I am broken
My Grandmother is dying as I write this.
She won't go to the hospital or anything. She wants it to be this way. My Grandfather is staying up all night tonight watching her, and then Erin and I are going to tomorrow. She can't control her bladder, she can barely breathe.
I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my fucking chest. I cried forever in front of Erin and Dave, and despite feeling weak, I felt comforted to be with them when I found out. It's just like losing my Mother. She raised me, she took me to school and picked me up and took my shopping. When my Mom and Dad left for their reasons I had my Grandparents, nothing will ever replace them. They are my world. And my world is crashing down right before my eyes.
Maybe the thing that scares me the most is this. When Josh and I went to the cemetery to visit his brothers grave we looked at lots of peoples. And we noticed that when there is an older couple, after one passes, the other goes very shortly after. My Grandparents are those that have been married 55 years, and the ones that are so in love. I just don't know what I'm going to do, I am an emotional mess right now.
It's times like these I wish I were happy, that way when things like these happen I have some sort of stability. But I am so unhappy. Just with myself. I just feel like crap every second of every day.
I feel so helpless, how do you go about sitting back and letting the person you love more than anything in this world, die, and die a painful death. Because for those of you who have met my Grandmother, like Erin, Ashlee, Will, you guys know how hard it is for her.
Life just isn't fair.
She won't go to the hospital or anything. She wants it to be this way. My Grandfather is staying up all night tonight watching her, and then Erin and I are going to tomorrow. She can't control her bladder, she can barely breathe.
I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my fucking chest. I cried forever in front of Erin and Dave, and despite feeling weak, I felt comforted to be with them when I found out. It's just like losing my Mother. She raised me, she took me to school and picked me up and took my shopping. When my Mom and Dad left for their reasons I had my Grandparents, nothing will ever replace them. They are my world. And my world is crashing down right before my eyes.
Maybe the thing that scares me the most is this. When Josh and I went to the cemetery to visit his brothers grave we looked at lots of peoples. And we noticed that when there is an older couple, after one passes, the other goes very shortly after. My Grandparents are those that have been married 55 years, and the ones that are so in love. I just don't know what I'm going to do, I am an emotional mess right now.
It's times like these I wish I were happy, that way when things like these happen I have some sort of stability. But I am so unhappy. Just with myself. I just feel like crap every second of every day.
I feel so helpless, how do you go about sitting back and letting the person you love more than anything in this world, die, and die a painful death. Because for those of you who have met my Grandmother, like Erin, Ashlee, Will, you guys know how hard it is for her.
Life just isn't fair.