the pain of death...
I was just looking around and found that Nana is making her movie I'm all like how cool ^^ but i think they will only be brining the dubbed version here in America, just like kamikaze girls.. *le sigh* but i did enjoy it even if i had to read everything. I hope that this movie of Nana will be alright. I first heard about it in Shojo beat and thought wow this is pretty good the art was pretty normal compared to the rest of the Mangas where they over do there art. But after that i got hooked and bought shojo beat every time it came out just so that i wouldnt miss out on the story ^^;; well then after that i subscribed to shojo beat which i still dont regret doing since the story just keeps getting better for me ^^ the girl playing the rebellious punk star Nana is pretty cute ^^ the other girl playing Nana 2 is cute too.. ^^
~*~*~
I got a letter from someone who I dont know.. and Ive never met but apparently she knows me
she said that when she reads my LJ she finds that it's so easy to relate to what I'm going through and that she looks up to me in some weird way, that she admires me for the reason that I find my own ways to get through everything even if life has been like shit.. I pretty much dont really understand why she needed to tell me that if it was not for her reading my LJ that she would have killed herself long ago.. Something about giving her hope of being herself.. well to the girl with the cute smile thank you for the kind words you said to me in your mail, but don't see me as anything more then what I am, because my intentions were never one of helping others this is my life and if for some reason you think i inspire you in someway then Im glad to help.. as weird as it is..
*hugs* and dont say your ugly cuz when i see you in your picture i see someone really beautiful that will go far if she only finds a way to set her fears aside.
~*~*~*~
Going to class today i just hope that the teacher wont throw a book at me for missing out on the final project.. ^^;; oh crap i know I'm going to end up dropping out of that class again.. jees i bet he wont be surprised at all.. in fact i need to finish up with my other home work for my other school I havent been able to do anything for being so tired all the time, but i think i have one more month and then i decide to drop out of that school or continue.. i think I'm going to drop out since i really find no interest in perusing something I'm not that good at.. I love art but it's just not something i want to do for the rest of my life.. i really dont know what Im going to do.. I mostly did it for people who kept saying that they wanted to see me draw.. but the thing is i dont like drawing.. i only draw when im depressed or when im bored.. Nothing more then that.
~*~*~*
Today Mai came over and looked like someone had thrown her in a bottomless cliff.. she was in tears and would not tell me what was wrong, the most comforting thing anyone could ever do is allow them to cry as you hold them in your arms.. Knowing that words will brake the spell..
I felt for the first time in my life like I needed to protect her from all the hurt that was surrounding her but i feel helpless knowing that the hurt that she was going through would be there to stay forever..
This Thursday I will be by her side when we go to her mothers funeral. I don't normally go to funerals but for her sake I will be there.
I see her sleeping on my couch and wonder why god allowed someone like her to ever feel sadness..
We did talk for a while before she fell asleep that she plans on leaving soon, she doesnt want to be in a place where there are so many hurtful memories, and she might go back to England to stay with her aunt, She practically went hysterical when I denied her offer of moving in with her if she moved. I can’t leave.. Something here has me locked down I need to figure out a lot of things before I can ever plan on leaving.. so much unfinished business.. I will miss her so much.
She said that everyone I know of will be coming to her mothers funeral I can understand that.. since her mother was the coolest person you could ever meet, I mean if you were having a hard time at home she would never hesitate to let you sleep over, if someone needed help she would offer to help in a second. I could never thank her enough for being there when I was in need of a mother figure to help me understand what was going on.
She was never judgmental and didn’t care if Mai was Bi or the countless girls she had brought home.. nah she would always greet you with a smile and offer the best advice she could .. Do you know what she did when Mai tolled her she was bi? She hugged her tight and said she was proud that her little girl can think on her own.
Imagine how hard it will be to wake up every morning and find that the person you love the most is no longer there.. its like a child calling for there mother but no one will ever answer..
For the day of the funeral We have all agreed to call it a truss none of us will argue for her sake. We were all once friends but somehow we all became like mortal enemies.. even there presence makes me feel uneasy. I know so far that Gabriel and Diego will be there so will Hunter he’s going to bring his wife .. so I will be on my best behavior. Though no one ever said I can’t hate them for being there..
~*~*~
I got a letter from someone who I dont know.. and Ive never met but apparently she knows me
she said that when she reads my LJ she finds that it's so easy to relate to what I'm going through and that she looks up to me in some weird way, that she admires me for the reason that I find my own ways to get through everything even if life has been like shit.. I pretty much dont really understand why she needed to tell me that if it was not for her reading my LJ that she would have killed herself long ago.. Something about giving her hope of being herself.. well to the girl with the cute smile thank you for the kind words you said to me in your mail, but don't see me as anything more then what I am, because my intentions were never one of helping others this is my life and if for some reason you think i inspire you in someway then Im glad to help.. as weird as it is..
*hugs* and dont say your ugly cuz when i see you in your picture i see someone really beautiful that will go far if she only finds a way to set her fears aside.
~*~*~*~
Going to class today i just hope that the teacher wont throw a book at me for missing out on the final project.. ^^;; oh crap i know I'm going to end up dropping out of that class again.. jees i bet he wont be surprised at all.. in fact i need to finish up with my other home work for my other school I havent been able to do anything for being so tired all the time, but i think i have one more month and then i decide to drop out of that school or continue.. i think I'm going to drop out since i really find no interest in perusing something I'm not that good at.. I love art but it's just not something i want to do for the rest of my life.. i really dont know what Im going to do.. I mostly did it for people who kept saying that they wanted to see me draw.. but the thing is i dont like drawing.. i only draw when im depressed or when im bored.. Nothing more then that.
~*~*~*
Today Mai came over and looked like someone had thrown her in a bottomless cliff.. she was in tears and would not tell me what was wrong, the most comforting thing anyone could ever do is allow them to cry as you hold them in your arms.. Knowing that words will brake the spell..
I felt for the first time in my life like I needed to protect her from all the hurt that was surrounding her but i feel helpless knowing that the hurt that she was going through would be there to stay forever..
This Thursday I will be by her side when we go to her mothers funeral. I don't normally go to funerals but for her sake I will be there.
I see her sleeping on my couch and wonder why god allowed someone like her to ever feel sadness..
We did talk for a while before she fell asleep that she plans on leaving soon, she doesnt want to be in a place where there are so many hurtful memories, and she might go back to England to stay with her aunt, She practically went hysterical when I denied her offer of moving in with her if she moved. I can’t leave.. Something here has me locked down I need to figure out a lot of things before I can ever plan on leaving.. so much unfinished business.. I will miss her so much.
She said that everyone I know of will be coming to her mothers funeral I can understand that.. since her mother was the coolest person you could ever meet, I mean if you were having a hard time at home she would never hesitate to let you sleep over, if someone needed help she would offer to help in a second. I could never thank her enough for being there when I was in need of a mother figure to help me understand what was going on.
She was never judgmental and didn’t care if Mai was Bi or the countless girls she had brought home.. nah she would always greet you with a smile and offer the best advice she could .. Do you know what she did when Mai tolled her she was bi? She hugged her tight and said she was proud that her little girl can think on her own.
Imagine how hard it will be to wake up every morning and find that the person you love the most is no longer there.. its like a child calling for there mother but no one will ever answer..
For the day of the funeral We have all agreed to call it a truss none of us will argue for her sake. We were all once friends but somehow we all became like mortal enemies.. even there presence makes me feel uneasy. I know so far that Gabriel and Diego will be there so will Hunter he’s going to bring his wife .. so I will be on my best behavior. Though no one ever said I can’t hate them for being there..