Day One - Fortress by The_Resolver
Livejournal Username: The_Resolver
Title: Fortress
Pairing: Taekwoon/Yixing
Word count: 3009
Rating: R
Prompt: Nr. 15 "soulmate au where it takes a long time to get trough taekwoon's barriers but yixing is determined and persistent."
Warnings: mentions of past self harm, depression and eating disorders, mentions of internal homophobia
Summary: Yixing didn’t expect getting close to his soulmate would be that easy but he didn’t think it would be this hard.
A/N note: Thank you to the mods - and I’m sorry that I got all messed up - I hope you like the fic recipient. I really did love the prompt. Soulmates are my dream. I love them and I love that I got to play with dynamics. If I could have all the time in the world this would have been infinite in length because I ended up falling in love with the pair - and I hope you do too, readers.
Yixing sighed, he'd been living with Taekwoon for a while, it was customary for soulmates to move in together once they'd found each other, but it was not customary for them to barely talk. They'd talked, they talked all the time but not in the way Yixing wanted. He wanted to know his partner, his soulmate completely. In the ways they were supposed to, they were soulmates they were supposed to share things, they were supposed to know things about each other that no one else did. But Yixing wasn't really getting close with Taekwoon, it was like he had impenetrable walls protecting him, and Yixing just had to find a way to scale them. He was going to find a way to scale them. He knew breaking them down wasn't going to happen, so he was just going to have to be pragmatic about the whole thing.
Which, as always, was easier said than done. He looked over at his soulmate, they were sharing a bed - but mostly for convention. Taekwoon had kissed Yixing a few times, they'd made out twice but it wasn't going much deeper. Yixing would be lying if he said he wasn't happy with his soulmates physical appearance but he knew that deep down there was a beautiful person on the inside. He wasn't going to let that go undiscovered. He wanted to know the niceness inside the others heart. Yixing moved and wrapped his arms around Taekwoon, spooning him - which he had to admit was a bit awkward as their height difference did not work in his favour. But he didn't care, he was going to spoon his soulmate, to keep him safe and protected. Who wouldn't love that?
Taekwoon woke up and rolled over, moving to face his soulmate, who was awake. Taekwoon almost smiled and gave Yixing a gentle kiss. "Did you sleep well?" Yixing said quietly, and Taekwoon nodded, he wasn't really one for words. Yixing smiled at Taekwoon, he knew his soulmate must have a lot going on inside his head - it was always the quietest ones who were the deepest. "What do you want for breakfast?" he asked as he pushed himself up out of the bed.
Taekwoon sat up and watched as Yixing pulled on some clothes. "Pancakes... you make them well." Yixing smiled, the boy was quiet but he could hear him and it was still cute to listen to the others voice. He loved to hear when Taekwoon had something to say - which wasn't nearly as often as he would like it to be. He loved how the others voice was a stark contrast to his outward appearance. He liked that Taekwoon was a contradiction, a beautiful mix of all ends of a spectrum. Yixing made pancakes, he knew how Taekwoon liked them - plus who didn't like fluffy pancakes? He smiled handing the other maple syrup (because Yixing never gave Taekwoon enough), they ate in relative silence. "Are you busy at work?" Taekwoon finally said quietly.
In the whole time they'd been together Taekwoon had barely ever started a conversation, so Yixing couldn't help but beam as he thought. "Well yeah, I have to do some choreographing for some up and coming idol group, if you ask me they aren't really cut out to be dancers - but that doesn't matter I just need to make them look good." He smiled a little, Yixing was talented enough to try to make it into a group, but he'd met Taekwoon at an audition and decided that he wanted to settle down with his soulmate rather than chasing fame. He liked being a choreographer and he never even thought about what could have been - it didn't matter to him because his dream had always been to find his soulmate and make a life together. "What about you?"
Taekwoon thought for a second and then shook his head, "Our client isn't coming," Yixing was used to this, he liked to think of it as half answers, he had to finish it off in his head, but he knew it was all part of Taekwoon - and that was his soulmate so there was something deep inside him that understood why. He looked at the soft pink name on his wrist Jung Taekwoon, he still thought it looked beautiful. Taekwoon worked for a advertising company, he had got into an entertainment company but Yixing didn't know why Taekwoon had declined - he'd never asked.
