(no subject)

[vive231]

I need somebody to save me. I've tried and tried, and my reservoir of energy is almost completely depleted. I can't do it. I can't work hard enough at making new friends (or keeping old ones). Nobody sporadically calls me to see what I'm doing. Nobody that I thought I made a good first impression on says hello to me first when in a social setting. I've been saying for years "why does it always have to be me who does it?" and it's been getting me down more and more. And then occasionally I'll get these glances. Each sex gives me the opposite glance. Males hostile, females inviting. Males are better at acting on their hostility than females are at acting on their [whatever it is in their eyes]. This one guy XXXX acts kinda like were friends but just becomes such a complete DOUCH BAG to me every time we're in a social setting. Like this guy gives me no respect, always giving me shit or correcting me, and half the time being plain WRONG or not hearing what precisely I said. Like since he talks louder than me, what he has to say must be more important and more precise. Evidence that he just WANTS to be a cock! It pervades through the whole social scene I want to be a part of in this town, cuz of course he's the life of the party. Being a jackass like that, to me, is just annoying.
I'm really a sweet guy god dammit! I don't deserve that! It KILLS my self confidence! I have to leave this fucking town.