Singing the blues...
So this weekend was kind of sucky... I had a killer headache on Friday night, Saturday was rainy and blah and I did laundry and not much else, Sunday was more rain and canceled tennis and the return of the killer headache. I think it's sinus related, with the change in the weather and the barometric pressure switching around. Or maybe I'm just defective, I dunno.
Anyway, I still had the headache when I woke up this morning, and I was exhausted, despite having gotten eight hours of sleep and having napped on Sunday afternoon too. So I called in sick to work, which I rarely ever do. But there was nothing on my schedule today and I just couldn't see trying to pretend I was fine for no good reason. I went back to bed and slept til 1, then lolled around the house til about 5pm.
I've been really, really lacking in motivation and happiness over the last couple of weeks. I don't know whether it's a problem with my mood, or weather-related, or just that ho-hum time of year or what. It could also be related to my diet - I probably don't get enough protein. But anyway, I realized today that I just feel lately like I'm failing at everything, which is silly, because I'm not really. My house isn't spotless, and I don't practice my drums enough, and I haven't finished every craft project I've got started, and my lawn looks like crap because I can't mow it due to all the rain we've gotten. But none of those are failures, they're just stuff I haven't done. I don't know why I'm so hard on myself sometimes, I should really stop that.
Tonight I was better. I went to Target and got some pain-killers and sinus meds. I came home and talked to my sister-in-law and my sister, and cleaned my kitchen and living room. It's a start. Tomorrow's goal - start working out of the office again. I tend to work on the couch when it gets cold because my office is in the basement, but it's supposed to warm up tomorrow, and I think I could really use the mental separation between work and home.
Another part of my funk has been caused by the complete lack of dating life I've had my entire life lately. Around October-ish, I decided to really give internet dating a go again, and to try to be more active, etc. It has netted me exactly ZERO dates. I really don't understand the male thought process... if we are both on a dating site, and you email me and I email you back, I am not averse to getting a cup of coffee with you. Just ask! I've even put it in my profile, albeit worded more nicely. What worries me the most about this is, well... before I could always tell myself that it was because I was too fat. But I really look the best I think I've ever looked, which makes me feel really awful about the whole thing because this is me, you know? They can see the real me, and still no one's looking. Oh, thirty pounds, how I miss hiding behind you! Not really, but at the same time, kind of.
So, yeah. My insecurities, let me show you them.
Anyway, I still had the headache when I woke up this morning, and I was exhausted, despite having gotten eight hours of sleep and having napped on Sunday afternoon too. So I called in sick to work, which I rarely ever do. But there was nothing on my schedule today and I just couldn't see trying to pretend I was fine for no good reason. I went back to bed and slept til 1, then lolled around the house til about 5pm.
I've been really, really lacking in motivation and happiness over the last couple of weeks. I don't know whether it's a problem with my mood, or weather-related, or just that ho-hum time of year or what. It could also be related to my diet - I probably don't get enough protein. But anyway, I realized today that I just feel lately like I'm failing at everything, which is silly, because I'm not really. My house isn't spotless, and I don't practice my drums enough, and I haven't finished every craft project I've got started, and my lawn looks like crap because I can't mow it due to all the rain we've gotten. But none of those are failures, they're just stuff I haven't done. I don't know why I'm so hard on myself sometimes, I should really stop that.
Tonight I was better. I went to Target and got some pain-killers and sinus meds. I came home and talked to my sister-in-law and my sister, and cleaned my kitchen and living room. It's a start. Tomorrow's goal - start working out of the office again. I tend to work on the couch when it gets cold because my office is in the basement, but it's supposed to warm up tomorrow, and I think I could really use the mental separation between work and home.
Another part of my funk has been caused by the complete lack of dating life I've had my entire life lately. Around October-ish, I decided to really give internet dating a go again, and to try to be more active, etc. It has netted me exactly ZERO dates. I really don't understand the male thought process... if we are both on a dating site, and you email me and I email you back, I am not averse to getting a cup of coffee with you. Just ask! I've even put it in my profile, albeit worded more nicely. What worries me the most about this is, well... before I could always tell myself that it was because I was too fat. But I really look the best I think I've ever looked, which makes me feel really awful about the whole thing because this is me, you know? They can see the real me, and still no one's looking. Oh, thirty pounds, how I miss hiding behind you! Not really, but at the same time, kind of.
So, yeah. My insecurities, let me show you them.