-*-
Yixing didn't know why he was doing this, going into Taekwoon's office with some lunch for him - he knew that the other would skip lunch at work because of deadlines. He was a little worried that when he got there that he might see that Taekwoon was actually really social and it was just a problem with him. He didn't know if the other would be mad at him for coming. When he got to the floor, he noticed Taekwoon right away, he went over and put the lunch on the desk. "I made you something nice." Yixing said quietly, Taekwoon looked up at him and pulled him down for a gentle kiss.
"Thank you." Taekwoon said quietly, looking in the bag and smiling when he noticed that there was jajangmyeon inside. "join me?" he asked, and Yixing sat down smiling, he wanted to join Taekwoon, he liked spending time with him and honestly the man was a lot cuter than he let on. Yixing smiled when Taekwoon leant over the table to feed him, he ate with a smile. Taekwoon didn't smile but Yixing could swear he saw the corners of the others mouth turning up. He would take that, an almost smile was something. "How long?"
"Do I have?" Yixing finished for the other, this soulmate bond really came in handy when dealing with Taekwoon, "I have like an hour and half left, the next group is a girl group - which is sort of frustrating they have a company who only wants to do cute concepts so I feel like I'm stuck doing the same thing over and over.”
Taekwoon nodded, eating quietly again. Yixing wondered about his soulmate but he didn't know exactly how to word his curiosities, and he wasn't even sure specifically what it was that he was interested in. He wanted to know everything about Taekwoon, but everything had to start somewhere - and he was yet unsure of where he wanted to start. He just knew that there was a deep side to Taekwoon and the surface was just the surface. Taekwoon finally spoke, "I'm going to be home late."
"Work?" Taekwoon shook his head. Yixing couldn't think of what else could cause his soulmate to be late home so he just nodded. He didn't mind the other coming home late - he was sure it wasn't because Taekwoon had some secret partner - because Taekwoon was an honest person and honestly Yixing felt like he'd have just told him. "Do you want me to leave dinner for you in the microwave?" Taekwoon nodded. "You know you can tell me - even if you think I'm not going to like it."
"I know." Taekwoon said, his voice was soft. "But we're at my work." Yixing felt a pang of guilt - that he was being inappropriate, that he was asking too much. He didn't want to push the other too far, he wanted the other to come to him - to open to him. That was something he longed for but he didn't want to make the other feel obligated.
"Sorry." Yixing said quickly, he didn't really know what he was going to do. He didn't really have a way to apologize for pressuring the other - although he didn't really feel like he'd said anything that would upset his soulmate too much.
-*-
That night when Taekwoon got home, Yixing had left the meal in the microwave and was in their room reading, dressed in nothing but a wife beater and some track pants. He'd been dancing earlier - as a present for his birthday Taekwoon had converted one of their spare rooms into his own dance studio. Taekwoon really did care about Yixing, and Yixing knew that. It was just that he wanted to see beneath the walls. To see the soul of the man inside, he loved the way Taekwoon would sometimes just stare at him like he was gold but at the same time he would rather hear the other tell him.
Taekwoon came in after he'd eaten and washed up, he stripped out of his suit and changed into something comfortable, he usually just slept in a long sleeved shirt and track pants, so he was just wearing a shirt and some loose pants. Yixing looked up from his book. Taekwoon got into bed and just moved to wrap an arm around Yixing. "You can put the television on if you want." Yixing said quietly.
"I don't want to." He said giving Yixing's cheek a soft kiss. Yixing turned his head and kissed Taekwoon on the lips. Taekwoon moved holding Yixing's cheek as they kissed. Eyes closed, Taekwoon led, because it just felt right. Yixing liked to give the other control, his lips parted letting Taekwoon's tongue explore his mouth. He breathed against Taekwoon's lips when they parted. He pulled the other in again, smiling when Taekwoon's arms wrapped around him and Taekwoon's weight was shifted over him. Taekwoon let out a small groan, he bit down gently on Yixing's bottom lip. Taekwoon pulled back and looked at the other underneath him kissing at Yixing's neck gently.
It was just hand jobs but it was a connection. As they were coming down from their highs Taekwoon was giving Yixing gentle kisses. "I was seeing someone today," Taekwoon said quietly, "A doctor."
