my brain on the interweb
Most of the people I spent this last crazy and incredible semester in Guatemala with are now gone, either traveling or back home. I am trying to figure out which I want to be doing. I was going to stay this summer to work with a community project, but its not well organized/waiting for grant money that may or may not come/will take too many more months to figure out, so I am left without purpose or ideas.
Looking back, this past semester for me was about happiness and friendship. I was with 13 other students that I absolutely loved, and felt comfortable with. We were all down for the same goofy, crazy shit, and we all could open up to eachother about everything. I am sometimes really self-conscious about making friends and fitting in. I take a while before I really become friends with people. I just feel so much more confident now. Its good to know that you can travel somewhere different with people that you don't know, and don't necessarily expect to make lasting connections with, and then make friends that you want for life, that you've shared something more than just a chain of circumstances and experiences with.
Guatemala has not always been a bubble. There are harsh realities here that sadly almost become mundane. Child labor stands out as a big one. I don't even think twice about the little children street vendors or shoe shiners anymore. They've become a part of a landscape I am perhaps too familiar with. However there are people doing great things. This semester I had the pleasure of volunteering once a week at Los Patojos, an organization dedicated to the children of Jocotenango (a poorer pueblo with rising drug and crime incidence only a 10 min bus ride away from Antigua where I live) where dream and ideas are allowed to flourish in a safe haven created for niños and adolescents by people our age, where there is no authority, only mutual respect. I got to work with their slowly growing women's cooperative that makes journals with handmade paper covers out of the kids paper scraps.
I need to decide when to come home. Part of me felt ready yesterday. Before I do I know that I am going to Quito to visit my friend Sophie who has been there for this year and will stay through the summer. I am so excited. But I can only stay with her for 2 weeks, and I am getting short on cash in the meanwhile. The ticket will be my 21st birthday present from my padres.
If I stay in Antigua it will be because I get a job working at a bar. I think it will give me a more regular schedule o get into, make me some money and give me some experience to see if its a part-time job I would ever want back in the states. I find out tomorrow if I got it or not. Even if I do I will probably only work it for 3 weeks.
I just found out yesterday that Andrew will be moving out of Tucson. It made me happy for him because I know that he has so much potential and so much waiting for him. But I was also upset and sad because I know that Tucson will not be the same without him, and any friendship that I hope we can build when I get home will be somewhat interrupted by his move. That is one reason to get home quicker, to have more time to try and figure out what may be impossible to figure out. I just hope that where theres two people with a will, that here could be a way. I care about him so much, and breaking up with him was really difficult. He was my first serious boyfriend, and has been the biggest person in my life and my best friend since a date that I can't name but just seems like for such a huge part of my life. I am sad that things are over, but despite the sadness, I feel like I made the right choice for myself. It sucks to have to be that selfish, but ultimately I think that the selfishness benefits both people. I just hope he can forgive me for it.
My grandpa is not doing so hot. I talked to him and my dad today. My dad says he thinks that hes not facing any emergencies, but he is slowly getting worse. I love my Papa Jerry, he is one of the greatest people I know, with such a different appreciation for life and the world than mine. I want to get home to spend time with him.
I felt like I had great stuff happening in Tucson before I left, and I'm excited to start groovin' on that again. I feel like I have learned about myself and have some ideas of things I would like to work on. I also can't wait to see all you guys, my friends!
I think no matter what happens I won't be back any later than mid June. I send kilograms of love back in the meanwhile. This was sort-of a crazy post, but therapeutic. Thanks for reading.
Looking back, this past semester for me was about happiness and friendship. I was with 13 other students that I absolutely loved, and felt comfortable with. We were all down for the same goofy, crazy shit, and we all could open up to eachother about everything. I am sometimes really self-conscious about making friends and fitting in. I take a while before I really become friends with people. I just feel so much more confident now. Its good to know that you can travel somewhere different with people that you don't know, and don't necessarily expect to make lasting connections with, and then make friends that you want for life, that you've shared something more than just a chain of circumstances and experiences with.
Guatemala has not always been a bubble. There are harsh realities here that sadly almost become mundane. Child labor stands out as a big one. I don't even think twice about the little children street vendors or shoe shiners anymore. They've become a part of a landscape I am perhaps too familiar with. However there are people doing great things. This semester I had the pleasure of volunteering once a week at Los Patojos, an organization dedicated to the children of Jocotenango (a poorer pueblo with rising drug and crime incidence only a 10 min bus ride away from Antigua where I live) where dream and ideas are allowed to flourish in a safe haven created for niños and adolescents by people our age, where there is no authority, only mutual respect. I got to work with their slowly growing women's cooperative that makes journals with handmade paper covers out of the kids paper scraps.
I need to decide when to come home. Part of me felt ready yesterday. Before I do I know that I am going to Quito to visit my friend Sophie who has been there for this year and will stay through the summer. I am so excited. But I can only stay with her for 2 weeks, and I am getting short on cash in the meanwhile. The ticket will be my 21st birthday present from my padres.
If I stay in Antigua it will be because I get a job working at a bar. I think it will give me a more regular schedule o get into, make me some money and give me some experience to see if its a part-time job I would ever want back in the states. I find out tomorrow if I got it or not. Even if I do I will probably only work it for 3 weeks.
I just found out yesterday that Andrew will be moving out of Tucson. It made me happy for him because I know that he has so much potential and so much waiting for him. But I was also upset and sad because I know that Tucson will not be the same without him, and any friendship that I hope we can build when I get home will be somewhat interrupted by his move. That is one reason to get home quicker, to have more time to try and figure out what may be impossible to figure out. I just hope that where theres two people with a will, that here could be a way. I care about him so much, and breaking up with him was really difficult. He was my first serious boyfriend, and has been the biggest person in my life and my best friend since a date that I can't name but just seems like for such a huge part of my life. I am sad that things are over, but despite the sadness, I feel like I made the right choice for myself. It sucks to have to be that selfish, but ultimately I think that the selfishness benefits both people. I just hope he can forgive me for it.
My grandpa is not doing so hot. I talked to him and my dad today. My dad says he thinks that hes not facing any emergencies, but he is slowly getting worse. I love my Papa Jerry, he is one of the greatest people I know, with such a different appreciation for life and the world than mine. I want to get home to spend time with him.
I felt like I had great stuff happening in Tucson before I left, and I'm excited to start groovin' on that again. I feel like I have learned about myself and have some ideas of things I would like to work on. I also can't wait to see all you guys, my friends!
I think no matter what happens I won't be back any later than mid June. I send kilograms of love back in the meanwhile. This was sort-of a crazy post, but therapeutic. Thanks for reading.