I don't pretend to be pretty
So, last night, I persuaded Jess to come over and drink Jack Daniels with me, even though we planned our weekend out to do this tomorrow night so he could get work done before we got all drunk together. We got all drunk together. I'm not sure I'm aware of everything that happened, but I was lucid for most of the night until I woke up at 5 am and had to blow out the candles. Oy. I know we watched a bit of Game of Thrones and I got really animated about the acting and writing of such a show. I also may have said something about how I am exclusively his and completely off the market and it feels like the most natural thing in the world... about how it's been seamless.
I remember when Noelle started dating Paul and she barely wrote anything at all for a while. No poetry posts for a long time. It made me feel as though all the good writers need to be conflicted in order to write something decent - like we need to be in pain or discomfort in order to express ourselves. It made sense to me, seeing as most of my poetry came from a place of anger.
I am confused and slightly scared. Jess makes me feel wonderful. He makes me very happy and excited, and I make him feel the same. Because I hold such a high opinion of him, it makes me feel special to know the feeling is mutual. This is what falling in love is. In a way, it's comforting. In another way, it's terrifying.
That all being said, Jess has inspired me to write. I have written him two pieces of poetry because I wanted to; because I am happy and I want to express how special he is to me. Not because I am angry or in pain, or because I need relief from uncomfortable feelings, but because I need a different sort of catharsis. I need closure about this love. I need a pinch to make sure this is real and not just something that is passing me by. I am latching on. I am taking full advantage and diving in headfirst. I am making the choice to fall in love, and it is easier than you might think. It is easy with Jess.
He shares with me the idea that all we have is the present moment, and that we must recognize and use it. We are planning things together. We know how precious our time is together, and we have both made the other a priority in life without a second thought. How easy. It is nice to know that, at least so far, my rational mind was right about this part.
You know what's bothering me? The fact that I was very actively looking around for a boyfriend and suddenly found one. THAT part seems just a little too easy, and almost like there is a catch. All I can do is shrug and ride the wave as long as it crests.
I am still trying to focus on me, as well. Having Jess in my life seems to make the other stuff work out just fine, too. I'm not on Facebook as much at all, since if I am online it is to catch up on TV shows which I know I need to keep up on. I haven't stopped thinking about auditioning or my own ambitions at all. I think I'm reevaluating everything just to make sure Jess is a positive influence on all accounts. Obtaining a significant other seems like it should be more of an upheaval... so I'm just kind of looking around for the upheaval where everything is calm.
BTW, everyone loves him. I can't wait for my family and friends to meet him, because everyone will love him and tell me he's wonderful for me and I like that so much. It is so important that he be integrated into my family if he were to ever become part of it. I guess I really have been ready for something serious. It is just so delicious that it has happened this way.
I remember when Noelle started dating Paul and she barely wrote anything at all for a while. No poetry posts for a long time. It made me feel as though all the good writers need to be conflicted in order to write something decent - like we need to be in pain or discomfort in order to express ourselves. It made sense to me, seeing as most of my poetry came from a place of anger.
I am confused and slightly scared. Jess makes me feel wonderful. He makes me very happy and excited, and I make him feel the same. Because I hold such a high opinion of him, it makes me feel special to know the feeling is mutual. This is what falling in love is. In a way, it's comforting. In another way, it's terrifying.
That all being said, Jess has inspired me to write. I have written him two pieces of poetry because I wanted to; because I am happy and I want to express how special he is to me. Not because I am angry or in pain, or because I need relief from uncomfortable feelings, but because I need a different sort of catharsis. I need closure about this love. I need a pinch to make sure this is real and not just something that is passing me by. I am latching on. I am taking full advantage and diving in headfirst. I am making the choice to fall in love, and it is easier than you might think. It is easy with Jess.
He shares with me the idea that all we have is the present moment, and that we must recognize and use it. We are planning things together. We know how precious our time is together, and we have both made the other a priority in life without a second thought. How easy. It is nice to know that, at least so far, my rational mind was right about this part.
You know what's bothering me? The fact that I was very actively looking around for a boyfriend and suddenly found one. THAT part seems just a little too easy, and almost like there is a catch. All I can do is shrug and ride the wave as long as it crests.
I am still trying to focus on me, as well. Having Jess in my life seems to make the other stuff work out just fine, too. I'm not on Facebook as much at all, since if I am online it is to catch up on TV shows which I know I need to keep up on. I haven't stopped thinking about auditioning or my own ambitions at all. I think I'm reevaluating everything just to make sure Jess is a positive influence on all accounts. Obtaining a significant other seems like it should be more of an upheaval... so I'm just kind of looking around for the upheaval where everything is calm.
BTW, everyone loves him. I can't wait for my family and friends to meet him, because everyone will love him and tell me he's wonderful for me and I like that so much. It is so important that he be integrated into my family if he were to ever become part of it. I guess I really have been ready for something serious. It is just so delicious that it has happened this way.