(no subject)
Wandering eyes.
I have them. This is what gets me in trouble over and over and over and over and over and over....
Repeat ad nauseum.
Why? I have a problem. What I can't have is obviously better than what I do have, but then it's worse when the thing I have isn't quite working out so well EITHER and I don't know how to fix what I have even WITHOUT looking around for something new. Guh.
I can find beauty in anyone. I pride myself in that. I looked around the circle at RIP last night and almost cried I was so impressed with the talent, compassion, and possibility within everyone in that room. As a group, we are incredible. And when I see incredible people, I want them to know how incredible they are.
I don't think people understand how awesome they are.
I think everyone should have a book made about them, with all their friends making them pictures and writing sweet things. EVERYONE deserves to know how important they are to other people.
...I'm getting off topic.
So I see all this potential and beauty in other people. And I want so much to be part of it. Why? I don't know.
I've played with the idea that maybe I like the attention. Like, the worship of it. I don't know. Like a goddess,I want people to love me, but I don't expect the reciprocation. Okay, let's phrase it in a way that makes me NOT sound like a terrible person, even though that's what the whole story is.
I flirt so a guy likes me, because I love knowing that someone finds me attractive, desirable, so I encourage with flirting, even though I can't reciprocate since I'm tied down. AND THEN I GET IN TROUBLE. ITS THE SAME DAMN THING I DO EVERY TIME AND I MAKE MYSELF SICK.
whtkajehgahgkjearba
Seriously, Shannon, get the fuck over yourself.
...at least I'm self aware?
If you're wondering, nothing has happened. I have an active imagination.
And seriously, he's married. And happily, at that. Disgust disgust disgust.
I break my own heart through these things.
And the whole time I'm so self absorbed, I'm treating what I have like shit. Well, he'll be leaving soon, so he can escape me...
I have them. This is what gets me in trouble over and over and over and over and over and over....
Repeat ad nauseum.
Why? I have a problem. What I can't have is obviously better than what I do have, but then it's worse when the thing I have isn't quite working out so well EITHER and I don't know how to fix what I have even WITHOUT looking around for something new. Guh.
I can find beauty in anyone. I pride myself in that. I looked around the circle at RIP last night and almost cried I was so impressed with the talent, compassion, and possibility within everyone in that room. As a group, we are incredible. And when I see incredible people, I want them to know how incredible they are.
I don't think people understand how awesome they are.
I think everyone should have a book made about them, with all their friends making them pictures and writing sweet things. EVERYONE deserves to know how important they are to other people.
...I'm getting off topic.
So I see all this potential and beauty in other people. And I want so much to be part of it. Why? I don't know.
I've played with the idea that maybe I like the attention. Like, the worship of it. I don't know. Like a goddess,I want people to love me, but I don't expect the reciprocation. Okay, let's phrase it in a way that makes me NOT sound like a terrible person, even though that's what the whole story is.
I flirt so a guy likes me, because I love knowing that someone finds me attractive, desirable, so I encourage with flirting, even though I can't reciprocate since I'm tied down. AND THEN I GET IN TROUBLE. ITS THE SAME DAMN THING I DO EVERY TIME AND I MAKE MYSELF SICK.
whtkajehgahgkjearba
Seriously, Shannon, get the fuck over yourself.
...at least I'm self aware?
If you're wondering, nothing has happened. I have an active imagination.
And seriously, he's married. And happily, at that. Disgust disgust disgust.
I break my own heart through these things.
And the whole time I'm so self absorbed, I'm treating what I have like shit. Well, he'll be leaving soon, so he can escape me...