So college...
College...here's how it is going to fucking far.
Umm. It makes me feel like shit. And then more shit. For many reasons.
There are a few good parts, like today in my British Lit. Class we watched this movie called Excalibur, which was fun, but then I'm like "Wait, people are paying lots of money, to come to class, and watch a MOVIE...what? Why? Why am I here? What on EARTH is going on???"
My spanish class, is well, hell, it's this hell that everyone in the room feels together, for different reasons, and it's strange to see such comrodery, Puerto Ricans, Haitians, Cubans, you name it, we're in that class, 15 of us or so, and when the Prof. says something insane we all turn and look at each other and wish someone ANYONE had a gun or a rope to end the misery. It's not that its hard, its that she, the Prof., is just like...insane. And we have to write these journal entries telling her whatever we like once a week, and I think that she thinks half the class, myself included is suicidal or something, which, may be true and if so its in large part due to her class alone.
My stats class is okay, pretty easy as long as I stop spazing out on the quizes. My online class can go to hell. And my Sociology class, well, the teachers a retired adjunct who can't spell or keep a train of thought for more than 3 seconds soo, yes, imagine.
Then there's the life outside of school, which really consists of working three jobs, currently teaching, Gap and now a waitress, and occasionaly odds and ends. I have turned into one of those people, who work like mad and never seem to get anywhere, like a rat on a wheel in a cage. Right now I'm saving up for a car, which is slightly exciting and incredibly overwhelming. I stop and think, wait, so this is what you worked for all those years in public school, this is why you got a full ride to college, so you could take FIVE fucking classes, pay for your own god damn books, work threeeee jobs, pay for your own vacation, car, and well, everything? This is what I get? I feel like I live in this material world, where I'm the one who looks in through the windows. For christs sake, I was never really allowed to be a kid when I was little, and then never really allowed to be a teenager...and hell, we're skipping college life and going straight for full fledged adult responsibilites. I pay for everything, when I was told I'd pay for nearly nothing. I don't have the luxury of being reckless, of partying, of relaxing. I study and I work. That's all folks.
Hell, my room is still a shit hole thanks to the doors for my closet not arriving, my room looks like what everyone else's old rooms in their houses look like, like these pathetic empty shells that faceless people stay in on occasion.
Another thing, I'm sick of being told by Professors that "college is different from high school", sick of the assumptions that I'm ignorant, naive, etc., High school thanks to IB wasn't a walk in the park, it isn't the work, or the lack of babying by teachers that fucking sucks, it's that EVERYTIME I have a question about getting something done correctly and on time, NO ONE KNOWS THE ANSWER. NOTHING IS EVER RIGHT. I turned in my bloody application for the honors program, months ago, got an email today saying they never recieved the essays I wrote, nor the letters of recommendation I turned in personally. Why is it that we the students must be completely responsible with EVERYTHING but the adults, those in charge, never have it together????
Why.
Please, PLEASE make college be over. I just want to get a job, save up, and travel. That is it. That is all I would like from life.
Umm. It makes me feel like shit. And then more shit. For many reasons.
There are a few good parts, like today in my British Lit. Class we watched this movie called Excalibur, which was fun, but then I'm like "Wait, people are paying lots of money, to come to class, and watch a MOVIE...what? Why? Why am I here? What on EARTH is going on???"
My spanish class, is well, hell, it's this hell that everyone in the room feels together, for different reasons, and it's strange to see such comrodery, Puerto Ricans, Haitians, Cubans, you name it, we're in that class, 15 of us or so, and when the Prof. says something insane we all turn and look at each other and wish someone ANYONE had a gun or a rope to end the misery. It's not that its hard, its that she, the Prof., is just like...insane. And we have to write these journal entries telling her whatever we like once a week, and I think that she thinks half the class, myself included is suicidal or something, which, may be true and if so its in large part due to her class alone.
My stats class is okay, pretty easy as long as I stop spazing out on the quizes. My online class can go to hell. And my Sociology class, well, the teachers a retired adjunct who can't spell or keep a train of thought for more than 3 seconds soo, yes, imagine.
Then there's the life outside of school, which really consists of working three jobs, currently teaching, Gap and now a waitress, and occasionaly odds and ends. I have turned into one of those people, who work like mad and never seem to get anywhere, like a rat on a wheel in a cage. Right now I'm saving up for a car, which is slightly exciting and incredibly overwhelming. I stop and think, wait, so this is what you worked for all those years in public school, this is why you got a full ride to college, so you could take FIVE fucking classes, pay for your own god damn books, work threeeee jobs, pay for your own vacation, car, and well, everything? This is what I get? I feel like I live in this material world, where I'm the one who looks in through the windows. For christs sake, I was never really allowed to be a kid when I was little, and then never really allowed to be a teenager...and hell, we're skipping college life and going straight for full fledged adult responsibilites. I pay for everything, when I was told I'd pay for nearly nothing. I don't have the luxury of being reckless, of partying, of relaxing. I study and I work. That's all folks.
Hell, my room is still a shit hole thanks to the doors for my closet not arriving, my room looks like what everyone else's old rooms in their houses look like, like these pathetic empty shells that faceless people stay in on occasion.
Another thing, I'm sick of being told by Professors that "college is different from high school", sick of the assumptions that I'm ignorant, naive, etc., High school thanks to IB wasn't a walk in the park, it isn't the work, or the lack of babying by teachers that fucking sucks, it's that EVERYTIME I have a question about getting something done correctly and on time, NO ONE KNOWS THE ANSWER. NOTHING IS EVER RIGHT. I turned in my bloody application for the honors program, months ago, got an email today saying they never recieved the essays I wrote, nor the letters of recommendation I turned in personally. Why is it that we the students must be completely responsible with EVERYTHING but the adults, those in charge, never have it together????
Why.
Please, PLEASE make college be over. I just want to get a job, save up, and travel. That is it. That is all I would like from life.