Comments | vixull: Lacrosse (Jesse/John fic)

vixull

Lacrosse (Jesse/John fic)

Mar 30, 2007 00:30

Title: Lacrosse
Pairing: Jesse Lacey / John Nolan
Rating: There is sex, albeit brief. R, maybe?
Summary: Jesse and John are lacrosse players on rival teams, but they're more than that off the field (I think this counts as a crack!fic, or just really, really AU)
Disclaimer: Plot's more or less mine, characters are not.
( ...On cold nights, when the moon is full. )

fic

Comments 5

dejectedmadness March 30 2007, 15:07:01 UTC

HAHA Awesome! Jesse + John = <3

+ Yay Canada's national sport! = <333

Good show.

moshimoshix3 March 30 2007, 22:09:25 UTC

...aaaand this, right here, is why I woke up and got out of bed this morning.
The thought of Jesse and John as Lacrosse players is just...positively magnificent, in that hilarious, crackhead sort of way.

Iliked this. And it is because I liked it that, in the spirit of helping and improvement, I hope you don't mind if I maybe give you a pointer or two?

You've probably heard a million times from a bunch of boring teachers that you should read your work aloud to yourself when you're proofreading. But I've found that it helps a lot to catch spots in the piece that don't quite flow (you'll feel silly, but silly can be fun =D )

Other than that, the only thing I could possibly criticize are a few punctuation mishaps, but none so glaring that I can actually remember what they were.

Basically...it was good. And funny. Usually Jesse/John stuff is so angsty, and to find something humorous and lighthearted was a treat! I especially liked the "Kissing. Kissing. Whiskey. Kissing..." etc part.

Nicely done! <3

vixull March 31 2007, 01:53:40 UTC

Whoa, long comment.

I actually did read this aloud, but I don't think I format my thoughts properly, which would explain a lot.

... And I just lost my connection. Ah, the joy of having siblings.

Anyways,
I have to thank you. A lot of reviewers don't give critique, for fear of upsetting the writer, and I happen to be quite a big fan of help. Well done, my friend.

rocketxrobot March 31 2007, 00:48:26 UTC

This is pretty much amazing. I'm Canadian, and, shamefully, do not watch our national sport, but I don't pay attention to hockey either. (World's worst Canadian right here.)

And. John and Jesse. And LACROSSE.
I adore it.

vixull March 31 2007, 01:46:05 UTC

I'm Canadian as well. I hail from the great land o' Jeff DaRosa Vancouver, British Columbia.

Yeah, I had to Wiki lacrosse in order to attempt this, and I actually got so bored I couldn't make it all the way through.
The only thing I actually picked up is that the sticks are called crosses.

And hockey... Uhh, I can't say much about hockey. I kind of pay attention, but not really.