Don't ya hate nights like this....?
I do... Like tonight I just can't sleep. I've been thinking a lot lately. A lot about my dad. Oh I miss him. So.. big mistake... I watched the recording of the memorial his friends had for him... and I cried. I guess it's good to cry though. right? Have I mentioned lately that I hate living with my mom? I hate it times affinity. There's only 3 good things that I smile about everyday... which are: 1.My wonderful boyfriend ♥Scotty♥, I love him oh sooooo much! 2.My sister ♥Lauren♥ I love her way more than oh so much because I know she will always be there. 3.My friends and when I say my friends I mean the ones that I see in person and not just talk to on the internet, and the ones that don't use me, and the ones that call me when I miss a day of school to see where I was and if I am alright... yes those friends, I have only a few but atleast they care about me and don't just stop being my friends because I have a boyfriend. Well I love driving too, I guess that's another good thing in my life, I've been happier since I've had my car... well until today when my mom said I couldn't go anywhere in it, I've been depressed and miserable. She's celebrating right now probably. I can't stand her! I can't wait until Sunday. I get to see one of my all time favorite people. ♥Scotty♥!!! I'm thinking that I'm going to take me and him to the beach and we can open our presents and sit there together for almost ever and watch the water.♥ I know it sounds boring. but when it's with someone you care so much for, it seems like forever is only 2 minutes. No lie or joke, I guess it just means I care about him a lot. We have a lot in common. Who said opposites attract? Me and Byron were like opposite and if I was happy he wasn't and if he was happy then I wasn't but me and ♥Scotty♥ seem to be happy all the time at the same time. I can't really get mad at him and when I do, one kiss fixes it all. One hug makes me smile for 10 minutes. Who says having a boyfriend in high school is stupid? It's not... It has made me happier that's for sure! He said next paycheck he gets, he will go do build a bear for me and I told him all the embarassing things he has to do like rub the heart and make a wish and talk to it, ane he said "You have to do all that?!..." and I said "yea... Still wanna do it?" and he said "For you! Yes!" He is so sweet. He calls me to say goodnight and he's like all that I want in a boyfriend... Just one more thing but I need to tell him first. You know personal things? Is he that kind of understanding guy? I'm thinking of talking to him about something on Christmas if we are alone and on the beach. I want to see if he will leave me over it. I don't want another Byron. I want... well A ♥Scotty♥! haha When we were at the Avenues mall, me and ♥Scotty♥ were sitting in a chair and he was holding me close to him and then he was looking in my eyes and rubbing his hand over my cheeks and lips and I said "What are you thinking about?" and he said "You" and I smiled and I said "Is it good? or bad?" and he said "If it was bad I wouldn't be holding you like this" lol and then I said "You know what...?" and he said "What's that?" and I said "Fawn was right.. you are a good boyfriend!" and he said "Well I had to make sure with you" and I said "You just did" Fawn is his sister. I don't know but I think me and ♥Scotty♥ are going to be together for a long time, I think he really likes my mature loving side that he is seeing now that he never saw when we were just friends. I just can't wait until Sunday... I get to see him. I don't care about the presents from him I just want to see him and hug him for a really long time. There is this song by the Cars called Just What I Needed. and in the song it says "I guess you're just what I needed" and everytime I play it in the car and that part comes on I point to ♥Scotty♥ and smile and he blushes. He deffinately knows I'm happy with him. If he is with me? It seems like it but guys are good at covering up true feelings, or atleast Byron was. I also don't like Byron's friends. They think they are cool punk skaters... they're not. I laugh at them... but not just me, I can name a lot of others that laugh too. When all the little "punk" kids are together at lunch outside, kids in my class would say "wow those kids have no friends" and another kid would say "or life" That's the truth. It's amusing to listen to them think they know the meanings of words when they are totally off by a big perspective. I can't think of any of them that I can have a good time with and laugh and when I do laugh with them it's usually because I'm laughing at how stupid they are, so it's more of making fun of them I guess, but they are too stupid to realize that... like for example.. I was at TCBY with one of these "punk" morons and he was laughing at nothing beacuse he's dumb so me and my friend Kristi were laughing and he brings it up all the time, but I tell Kristi when he brings it up and she is like "omg he is so dumb we were laughing at him!" So he basically laughed at himself. What a loser... lol and I hate how they think they are always right and cool "motha fuckas" because they're not. People with cars and relationships are way cooler than kids who will never get a life because they skate and play video games all the time. That's why they can't get a girlfriend. I mean honestly I want a boyfriend that is going to be sucessful and have a job, license, and a life altogether, Not one that is skateboarding to the neighbors to get pot. That's why I never wanted to even consider dating you... and you know who you are. So get a life and you might get a girlfriend. I still doubt that though. I'm not being mean really, Just telling it how it is. And I only wrote this because I know the guy who is obsessed with me will read it, he claims to be mad at me, but yet he still reads my shit, OBSESSED much and I don't even want to be his friend because I'm tired of him expecting me to act like a fucking girlfriend to him when we are only friends.... or were only friends. Too much drama being this kid's friend. People tell me to stay away from him and I wondered what was so bad about him but I now know, he's obsessive and that's pretty scary. Well I'm not tired but I only know 1 person is going to read all of this so I might as well stop typing. Lata playas