/CHARACTER DEATH
---------------------------------------------------------------------
It wad been years since Wonshik had been at the hospital, at least before Hongbin got sick. He couldn't stand the smell of disinfectant, let alone vomit and whatever other bodily fluids were about the place. But lately it seemed that he was at the hospital every night next to Hongbin's bed. He wished he could do something to help him, but the cancer had taken over Hongbin's brain to the point where the doctors couldn't do anything. All he could do was sit and watch the cancer slowly consume his lover,and remember what it was like when they were both happily healthy. He tried to recall when they first started living together, and all the other things he could hold onto as his sanity slowly slipped away from him.
"Wonshik! How many times have I told you to put your clothes away neatly! We share the fucking closet for Christ's sake!"
Wonshik walked out of the kitchen and into the bedroom to find a very pissed Hongbin awaiting him. "I'm sorry, babe I'm just not as clean as you are. I mean, you fold your underwear for fucks sake."
Hongbin sighed and walked over to the other and wrapped his arms around his waist. He knew he had to accept that Wonshik didn't like to be as tidy as him, since they did live together. It had been two weeks since they started renting the tiny apartment in Seoul, and he could tell that Wonshik was happy he was back home.
"I'm so glad we did this, babe. I love being with you all the time, no more Taekwoon or Hakyeon, just us."
Hongbin nuzzled his face into Wonshik's neck, and whispered, "I love you."
"I love you too, Binnie."
A few months passed, and the cold winter had left their apartment freezing. Wonshik always gave Hongbin his sweatshirts, and cuddled him whenever possible. Hongbin loved the attention from him, since with Wonshik's schedule they didn't see each other much anymore. Any time they spent together was valuable especially since their 1 year anniversary was coming up in a week.
He heard the door open, and a yell of, "I'm home!" from Wonshik.
"Finally, it seemed like you had been gone for days. I see less and less of you each time."
Wonshik walked into the living room and sat next to Hongbin on the couch. "I know, Binnie I'm sorry. I'm just trying to keep the money coming in. Work is stressful and-"
"I was kidding, calm down." He placed a small kiss on Wonshik's lips. He loved how soft his lips were, even in the winter.
"I'll start dinner, okay? You seem like you could use it. Ramen sound alright?"
"Perfect." Replied Hongbin. "I'm going to take a shower. I haven't been feeling so great."
"Are you alright? Do you need anything, babe?"
"No, I'm fine, my stomach has just been acting up and my head hurts. It's nothing."
"Aright. Yell if you need anything."
On the day of their anniversary, Wonshik took Hongbin out to dinner. It wasn't anything fancy, but Hongbin thought it was sweet all the same. He couldn't fully enjoy it though, since his headache hadn't gone away and his vision had been blurry in and out for most of the day.
Wonshik was looking at him from across the table.
"You alright, babe? You look sick. Should we leave?"
"No, it's nothing, just my head.."
"Binnnie, we can leave if you need too--"
"I'm fine."
"But--"
"I said I'm fine!" Hongbin said with a little more force than he meant.
Wonshik got up from the table and went and paid the bill. He thought that Hongbin had been acting odd for the past few days. He was worried. It wasn't like Hongbin to lash out at him like that, or get headaches for that matter.
"You ready to go?" asked Wonshik.
"Sure."
Back at their apartment, after a good 30 minute silence between the two Hongbin finally spoke up.
"Look, I'm sorry I ruined dinner, but it's just I haven't been feeling great and.." He suddenly felt the urge to cry. He had no idea where this emotion came from, but he let it take over.
"Babe, shh.. it's alright. Come here." Wonshik held him tight as they sat on the couch. "Tell me what's going on. Or at least what you think is going on."
Hongbin tried to collect himself enough to speak. "I just have this...pain in my head all the time and my vision goes all fuzzy on one side and...it's scaring me!" Hongbin burst into another wave of tears wrapped in Wonshik's arms.