"Are you sick?" Yixing said the worry tainting his words. "I can look after you - and if we need to I can take time off work to make sure you're cared for."
"No Yixing, it's nothing like that. I've been seeing them for a few years."
"Like a check up?"
"Yeah... kind of like a check up." Taekwoon said with a small nod. "I'll tell you more about it another time. I'm tired." He mumbled, Yixing wanted to laugh when the other snuggled in tight to his body. He didn't know how it was possible for the other to be like this. Maybe he was finally breaking down some of the barriers that were preventing him from getting the full man on the inside. But he didn't care he wanted to see the whole thing - even if it wasn't pretty.
-*-
Yixing was under Taekwoon and they were kissing, they were getting more and more intimate with each other - and more frequently. Yixing was happy, because he was learning more about Taekwoon. It was as if the intimacy and the discoveries were connected. He wanted to know more, and he wanted to feel more. Yixing gasped as his shirt was pulled off and Taekwoon went about placing gentle kisses all over the others torso. He panted between moans, he could feel Taekwoon pressed against him. His hands moved to tug up Taekwoon's shirt, he felt the other tense.
"Don't." Taekwoon said almost harshly.
Yixing dropped his hands like a scolded school boy. Taekwoon had pulled back completely. Yixing moved to sit up, Taekwoon was sat on the bed with his knees up at his chest. Yixing moved the others hair so he could press a kiss to the other's cheek. "I'm sorry Taekwoon, I didn't know. Don't worry from now on your shirt can stay on. I understand." He kissed the other's cheek a second time.
"I'm sorry." Taekwoon breathed out. "I just don't feel comfortable with it coming off."
"Taekwoon, that's perfectly fine. You don't have to take it off ever if you don't want to." He moved to rest against the headboard of the bed. "Hey, if it will make you feel better we can just snuggle and watch that show you love so much." Taekwoon just moved into Yixing's arms, resting against his chest. It looked a little bit awkward but it was clearly what the other needed.
"No one's seen me without a shirt on since I was fifteen." Taekwoon said quietly. "I got sick and I just lost all confidence in my body because it changed and it took until I was eighteen to feel better about myself." Yixing nodded, listening to Taekwoon open up, "And I know you are my soulmate, but I'm still afraid of you seeing."
"It's fine Taekwoon, you don't have to show me anything unless you're comfortable. I'm happy with how things are. I can wait, we have forever. You're my soulmate - and I don't want to see what's under your shirt unless you want me to. I don't want anything unless you're comfortable." Yixing said quietly.
-*-
Things were developing still, they were spending time together talking, they were cuddling, things progressed but Taekwoon never took his shirt off. At first Yixing wondered if it would make sex awkward but it didn't. Admittedly, he wanted to hold onto Taekwoon's arms, he wanted to feel skin flushed against skin. But he didn't mind the shirt. He didn't mind the other needed to wear it or to get changed out of sight. It was just something about Taekwoon that he didn't mind.
One day they were coming down from their highs, Yixing had been on top for the first time, and he'd thought he'd been going crazy. Taekwoon had finally relinquished control, he'd let Yixing in far enough to trust him with his body. Yixing lay next to Taekwoon kissing him gently. "Yixing..." He said quietly. "I love you." he breathed out - Yixing had known for a long time that Taekwoon loved him - and Yixing told the other how he was in love on a regular basis.
"I love you too." He kissed Taekwoon. It was something he couldn't help but blush at when he said it. He was really in love and he wasn't afraid, he trusted Taekwoon with his life. He knew the other told him as much as he could, as much as he felt comfortable saying. That was all that Yixing could ever ask for.
"I really love you Zhang Yixing." Taekwoon said before rolling over and kissing Yixing romantically.
"I know Taekwoon." Yixing said with a smile, "You don't have to say it, but you show it in amazing ways." He kissed him again with an even bigger grin. "You flew my parents over for my choreography showcase, you skipped work to take me to the hospital when I tripped and fell and damaged my knee. You protect me in so many ways. You don't need to say in words how much you love me. I see it in your actions." He paused before adding, "But I do love to hear you say it."
-*-
Yixing woke up and saw Taekwoon sitting on the bed, it was a weekend and neither of them was working that day so he'd slept in. "Taekwoon?" Yixing said quietly, moving to sit next to him.
