Florid-UGH
Oh my freaking god, how I LOATHE the state of Florida. The weather is truly indescribable right now. My worst fears for this "season" are already coming true. For one, it has been one hot bitch and so, so, soooooooo humid. I almost cannot breathe when I walk outside, it is oppressive.
So, what do you get when you mix extreme humidity with baking hot temperatures? Cockroaches.
Very, very large and angry ones that want to fly right at your face.
Cockroach #1: Yes. This large fellow and I met approximately 5 days ago. I was going into the (sweltering) garage with an armful of laundry and a pair of flimsy flip-flops that I wear around the house and apparently he was just enjoying hanging in the laundry basket, just chilling. He saw me coming, and like the true gentleman that he was, he got up to greet my entrance by quickly flying right toward my face.
Sad thing is, these flying cockroaches, when in flight--look an awful lot like giant moths.
Until they get about 4 feet from your face, and then you know you are about to receive a giant American Flying Cockroach up against your forehead.
Needless to say, I shrieked and was too petrified to do anything but drop my laundry on the floor and attempt to stumble backward toward the door, all the while not wanting to peel my eyes (which were about to pop out of my skull at that point) away from the large fucker.
He settled on the motor of my Dad's boat, I quickly got a broom and sent him to Allah.
Cockroach #2. This one and I met outside about 3 days ago. It had rained earlier in the day and he was waiting patiently by the front door when I was getting home from work. Chris didn't see him and opened the door and that scared the roach who then ran inside.
I was so not gonna just let him chill out in the house. My room is close to the door. So, I had to hunt the bastard down. I sprayed him to death with Clorox Clean Up. Actually, I merely slowed him down with about half of the bottle. I had to obliterate him. Cockroaches have been around for millions and millions of years and I dare say that I believe I can see why....
Cockroach #3. Oh boy...this nearly gave me heart failure. Chris took a shower before me so I guess he woke this one up for he was waiting just for ME to come into the bathroom. I went to take my shower about 20 minutes after Chris. I turned on the water, put my hair in the usual barrettes and innocently stepped into the shower. Just as I was closing the curtain, something very large and somewhat red in color fell onto my arm for like a nanosecond and then onto the shower floor. It was a very large and red, nasty roach. I nearly took the shower curtain down in my sheer panic to haul buggy out of there. I screamed loud enough for Chris to open the door to see if I was ok, I then DEMANDED that he kill the fucker. So, what does genius do? Let me say that Chris has lived in Florida since he was like 6. He should know by now that just gently dousing a roach with some FLEA KILLER is NOT going to fully KILL it. It may slightly offend it, perhaps even make it a bit lightheaded but nothing short of its body being rendered into a million pieces is going to satisfy me.
He didn't kill it. Then he through a fit about my jumping up and down and shrieking that he step on it. Which, he did...for fear of his own life...
I could not finish my shower. I waited until daylight to do it.
Cockroach #4. Tonight. This almost killed all three of us. Chris borrowed my Mother's vehicle to come and pick me up from work tonight. After he picked me up, we had to wait 20 minutes outside of her place of work to get her. She was sitting in the back and he and I, obviously, were up front. We had not eaten dinner so we went to Taco Bell, after we got our stuff, we were in the left hand turn lane, about to make a turn onto to US1 when I happened to see something moving around on the dashboard. It took me a moment to realize what it was. It was the biggest roach I have ever seen in my fucking life. It was the flying kind, it was the kind that has the almost furry, pale colored band around its head....UUuuuuugh...
Anyhow, I was in such a state of panic that I was stuttering the word "r-r-r-r-r-oooooach!!!!" and Chris was like "WHERE?!!!!!" and I pointed to the dashboard just in time for him to see its LARGE ass hauling mighty fast over toward the driver side.
At that point, everyone was in an uproar. I was nearing tears and screaming "PULL OVER NOOOOOOOOOW!!!! LET ME OUT!!!" and Chris was shouting "WHERE IS IT?!?!?! SHUT UP I CANNOT DRIVE!!!"
I was about to die. I am pathetically afraid of roaches. Being in a big room with one is bad enough but being trapped in a moving car with one like not even two feet away is just...completely unbearable. I was actually crying, Chris had to pull over because I nearly jumped over the seat to get into the back.
We could not find it and I was not going to get back into the vehicle with it roaming about. My Mother was laughing so hard she couldn't speak. Chris looked like he wanted to die because the last time we saw it, it was on the driver's side. Well, we couldn't find it and we looked for like 10 minutes. I was forced to get back in the vehicle so we could all finally go home. I sat in the back. Never blinking even once the whole way home. I was out of the car before it came to a complete stop.
No one ever found it even once we got home. I do not care how nice that car is, fuck the fact it has a million disk CD-player, I am NOT getting back in there until I see that roaches corpse.
Moral of my story is that the summer has just started. Things are only going to get much worse from this point. I have already had 4 very close encounters with roaches and I am freaked out. I am getting goose bumps just thinking about these nasty bastards. I hate them. Hate them. Hate them!!! I want to live in a cockroach free environment. I am so completely afraid of them that it is almost irrational and crazy. I am just like my sister on this. I cannot even pick up a dead roach, even with like an entire roll of paper towels. I cannot do it. Even little ones freak me out.
I am petrified living here in this house!!! I know what is in store for me in the coming months. We didn't have much of a winter so there was not enough cold weather to kill them off...
