Ten cents a dance.
I can't believe that I did that I would become a monster just because I didn't get the inner workings of some guy's dark mind. All I did was offer a smile and shoulder to cry on when it was needed and he rejects it because he can't handle it. Blames some insane reason that he can't tell me. i tell him that is complete bull-fucking-shit and he knows it. He says that he doesn't even tell his best friends about what is going on in that head of his.
Called another bullshit flag. If you can't run to the people that will love you no matter what and care about you, then who in the hell are you gonna turn to when your world is crumbling??
We fought. Fought so more.
I didn't know what to do. The more I try to apoligize for my past actions, help him get over everything, help move on. The more he pushed me away. He called me a liar and the told me the reason why i sit alone all the time is because I lie. i wanted to cry. Fight back. Something to make him realize that I'm dying on the inside.
And when my voice cracked from holding back the tears, he asked what was wrong. By this time I wanted nothing more than to punch him in the face. Seriously.
Then the vicious monster crawled out from the darkest place in my soul and terrorized the world. Things came up like word vomit and spilled right into his ear. The words seemed to have a high but he moment it left my mouth, I crashed and burned. Only to be shot up again by another word. It became a vicious cycle that I couldn't control.
And that's when I realized something. I am nothing but a tease. A lying tease. Something that lies so the world can't see in. Hurting others rather than protecting them like you thought you were doing. Covering my ass.
I disappointed myself. And everyone around me. I finally became the loathed rumor.
I guess that is what i wanted to scream from the tops of my lungs, is for once I followed the someone's advice which was to follow my heart, and I landed here, alone in the dark and longing to see the sun.
UGH!
I don't know what I did wrong! FOR the love of God and everything holy, tell me what is wrong with me.
I feel like I've been the whore that sits at the corner, waiting for some fresh-faced kid to come along and fall for me.
I want to scream or cry.
Crying is probably is what gonna happen.
Just unloading on Ben tomorrow.
Its not gonna be a good day.
I can feel it.