"I want to take my shirt off for you." He breathed. Yixing just nodded, and watched as Taekwoon slipped the black shirt over his head. He watched Yixing's face studying for his reactions. He was covered in scarring on his arms, his ribs, his stomach. "I was ashamed, that you'd see this and think of me differently."
"You did this to yourself?" He said quietly, moving to press his lips softly to some of the worst healed scars on the others chest. "Your chest is beautiful. I promise. I can only see it as the chest of the man I'm in love with, not that it's something to be ashamed of." He paused before kissing Taekwoon's lips softly. "I'm just hurt," Taekwoon looked away, "It's hurt to think you went through so much pain and I wasn't there to tell you how much I love you, how much you mean. I hate that you went through so much."
"I was young. It was just hard. I sort of hated myself for a long time. I knew my soulmate was going to be male." He breathed, "I knew I was gay and I was so scared as a kid, I was so disgusted even, I just wanted to die. I hated myself so much. It was stupid really. I starved and I did these marks. I lived less than a half life." Taekwoon paused his breath shaking. Yixing was just holding his hand squeezing it reassuringly. "I nearly died when I was eighteen - and when I was in hospital I ended up thinking about how I wanted to meet you. I wanted to see my soulmate - because there were people there who's soulmate had done what I was doing and it was awful. I could never do that to you."
"You hadn't even met me and you were already looking after me." Yixing smiled a little squeezing Taekwoon's hand gently. "So you stopped everything?" Taekwoon nodded and Yixing moved Taekwoon's hair, kissing the others cheek and then his lips. "Thank you, for learning to love yourself. So I got the chance to love you." Yixing smiled when Taekwoon kissed him again.
"I'm sorry. I even thought about making you live without a soulmate." Taekwoon said quietly. "When... another time, I'll tell you more detail about my life, about my past and what I did, the hospital and how I learnt to love myself so I could one day love you." He smiled a little, "but that's enough for today." Yixing nodded, he could see the emotional toll it took on Taekwoon to open up about what happened in his past. He could wait to hear more. He was happy to wait, as long as the other knew he could trust him.
Title: Fortress
Pairing: Taekwoon/Yixing
Word count: 3009
Rating: R
Prompt: Nr. 15 "soulmate au where it takes a long time to get trough taekwoon's barriers but yixing is determined and persistent."
Warnings: mentions of past self harm, depression and eating disorders, mentions of internal homophobia
Summary: Yixing didn’t expect getting close to his soulmate would be that easy but he didn’t think it would be this hard.
A/N note: Thank you to the mods - and I’m sorry that I got all messed up - I hope you like the fic recipient. I really did love the prompt. Soulmates are my dream. I love them and I love that I got to play with dynamics. If I could have all the time in the world this would have been infinite in length because I ended up falling in love with the pair - and I hope you do too, readers.
Yixing sighed, he'd been living with Taekwoon for a while, it was customary for soulmates to move in together once they'd found each other, but it was not customary for them to barely talk. They'd talked, they talked all the time but not in the way Yixing wanted. He wanted to know his partner, his soulmate completely. In the ways they were supposed to, they were soulmates they were supposed to share things, they were supposed to know things about each other that no one else did. But Yixing wasn't really getting close with Taekwoon, it was like he had impenetrable walls protecting him, and Yixing just had to find a way to scale them. He was going to find a way to scale them. He knew breaking them down wasn't going to happen, so he was just going to have to be pragmatic about the whole thing.
Which, as always, was easier said than done. He looked over at his soulmate, they were sharing a bed - but mostly for convention. Taekwoon had kissed Yixing a few times, they'd made out twice but it wasn't going much deeper. Yixing would be lying if he said he wasn't happy with his soulmates physical appearance but he knew that deep down there was a beautiful person on the inside. He wasn't going to let that go undiscovered. He wanted to know the niceness inside the others heart. Yixing moved and wrapped his arms around Taekwoon, spooning him - which he had to admit was a bit awkward as their height difference did not work in his favour. But he didn't care, he was going to spoon his soulmate, to keep him safe and protected. Who wouldn't love that?
