I am going to allow myself a much needed vent.
I call this part of my life, "mangled leg".
I am home now. My surgeon doctor man let me go home because my infectious disease doctor said the hospital has too many staph germs that can get into my big gaping hole of raw flesh, and my physical & occupational therapist people said I rock on the crutches and wheelchair, so here I am.
So what I really wanted to say in this entry is that all of this fucking sucks, and I'm going to be really angry and bitter about this whole situation just in this entry and then I will try my best to let it go as I know it will not help the situation at all. Let's do outlines!
Why this FUCKING SUCKS SO MUCH I WANT TO CRY ALL THE TIME:
1. This cast is so fucking big, heavy, and stupid looking.
2. I can't even put my own pants on.
3. Going to the bathroom is such a fucking hassle.
4. WHY THE FUCK DID I NOT REALIZE THE PROPELLER WAS STILL IN MOTION.
- Was I too fucking drunk?
- WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK
- WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK
5. My mom
- She can't go to work or do lots of the things she'd like to because her stupid daughter's legs got swept up in a propeller.
- I'M SO SORRY I'M SO SORRY I'M SO SORRY I'M SO SORRY I'M SO SORRY I'M SO SORRY I'M SO SORRY I'M SO SORRY
6. Everything.
7. SERIOUSLY, JUST WHAT THE FUCK.
8. The drugs I'm on make the pain go away but it also takes away my ability to do anything worthwhile.
9. Being at home means no one will come visit me as often or at all.
10. I can't help but think this is all batchi from partying too much, treating people like shit, being wreckless, being a bitch, etc.
11. All I want to do is go to school and work like nothing happened.
Why I just need to stop thinking and get through this:
1. I always overcome personal obstacles.
2. I'm only 20. My bones heal quick, I'm strong, I'm healthy.
3. At least it wasn't my back, or my face, or my arms. At least it was just my legs.
4. THANK GOD I STILL HAVE LEGS.
5. THANK GOD I WILL STILL BE ABLE TO WALK.
6. THANK GOD I HAVE A MOM & DAD WHO LOVE ME BOTH.
7. THANK GOD I HAVE WONDERFUL FRIENDS WHO SAVED MY LEG AND BRIGHTENED MY SPIRITS IN THE HOSPITAL.
8. THANK GOD I'M ALIVE
9. I had lots of visitors aka people who love me aka people are counting on me to pull through strong.
10. I'm okay, and I'll be okay.
11. This is just a little part of my life, it'll all be over soon enough.
12. Shit happens... to good and bad people.
Things I cried about all night one night until they gave me morphine pushers:
1. Not being able to go to Pleasure Palace like usual.
2. Maks maks maks, and how I wish he were home or I were there and how I miss him so much sometimes.
3. That I'm such a big fucking bitch.
4. That I put my parents have such a sucky situation.
5. That I just wanted to be anywhere but there, with two good legs.
6. WHYYY MEEEE! (Nancy Kerrigan style)
Well, at least that day was SUPER fun. I don't regret going at all. I don't regret any of this at all I guess, it'll only make me stronger and wiser in the end. This all sucks now but will be over soon enough.
P.S. I wonder what my scars will be like. I predict huge and ugly. But it'll still be a leg!
P.P.S. My physical therapists say I get to learn how to walk again. I wonder if everyone will clap and take pictures like when I was a baby.
I am home now. My surgeon doctor man let me go home because my infectious disease doctor said the hospital has too many staph germs that can get into my big gaping hole of raw flesh, and my physical & occupational therapist people said I rock on the crutches and wheelchair, so here I am.
So what I really wanted to say in this entry is that all of this fucking sucks, and I'm going to be really angry and bitter about this whole situation just in this entry and then I will try my best to let it go as I know it will not help the situation at all. Let's do outlines!
Why this FUCKING SUCKS SO MUCH I WANT TO CRY ALL THE TIME:
1. This cast is so fucking big, heavy, and stupid looking.
2. I can't even put my own pants on.
3. Going to the bathroom is such a fucking hassle.
4. WHY THE FUCK DID I NOT REALIZE THE PROPELLER WAS STILL IN MOTION.
- Was I too fucking drunk?
- WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK
- WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK
5. My mom
- She can't go to work or do lots of the things she'd like to because her stupid daughter's legs got swept up in a propeller.
- I'M SO SORRY I'M SO SORRY I'M SO SORRY I'M SO SORRY I'M SO SORRY I'M SO SORRY I'M SO SORRY I'M SO SORRY
6. Everything.
7. SERIOUSLY, JUST WHAT THE FUCK.
8. The drugs I'm on make the pain go away but it also takes away my ability to do anything worthwhile.
9. Being at home means no one will come visit me as often or at all.
10. I can't help but think this is all batchi from partying too much, treating people like shit, being wreckless, being a bitch, etc.
11. All I want to do is go to school and work like nothing happened.
Why I just need to stop thinking and get through this:
1. I always overcome personal obstacles.
2. I'm only 20. My bones heal quick, I'm strong, I'm healthy.
3. At least it wasn't my back, or my face, or my arms. At least it was just my legs.
4. THANK GOD I STILL HAVE LEGS.
5. THANK GOD I WILL STILL BE ABLE TO WALK.
6. THANK GOD I HAVE A MOM & DAD WHO LOVE ME BOTH.
7. THANK GOD I HAVE WONDERFUL FRIENDS WHO SAVED MY LEG AND BRIGHTENED MY SPIRITS IN THE HOSPITAL.
8. THANK GOD I'M ALIVE
9. I had lots of visitors aka people who love me aka people are counting on me to pull through strong.
10. I'm okay, and I'll be okay.
11. This is just a little part of my life, it'll all be over soon enough.
12. Shit happens... to good and bad people.
Things I cried about all night one night until they gave me morphine pushers:
1. Not being able to go to Pleasure Palace like usual.
2. Maks maks maks, and how I wish he were home or I were there and how I miss him so much sometimes.
3. That I'm such a big fucking bitch.
4. That I put my parents have such a sucky situation.
5. That I just wanted to be anywhere but there, with two good legs.
6. WHYYY MEEEE! (Nancy Kerrigan style)
Well, at least that day was SUPER fun. I don't regret going at all. I don't regret any of this at all I guess, it'll only make me stronger and wiser in the end. This all sucks now but will be over soon enough.
P.S. I wonder what my scars will be like. I predict huge and ugly. But it'll still be a leg!
P.P.S. My physical therapists say I get to learn how to walk again. I wonder if everyone will clap and take pictures like when I was a baby.