"Babe, it's alright. We'll go to the clinic in the morning. I'll take off work for the day."
"You don't have--"
"Yes I do, if you're in this much pain."
At the clinic, Wonshik paced nervously in the waiting room. It had been an hour since Hongbin went into one of the backrooms. Finally Hongbin emerged. He looked as he had been crying.
"So what did they say?"
"They said they have to admit me to the hospital for more testing."
What? Testing for what, ba--"
"Cancer."
"What?"
"They said I might have cancer, Kim."
"Binnie, I...I don't know what to say--"
"Just take me to the hospital."
Later that week, Wonshik was outside the door talking to one of the doctors.
"His chances of survival aren't very high. It's almost taken over half his brain and it's spreading faster than we can get rid of it."
"But you can get rid of it, right? You have to be able to! Please tell me you can..."
"Sir I'm sorry, but I'd give him 3 months."
"Til he's better?"
"Til he dies."
Wonshik couldn't take it anymore. He didn't want anymore of this bad news. It was all had gotten about Hongbin's current state. He wanted to leave, leave the hospital and everyone in it, except Hongbin. He wanted to take away all of his pain, and anything else causing him trouble. He broke down, and crouched on the floor, his head in his hands as he cried. He thought that this all must be a joke, a prank and Hongbin was going to be fine and they could go home and have a good laugh. But he couldn't. Hongbin was dying. He had to accept that. After he mildly collected himself, he walked into his hospital room.
"So I guess they told you."
"Yeah." Wonshik sat down on the edge of Hongbin's bed."I'm so sorry, babe I--"
"It's not your fault. We didn't know this was going to happen. We just have to accept it."
"You might survive, you might get better and we can go home and--"
"I'm not going to, Wonshik. I'm going to die soon."
Wonshik started crying again, harder than before. He wrapped his arms around Hongbin, never wanting to let go. Hongbin started crying too, not because he was going to die, but because in the process he knew it was going to kill Wonshik.
All the hair was gone from Hongbin's head by now. He wore Wonshik's mouse ear beanie to hide it. He was skinnier than he had been when he was 12, only weighing 120 pounds. Taekwoon and Hakyeon visited once a week, but Hyuk and Jaewhan couldn't be there as they were out of the country on business. Hongbin didn't talk much now, since the cancer had eaten almost all of his brain now. Wonshik would sit and talk to him as if he were still there, asking him how his day was and if the nurses were nice. It had been two months and one week since Hongbin had been diagnosed.
"How are the nurse's Binnnie? Do they make sure you look nice? Oh, Binnie... I miss you. Please get better soon."
All Wonshik got back in response was a slight moan most of the time, and sometimes an, "kay, Wonshik, or mhmm" It had been a week since Hongbin had said, "I love you too." back to Wonshik. He made sure he told him every day. Hongbin had been right. It was killing Wonshik to see him die. He cried himself to sleep every night at the thought of losing him.
Finally, the day came.
Wonshik woke up.
"Good morning, Binnie. I love you. Please get better soon."
And then the monitors made the moise that he had been dreading. He died. The monitor flat lined, and Wonshik just sat there, too in shock to realize what had happened. And then he cried.
It had been a week after Hongbin died. Wonshik quit his job. The only social contact he had was when Taekwoon came to check up on him and made him a mug of tea.
"He loved you, Wonshik."
"I know."
"Please come do something, anything. I'm worried about you."
"Please leave."
Taekwoon left, and Wonshik decided that he couldn't take this pain anymore. He had grown skinny, and slept almost all day. He kept hearing Hongbin's voice in his head. "It's just a headache. It's nothing."
"It was my fault. I didn't do anything. I didn't help. It was my fault."
Wonshik walked into the bathroom.
"It was my fault! My fault! I could helped!"
He grabbed his razor out of the cabinet.
" I COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING." He screamed into the mirror.
Wonshik took one last look at his refection.
"I love you, Binnie."
He slit his wrist and watched the blood pour out until all he saw was black.