and the truth is...

[vixenpixie7]

This is entirely too confusing. I'm all the way across the country. There's no possible way for us to be together, and even if it was physically possible, you don't want me anyway. Why are we playing this game? I asked if you liked it better now that I'm gone because now we can flirt and say we miss each other without it getting too complicated. Do you have ANY idea how painful that is? It means to me that you don't mean what you say. It means you DON'T want to see me, but you are safe saying you do because it won't happen. Bite me. I miss you like a piece of me and I want to marry you and I am entirely willing to save my heart for you and you don't even believe me. You don't take me seriously every time I say you have my heart and you're the most gorgeous thing of my life every time I see your face. I can't imagine my future without you. I don't want to.

I am yours until you tell me you don't want me. Why can't you just tell me? My hopes won't tolerate being dashed to pieces like this forever. I'm currently seeing a future where I just become too busy to think about you, and my success is entirely independent. And I don't doubt that it will feel incomplete.

Fuck.

Oh, and I've sworn off casual sex. Completely. No amendments this time. My body needs to be connected more to my heart. I need to respect myself before I can hope to be successful in any way, and that includes realizing that I am no toy. I am invested in myself.

I was hoping you would be, too.