They are so nasty and slimy and the never die and they get really big and they can fly and always aim at your face and they multiply like crazy and they smell bad and they are dirty and leave nasty illness causing bacteria wherever they go. And if you don't wash your hands before bed, they will actually chew on your fingers (no lie, seriously...). !))@&(&@!@)!*@)!@)!!!!!!!!!! Someone save meeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(
So, what do you get when you mix extreme humidity with baking hot temperatures? Cockroaches.
Very, very large and angry ones that want to fly right at your face.
Cockroach #1: Yes. This large fellow and I met approximately 5 days ago. I was going into the (sweltering) garage with an armful of laundry and a pair of flimsy flip-flops that I wear around the house and apparently he was just enjoying hanging in the laundry basket, just chilling. He saw me coming, and like the true gentleman that he was, he got up to greet my entrance by quickly flying right toward my face.
Sad thing is, these flying cockroaches, when in flight--look an awful lot like giant moths.
Until they get about 4 feet from your face, and then you know you are about to receive a giant American Flying Cockroach up against your forehead.
Needless to say, I shrieked and was too petrified to do anything but drop my laundry on the floor and attempt to stumble backward toward the door, all the while not wanting to peel my eyes (which were about to pop out of my skull at that point) away from the large fucker.
He settled on the motor of my Dad's boat, I quickly got a broom and sent him to Allah.
Cockroach #2. This one and I met outside about 3 days ago. It had rained earlier in the day and he was waiting patiently by the front door when I was getting home from work. Chris didn't see him and opened the door and that scared the roach who then ran inside.
I was so not gonna just let him chill out in the house. My room is close to the door. So, I had to hunt the bastard down. I sprayed him to death with Clorox Clean Up. Actually, I merely slowed him down with about half of the bottle. I had to obliterate him. Cockroaches have been around for millions and millions of years and I dare say that I believe I can see why....
Cockroach #3. Oh boy...this nearly gave me heart failure. Chris took a shower before me so I guess he woke this one up for he was waiting just for ME to come into the bathroom. I went to take my shower about 20 minutes after Chris. I turned on the water, put my hair in the usual barrettes and innocently stepped into the shower. Just as I was closing the curtain, something very large and somewhat red in color fell onto my arm for like a nanosecond and then onto the shower floor. It was a very large and red, nasty roach. I nearly took the shower curtain down in my sheer panic to haul buggy out of there. I screamed loud enough for Chris to open the door to see if I was ok, I then DEMANDED that he kill the fucker. So, what does genius do? Let me say that Chris has lived in Florida since he was like 6. He should know by now that just gently dousing a roach with some FLEA KILLER is NOT going to fully KILL it. It may slightly offend it, perhaps even make it a bit lightheaded but nothing short of its body being rendered into a million pieces is going to satisfy me.
He didn't kill it. Then he through a fit about my jumping up and down and shrieking that he step on it. Which, he did...for fear of his own life...
I could not finish my shower. I waited until daylight to do it.
Cockroach #4. Tonight. This almost killed all three of us. Chris borrowed my Mother's vehicle to come and pick me up from work tonight. After he picked me up, we had to wait 20 minutes outside of her place of work to get her. She was sitting in the back and he and I, obviously, were up front. We had not eaten dinner so we went to Taco Bell, after we got our stuff, we were in the left hand turn lane, about to make a turn onto to US1 when I happened to see something moving around on the dashboard. It took me a moment to realize what it was. It was the biggest roach I have ever seen in my fucking life. It was the flying kind, it was the kind that has the almost furry, pale colored band around its head....UUuuuuugh...
Anyhow, I was in such a state of panic that I was stuttering the word "r-r-r-r-r-oooooach!!!!" and Chris was like "WHERE?!!!!!" and I pointed to the dashboard just in time for him to see its LARGE ass hauling mighty fast over toward the driver side.
At that point, everyone was in an uproar. I was nearing tears and screaming "PULL OVER NOOOOOOOOOW!!!! LET ME OUT!!!" and Chris was shouting "WHERE IS IT?!?!?! SHUT UP I CANNOT DRIVE!!!"
I was about to die. I am pathetically afraid of roaches. Being in a big room with one is bad enough but being trapped in a moving car with one like not even two feet away is just...completely unbearable. I was actually crying, Chris had to pull over because I nearly jumped over the seat to get into the back.
We could not find it and I was not going to get back into the vehicle with it roaming about. My Mother was laughing so hard she couldn't speak. Chris looked like he wanted to die because the last time we saw it, it was on the driver's side. Well, we couldn't find it and we looked for like 10 minutes. I was forced to get back in the vehicle so we could all finally go home. I sat in the back. Never blinking even once the whole way home. I was out of the car before it came to a complete stop.
No one ever found it even once we got home. I do not care how nice that car is, fuck the fact it has a million disk CD-player, I am NOT getting back in there until I see that roaches corpse.
Moral of my story is that the summer has just started. Things are only going to get much worse from this point. I have already had 4 very close encounters with roaches and I am freaked out. I am getting goose bumps just thinking about these nasty bastards. I hate them. Hate them. Hate them!!! I want to live in a cockroach free environment. I am so completely afraid of them that it is almost irrational and crazy. I am just like my sister on this. I cannot even pick up a dead roach, even with like an entire roll of paper towels. I cannot do it. Even little ones freak me out.
I am petrified living here in this house!!! I know what is in store for me in the coming months. We didn't have much of a winter so there was not enough cold weather to kill them off...
They are so nasty and slimy and the never die and they get really big and they can fly and always aim at your face and they multiply like crazy and they smell bad and they are dirty and leave nasty illness causing bacteria wherever they go. And if you don't wash your hands before bed, they will actually chew on your fingers (no lie, seriously...). !))@&(&@!@)!*@)!@)!!!!!!!!!! Someone save meeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(