Taekwoon woke up and rolled over, moving to face his soulmate, who was awake. Taekwoon almost smiled and gave Yixing a gentle kiss. "Did you sleep well?" Yixing said quietly, and Taekwoon nodded, he wasn't really one for words. Yixing smiled at Taekwoon, he knew his soulmate must have a lot going on inside his head - it was always the quietest ones who were the deepest. "What do you want for breakfast?" he asked as he pushed himself up out of the bed.
Taekwoon sat up and watched as Yixing pulled on some clothes. "Pancakes... you make them well." Yixing smiled, the boy was quiet but he could hear him and it was still cute to listen to the others voice. He loved to hear when Taekwoon had something to say - which wasn't nearly as often as he would like it to be. He loved how the others voice was a stark contrast to his outward appearance. He liked that Taekwoon was a contradiction, a beautiful mix of all ends of a spectrum. Yixing made pancakes, he knew how Taekwoon liked them - plus who didn't like fluffy pancakes? He smiled handing the other maple syrup (because Yixing never gave Taekwoon enough), they ate in relative silence. "Are you busy at work?" Taekwoon finally said quietly.
In the whole time they'd been together Taekwoon had barely ever started a conversation, so Yixing couldn't help but beam as he thought. "Well yeah, I have to do some choreographing for some up and coming idol group, if you ask me they aren't really cut out to be dancers - but that doesn't matter I just need to make them look good." He smiled a little, Yixing was talented enough to try to make it into a group, but he'd met Taekwoon at an audition and decided that he wanted to settle down with his soulmate rather than chasing fame. He liked being a choreographer and he never even thought about what could have been - it didn't matter to him because his dream had always been to find his soulmate and make a life together. "What about you?"
Taekwoon thought for a second and then shook his head, "Our client isn't coming," Yixing was used to this, he liked to think of it as half answers, he had to finish it off in his head, but he knew it was all part of Taekwoon - and that was his soulmate so there was something deep inside him that understood why. He looked at the soft pink name on his wrist Jung Taekwoon, he still thought it looked beautiful. Taekwoon worked for a advertising company, he had got into an entertainment company but Yixing didn't know why Taekwoon had declined - he'd never asked.
-*-
Yixing didn't know why he was doing this, going into Taekwoon's office with some lunch for him - he knew that the other would skip lunch at work because of deadlines. He was a little worried that when he got there that he might see that Taekwoon was actually really social and it was just a problem with him. He didn't know if the other would be mad at him for coming. When he got to the floor, he noticed Taekwoon right away, he went over and put the lunch on the desk. "I made you something nice." Yixing said quietly, Taekwoon looked up at him and pulled him down for a gentle kiss.
"Thank you." Taekwoon said quietly, looking in the bag and smiling when he noticed that there was jajangmyeon inside. "join me?" he asked, and Yixing sat down smiling, he wanted to join Taekwoon, he liked spending time with him and honestly the man was a lot cuter than he let on. Yixing smiled when Taekwoon leant over the table to feed him, he ate with a smile. Taekwoon didn't smile but Yixing could swear he saw the corners of the others mouth turning up. He would take that, an almost smile was something. "How long?"
"Do I have?" Yixing finished for the other, this soulmate bond really came in handy when dealing with Taekwoon, "I have like an hour and half left, the next group is a girl group - which is sort of frustrating they have a company who only wants to do cute concepts so I feel like I'm stuck doing the same thing over and over.”
Taekwoon nodded, eating quietly again. Yixing wondered about his soulmate but he didn't know exactly how to word his curiosities, and he wasn't even sure specifically what it was that he was interested in. He wanted to know everything about Taekwoon, but everything had to start somewhere - and he was yet unsure of where he wanted to start. He just knew that there was a deep side to Taekwoon and the surface was just the surface. Taekwoon finally spoke, "I'm going to be home late."
"Work?" Taekwoon shook his head. Yixing couldn't think of what else could cause his soulmate to be late home so he just nodded. He didn't mind the other coming home late - he was sure it wasn't because Taekwoon had some secret partner - because Taekwoon was an honest person and honestly Yixing felt like he'd have just told him. "Do you want me to leave dinner for you in the microwave?" Taekwoon nodded. "You know you can tell me - even if you think I'm not going to like it."
