Dear Santa
Beloved Santa Cutie,
I know most people write to you telling you how good they have been this year, but in my case that's not me at all. I can tell you right now if you use all those powers of yours and take a double look at my record, you'll see it hasn't be spectacular. But then again, when has it?
Santa, sweet cheeks, I'm writing to you because I, like many others, have Christmas wishes. What makes mine so different, are the facts that I'm not going to pretend that getting a bike will make it all better. I know that life is rough. I know sometimes what you need most is a lifesaver. I'm not going to pretend that I'm the only person in the world who deserves your special attention, because let's face it, I'm shore there are more worthy candidates. But I feel that my honesty should be a refreshing change from the usual, 'Dear Santa, I only hit Johnny twice this year and only once in the balls, besides they're real small I don't think he noticed, and I didn't swear at all!
Santa baby, I am the way I am. It's not how I want to be, or how I choose to be, but sometimes life is laid out before you and it's up to you to walk the mile. I've broken a lot of hearts, yet I've used a lot of duck tape trying somewhat clumsily to put the back together. I may be an ungainly thief, but I always dance with my whole heart. I don't say what I mean, but I mean what I say. Sarcasm has the best of me, but what are you going to do? I'm random, always have been, always will be, but it adds character. I find joy in simple things, and I'm content with almost anything. Although I may stretch the truth, a lot, I never lie, and if I had a friend who was leaking, I was the first one there to dab their tears away. I take advantage of every situation, and I never let an opportunity pass me by. I know some of my choices aren't as glamorous as I've believed them to be. Yet in turn, they all have something to do with the 'me' that's writing to you today.
So what's my Christmas wish? Do I really need to tell you? I think you know what it is. I ask you pretty much the same one every year. But I must remember you are getting old, and sometimes the mind slips a bit. Well in either situation, whether you know or not, here it is:
Mr. Clause, I want things to change. I want things to change for both me and other people. For other people, I want people to smile more, and shed happy tears instead of sad ones. I want people to believe, especially when they are most unhappy, that there is something for them to do in this world. I want people to trust more, and assume less. I want people to listen, instead of jumping to conclusions. I want hate to swell back down to the littlest problem around. I want people to feel less guilty about their actions, because a life filled with guilt is not a life spent at all. I want people to look for the positive side instead of always seeing the negative. I want people to stop looking for excuses and just be. I want people to realize that you cannot make someone love you; that all you can do is be someone who can be loved and the rest is up to them. I want people to know that no matter how much you care, some people just don't care back. I want people to learn that it takes years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it. I want people to realize the importance of every second and take a look around. I want people to see that it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts. I want people to stop comparing themselves to everyone else, and just be them. I want people to give more than they expect. I want people to stop looking for love, when really love is all around them. I want people to judge no one. I want people to lose, just so that they gain the lesson. I want respect to be a two way street. I want little disputes to not be the core of an injury to a great friendship. I want hugs to be shared a bit more. I want people to take compliments, never interrupt that person flattering them, and know that they are saying what they are saying because they mean it and it's true. I want people to mind there own business, and only get involved if asked. But most of all I want people to live their life, and live it well, and die with the people who love them knowing that their dash was worth a million. I want people to gain some self confidence, and be what they want to be not letting anything or anyone around them hold them back. I want impossible to be nothing.
As for me, I want to be a better person. I want to care a bit more, dislike a whole lot less. I want to let things bother me, and I want to have the courage to say something about it. I want to stop holding everything in and just letting it dissipate away, because in doing that, parts of me are leaving as well. I want to be true, in every sense. I want to kill people with kindness who already are way too nice to me. I want to love, and let love guide me to where I need to be, knowing that love is not a destination but I journey. I want to be there for people when they need me, but first I want people to need me. I want to realize that it's not my job to make everyone happy, and if I don't it's okay. I want to stop blaming myself for everything that goes wrong and only place blame where blame needs to be placed. I want to stick to a plan, and do it instead of procrastinating. I want serenity. But most of all, I want to not want anymore.
To sum things up, my wish to you, once again, is nothing. I wish for nothing, because you see I've already been blessed with enough. I have a mother and a father. As troubled as they are, I love them. And I have the greatest, most loving, most wonderful, most handsome, most nicest, most jojo-loving-usher-dancing-booty-shakin', most everything brother that could have ever asked for. I have sisters who are always there. I have a family that although it's dysfunctional, it's mine. I have a home, I have clothes, and I have life. A life that I don't know what's in store for it…where I'll go or who I'll be. But I have possibility, and with that I need nothing else.
St. Nicholas, please just bless those around me with what I already have. For my brother, help him be who he needs to be, find his true love again, and be happy. For my parents, I wish for love to flourish, anger to diminish, and kindness to be shared. I wish for health instead of sickness, and love to overpower addiction. For everyone else, I wish that their wishes, whatever it may be, come true.
Santa Clause, I've written to you for many years. You've seen the stages of my life and the stages of my tears. I wish I could tell you that if you granted my every Christmas request I'd be happy. But you know I'm not a liar. I hope I've proven that by now. All I want is for you to realize is that every year I get older, maybe a little smarter, and maybe a little stronger. These Christmas wishes are my hopes. They are not my fantasies. I don't want to stop hoping for good things. I just want to stop wanting for bad things to end. My wishes are not simple. They are complex, and might take a lifetime to sort out. But hey, I've got a lifetime. And for as long as you're willing to listen to wishes, I'm willing to hope you'll hear me. I've written you a letter. A few simple words mixed with a few complex sentences. This letter is my hope, this letter is my dream. I believe in you as I pray you believe in me. Take this letter full of hopes for just that, a letter. I know it's up to me. Will you light the way?
With all my love and hopeful sorrow,
Meaghan