Your mom gave my witty subject back, but it was ruined...
Time for a classic depressing lj post! Nothing's going wrong, everything is just dandy, actually. I've never been happier, and I owe it all to Alex...She's my personal jesus, anti-drug, whatever-da-fuck you want to call it...she's my penguin, in more inside-joke-ish terms. She's just so....amazing; it's mindblowing. I don't know if she knows how lucky I feel to be able to finally date someone like her...
Oh, wait, wazzat at the top? This is a depressing post!
First off, I need to clear this: you're probably thinking I'm depressed over Alex, because she's in the paragraph up there...wrong. Sure, I'm concerned about what's going on with her right now, and sincerly hope that everything works out fine...if it doesn't, then I swear I'll do anything I can possibly do to make her happy...
Today was my Grandfather's birthday. He's 80, and doing fine. We visited my grandmother's grave...I never did well with graveyards. It's not that I'm scared, I just get...edgy. I don't like being in such a spiritual place, my humanist agonstic ass gets burned by the holy water.
Whatever...
Like I said in the previous post, I was a bit bummed out Alex couldn't come to the movies, but hey, there will be other chances. We saw The Island, a suprisingly good Michael Bay movie (he sucks...)...I thought about her throughout the entire film.
Pathetic? Yes.
Do I love being pathetic? Fuck yes.
So, why is this a depressing post? I'll tell you, boys and girls.
I feel like cutting, again. But I'm not going to. I've made promises I'll fucking keep until I'm dead.
I'm stronger than this. I don't need to make mental/emotional pain physical.
My emotional disorder is getting out of hand. I feel so happy around Alex, and it's kicked my disorder into overdrive, so now if I get sad, it slams home like a bullet in the head.
By the way, whatever I say here FUCKING STAYS HERE. My shrink hasn't even told my parents that I have an emotional disorder. I asked him not too, and he said he would keep it in confidence because I can "keep it under control".
What's my emotional disorder? I experience every emotion more than most people do. I'm talking like my emotions are on steroids. So, you're probably thinking, "Oh, hey, that's explains why he's so happy aruond alex!" Wait, chirrun, slow your roll...
If I get sad, like I just said, it feels like someone's slowly driving nails into my heart, again and again. I can't feel the pain, I get numb to it after about 5 minutes...I'm just longing to make that pain physical but I'M NOT GOING TO FUCKING DO IT!...I feel like i'm going to vomit..
The moment I cut again will be the moment I forsake everything I've stood for and given up on the people that put trust in me.
Alex...when you read this next part, I will totally understand if you want to slit my throat.
I was out at the movies, and the friend of the girl jamie likes kept smiling at me and talking to me, and I was trying to be polite, so I kept up a conversation, and I smiled back at her, and found that I thought she was pretty....
I vomited in the bathroom, and I wanted to bash my head in on the counter-top. I wanted to cry and scream and die all in one blaze of sorrow and agony. I couldn't stop thinking of you, except you had this disappointed and hurt look on your face, and it was the most depressing thing I had ever seen.
Maybe I'm over-reacting. I hope I am, but I understand that you'll probably want to stab me, now...I feel so fucking bad, and I want to make myself pay for it, but I'm not going to cut..I promised I wouldn't....I'm so sorry...
If I was halfway intelligent, I wouldn't have told you, but I feel like I can tell you anything at all and you'll understand. Maybe I'm putting myself in front of the metaphorical train by donig thing, but I don't care...I only hope you can forgive me, eventually..
Oh, wait, wazzat at the top? This is a depressing post!
First off, I need to clear this: you're probably thinking I'm depressed over Alex, because she's in the paragraph up there...wrong. Sure, I'm concerned about what's going on with her right now, and sincerly hope that everything works out fine...if it doesn't, then I swear I'll do anything I can possibly do to make her happy...
Today was my Grandfather's birthday. He's 80, and doing fine. We visited my grandmother's grave...I never did well with graveyards. It's not that I'm scared, I just get...edgy. I don't like being in such a spiritual place, my humanist agonstic ass gets burned by the holy water.
Whatever...
Like I said in the previous post, I was a bit bummed out Alex couldn't come to the movies, but hey, there will be other chances. We saw The Island, a suprisingly good Michael Bay movie (he sucks...)...I thought about her throughout the entire film.
Pathetic? Yes.
Do I love being pathetic? Fuck yes.
So, why is this a depressing post? I'll tell you, boys and girls.
I feel like cutting, again. But I'm not going to. I've made promises I'll fucking keep until I'm dead.
I'm stronger than this. I don't need to make mental/emotional pain physical.
My emotional disorder is getting out of hand. I feel so happy around Alex, and it's kicked my disorder into overdrive, so now if I get sad, it slams home like a bullet in the head.
By the way, whatever I say here FUCKING STAYS HERE. My shrink hasn't even told my parents that I have an emotional disorder. I asked him not too, and he said he would keep it in confidence because I can "keep it under control".
What's my emotional disorder? I experience every emotion more than most people do. I'm talking like my emotions are on steroids. So, you're probably thinking, "Oh, hey, that's explains why he's so happy aruond alex!" Wait, chirrun, slow your roll...
If I get sad, like I just said, it feels like someone's slowly driving nails into my heart, again and again. I can't feel the pain, I get numb to it after about 5 minutes...I'm just longing to make that pain physical but I'M NOT GOING TO FUCKING DO IT!...I feel like i'm going to vomit..
The moment I cut again will be the moment I forsake everything I've stood for and given up on the people that put trust in me.
Alex...when you read this next part, I will totally understand if you want to slit my throat.
I was out at the movies, and the friend of the girl jamie likes kept smiling at me and talking to me, and I was trying to be polite, so I kept up a conversation, and I smiled back at her, and found that I thought she was pretty....
I vomited in the bathroom, and I wanted to bash my head in on the counter-top. I wanted to cry and scream and die all in one blaze of sorrow and agony. I couldn't stop thinking of you, except you had this disappointed and hurt look on your face, and it was the most depressing thing I had ever seen.
Maybe I'm over-reacting. I hope I am, but I understand that you'll probably want to stab me, now...I feel so fucking bad, and I want to make myself pay for it, but I'm not going to cut..I promised I wouldn't....I'm so sorry...
If I was halfway intelligent, I wouldn't have told you, but I feel like I can tell you anything at all and you'll understand. Maybe I'm putting myself in front of the metaphorical train by donig thing, but I don't care...I only hope you can forgive me, eventually..