"I know." Taekwoon said, his voice was soft. "But we're at my work." Yixing felt a pang of guilt - that he was being inappropriate, that he was asking too much. He didn't want to push the other too far, he wanted the other to come to him - to open to him. That was something he longed for but he didn't want to make the other feel obligated.
"Sorry." Yixing said quickly, he didn't really know what he was going to do. He didn't really have a way to apologize for pressuring the other - although he didn't really feel like he'd said anything that would upset his soulmate too much.
-*-
That night when Taekwoon got home, Yixing had left the meal in the microwave and was in their room reading, dressed in nothing but a wife beater and some track pants. He'd been dancing earlier - as a present for his birthday Taekwoon had converted one of their spare rooms into his own dance studio. Taekwoon really did care about Yixing, and Yixing knew that. It was just that he wanted to see beneath the walls. To see the soul of the man inside, he loved the way Taekwoon would sometimes just stare at him like he was gold but at the same time he would rather hear the other tell him.
Taekwoon came in after he'd eaten and washed up, he stripped out of his suit and changed into something comfortable, he usually just slept in a long sleeved shirt and track pants, so he was just wearing a shirt and some loose pants. Yixing looked up from his book. Taekwoon got into bed and just moved to wrap an arm around Yixing. "You can put the television on if you want." Yixing said quietly.
"I don't want to." He said giving Yixing's cheek a soft kiss. Yixing turned his head and kissed Taekwoon on the lips. Taekwoon moved holding Yixing's cheek as they kissed. Eyes closed, Taekwoon led, because it just felt right. Yixing liked to give the other control, his lips parted letting Taekwoon's tongue explore his mouth. He breathed against Taekwoon's lips when they parted. He pulled the other in again, smiling when Taekwoon's arms wrapped around him and Taekwoon's weight was shifted over him. Taekwoon let out a small groan, he bit down gently on Yixing's bottom lip. Taekwoon pulled back and looked at the other underneath him kissing at Yixing's neck gently.
It was just hand jobs but it was a connection. As they were coming down from their highs Taekwoon was giving Yixing gentle kisses. "I was seeing someone today," Taekwoon said quietly, "A doctor."
"Are you sick?" Yixing said the worry tainting his words. "I can look after you - and if we need to I can take time off work to make sure you're cared for."
"No Yixing, it's nothing like that. I've been seeing them for a few years."
"Like a check up?"
"Yeah... kind of like a check up." Taekwoon said with a small nod. "I'll tell you more about it another time. I'm tired." He mumbled, Yixing wanted to laugh when the other snuggled in tight to his body. He didn't know how it was possible for the other to be like this. Maybe he was finally breaking down some of the barriers that were preventing him from getting the full man on the inside. But he didn't care he wanted to see the whole thing - even if it wasn't pretty.
-*-
Yixing was under Taekwoon and they were kissing, they were getting more and more intimate with each other - and more frequently. Yixing was happy, because he was learning more about Taekwoon. It was as if the intimacy and the discoveries were connected. He wanted to know more, and he wanted to feel more. Yixing gasped as his shirt was pulled off and Taekwoon went about placing gentle kisses all over the others torso. He panted between moans, he could feel Taekwoon pressed against him. His hands moved to tug up Taekwoon's shirt, he felt the other tense.
"Don't." Taekwoon said almost harshly.
Yixing dropped his hands like a scolded school boy. Taekwoon had pulled back completely. Yixing moved to sit up, Taekwoon was sat on the bed with his knees up at his chest. Yixing moved the others hair so he could press a kiss to the other's cheek. "I'm sorry Taekwoon, I didn't know. Don't worry from now on your shirt can stay on. I understand." He kissed the other's cheek a second time.
"I'm sorry." Taekwoon breathed out. "I just don't feel comfortable with it coming off."
"Taekwoon, that's perfectly fine. You don't have to take it off ever if you don't want to." He moved to rest against the headboard of the bed. "Hey, if it will make you feel better we can just snuggle and watch that show you love so much." Taekwoon just moved into Yixing's arms, resting against his chest. It looked a little bit awkward but it was clearly what the other needed.
"No one's seen me without a shirt on since I was fifteen." Taekwoon said quietly. "I got sick and I just lost all confidence in my body because it changed and it took until I was eighteen to feel better about myself." Yixing nodded, listening to Taekwoon open up, "And I know you are my soulmate, but I'm still afraid of you seeing."
