psychology and effective spell or energy work
dunno where else to post cuz this is basically a rant.
so I know the person attacking me is not even worth my time, and that if I were able to focus on the reality of his stupidity and insignificance and the extent of my own self knowledge and basically on reality, this problem would not be as much of a problem as it is.
the problem is that I remember being weak and letting this person control me... he met and took advantage of me when I didn't know anything and that is really hard to forget. in reality he is weak and I am strong, I just can't get that to register in my head enough to effectively protect myself or break through the binds, or to deal with the annoyance of his relentless focus on me.
the thing is, I know I have no option but to work on breaking the link and doing what I can... I can't die, that won't fix the problem... but I am so tired of dealing with this situation and wish there was a magical button I could push to just make him go the fuck away. I'm relentlessly active in making certain the universe know that I hate this guy... because I so don't ever want to project anything else, and I guess that paranoia is amplified by the PTSD [it was initially caused by the dude trying to fuck with my head and trying to get me to believe that what I was thinking was not what I was thinking and being sucked into the hellhole that is his thought patterns]... and that my hatred should be clear. I still spend most days remembering when I should be pushing it away. And I'm trying to change that, but it's hard and I guess I'm just looking for someone to tell me that I'm stronger than this knowing full well that "only I can know I'm stronger" and that I am. Maybe I just need to know that others have a higher opinion of me than I do of myself because my confidence is low... and that bugs me, but I hate feeling like I'm feeling that I'm more special than I am, even though I don't think I give myself enough credit. I just want to be realistic and should take my own advice and insight abut how ego can be related to over confidence and lack of confidence... inaccurate self assessment and lack of balance in either form is just... gross to me.
so I know the person attacking me is not even worth my time, and that if I were able to focus on the reality of his stupidity and insignificance and the extent of my own self knowledge and basically on reality, this problem would not be as much of a problem as it is.
the problem is that I remember being weak and letting this person control me... he met and took advantage of me when I didn't know anything and that is really hard to forget. in reality he is weak and I am strong, I just can't get that to register in my head enough to effectively protect myself or break through the binds, or to deal with the annoyance of his relentless focus on me.
the thing is, I know I have no option but to work on breaking the link and doing what I can... I can't die, that won't fix the problem... but I am so tired of dealing with this situation and wish there was a magical button I could push to just make him go the fuck away. I'm relentlessly active in making certain the universe know that I hate this guy... because I so don't ever want to project anything else, and I guess that paranoia is amplified by the PTSD [it was initially caused by the dude trying to fuck with my head and trying to get me to believe that what I was thinking was not what I was thinking and being sucked into the hellhole that is his thought patterns]... and that my hatred should be clear. I still spend most days remembering when I should be pushing it away. And I'm trying to change that, but it's hard and I guess I'm just looking for someone to tell me that I'm stronger than this knowing full well that "only I can know I'm stronger" and that I am. Maybe I just need to know that others have a higher opinion of me than I do of myself because my confidence is low... and that bugs me, but I hate feeling like I'm feeling that I'm more special than I am, even though I don't think I give myself enough credit. I just want to be realistic and should take my own advice and insight abut how ego can be related to over confidence and lack of confidence... inaccurate self assessment and lack of balance in either form is just... gross to me.