couples_therapy Prompt 20.2 - I'm Doing The Best That I Can
How much effort are you willing to put into a relationship?
Ideally? However much effort it takes to keep it alive. But sometimes circumstances, things beyond my control, or my own flaws cause me to give less than I should. I do not believe in blaming the failure or success entirely on one person. Rather cliche, but it takes two to tango. It takes two people to create, build, maintain, and ultimately end a relationship.
I have been guilty of putting too much effort into a relationship, as well as not putting enough into it. But the difficulty with measuring effort is that it is purely subjective. There is no universal, empirical way to measure effort in a relationship. It varies between genders, ethnicities, social classes, and cultures.
What may constitute heaps of effort for one person, may not be considered much effort from another. I know this from experience. Or it may be the "wrong" sort of effort. I can put in - what I consider to be - all the effort in the world, but it can still backfire or never be enough.
In my first relationship, I was accused of not putting enough effort into things many times. Not being willing to move across the country, leaving my family behind, sacrificing my promotion, to spend months at a time alone while he was on tour equated to me not trying hard enough. If I could go back and do it all over again, I still would've made the same decision. I gave him everything I had, and tried my hardest to keep us together. But when it is not meant to work, it is time to walk away.
I find myself facing a somewhat familiar dilemma once again. Circumstances seem to keep occurring that are not in our favor, and though we keep fighting through them... it makes me wonder if it means it's time to walk away. My heart keeps crying out, saying it can't be true. That these are just obstacles, that we'll overcome them. Because we love each other. It's not fair, that we've had to struggle so much, but if he's stuck around for seven months in spite of all the chances I've given him to leave... my heart wants to believe it's because my love is worth the fight.
However, always the cynic, I believe it's only a matter of time before he gives up. Because I require too much effort. Or I'm not worth it, or... because it's just not meant to be. In the last month that I've gotten to readjust to burying myself in work and hardly (if ever) seeing Don... I've noticed that I can survive without him. I return to my old ways, bathing in my solitude with my cats as my only companions. I go to dinner weekly with mama, Eva swings by when she's bored, and I go about my day as I usually would. The only difference? He's always on my mind. And my heart yearns for him. I can survive without him, only... I'm miserable.
Sometimes, it doesn't matter how much effort you throw into a relationship. It doesn't matter how much you love them. Sometimes, all the love and effort in the world can't save you.
Ideally? However much effort it takes to keep it alive. But sometimes circumstances, things beyond my control, or my own flaws cause me to give less than I should. I do not believe in blaming the failure or success entirely on one person. Rather cliche, but it takes two to tango. It takes two people to create, build, maintain, and ultimately end a relationship.
I have been guilty of putting too much effort into a relationship, as well as not putting enough into it. But the difficulty with measuring effort is that it is purely subjective. There is no universal, empirical way to measure effort in a relationship. It varies between genders, ethnicities, social classes, and cultures.
What may constitute heaps of effort for one person, may not be considered much effort from another. I know this from experience. Or it may be the "wrong" sort of effort. I can put in - what I consider to be - all the effort in the world, but it can still backfire or never be enough.
In my first relationship, I was accused of not putting enough effort into things many times. Not being willing to move across the country, leaving my family behind, sacrificing my promotion, to spend months at a time alone while he was on tour equated to me not trying hard enough. If I could go back and do it all over again, I still would've made the same decision. I gave him everything I had, and tried my hardest to keep us together. But when it is not meant to work, it is time to walk away.
I find myself facing a somewhat familiar dilemma once again. Circumstances seem to keep occurring that are not in our favor, and though we keep fighting through them... it makes me wonder if it means it's time to walk away. My heart keeps crying out, saying it can't be true. That these are just obstacles, that we'll overcome them. Because we love each other. It's not fair, that we've had to struggle so much, but if he's stuck around for seven months in spite of all the chances I've given him to leave... my heart wants to believe it's because my love is worth the fight.
However, always the cynic, I believe it's only a matter of time before he gives up. Because I require too much effort. Or I'm not worth it, or... because it's just not meant to be. In the last month that I've gotten to readjust to burying myself in work and hardly (if ever) seeing Don... I've noticed that I can survive without him. I return to my old ways, bathing in my solitude with my cats as my only companions. I go to dinner weekly with mama, Eva swings by when she's bored, and I go about my day as I usually would. The only difference? He's always on my mind. And my heart yearns for him. I can survive without him, only... I'm miserable.
Sometimes, it doesn't matter how much effort you throw into a relationship. It doesn't matter how much you love them. Sometimes, all the love and effort in the world can't save you.