"It's fine Taekwoon, you don't have to show me anything unless you're comfortable. I'm happy with how things are. I can wait, we have forever. You're my soulmate - and I don't want to see what's under your shirt unless you want me to. I don't want anything unless you're comfortable." Yixing said quietly.
-*-
Things were developing still, they were spending time together talking, they were cuddling, things progressed but Taekwoon never took his shirt off. At first Yixing wondered if it would make sex awkward but it didn't. Admittedly, he wanted to hold onto Taekwoon's arms, he wanted to feel skin flushed against skin. But he didn't mind the shirt. He didn't mind the other needed to wear it or to get changed out of sight. It was just something about Taekwoon that he didn't mind.
One day they were coming down from their highs, Yixing had been on top for the first time, and he'd thought he'd been going crazy. Taekwoon had finally relinquished control, he'd let Yixing in far enough to trust him with his body. Yixing lay next to Taekwoon kissing him gently. "Yixing..." He said quietly. "I love you." he breathed out - Yixing had known for a long time that Taekwoon loved him - and Yixing told the other how he was in love on a regular basis.
"I love you too." He kissed Taekwoon. It was something he couldn't help but blush at when he said it. He was really in love and he wasn't afraid, he trusted Taekwoon with his life. He knew the other told him as much as he could, as much as he felt comfortable saying. That was all that Yixing could ever ask for.
"I really love you Zhang Yixing." Taekwoon said before rolling over and kissing Yixing romantically.
"I know Taekwoon." Yixing said with a smile, "You don't have to say it, but you show it in amazing ways." He kissed him again with an even bigger grin. "You flew my parents over for my choreography showcase, you skipped work to take me to the hospital when I tripped and fell and damaged my knee. You protect me in so many ways. You don't need to say in words how much you love me. I see it in your actions." He paused before adding, "But I do love to hear you say it."
-*-
Yixing woke up and saw Taekwoon sitting on the bed, it was a weekend and neither of them was working that day so he'd slept in. "Taekwoon?" Yixing said quietly, moving to sit next to him.
"I want to take my shirt off for you." He breathed. Yixing just nodded, and watched as Taekwoon slipped the black shirt over his head. He watched Yixing's face studying for his reactions. He was covered in scarring on his arms, his ribs, his stomach. "I was ashamed, that you'd see this and think of me differently."
"You did this to yourself?" He said quietly, moving to press his lips softly to some of the worst healed scars on the others chest. "Your chest is beautiful. I promise. I can only see it as the chest of the man I'm in love with, not that it's something to be ashamed of." He paused before kissing Taekwoon's lips softly. "I'm just hurt," Taekwoon looked away, "It's hurt to think you went through so much pain and I wasn't there to tell you how much I love you, how much you mean. I hate that you went through so much."
"I was young. It was just hard. I sort of hated myself for a long time. I knew my soulmate was going to be male." He breathed, "I knew I was gay and I was so scared as a kid, I was so disgusted even, I just wanted to die. I hated myself so much. It was stupid really. I starved and I did these marks. I lived less than a half life." Taekwoon paused his breath shaking. Yixing was just holding his hand squeezing it reassuringly. "I nearly died when I was eighteen - and when I was in hospital I ended up thinking about how I wanted to meet you. I wanted to see my soulmate - because there were people there who's soulmate had done what I was doing and it was awful. I could never do that to you."
"You hadn't even met me and you were already looking after me." Yixing smiled a little squeezing Taekwoon's hand gently. "So you stopped everything?" Taekwoon nodded and Yixing moved Taekwoon's hair, kissing the others cheek and then his lips. "Thank you, for learning to love yourself. So I got the chance to love you." Yixing smiled when Taekwoon kissed him again.
"I'm sorry. I even thought about making you live without a soulmate." Taekwoon said quietly. "When... another time, I'll tell you more detail about my life, about my past and what I did, the hospital and how I learnt to love myself so I could one day love you." He smiled a little, "but that's enough for today." Yixing nodded, he could see the emotional toll it took on Taekwoon to open up about what happened in his past. He could wait to hear more. He was happy to wait, as long as the other knew he could trust him.