epic fails
Mothering failure #1:
I stopped breast feeding already ; (
I didn't think it would be something I wanted to do to begin with, but in the hospital I started and it was wonderful. It is really hard to explain, but the warmness and love and goodness from doing this was amazing. However, on day 3 I started cracking and bleeding. We got home from the hospital Wed. night and Wyatt was screaming and screaming for 3 hours straight because he was hungry and I wasn't producing enough milk yet and so I would just put him on there and he would get nothing but blood (ewww, I know). Also, I am an asshole and when we got home, I walked up the steps to our apartment like a normal person who didn't get have her insides ripped open. Immediately, tbe pain was so intense that I thought I was going to vomit.
So yeah, that on top of Wyatt screaming in hunger,Josh was crying and punching walls because he couldn't make him stop( he has not gotten used to the idea that babies cry all of the time)...at that point I decided to just mix up some formula and call it a day.
The guilt is overwhelming. Now I put Wyatt on my chest to give him a bottle and he keeps looking for boobies. Te formula hurts his tummy and makes him spit up and my milk didn't bother him at all.
These few days at home have been tough. We need to get up and feed, change, walk wyatt around every 3 hours so neither of us are getting much sleep. The hardest part is that I cannot do all of the things I want to do because of the C-section pain...Also, my iron and hemoglobin levels are so low, that I kind of look and feel like a dead body. I have a little of the zombie face going on.
It has just been tough. I was not prepared at all. Things will get better once I heal up and can get back to being super lady again and taking care of everyone.
one wyatt picture because i think he is beautiful !
I stopped breast feeding already ; (
I didn't think it would be something I wanted to do to begin with, but in the hospital I started and it was wonderful. It is really hard to explain, but the warmness and love and goodness from doing this was amazing. However, on day 3 I started cracking and bleeding. We got home from the hospital Wed. night and Wyatt was screaming and screaming for 3 hours straight because he was hungry and I wasn't producing enough milk yet and so I would just put him on there and he would get nothing but blood (ewww, I know). Also, I am an asshole and when we got home, I walked up the steps to our apartment like a normal person who didn't get have her insides ripped open. Immediately, tbe pain was so intense that I thought I was going to vomit.
So yeah, that on top of Wyatt screaming in hunger,Josh was crying and punching walls because he couldn't make him stop( he has not gotten used to the idea that babies cry all of the time)...at that point I decided to just mix up some formula and call it a day.
The guilt is overwhelming. Now I put Wyatt on my chest to give him a bottle and he keeps looking for boobies. Te formula hurts his tummy and makes him spit up and my milk didn't bother him at all.
These few days at home have been tough. We need to get up and feed, change, walk wyatt around every 3 hours so neither of us are getting much sleep. The hardest part is that I cannot do all of the things I want to do because of the C-section pain...Also, my iron and hemoglobin levels are so low, that I kind of look and feel like a dead body. I have a little of the zombie face going on.
It has just been tough. I was not prepared at all. Things will get better once I heal up and can get back to being super lady again and taking care of everyone.
one wyatt picture because i think he is beautiful !